Introduction - Am I doing this right?

[kristine]

We've had Sophie for five years.  She's a tuxedo rescue that we got as a kitten.  Very sweet and affectionate, she was best buds with my senior lab mix, Jodie. They slept together and played and when Jodie passed in October, I felt she was lonely and had the brainy idea of adopting another cat so four weeks ago we adopted Baxter, a 1 year old male Maine Coon.  He is the sweetest thing! So loving and playful.  Always ready for hugs and kisses.

We rushed the first introduction because I foolishly believed that because Sophie was so affectionate and got along so well with Jodie, that she would do the same for Baxter.  Wrong.  Sophie has been behaving in ways I have never seen.  Howling. Hissing. Charging.  Ugh.  Nightmare.  Baxter wants to be friends.  Sophie will have none of it.  

So we started the introductions all over again, this time taking it very slowly.  Baxter has his Base Camp in the front of the house and we started feeding them on each side of the Base Camp door moving the dishes closer in time until they were right next to the door and eating happily without incident. (about 1 week) This weekend I set up a fireplace screen in the doorway with cardboard on top (because boy can Baxter jump!) and have started the "sight" stage at meal time. I draped a blanket over the screen so they each just get a peek.

I'm following all the "rules" that I've read in countless articles but none say what specifically to do in this stage.  So far, I've only opened the door for a few minutes because Sophie stops eating the minute I open it and wants to investigate. She won't be distracted by toys or food. She's way too interested in Baxter who could care less, eating eagerly on the other side.  If she hisses at him, so I shut the door.

Am I doing this right?  Or do I keep the door open and let her gape and/or hiss?  I know this can take time but I get so discouraged when there is no progress.  

 

[Columbine]

If you're confident that the screen/cardboard combo is secure, then let them see each other. Sophie can't get used to the sight of him if you shut the door as soon as she reacts. Hissing is fine. It's only problematic if she starts growling or tries to charge him. Asha still hisses at Shadow from time to time...all she's saying is 'back off, I need some space'.

It sounds like you're doing well so far. Once Sophie no longer reacts to the open door with the screen and blanket, you can gradually start to raise the blanket to allow a little more visual stimulation. Going slowly is the key. Once Sophie is more relaxed about Baxter, you can look at allowing visual access more of the time. A lot of members have had success with using a screen door from the stage you're at now, and eventually leaving the screen door shut but uncovered all the time (hope that makes sense).

Don't rush these final phases (feeding either side of the door and, later, controlled meetings). If in doubt, wait. The cats will tell you when they're ready.

 

[kristine]

Thank you so much for your response!  This is my first cat intro and I just don't know what to do.  All my friends (including my husband) say "just let them work it out" and can't understand why I'm going through all this trouble.  

I am confident about the screen as long as I'm there to monitor so I am open to leaving the door open longer.  What do you suggest for these first meetings?  5 minutes? Longer?  Baxter is so friendly and eager to meet Sophie, once he finishes his meal he confidently walks right up to her and she gets anxious and hisses.  During our last intro (which we rushed and was a disaster) she would charge him at the screen.  What if she does that again?  

We have also been conducting full site swaps every 24 hours. Sophie willingly gets in her carrier when it's time for her to move which I think is a good sign.  She misses her favorite spots so she's not totally happy on Baxter's side but she does okay.  It consists of two rooms and has plenty of windows, comfy spots to nap and all the cat essentials.  

Any advice is appreciated!  

 

[Columbine]

What I'd suggest for now is that the door is open only as long as the food lasts. You don't want to push Sophie too hard. You said she stops eating as soon as she sees Baxter. So, for now, the goal is for her to see him and then continue eating. Think in terms of baby steps. The point of supervision is to intervene before Sophie charges him. It's a case of watching body language really closely. It is a fine balance, and things may not go totally smoothly at every stage. That's fine, but your job is to make each encounter as positive as possible. It might be a good idea to play with Baxter to tire him out before each meeting. Then he'll be less likely to come on too strong for Sophie. If that doesn't work, then playing with Baxter whilst the door is open should stop him getting too full on for Sophie, as he'll have something else to think about.

You're doing well. Stick to your guns and trust your instincts. You'll know when they're ready for more contact.

These articles may help :-

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats
http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats
http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-play-the-rules-of-the-game
http://www.thecatsite.com/a/playing-with-your-cat-ten-things-every-cat-owner-needs-to-know

 

[kristine]

Thanks so much for the feedback.  It really helps to get some direction so I feel confident that I'm doing the right thing to help Sophie become comfortable with Baxter.  

