Jealous Cats

[sdufrene]

I'm new to the site. I have a two year old Siamese who is spoiled rotten. KitKat is rarely more than a few feet away from me, sleeps on my neck ,etc. For the past few months I've been feeding a stray who has finally warmed up to me enough. I brought her into my home yesterday. Am following guidance from your posts. New cat is currently in extra bedroom, isolated from Siamese. I visit with new cat often and have discovered she is a lap baby too, demanding nonstop petting. My concern is that the cats will fight over my attention, hurting each other and possibly me as well. I really want this to work. Suggestions?

 

[Columbine]

Hi, and welcome to TCS

Thank you for taking this cat in. She's very lucky to have found you

Most cats can learn to get along just fine, providing that introductions are done in a slow, controlled manner. Remember to be patient, and always let the cats tell you when they're ready to move on. The whole process typically takes weeks or months, and you have to be prepared for that. I brought in a semi-feral/stray (we still aren't certain which) a couple of years ago. Her introduction phase took around 2-3 months, and that's actually pretty quick!

One HUGE part is to always make sure you give KitKat plenty of love and attention to be sure that she doesn't feel like she's being replaced. For now, at least, she is the senior cat, and she needs to know that her position is safe

If you haven't already, you need to take the stray to the vet asap and have her checked out. I'd always want to test for FIV and FeLV, have her scanned for a microchip (just in case), and get her vaccinated, chipped, and spayed if necessary [article="32680"][/article][article="29726"][/article][article="30316"][/article]

This thread shows the extremes of introductions. The bulk of the thread covers a very challenging introduction, and the last part covers a (much easier) ntroduction of another cuddle fiend Two cuddle-monsters together can work VERY well :heart4: [thread="283930"][/thread]

 

[sdufrene]

Thank you, thank you so much for the encouraging words. I really needed that after reading a post that was not very reassuring. I realize every cat is different. I just want this to work so badly. Moutside (a horrible name I gave new kitty months ago..a shortened form of "my outside cat"), has acclimated so very well. When I'm in the room, she is a snuggle bunny. She's using the litter box (with organic soil) and eating pretty well, drinking water. Is this an indication of her acclimation to the indoors? How long should I wait to introduce her to my adult son? Should I introduce her to him before KitKat? And finally, is it okay that she is locked up for weeks in this bedroom? I don't want to depress her. I visit with her every two or so hours during the waking hours, but she cries every time I leave the room and she just ignores toys completely!

 

[Columbine]

Having her in her own room is absolutely fine. She'll actually feel safer that way, as a smaller space is easier to 'own'. If she's really missing you, you can always give her a shirt of yours to snuggle with - ideally one you've slept/worked out/sweated in. The stinkier the better! I did this with my girl, and she loved it As she's such a snuggle, she might appreciate a cat-sized stuffed toy to snuggle with too. You could even cover it in your shirt, to really help give her you-substitute to snuggle with.

By all means introduce her to your son. It sounds like it'll be a huge help to have someone to share the snuggle duties! Start by having him go in with you and her food, and then both sit on the floor away from her to give her the space to eat. Very soon, she'll associate him with good things and may even start coming to him for attention too. The trick is to let HER decide the level of interaction she's ready for, and not to force it. As she gains confidence with him, he can sit closer and closer while she eats, and maybe even offer her a few treats by hand, or from a spoon that he's holding.

