Is this ever going to work

[abacat]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

My husband and I took in a stray cat about a month ago. We have a resident cat that is about 5 years old and she's never been around other cats. The new cat spent the first two weeks in our spare room in the basement. They did see each other a couple of times during that time. Then we moved him to our spare room upstairs (so he could have a window and it would be easier for them to interact under the door.
At first Abby (resident cat) was afraid of Buddy (he's 2-3 yrs old and one third her size), she would run under the bed and hide. Gradually she has gotten braver and will go up to the door and lay on her back and stick her nose under the door. She used to run if he would put a paw under the door but she did finally swat at him. I put him in a carrier and let then see each other. The first time she was completely freaked, the other two times she wouldn't come out from under the coffee table.
Last night I got a baby gate and put it up so they could see each other. He doesn't seem aggressive to her just curious (she growls and it looks like he's licking his lips). She was verrrrrry freaked out, she was growling and hissing. She did finally calm down and was meatloafing in front of the door but then she got freaked out by him and ran and hid under the bed for two hours.
It's been a month and I'm afraid this isn't going to work because Abby is not getting any better. :-(

Any advise or suggestions would be greatly appreciated because if we can't keep him I have no idea what to do with him (not a lot of options in my area).
Plus I love the little bugger.

 

[otto]

A month is a very short time in the cat world, when getting adjusted to another cat. You are doing well, but there is more you can do.

Get some feliway plug in diffusers to help with harmony. It will make both cats feel less territorial. Rub a towel over Abby, then Buddy, and put the towel under Abby's food dishes. this will help her associate Buddy's smell with good things.

Has Buddy been to the vet? I would not allow close contact until Buddy has been given a clean bill of health (and neutered if he is not)

You can try the Vanilla trick, which is to place a dot of cooking vanilla (not perfume) on the nose and root of tail of each cat, causing them to smell the same, so leveling the playing field.

If you have already had Buddy to the vet, once you get the feliway plug in diffusers in place, I would recommend starting supervised introductions without the gate.

The cats are going to have to work it out between themselves at some point. There may be some fighting, but that is not unusual, and is how sometimes work out their hierarchy.

 

[darlili]

What Otto said - and I suggest keep telling Abby over and over how she's number 1 in your hearts, that that will not change, and that new kitty is her kitty. I know it might seem a bit silly, but I'm a firm believer in it. And, always feed Abby first - brush her first, say hello to her first, etc. She might honestly be getting jealous of the time you spend behind closed doors with new boy - that happened with me. I ended up just letting him out (on advice from the shelter) and we went from there. It was a nerve-wracking few days, for me - but about four days later they were loafing on the couch together enjoying the sun.

Also, whenever Abby makes a reasonably approach to the new boy (getting close but not hissing, etc), give her a treat or feed her - as Otto said, giving them both the idea that good things happen when they're around each other.

I know how unnerving it can be to introduce the cats - I'd suggest that when you do let them both out in the same area, try to be at home for the day, with toys in hand - I spent a few hours tossing toys in various directions when my two started staring too hard at each other. It seemed to distract them from the 'glare of doom'. There are still times when they get annoyed with each other but that's just going to happen.

But, there may well be some hissy/yowling incidents as they work their relationship out. If you can provide both cats with areas that the can go to get away from the other, that's always good, I think - adding height (like with cat trees) is like adding more square footage. The hard part, I think, is when they do start to play wrestle, chase each other - it takes a while to figure out that they're just having fun. If you don't see any Halloween cats (honestly, a really mad/scared cat looks just like one), you're probably ok. Just try to stay calm yourself - I know it's hard.

Also, lots of litter boxes!!!

Some cats get very territorial about their boxes, and won't use one another cat has christened. The usual rule of thumb is one per cat, plus one more (so three in your case) - that's worked for me. The boxes are somewhat separated, so no one can guard more than one box at a time.

 

[pat traufield]

Otto and Darlili are right on!!! Pair these brief exposures with your resident kitties very very favorite treats - for awhile they only time she should get these goodies is during the brief exposures. Keep them brief - better to end an exposure on a positive note after 30 seconds than have kitty scared after 90 seconds.