I fed breakfast this morning keeping the plates at a good distance. As usual, Sophie was interested in peering at Baxter under the blanket and I had to coax her back to her plate a few times. She seemed calm but curious.  No aggression.  Body language more relaxed.  Baxter paid little to no attention to her.  The door remained open for twice as long as previously. I closed it when I saw that Baxter was finished and Sophie had eaten most of hers and was peering again - I had to get ready for work.

Tonight we do it again!

 

[Columbine]

That's great progress, and proof that what you're doing is working :nod:

Keep updating, and ask as many questions as you like. I was in your shoes a few months ago, so I know exactly how it feels. People here were really helpful and supportive of me, and I'm sure you'll find the same

 

[kristine]

Update:  

We've had two successful feedings where Sophie did not stop eating to investigate Baxter. She looked up many times to see what he was doing but then go back to eating her meal.  She was pretty much ignoring him.  The door was open slightly longer each time.  So far, I haven't moved the plates.  They are about 4 to 5 feet from the door.  I am assuming that I should move them a few inches closer and see how that goes.  

Yay Sophie!  

 

[Columbine]

Sophie really is doing great. Yes, the idea is to gradually move the dishes closer to the screen, eventually ending up with them right next to it. Jackson Galaxy recommends using tape to mark where the dishes are each day - the aim being to get closer together each day. If you find that one or other of the cats won't settle to eating or tries to retreat, that's a sign that you've moved too fast. You want to keep challenging them, but not intimidate them.

You're doing really well. Trust your instincts, and listen to what the cats tell you

 

[kristine]

Three feedings later and things are progressing slowly.  The plates are a bit closer.  Sophie ignores Baxter for the most part.  She is distracted when it's her turn in the Base Camp and will stop eating often and pace a bit but she doesn't seem agitated.  I think it's just not her usual routine so she's uncomfortable.

Breakfast went without a hitch. Good Kitty, Good!  So tonight's dinner I placed the plates a bit closer and decided to leave the door open just a tad longer.  Baxter finished up his dinner and before I knew it, he was pressing his face right up to the screen. He's a bold one, that Baxter.  Sophie crept over and eyeballed him then - Pounce Hiss! or was it  - Hiss Pounce!  One of those.  Bad Kitty Bad.  She then walked around with her back arched.  Is that the I'm angry pose?  Oh Sophie, you're such a drama queen.

A while later she was laying on the floor with her paws padding the door playing with the toys I tied under it. She seems to WANT to be friends but very fearful. 

 

[Columbine]

You're still making good progress. Sophie hissing isn't necessarily hostile - she was most likely telling Baxter to respect her space...something she has every right to do. I think females tend to be hissier anyway...I know Asha hisses a ton, and it's almost always simply a request to the other animal (or occasionally toy ) to back off. I think you're absolutely right that Sophie wants to be friends, but is naturally wary/cautious about bold little Baxter.

An arched back isn't necessarily angry...I'd say in this instance it was more defensive (as in 'if I make myself look big and fierce then maybe the threat will go away'), and maybe just a sign than Sophie was feeling riled up and anxious about Baxter's behaviour.

Maybe try to wear Baxter out a bit more just before the joint feedings, just so he has a little less energy to push Sophie's boundaries.

Keep doing what you're doing. It sounds like it's all going well :nod:

 

[kristine]

Baxter is an energetic little thing.  I played with him for about 15 minutes with his favorite wand toy prior to dinner.  He doesn't wear out easily!  He is also very needy which is understandable due to his history. He and two brothers were found in an empty house in a rural neighborhood. We have no idea how long they lived there.  They were captured and given to a local Foster Home Organization where he lived for about 2 months with 7 other cats until we adopted him.  He follows me everywhere and is always tossing himself onto the floor rolling around "Love me! Love me! Pet me!  Pet me! Don't Leave!!!!"  He meows a lot too. He wants to be friends with everyone.

Since I don't have the luxury of an assistant, I've set up a second fireplace screen so that there is a small 6 inch buffer zone.  This seems to help.  At least Baxter can't get right in Sophie's face.  This morning's breakfast went well.  Sophie was on the Base Camp side, ate came over to look, ate again, came over to look. Meowed a bit then finished her meal.  

Thanks for the encouragement!  It certainly helps to keep me optimistic that things will work out in the end.  I am tired of the house divided!  

 

[Columbine]

That extra screen is a great idea I think Baxter's just showing his youth with his 'energiser bunny' routine.