She may never bond as closely to him as she has to you (some cats are very much 'one person' cats), but that doesn't mean that they can't have a good relationship. My girl is very much 'mine', but she'll go to both my parents for cuddles on occasion, and definitely likes them both

Try to make her room an interesting environment too, with scratchers, cat trees, beds etc. As she grows in confidence, I'm sure she'll show more interest in toys. Remember that she's dealing with a LOT of changes right now, so play may not come straight away.[article="22426"][/article]

[article="22537"][/article][article="32656"][/article][article="0"][/article][article="32735"][/article](great tips for how to best introduce her to your son - especially if she's wary of him at first)

Trust yourself. You're doing great

 

[sdufrene]

Just finished my morning visit. Moutside is so much calmer today. She actually settled at my feet, instead of needing to climb all over me. And her appetite has really picked up. We go to vet in the morning. Sand I will find out if she is actually a SHE. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your responses. My son has high functioning autism and is not really a source of support...though he will chip in for petting time! My hubby was the calm, sure-footed member of the family. I lost him a few years ago to pancreatic cancer. It is an extraordinary feeling to reach out to strangers and have such genuine support. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude in not having to do this alone. Sometimes the small things eat our lunch.

 

[snowpawprint]

welcome to tcs!

glad your situation is improving and hopefully it will continue to get better and better

 

[sdufrene]

Thanks to all who gave responded and welcomed me. Moutside received a clean bill of health from the vet and its confirmed she's a girl. However, this vet was very negative regarding assimilating her into our home with our current cat. She actually said the prospects were slim. Possibly because once they drew blood for testing, she wouldn't allow them to touch her again? Nor me, for that matter. It wasn't until we were almost home that she softened. Even with that, once I released her back into her room, she sulked for several hours. I would think a cat doesn't have to be feral to become hyper defensive when poked with a needle? Anyway...my concern is that I wont be able to get her nails clipped. They're going to do that when I have her spayed on Monday. But after that, how do I keep those claws down? I worry about my two cats fighting.

 

[Columbine]

Things like claw clipping will take time, and it's important to to rush it and damage the trust you've worked to hard to build. Don't go for the end goal all at once. Start by working towards just stroking the paw during cuddle time - when she's sleepy is always best - and reward with praise and extra yummy treats (maybe find her absolute favourite and keep it only for claw clipping/clipping training). From there (and only when she's comfortable with it) move towards holding the paw. The next step is touching her toes and claws, and then getting her comfortable with you extending and stroking the claw. Remember, too, to get her comfortable with the sound of the clippers near her - maybe by clipping your nalis when you're close to her. Only when she's happy with all of that do you start to clip. Keep up with liberal praise and throughout the whole process, stay calm, keep it light, and remember - there's no rule that says you have to do all her claws at the same time! Start with one claw, working up to one paw, and so on. If you always stop before she gets distressed/stressed/uncomfortable then she'll never build up a basic association :winkblue: I know this seems a very slow process, but it's worth it to create a good experience for her, and will (hopefully) make claw clipping a breeze in future [article="29669"][/article]

I wouldn't put too much store by the vet's pessimism. Many feral/ex feral cats are just fine with their people in their home environment, but really struggled to deal with strangers - even at the best of times.

Don't worry about the cats fighting. Face to face introductions are a long way off yet, and if you do things right , full on fights aren't a big risk. I've never trimmed my cats claws, I haven't known mine cause each other more than the odd superficial scratch.

Sure, in a full on fight injuries are a very real risk, but with slow, careful introductions and supervision, things should never escalate that far - it's just a case of reading body language (especially in the early stages) and stepping in before thought turns to action. The gradual introduction process outlined in the articles I linked to is designed to minimise stress and fights between the cats. Trust the process, stay patient, and they'll be just fine

 

[sdufrene]

Super great advice! This cat has really amazed me in that she doesn't seek heights. I have wide window sills and never find her there, although my son says he has walked in once to find her laying up there. She prefers the floor, so I put plyboard on the beds slots to give her additional hiding space. (Lost mattresses in the Louisiana flood in August.) So finally a question. Vet says she is full grown because she has her adult teeth. But I can tell she's young...maybe two? Anyway, she has a bit of a belly, though she is not thin to begin with. Could this be worms? Do you worm cats? Never did with my two previous cats or my current. I bring my pets to a clinic because the cost is so much better and I'm on a fixed income. But personal service and general bedside manner is definitely lacking. They don't offer much info. Thanks again for all your sage advice.