Also if resident kitty mellows under the influence of catnip you could use that.

 

[abacat]

Thank you all so much for the advice! I think I'm upset because I don't want Abby to be upset, she is our #1 girl and I don't want to do anything to make her unhappy (as she sits on "her" couch grooming

).

I forgot to mention that he has been to the vet, all his tests were negative and he got all his shots (he was already neutered YAY!). I do have a feliway in the hallway outside his room.

I will try a quick face to face tonight and see how it goes. Wish me luck!

 

[abacat]

I let them see each other this morning and they both had Halloween kitty and he attacked her. Her fur was everywhere.

She took off under the bed and he went downstairs. He's back in his room now crying his head off.

I don't think this is going to work. She is not aggressive enough and he feels like he has to assert his dominance.

 

[stephanietx]

This is totally normal. Just give her time and let them gradually be exposed to each other.

 

[otto]

Nah, don't lose hope so quickly! Cats have to work things out, and that takes time, this was only the first encounter.

When she runs off and hides, let her be for a little while. You don't want to reinforce that he is something to be frightened of, and if you comfort her right away, you will.

But do of course make big fusses over her once she comes out on her own.

I know it's hard to watch your first kitty be upset. But it won't last forever.

 

[c1atsite]

Wasn't there advice on another thread about tossing a towel or pillowcase in between if 2 cats get ready for battle?

I wish I could remember the exact advice -- can someone please correct me to help the original poster. Thank you

 

[otto]

Originally Posted by c1atsite

Wasn't there advice on another thread about tossing a towel or pillowcase in between if 2 cats get ready for battle?

I wish I could remember the exact advice -- can someone please correct me to help the original poster. Thank you

I frequently advise gently tossing a light blanket over a cat who is suffering from displaced aggression, then picking the cat up (blanket and all) and removing him/her to a quiet room.

Not sure about using this method to stop battle. The thing is, cats need to work things out for themselves. You don't want anyone to get hurt of course, and if it seems to get terribly violent/locked together, a blanket over them may give them pause and allow them to separate.

But in most cases a little fighting is inevitable as they feel each other out.

 

[elayman]

Can this thread be moved to the Stray & Feral cat sub-forum ? There are a ton of resources and people in the exact same situation there who can give you a step-by-step guide to successful introductions for multi-pet homes....

Eventually they'll sort out their own hierarchy, and their pecking order will be set. It seems to take months rather than weeks or days. Give it time. No matter what 'steps' (or none at all, carelessly in my case

) you use they will eventually be able to at least tolerate each other.

Fighting and swatting with claws are simply signs that the cats are not yet ready to be together full time. Sooner it later both will realize nothing is changing for them and get over either by ignoring each other or becoming friends.

 

[chinacat]

I agree with the other posters who said to give it more time & things will settle down. When we got Newt Ripley reacted really badly (lots of hiding, hissing & growling) and I had to constantly reassure her that she was number one cat.
They still have the odd 'disagreement' which can result in a fight but they never injure each other or draw blood, there's just a lot of flying fur! If I think things are getting out of hand I throw something noisy on the floor near them (eg a bunch of keys), the noise usually sends both cats scooting in opposite directions and they seem to concentrate on what startled them rather than each other.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Just thought I'd chime in and say that when our two latest boys adopted us when they were 5 1/2 months old, it took 5 months before we had a little peace in the house, because our resident female was constantly growling, then running away from them. (or attacking the door to their saferoom when they were locked away at night). Like you, I thought it would never work, and shed many a tear in frustration because I quickly grew to love the new guys and didn't want to have to give them up. Now it's been almost 11 months and although they are not friends, they tolerate each other. I don't ever expect to see her grooming them, or them grooming her, but they at least can all 3 sit in the same window now without World War III breaking out.

I think what finally did it was to give "the boys" access to the entire house full time, which gave little miss princess back her entire space. This was after doing all the things we were supposed to do...scent swapping, room swapping, only feeding them together so they associated good things with each other AND having Feliway diffusers and putting Rescue Remedy in their water.

Have you read the "integrating cats" section under Cat Behavior on this site? It has some great tips.

