Introduction - Am I doing this right?

[Columbine]

Walking away is great :nod: When I was introducing my two, my aim was ignoring/walking away. Any friendship or bonding is just a bonus. They don't have to love each other - accepting each other's presence is all that's needed.

 

[kristine]

We went ahead with an introduction tonight and it was a complete disaster. I put Sophie in her carrier and took her to her favorite room - the patio intending to have Baxter come in and I would open the carrier and keep them both occupied with toys and food.  It didn't start out well because Baxter was so intent on Sophie's carrier that he was following me and being overly attentive. I put Sophie's carrier on the table so she was up high and Baxter couldn't get in her face.  She wasn't happy. He was trying to be friendly, climbing up. 

My husband opened the carrier - he's had enough of this.  They can work it out.  

It did not. Sophie jumped out in a fury and attacked Baxter. They chased each other around the house. She hissed and chased him.  She howled and howled. This went on for a few minutes before my husband closed Sophie into the front room.  

I am beyond disappointed. After all the work and time I have put into introducing them and nothing has changed. Nothing!  What am I going to do?  

 

[solotown]

I'm so sorry.  I feel your pain.  I haven't re-intro'd mine yet without a barrier.  They can see each other now though, and will eat pretty close to the screen at the same time, but Katie, my newbie, then will hiss and growl at Bernice.  I am going to give it about 7-10 days and see if she stops or it reduces in frequency.    You have been very patient and deliberate trying to make this work.  I hope you don't have to go back to step 1, but from what I've read, that's what you have to do.  I hope Columbine has some words of wisdom for you.

 

[Columbine]

I'm so sorry things went badly yesterday. Don't despair - setbacks happen. They just weren't quite ready. All the upheaval in the house may have put Sophie on edge.

Had Baxter had a mega play session (ie played to exhaustion) just before the meeting? With such a high energy cat it's really important to get him tired beforehand, otherwise he's going to be just too into Sophie, and all she'll want to do is make him back off.

Given that you had a less positive feeding on Saturday, I'd say you maybe just jumped the gun a little with the barrier free meeting. I fully understand your husband's frustration, but cats are cats, and they won't be rushed.

In future, I really wouldn't suggest using Sophie's favourite room for meetings - you're taking Baxter into the heart of her territory, so she's bound to be extra defensive. Pick a neutral area of the house instead.

Have you thought about harness training Baxter? It might really help initial meetings if you're able to restrain him if he tries to get up in Sophie's face. He too full of youthful exuberance to have basic good manners by the sound of it

It might also help them both if you're able to fit a screen door to Baxter's room. That way he and Sophie could see each other (and learn to ignore each other) all day/whenever you're home.

Hang in there. Mistakes happen. They can and will put this behind them.

 

[kristine]

So you really think this is going to work out eventually?  Yikes, after yesterday even my husband has abandoned the "they'll work it out"  mantra. Sophie was hell bent on attacking Baxter no matter where he fled.  He lay down in a submissive pose and the second he moved she charged on him. My husband had to finally toss a blanket onto them to break it up. I really don't think it mattered that the initial meeting was on the patio; they were only there for a few seconds before the fur flew and they were charging through the whole house.  The whole meeting out of control.  If it were up to me, I would not have opened the carrier and put off the meeting for another day. But no matter, what happened, happened.  I agree with you, that we should have waited.  I should have taken the less positive feeding on Saturday as a sure sign but because they were fine since then I was over optimistic.  

I have not tried a harness  but will consider. I'm not looking forward to another face to face meeting anytime in the near future.  

I think the screen door is a great idea if I can figure out how to get one home. 

I'm so disappointed.  I sobbed last night at the thought of giving up Baxter.  I really do love the little guy.

 

[Columbine]

Setbacks are so frustrating. At least this latest episode has got your husband fully on side.

Another positive is that Baxter actually submitted to Sophie for once - at least he's finally showing a little respect to her!

There is definitely still hope. You may find you have to backtrack a little to rebuild trust, but patience and perseverance will win out. Hold on to the positive experiences they've had together - those far outweigh the negatives, and the cats won't have forgotten them either.

Remember that cats are not machines - they have good days and bad days just like we do, and progress is never straightforward. Sophie was just having a bad day - for whatever reason. It will come right eventually.

Go back to feeding on either side of the uncovered screen, but give them some distance instead of being right up close to each other. Make of point of playing with them both before meetings, just to be sure they have more interest in the food and less energy to stress about each other.

Trust your instincts. Hang in there.

