Maggie

[Morpheus1967]

Never. Not once in a million lifetimes did I think it would be possible to be back here so soon with another story of loss. As some of you may know, I lost my best friend, Mozart, in October of last year. Mozart was 16 years old. I got him when he was a kitten, and as many of us do, a few weeks later I got another cat, Maggie, as a companion for him. On Saturday, after almost 17 years with her, we lost our beloved Maggie as well, less than 4 months after losing Mozart. Mozart and Maggie were inseparable during their time here together, and I always felt that when one of them passed, the other would not be far behind. The one hurts immeasurably however, as we had absolutely no clue there was anything wrong with her. I thought she was having a tooth issue, but it turns out she had a 2" tumor on her lower jaw that was growing incredibly fast. She has been to the vet twice in the last three months, the last time a month ago, and it was not there then. The vet said that the options were very limited at that point. Surgery, which would entail removing most of her lower jaw, a referral to an oncologist, where we might get a couple of months more with her, albeit not very comfortable ones for her, or euthanasia. After almost 17 years with her, we made that hard decision.

Now for my questions. We are down to one cat, Miller, who is 12, almost 13. His entire life has included Maggie and Mozart, although he has always been somewhat of an "outsider" to the two of them. Not with my wife or I, of course, but with those two. He tolerated the passing of Mozart, in large part because Maggie was still there. But yesterday, and this morning, were particularly hard for him. He wandered the house yesterday, looking in all her familiar hiding places. Every morning, as I would sit on the couch to put on my shoes for work, Maggie would lay at my feet, wanting belly scratches. This morning, Miller came out, looked at me, looked at where Maggie should have been laying, and then just went to one of the back rooms. He was looking for her, and it breaks my heart for him.

I don't think Miller would tolerate another cat, as #1, he is almost 13, #2, he would hiss at Maggie or Mozart every time they would come home from the vet for at least 24 hours, and #3, I just don't think my wife and I can take any more of this pain. Miller is alone while we are at work, but I see him in the mornings from about 2:30-4:00am, then my wife is with him until 8:00am. He will now be alone from 8:00am until about 5:00pm when I get home from work. And I am worried about how he will do.

Any advice? On top of dealing with the loss of Mozart and Maggie so close together, I don't want Miller to suffer because we do something wrong to help him with his grieving.

A picture of our beautiful Maggie, and then a couple of Mozart and Maggie together. This pain is so immense, and I wish it on nobody.

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry. They looked very happy together.

I think Miller needs more time to adjust. Cats do grieve for each other, even for cats that they didn't seem that friendly with. Let him get used to the idea that he's the only cat at home. Some cats adjust to being an only pet quite easily. At his age he probably sleeps for most of the time you are away.

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Hang in there and be strong for you and Miller.

 

[di and bob]

Cats, especially older ones, sleep an incredible amount of time. I didn't know how much until I retired. i really think Miller will be fine, he is grieving the loss of those two, and missing the 'routine' of them in his life. I know mama cats take about two weeks before they start to adjust to the loss of their babies, and I think he will take at least that long too. Give him extra attention in the evenings, and maybe leave him a couple of treats out when you go to work. Most cats do well as the only cat, and as you say, he is older and more established in his ways. Keep an eye on him, if in a few weeks he wanders around still looking for them, you might have to make a decision then, but once again, I think it is more of a loss of his routine and seeing them around.
Maggie is together again with her beloved Mozart. Together again in the thereafter just as they were in life. Of course, they will be missed deeply, that many years together forms a strong, unbreakable bond. Your hearts will always be connected.
Maggie was your little girl. She left this earth when you were still deep into the loss of Mozart. Now that grief is compounded and deepens even further. Try to keep up a routine with Miller, he needs the comfort it brings, and extra attention because I'm sure he feels your pain along with his own. You are all hurting. Time is the only thing that helps soften the sharp edges of grief, and it takes a lot of it. In time your mind will clear and you will know for certain that your two angels are at peace, because they carry your love with them.
Go forward into life as you would have wanted for Maggie to live if you were the first to go. she, too, would never want you to be so sad because of her. She loves you too much. Try to do something that makes you feel better about yoruself, give a donation of cat food or litter to your local shelter, I pay the adoptrion fee every year for the cat that has been there the longest to help them find a home and the love they so desperately need. And do it in Mozart andMaggie's name.
Please know we are here to listen to your grief. We know it too well, but are here to show you that you are stronger than you think. The sun will come up tomorrow, and life goes on. For some it has stood still for a while, but our love for these amazing babies will overpower our tears and let the good memories one day come through. There were so many more of them. Take care.......RIP sweet Maggie. You will be dearly missed, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, may he join you with your beloved Mozart for eternity. Until you meet those left behind again!

 

[Meowmee]

So sorry for your losses of Maggie and Mozart, it is so sad. When they are here for so long it is so devastating. I would give it time and see how Miller adjusts but if it were me I would get him a companion eventually so he is not alone so much. Try to spend extra time with him to help him too. I am sure he is grieving as well. My kitties all did when one passed.
Run free sweet Maggie, she is watching over you with Mozart

 

[betsygee]

Oh, no, losing two in such a short time is devastating. My heart goes out to you. It's a terribly difficult adjustment for all of you, including Miller, and will take some time.

Rest in peace, sweet Maggie.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Maggie, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

My instinct is saying that Miller may do very well as an only cat, and adjust to it easier than he would to a new, and younger cat. Ideally, when you adopt, you want cats who are similar in ages, because of the energy levels, and I sense that another aging cat would just be setting you and your wife up for more heartbreak than you need. Give Miller lots of attention when you are home, and rest easy that most of the time you are gone, he is napping.

 

[doomsdave]

Ouch, sorry to hear M Morpheus1967 ! I know the feeling too well. I've lost cats young and old over time for various reasons, and, while they grieve for each other as Norachan notes, it appears they get over it a lot faster than people do.

Hope you're okay! Be nice to yourself. You've lost a couple of dear friends in a short time, and it hurts. The hole is hard to fill, but it will.

For now, sounds like Miller will be okay, too. He might miss his late companions, but he'll have you and the rest of your family to himself now. I suspect he'll well appreciate an extra fondle now and again. (I suspect you'll appreciate doing it for him!)

I'm with Mamanyt1953 in saying go slow on getting another kitty for now, especially one much younger - especially a kitten or young adult, especially a tom. Young kitties' tendency to mix it up can really really annoy older cats a lot. The big exception is if you have a huge house and lots of distractions.

Let us know how you are and be well.

 

[Margot Lane]

Echoing Marmany and Doomsdave here...I am finding with older cats it’s the quality of life you give to them in the time that you have with them that matters. Showing up for them, wholeheartedly. I cannot imagine the grief you are going through with the loss of two cats but both of them would tell you to breathe it out & to love Miller. Some have mentioned in the past here that making shrines for your furry friends helps & tho it is really only time that will heal you, definitely I think finding small activities for all of your kitties past & present helps dissolve the grief into hope.

 

[Morpheus1967]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. They are deeply appreciated.

 

[Margot Lane]

I wonder if Miller might appreciate Music for Cats by David Teie. It’s a true soothing balm that always seems to put a cat right into a deep sleep.