It's Over

[kittkatt]

Nikki, I'm sorry to hear that you're headed for divorce court, but in the end, it's probably for the best. If your husband is mentally & verbally abusive now, it'll only get worse. My ex was that way, and so was my dad towards my mom. He put her through 13 years of hell, till she finally found the strength to leave him. Abusers generally don't get any "better" - unless they seek help. And even then, it takes years of therapy - especially if you're dealing with a narcissistic abuser. You deserve so much better.

Things may look bleak now, but I promise you they'll get better, and in time, you'll be happy that you got divorced from him.

Hang in there, kiddo!

 

[jezmondo69]

agreed, a while back i was with a girl who got violent when she had a drink and she used to hit me and stuff, it was pretty scary even though i was twice the size of her, as all i could do was take it, a man should never hit a woman, thats just not on, but equally i dont think its right for a girl to hit a man either?

anyway i had to get the police out once as she just wouldnt let up, and after one took her home, the other was talking to me and he said the same. they never get "better" and he also said one day she may get really mad a pulla knife on me or something, so even the policeman advised i got rid!

as well as this a good friend of mine (also a cat owner) said to me that arguements and fights only ever get worse, each one has to out-do the last one, and its true, the more you fight, the more comfortable you get doing it.

rubbish i know, but true in my experience.

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by jezmondo69

agreed, a while back i was with a girl who got violent when she had a drink and she used to hit me and stuff .

My ex partner Gil, his ex wife used to smack him around as well and he didn't hit back. Although i don't condone violence, if they can give it then they would get it back from me

Then after that it would be over!

 

[snake_lady]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Just wanted to update you guys and let you know i'm doing good!

I've also got a pretty good lead on an additional job as well so keep your fingers crossed I get it!

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

We're definitely getting a divorce

We're going to make a list of things we expect from one another and try to do things as deciently as possible.

Tonight Colin came over to my sister Kimmy's house so we could exchange things. I stayed in the house and my brother-in-law Jason acted as the mederator (sp?) going in between us. He definitely wants a divorce so I guess that we'll be filing soon...

First of all: I hope you are able to get the job you mentioned.

I'm sorry you are going through this

But I think you are one brave woman for doing the right thing. It's not easy, I can speak from personal experience on this one (which I won't elaborate on a public board but if you would like to talk, I will do so privately. I volunteer counsell on depression, suicide, self injury, abuse of all kinds, human rights...all based on my personal life.)

I hope you have people IRL you can turn to if you need to...there's alot of people on here that are willing to share and support as well.

When time's get rough, emotionally, keep thinking... "I am doing the right thing and I am worth more than how I've been treated."

You are in my thoughts. I hope the divorce can go smoothly, and you are able to embrace the journey into your new life.

 

[kluchetta]

Nikki, I'm so sorry. But Colin is apparently a HUGE dolt, and stupid as well.

People here who you've never even met think, no - KNOW - how amazing you are and if he can't see it then he deserves to be alone. Sorry. But it just makes me so angry! LOL

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Thanks you guys for the kind words and encouragement

I appreciate it.

I'll try and update as much as I can from my sister's house when I visit until I get internet at my apartment.

As much as I hate to be going through this right now, I do feel that it's the right thing- I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me and cherish me as his wife.

 

[kluchetta]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Thanks you guys for the kind words and encouragement

I appreciate it.

I'll try and update as much as I can from my sister's house when I visit until I get internet at my apartment.

As much as I hate to be going through this right now, I do feel that it's the right thing- I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me and cherish me as his wife.

Exactly! And we all know he's out there too!

 

[jugen]

Oh sweets!
I'm so sorry that divorce is in the future. But trust me I agree with all the people that say that verbal abuse doesn't get better, it just escalates.
I lived with a man who was terrible and abusive to me for 6 years until one of HIS friends said to me, that if I didn't get out, he (my hubby at the time) would end up killing me. Needless to say, it was horrible but I took his advice. My ex took the lives of my animals and made them a living hell for them, but I had no choice but to leave them there until I could find somewhere to put them all, and to this day, I'll never forgive him, not for what he did to me, but for what he did to my animals. I know that Karma is catching up to him for what he did to them (and me) because once in awhile I see him and it's not a pretty sight..

You'll be ok kiddo. You've got family and friends. We all love you here and will be the shoulders and tissues you need anytime of the day and night.
Colin is a jerk if he doesn't realize what a special person he's loosing. In the end karma will bite him in the (donkey) too.

 

[kittkatt]

Nikki, I happened to remember an online support group that I joined, after the abusive ex & I split up for good (it was a "back & forth" relationship too, like most abusive ones generally are). Anyway, I really benefitted from that support group, and it really helped me to understand that I wasn't the "crazy" one as the ex would have liked for me to believe, and I wasn't the only one out there who had gone through something like that. It really saved my sanity. If you think you might be able to benefit from something like that, just let me know and I'll PM you the link to the group.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

As much as I hate to be going through this right now, I do feel that it's the right thing- I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me and cherish me as his wife.

