I've made a huge mistake adopting two kittens

[SadCatPerson]

Love is not an instant happening, it develops over time. Those two can be a great distraction for your heart if you let them, don't even try to 'feel' anything for them, that will come later, maybe much later. I even resented the cats that were with me when my soulmate died, but that definitely changed over time. Now I am so thankful I have them in my life. if you rehome them you will end up feeling guilty and heartsick over that. step back, take a deep breath, and just get through the day. Your sweet black little one would be honored to know that what they taught you about love would be passed on. Go forward and live your life as you would have wanted your loved one to go on if you were the first to go, not in despair and tears, but seeking life's beauty. Grief is something you never get over but get through. Those two babies you have now understand, and they will love you anyway. Do not dwell on your grief it brings nothing but heartache. Never think of those two as a replacement, as filling the emptiness inside of you, that can never be, but they can be there simply as a friend to be beside you, something to help you get into a routine, something as a distraction from your grief just for a little while. You need so very much to be needed right now. you just don't realize how much you need someone to just be there, to need you. To fill your days and give your poor heart a break from the misery. Believe it or not, new human parents go through a lot of what you are going through too. It is so overwhelming at first. You have to bond and get to know them first. Affection and love comes later.......

Sorry, I accidentally posted my last reply without finishing it. I can't love another cat until I've at least accepted that my old one is gone, and I realise now that I haven't come to terms with that at all. I want my cats to be the happiest in the world, but I just wasn't in a position to give those kittens that xx

 

[SadCatPerson]

If you make the decision that they need to go elsewhere, please check your adoption agreement. A lot of shelters include a requirement that the cats be returned to them if there is an issue for whatever reason.

I bought them from a breeder :/

 

[SadCatPerson]

I was just going to mention this.

Don't beat yourself up. Grief is a difficult thing to go through. Maybe one day you will find the kitten or even older cat that you truly fall in love with. Until that day, just keep doing what you're doing. You have plenty of love to give....just not yet.

Thank you. That's what I've come to realise - one day I really want to open my heart to another cat, but I can't do that while my heart is still in pieces. I've found the kittens a lovely new home together, where they'll be spoiled and loved xx

 

[SadCatPerson]

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. But whatever you decide, will be the best decision for YOU and the kitties. Would you learn to love them with time? Probably. Is it best to rehome them now while they are still little and not set in a routine yet? Yes. Could having them in your life help you deal with your loss? Yes. All things mentioned above are true no matter what you decide, however...no matter your decision...you're not a bad person.
It takes time to grieve a loss and not only that, but also accepting the self inflicted guilt and all the what ifs that tend to keep us stuck and unable to completely get thru the grief.

This is my take on adopting a new pet after a loss...

You are not replacing your kitty...that will never happen. When my kitties passed, and we got new ones. We were not trying to replace them. We also tried our best to not compare the new ones to our other ones. Each kitty, even if they have some similar quirks are their own little personalities.

What we do know, is that we are fantastic cat caregivers/parents and as such, we saw it as a way to continue to provide an excellent home to a poor cat in need. We weren't trying to fill a void or replace our cats, we were ensuring that at least one more cat gets a chance at a better life.

You are also not going to fill the void with another cat. Sure it can create a distraction and help create new routines and relationships...which is all great and can help the grieving process...but that little carved out spot in your heart belongs to your kitty. What will happen is what feels like a void now, will simply be replaced with the happy feelings and your very best memories of your kitty, which takes time...you can't force it. When adopting a kitty, you will create a NEW space in your heart for another companion. You obviously have AMPLE space in your heart for all the cats that have come and gone from your life and will come and go in the future...You just need to give yourself permission to do all the ugly cries you need...but most importantly...forgive yourself. Let go of the guilt and fears that comes in so many different ways. What could I have done different, should I have payed better attention, is it right to "replace" him, can I love another, am I doing the right thing? All those questions and more filled my head when I lost my boys...but knowing that I was giving a great home to another and knowing that replacing any of them was just not what happens is what helped me when adopting new ones...even though I wasn't sure I was ready. But I'm glad we ended up with the kitties we have now...I love them just as much as my others.

Hopefully my perspective helps you in some way...

I'm also so very sorry for your loss...

Thank you so much. I have made the incredibly difficult decision to rehome the kittens, and even though I'm sad about it, I know I made the right decision, both for them and for me. I realise now that I haven't actually accepted that my old cat is gone, and I really need to come to terms with that first xx

 

[SadCatPerson]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your username says a lot. I am the opposite kind of person, the one that wants to rush out and get a new kitten or cat a few days after one of mine Crosses the Bridge. My friend, on the other hand, waited two years until he was ready. You never know how to react, or when it's exactly the right time. Though I knew I would never have that cat, that special cat, again, I always found someone in need.

Sometimes I almost (or maybe did) feel guilty about loving my new cat or kitten. But it's not a betrayal. You have unlimited love in your heart. Still, I felt guilty if I found myself smiling or laughing. It didn't matter if a friend told me something funny or my feline was up to cute antics. Ultimately, I just wanted someone who could purr to love. Someone who needed me. In a way, I believed I was using my new cat for my own selfish purposes. Even though they needed a home. (I say they, because I have been through this a number of times.)

I won't attempt to try to tell you what to do. I believe that you will make the right decision, whatever you chose to do. My concern is that giving away the kittens could be difficult for you, emotionally. We had two feral cats who brought their kittens to our house. We couldn't keep ten, though it broke my heart that we couldn't take them all. They all played together, though they had paired up into friends. I think about them every day, though they went to a no kill shelter. We kept four, but I worry about the others being split up from their besties. For some odd reason, they were friends by color. I saw them on Petfinder.com.

Whatever you decide, we are here for you. Bless you and please keep us updated.

Thank you. I have since found the kittens a loving new home, and I think it was the right thing to do. Their new family have kept in contact to let me know that they're happy and settled, and that's all I could really ask for. I'm sad that I won't get to see them grow up, and I'm sad for the relationship that we might have had at a different point in time, but I don't regret the decision. I've lost cats before but never one that I loved as much as my old girl, and I can see now that I still haven't even really accepted that she's gone. I can't love a new cat while I'm still looking for my old one, even knowing that she's no longer with me. One day I desperately hope I bring a new cat into my life, but not now xx

 

[SadCatPerson]

S SadCatPerson if you get this and/or decide to come back, we're still here for you

Thank you. I've decided to rehome the kittens, and I'm very sad about it, but I know I've made the right decision. One day I hope I can bring another cat into my life, but I still have too much grief to process right now xx

 

[Kflowers]

Grief takes as long as it takes. You're right to not try to rush it. And I don't think that was your intention when you got the kittens. In the early stages of grief it is hard to know what will help and what won't. It isn't consistent, you can't think, this worked last time I lost someone, I'll try it again, because every time is different. All you can and should do is accept this is where you are -- grieving -- and be in that place. The first hardest part can take a year or more. That's all right.

But thank you for letting us know your decision and that the kittens have a good home. It's an odd thing, but we worry about animals and people we've only met here.

 

[kashmir64]

Just because you don't have cats right now, doesn't mean we want to see you leave.
We have a great forum 'The Cat Lounge' which has games and not much to do with the care of cats.
Please stay active.

 

[nurseangel]

Yes, please come back. This is a great site.