 

[abacat]

Thank you all sooooo much! I am freaking out about this because Abby is our baby and I hate to see her upset. I wish she would figure out she is 3x his size and swat back at him.

I will try again tomorrow for just a little while and I'll try to get her to go into his room and put her scent back in there.

Now I just need to come up with a name for him before Buddy becomes his permanent name.

 

[abacat]

I'm sorry to keep asking for advice but I'm freaked out. Abby and Buddy do ok with a door between them but not face to face. I bought a baby gate last week but its not high enough so I have to rig it with cardboard so he doesn't jump over it.

I had him in the bedroom with me and I let him out to go into his room. I didn't realize Abby was outside the door. He attacked her and cornered her between a chair and a table. I had to pull him off her. She was so scared she wet herself.

That can't be good. I am leaving her alone for now, she's under the bed. I did a quick check to make sure she was not hurt.
I'm begining to think that he may not do well with other cats and would be better off in a home where he is the only cat. he's been with us for a month now and it doesn't seem to get any better. :-(

Is this normal? Did anyone ever have a cat get so scared they wet themselves?

 

[otto]

Oh no I'm so sorry, poor Abby. Some friends of mine had a situation slightly similar and it did take about 6 months for the cats to learn to co exist, but they are not friends. These cats (my friends') go out though, so they were able to get away from each other now and then as they adjusted. But their resident cat (she was 13 at the time the newbie came) defended herself by fighting back a bit.

I don't know what to say, now. A month is not a very long time, in relation to cats adjusting, but you do have to think about what is best for Abby.

It's true that some cats are just better off as only cats. I know you are attached to Buddy too though. I hope others can come up with something more useful.

 

[chinacat]

I too am sorry to hear that things aren't improving. I'm not sure what to advise but just wanted to say I know how upsetting this is for you. When Ripley and Newt weren't getting on at first it really upset me to see Ripley so miserable. I did consider rehoming the new kitten at one point (I am so glad I didn't, my husband persuaded me to stick it out and now I couldn't imagine our home without Newt as a part of it).
BTW Newt was so scared when she went to be spayed she wet herself, she'll kill me if she knew I'd told you though!

 

[vivvie]

Hi Abacat,

Boy can I relate to you! I am going through the same thing here except we have two resident cats and our new cat has them both freaked out so bad and it is breaking my heart for them!

Our oldest cat Brie did wet herself the first time Vivvie attacked her and I cried. I wanted to immediately get the new cat out of our home but my husband told me it had only been a few days and to calm down and see if this will work over time. My main fear is the new cat seriously injuring one or both cats, I am so afraid she will really hurt them during one of her many daily attacks. I am losing sleep at night worrying about this!

Hang in there and I am going to try to do the same!
Vivvie

 

[abacat]

Update

Hello all. Just wanted to drop a quick line and let you all know how it's going.

We started from scratch with Abby and Buddy (yup that's now his official name). I didn't let them see each other at all for a few days and whenever I saw Abby outside his door being calm I praised her and sometimes gave her a treat. Then I started letting her see him when he was eating and not looking. Then I was in the room with Buddy and I fed them both chicken. I only did it for a couple of minutes so it was a good experience for both of them.

Last night I left the door open with the gate up while I spent time with Buddy. Abby came up and didn't freak out she just went into the bedroom (as far as I know. I fell asleep with Buddy

).

Today I sat outside with Abby and fed her salmon and him chicken. She was calm (no big eyes or ears back). She did get a little upset when he tried to climb over the top of the gate but I didn't make a big deal out of it and she was fine in a few minutes.

Soooo for now all is good. I have a harness that I used for Abby and I got a leash. My plan is to put him on the leash when I let them see each other, that way he won't be able to go after her. I am also spending more time with Abby so she doesn't feel neglected (I think that was part of the problem).

Again thank you all for the advice and I will keep you posted.

 

[darlili]

Please do - believe me, I remember how hard it was when mine weren't 'nice' to each other, but so many times patience will win the day. Just keep letting Abby know she's your #1 kitty and that Buddy is her kitty. Looking back, I know my Dharma got upset when I disappeared behind the closed door to visit with the new guy...but now we seemed to have worked out a good living pattern together.