Originally Posted by kluchetta

Exactly! And we all know he's out there too!

well, as someone who hasn't found him yet - i'd still prefer being alone to being in an abusive relationship.

 

[duchess15]

Originally Posted by laureen227

well, as someone who hasn't found him yet - i'd still prefer being alone to being in an abusive relationship.

I agree. With all that's happened last year, I'm trying to get out more and meet new people. Who knows what will happen. I can't keep living my life at home and being afraid to go out. I'll never meet someone that way. This area is not the best for relationships or what I'm looking for so maybe I'll keep an eye out for a job somewhere else.

Nikki - I'm sorry that you are going through this, but envy you to have the courage to do what is right and what may not be the easiest. You have to look out for you. Keep your chin up!

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Hey you guys, i'm at my sister's house for a little while hanging out with her so I just wanted to update and let everyone know that i'm doing ok today.

I apreciate all of the support and kindness

keep the prayers comming though, i need them.

 

[tari]

Glad to hear you're doing well, Nikki. As others have said, it will start to get better soon, and someday you'll understand why it all turned out this way. When I think of the string of losers I dated and was engaged to now (and, believe me, there were some real losers), I know that it was the path I had to take to get me to my wonderful husband.

Hang in there...you're an amazingly special person, Nikki. You deserve SO much better than what Colin could give you and someday you'll have it.

 

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by Tari

someday you'll understand why it all turned out this way. When I think of the string of losers I dated and was engaged to now (and, believe me, there were some real losers), I know that it was the path I had to take to get me to my wonderful husband.

Every relationship you're in teaches you something.

I've had my share of losers in my time too, and even though some of them were pure hell, I don't think I'd wanna change any of it, b/c it made me a stronger (and hopefully) better person. Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

You sound like you're doing well, and hanging in there, Nikki.

You go, girl!

 

[addiebee]

Originally Posted by jugen

Oh sweets!
I'm so sorry that divorce is in the future. But trust me I agree with all the people that say that verbal abuse doesn't get better, it just escalates.
I lived with a man who was terrible and abusive to me for 6 years until one of HIS friends said to me, that if I didn't get out, he (my hubby at the time) would end up killing me. Needless to say, it was horrible but I took his advice. My ex took the lives of my animals and made them a living hell for them, but I had no choice but to leave them there until I could find somewhere to put them all, and to this day, I'll never forgive him, not for what he did to me, but for what he did to my animals. I know that Karma is catching up to him for what he did to them (and me) because once in awhile I see him and it's not a pretty sight..

You'll be ok kiddo. You've got family and friends. We all love you here and will be the shoulders and tissues you need anytime of the day and night.
Colin is a jerk if he doesn't realize what a special person he's loosing. In the end karma will bite him in the (donkey) too.

Am I reading this correctly to say your ex KILLED your animals? That's a crime, I mean, really - as in illegal. I would guess - depending on where you live - it's felony abuse! He should have gone to jail for that!!!

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Just wanted to update and let you guys know i'm still hanging in there.

I spent the night at my best friend Renae's house last night and we had a little girls night in- so that was fun.

It's still pretty upsetting though- the whole idea of a divorce and all, especially because I still do love him..and I long for the person that he used to be and the way he used to treat me.....but I just can't be around him with the type of person he's turned into in recent months. I know I made the right choice for me at this point in time, but I still just wish he'd get the help he needs and make positive changes. I would love it if he did that and we were able to work things out- I still do love him. But for right now I don't see that happening, especially since he's said he wants a divorce and all...so I'm just trying to be positive and make the best of things on my own right now.

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

I still do love him.

Nikki, you need to keep reminding yourself of the things he used to say to you

 

[psjauntie]

So sorry to hear that divorce is what he decided, but you are going to be better off. As far you still being in love with him, that will fade with time. I was married to my ex for 13 years and never thought I would get over the divorce. I made some dumb choices right after we split up, and then realized I was worth so much better. I took time to figure out what I needed and wanted. Take your time and be good to yourself.

Glad you have family that is close, and they are there for you.

Any news on the job front? coming for healing your heart & finding a job.

 

[babyharley]

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Nikki, you need to keep reminding yourself of the things he used to say to you

I have to agree with Susan! I was in a relationship for 5 years with a man who was extremely abusive to me. He was never physically abusive but he was extremely verbally abusive, making me think I wasn't worth anything, never letting me be with my friends or his, making me stay home alone always, while he would be out during the week until 4:00am with only who knows who! I would cry daily, I never thought I would find another man like him, I thought he was the best thing alive. Boy was I wrong.

I finally stood up on my own 2 feet after 5 years and realized that I was better than him - just like your better than Colin! You don't deserve what your going through and you DON'T deserve to be treated like that, nobody does

Keep your chin up, you will be happier than you ever imagined, no man is worth the tears, especially if he won't love you like you deserve to be loved

 

[starryeyedtiger]

thanks you guys.