I know how frustrating this stage can be - I was so ready to have my two fully integrated way before they were. It really is worth being patient though...rushing the process will ultimately only make it take longer. Hang in there. The time will pass quicker than you'd think. Have a little faith!

 

[kristine]

I am happy to say things are going well.  Sophie and Baxter are now four feet apart total with the screen in the center and they both eat eagerly without any aggression/hissing/howling/charging, etc.,  Tonight's dinner was extended twice as long with the food completely gone. Baxter walked around and meowed per usual and Sophie lay down and watched him calmly through the screen!  Yay Sophie!  Treats abound!

So my question is do I continue moving the plates closer with no other changes, inch the blanket up more or maybe have an extra open door session with play/treats to continue their integration? I don't want to push her but want to continue moving forward.  

She is funny in that she knows now when the Great Cat Swap happens and jumps into her carrier without being coaxed.  I just have to put it on the floor and she's ready to go! 

I won't get my hopes up too much.  But I am hopeful! 

 

[Columbine]

I think I'd focus on getting them closer first. Once they're relaxed eating right up by the screens you can gradually work on raising the blanket. Extra sessions are never a bad idea though

Sophie really is doing great. I think you have every reason to be very optimistic for the future :nod:

 

[kristine]

Today their plates were at each side of the screen and they both ate without incident!  Yay, Sophie!  Sometimes she finishes (or mostly, she doesn't always finish completely) and then just leaves the room like she has better things to do. I'm assuming this is a good sign?  Other times, she sits or lays next to the door and watches.  Meanwhile, we're still doing the full space swaps every 24 hours so they are both settling in.  No matter which side they are on, they seem to want to be on the other.  

Thanks again for the advice!  I'll probably need more when we get to the full meet & greets.  

 

[Columbine]

Fantastic progress! I'm so glad things are going so well with them both. Definitely bodes well for the future :nod:

Ask as many questions as you need to...and keep updating

 

[kristine]

Last two mealtimes were chaotic.  It starts out well, both eating quietly basically ignoring each other with an occasional peek.  But as soon as Baxter finishes, he starts meowing loudly and prancing about and tonight he climbed onto a nearby bench craning his neck in a way that tells me he's looking to jump over my very tall screen/board setup. Sophie stopped eating because of the commotion.   When I couldn't coax him down, I closed the door in defeat.  I can only open the door from one side and obviously have no control over the cat on the opposite side.  Whoever is in Base Camp is AWOL.  I have don't have the luxury of an assistant as my husband will have nothing to do with all this - he says just let them work it out. So I'm on my own.

Oh, and Sophie hissed and got into her I'm-gonna-charge stance.  She did not charge though. She lay down and rolled over instead and just watched Baxter roaming around meowing.  

I can't help but feel a sense of dread that what if I'm gong through ALL THIS WORK and the final result is the same as the first? Charging, hissing, and attacks? 

So frustrated. 

 

[Columbine]

It's actually going much better than you think. It's great that Sophie didn't charge, even though she thought about it. It's huge that she rolled over instead. :nod: She's entitled to get irritated by Baxter's exuberance from time to time!

I really think this is going to work out for you. Animals are not machines, and you can't always expect each day to be better than the previous one. Two steps forward, one step back is normal! Keep the faith. They'll get there.

I think that you should always be on Baxter's side of the door for feedings - at the moment, anyway. Have a toy on hand...that way you can distract him if he charges Sophie. It sounds like she only reacts if he gets in her face, so if you can stop that happening you'll be able to engineer positive outcomes (possibly) all the time. The trick is to stop the issue before it starts.

Hang in there. You're doing great. Trust the cats, and trust yourself.

 

[kristine]

Thanks for the reassurance.  I appreciate it very much.  

This whole routine takes a lot of time and energy especially at feeding time when I have to go through a bit of a complicated ordeal to get them both situated with their plates on each side of the door.  This is week three and it's starting to get to me.  But am happy to say that breakfast went without a hitch.  Both ate eagerly about 6 inches from each other.  Sophie did not walk away halfway through and Baxter ate and then went about his business (meowing loudly of course) Both cats seem to behave better when they are not on the Base Camp side (the opposite side that I am).     

I am considering moving the screen setup to the kitchen doorway which closer to where we all hang out and I can monitor better when the blanket comes off.  

Thanks again!  

 

[Columbine]

By all means move the screen setup if that makes life easier for you. Stay patient and positive - I know you'll get there