 

[sdufrene]

The receptionist at the vet clinic, who is one of the more gracious people there, offered the following advice... I can move to door-gate separation, where the cats can meet safely face to face, about a week after spaying. Does that sound right? Moutside has been indoors a week now, secluded in extra bedroom, but cries often for attention. I'm hoping the "open" door will help. And once I put up the gates, should I do this for a limited time each day or just leave the door opened from then on? I think I'd feel safer with the door closed when I'm not home or during sleep hours. Even though I have two gates and thick net at the very top to fully enclose the open space, cats are masters at getting thru the smallest spaces.

 

[Columbine]

Yes, cats do get worms, and as Moutside was an outside cat there's a pretty good chance that she'll have them to some degree. Worming her is definitely a good idea, so ask your vet for some tablets for her. You just might need to be a little sneaky about getting her to eat them [article="32724"][/article]

A screen door/gate setup definitely helps with the introduction process, but there are no hard and fast rules as to when they'll both be ready for it. Some cats will be very accepting of each other, and will show more curiosity than anything else, but others are much warier and need more time getting used to each other's scents before they're ready for full visual contact. If in doubt, take it slow - rushing the process will only make it take longer for them to accept each other. My rule of thumb is this:-

• When both cats are chilled about the scent swapping process, they're ready to start being fed on either side of a closed (solid) door.
• When they can both eat totally unconcerned with their dishes right up by the door, they're ready for the first stage of the screen/gate door.
• When introducing the screen/gate door, start with all but the bottom inch blocked off (with towels/blankets/cardboard etc).
• When they can once again eat unconcernedly with their dishes right up by this setup, they're ready to have the the block moved up an inch
• Continue in this manner until they can both eat unconcernedly in full view of each other, and are still relaxed once the food is gone.
• Once they are totally chilled with all this, they're ready for face to face introductions without the barrier. It's at this point that you can leave the screen door/gate up the whole time.

I know this is a very slow process, and it certainly isn't the ONLY way to do it. The advantage of this very gradual method, though, is that it gives you the best possible chance of success, even with cats who don't particularly like each other. Ultimately, though, you have to read your cats and make a judgement on what they can and can't handle at any given point. The key is always to let the least comfortable/confident cat dictate the pace.

Feliway diffusers aren't cheap, but they can really help ease the process along by keeping stress levels low. Daily interactive playtime for each cat is wonderful too, as it builds self and territorial confidence, and allows any excess energy to be directed in a positive way. The best time to try any kind of visual introduction is when they're both sleepy, as they'll be least inclined to challenge each other, and interactive play (followed by food or a meaty treat) is the perfect way to create this setting.[article="30307"][/article]
[article="30316"][/article][article="32758"][/article][article="0"][/article][article="32656"][/article]

 

[zed xyzed]

It is so kind of you to give Moutside a loving home. You can also try a Feliway diffuser I heard that many cats are more relaxed when it is used and can help with new kitty introductions 

 

[tarasgirl06]

Welcome @sdufrene  and Moutside to  TCS!  You've already gotten a lot of excellent suggestions, and I couldn't add anything better except to wish you all the best and welcome you, and look forward to hearing good things about your family's progress!  It can take awhile for cats to adapt, just like with people.  It took our Sammi almost a year to fully acclimate to transitioning from 14 years as an "only cat" to being in a large feline family; there were fights I had to break up, and "time-outs" in his own room afterwards.  Eventually, though he did settle in and make friends, and he spent 7 wonderful years as a beloved family member.  So love, patience, and perseverance are key, IMHO, in making things work in a family of any kind, including a feline/human one! 