 

[kristine]

thank you so much for the feedback and suggestions.  I have them back on schedule with their old routine feeding them on each side of the screen. No incidents so far but they each have for the most part stopped dawdling after their meal and retreat to their areas.  Sophie hasn't been finishing her meals and leaves the room halfway through. She usually comes back later but not always.  She's never been one of those cats that finishes her plate in one sitting so I'm not too concerned yet.  I will watch her.  They touched noses this morning for a second which was a good sign.  But they've done that before.  

Someone suggested L theanine treats which have a calming effect - I've already tried the Feliway Diffuser and Rescue Remedy so I'm not optimistic.

My ceiling should be fixed this weekend and my living room put back to normal so at least there's that.  Still working on getting a screen door.  

Thanks again!  

 

[Columbine]

I'm glad to hear things are going better again

It's worth trying the treats. L-theanine works quite differently to the other things you've tried. Also, remember that not all cats respond to Feliway, and Rescue Remedy is more helpful for some situations than others. I've always preferred to blend my own Bach's Flower Remedies to be sure I have the most appropriate combination for the individual. Rescue Remedy is great, but has its limitations.

Stay patient and keep the faith. I'm sure you'll get there with them in the end. It's actually an incredibly positive sign than they've been able to put that face to face meeting behind them so quickly. Every time you get discouraged, think about how far they've already come :catguy:

 

[kristine]

I found that Sophie urinated right in front of the bathroom (the litter box is in the bathroom) when I got home last night.   I scoop both boxes everyday so I don't think it's an issue of it not being clean and I'm using the same litter I've always used.  The base camp box has been an issue for a while. Both seem to miss the box and I find urine on the floor right outside it. I've tried adding the high sided insert but that doesn't seem to solve the problem.  Maybe it leaks through? Sophie was in the base camp last night and I found urine on the floor right outside the box this morning.   

She still stops eating at the screen and walks away and this morning I had to coax her to even take a few bites. Baxter, however is fine.  You would think it would be the other way around.  He's the one who was attacked and should be wary.  Go figure.  

 

[Columbine]

If it's been happening for a while it's always a good idea to get a vet to check them (most likely Sophie) over, just in case of UTIs.

The most likely explanation is terratorial insecurity though - peeing outside the box to try to lay sole claim to it. Go back a step with mealtimes while Sophie settles down again - she sounds a little more stressed than she has been. Maybe she got over confident and then scared herself a little.

I can't remember if you're using spirit essences or composure alongside Feliway. Now would be a good time to try at least one of them - I think Sophie needs a little extra support.

Do get her checked by a vet just in case though. Also, be sure to use an enzymatic cleaner when cleaning up. Puppy training pads around the litterbox would make cleanup easier whilst you're working to resolve this issue.

 

[kristine]

Sophie saw the vet just a few weeks ago.  She got a clean bill of health.  I think it is stress related.  As far as I know, she has not used her box twice.  Once was after the first site swap and Baxter used her box. She peed in her carrier instead.  I cleaned the box out completely and put out fresh litter and she seemed fine after that and was doing fine until yesterday.  

The Base Camp box is another story.  I've actually seen Sophie use this box and for some reason backs herself up too far so that she is too close to the edge. I'm not absolutely sure that Baxter is doing this too. It might be just Sophie.  

I am using Rescue Remedy in her food and now I am giving her the L-Theanine treats. The Feliway diffuser was burning hot so I unplugged it and transferred the liquid into a small spray bottle that I spray a few minutes before each meal time.  

I'll move their plates farther away tonight and see how that goes.  

thanks for your response.

 

[Columbine]

Good to hear Sophie's got a clean bill of health

The problem with Rescue Remedy is it isn't tailored to every situation. I've always made my own blends. Looking at your situation, I'd probably have Sophie on a blend of Beech, Chicory, Holly, Walnut and maybe Aspen or Impatiens. Baxter might benefit from Chestnut Bud, Impatiens, Vervain and Walnut - just to bring his energy and enthusiasm down a notch. The only one of these remedies in Rescue Remedy is Impatiens.

I'm not at all familiar with the Spirit Essences range, but I'm sure there are ones that would be equally appropriate for Sophie and Baxter. They might work out cheaper too in the short term (the Bach remedies are probably cheaper if you're using them regularly for years, but the initial outlay is almost certainly less with the Spirit Essences).

It would be interesting to see if a larger box in the base camp made any difference to Sophie or, if covered, whether removing the cover makes any difference.

I hope you're able to resoled this issue soon.