 

[sdufrene]

Any suggestions for getting Moutside into a carrier. The first two times, I used food. But as I am trying to get her to the vets to be spayed, there is no food allowed. First time in the carrier, I brought her inside. Second/last time was her visit to the vet and when they took blood and she went ballistic. So I'm afraid she's gotten wise about the carrier. Help! We missed our appt to get spayed this morning cause she bolted out of the carrier before I could get the door zipped. BTW... I have rheumatoid so I can't scruff her.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Leave the carrier in her environment, with door open, and lined with something soft and comfortable; some tuna would be a good "lure".

 

[Columbine]

Great advice tarasgirl06 :bigthumb: That's perfect for carrier training long term, and definitely something I'd be looking at :nod:

Unfortunately, it doesn't get you round the immediate issue of getting Moutside to the vet to be spayed :slant:

What sort of carrier are you using? A zip closure doesn't sound ideal for a carrier-shy cat to me, as it simply takes too long to close. I really like the sort that have a gate/door style entry, as they're really quick to shut and fasten once the cat is in A totally different style of carrier might help break the negative association between the scary blood test and the carrier itself too.

Having rheumatoid arthritis definitely will make it harder to get Moutside in the carrier - especially if she's fighting you - so I really do sympathise with you there I'm assuming that she's not yet at the stage where she'll tolerate being picked up for even a few seconds? I've always had most luck with just picking the cat up and putting them head first into a front-loading carrier (I have the carrier on a chair or table for this manoeuvre) - if you move quickly and smoothly enough, my experience is that they're in almost before they've realised what's happening. It's the lowest stress way I've found (and has even worked on a semi feral barn cat - albeit with me wearing very thick gloves and coat, just in case of objections ), though said cat will usually complain loudly once the deed is done :lol3:

Have you thought about asking the vet for a sedative you can give at home before taking Moutside in? I wouldn't suggest this just for crating issues, but as she got so freaked out/traumatised last time she was at the vet's, there does seem to be a case for home sedation. This does bring its own issues though (namely, how to pill a cat without using food - possible, but not my first choice in this situation).

I know @Red Top Rescue has had a lot of success with using two laundry baskets - she sets one up as a bed, then covers it with another once the cat is in, and uses zip/cable ties to hold the two together. A little unconventional, but works very well for even unhandled cats.

 

[sdufrene]

Wow.. The laundry basket would have been a lot cheaper than a new crate. But I agree about the zipper. So I bought a bigger crate with a gate. We are rescheduled for the spaying on next Monday. In the interim, I'm feeding Moutside something yummy like chicken or tuna, inside the new crate and without closing the gate. All else fails, I'm going to don my hubbys welding gloves.

 

[sdufrene]

Update on introducing Moutside and Kitkat. Neither have responded negatively or at all actually to their scents on blankets so far. For the last few days, they've been "talking" to each other under the door. So today I put up stacked baby gates and then thick plastic net for the top opening on the door. KitKat is fascinated with Moutside. Moutside just wants me or my son to pet her thru the gate. She is now crying nonstop to be let out of the room. She completely ignores KitKat unless he get too close to the gate. Then she hisses and KitKat runs. But then KitKat keeps going back... Not sure Moutside is hissing when we're not in the hall. Doesn't sound like it. And there's no growling going on at all. Going pretty well, do you think?

 

[sdufrene]

Oh yes... I've had a Feliway diffuser plugged in for several days.

 

[Columbine]

Sounds like all is going well with the introductions (and the carrier training, for that matter :bigthumb: ).

Hissing by itself is pretty normal for introductions. So long as each cat stays respectful of the other, and so long as it doesn't escalate, it's nothing to worry about.

It sounds to me like KitKat is doing everything right - she keeps going over to introduce herself, but backs off when Moutside says she needs her space (which is what the hissing means - it's just catspeak for 'back off'). It's actually pretty similar to how my two were during introductions, and they're great together (albeit, not as close as some members cats are, but they definitely get on well ).

Just keep doing what you're doing, and don't let yourself be tempted to rush things. Moutside needs to feel more relaxed around KitKat before you move to the next stage