I'm not the marrying kind?!

[Moz]

I've been told that too. I'm also the odd one out--while everyone else has their high school boyfriends and girlfriends I'm at home alone on the computer.

 

[blueyes]

I don't necessarily look at that comment as an insult. I've been married for 9 years and I've been called 'not the marrying type'. I think it depends on who says it and what 'the marrying type' is to them (which is a close minded assumption anyway you look at it). Some people think if you're too independant you're not 'the kind'. I think what others think really doesn't matter. its easy to look into a relationship that you have absolutely no connection to and make assumptions. I think being dubbed by someone as 'not the marrying type' makes them 'the i don't want to be your friend type' to me

 

[4badcats]

Crazy, isn't it - how people make judgemets about others without even knowing them? I was so desperate to 'belong' that I jumped into marrying totally the wrong person, and because I was so loathed to admit my mistake, fought through a nightmare for 8 years!

When we split up, the last thing in the world I wanted was another guy, and marrying again was the furthest thing from my mind. When DH and I got together, we agreed never to even discuss marriage...............

Two years later, he asked, and I said yes without a second thought!!! Just been married 7 years, and as happy now as I could ever have dreamed of being

It's all about the right person

 

[mark kumpf]

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Coming from the 20 year old who's never been on a date....yes....there are aspect of the whole "married" thing....shall we say, benefits

I'm sure I'd like.....but I don't see me getting married. Unless I can find a man who likes cats but doesn't want kids.....

You'd be surprised! Now I think I saw another thread about "age differences" but sometimes you can find the package you are looking for by adjusting the age variable. There are a host of older guys (not talking 60+ year old grandfather types though) who end up dating / marrying younger women. Generally the guys are past the want to have kids phase, tend to be a little more financially secure and have learned how to be pleasant and accomodating for their significant other.

Lots of younger guys are often stuck on themselves. Whiles its ok to be a little personally selfish once in a while, it doesn't make for a positive relationship in lots of cases. Hence the 50%+ divorce rate.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not the "dirty old man" deal. You just may find out that someone who is more mature is a better fit for your lifestyle choices. Your questionairre should include things like, "So, how many litter boxes have you changed?" or "Do you prefer long or shorthair in your coffee?", or "How do you feel about having 4 or more cat butts in your face first thing in the morning when you wake up?"

And something else to consider. No kids now may turn into a sudden "OMG the biologicial clock is ticking and I have a sudden urge to reproduce!" Changing your mind is something that can and does happen. Hopefully the guy is good with that!

Don't give up on the dating deal. You just haven't found one thats worth dating. There is someone for everyone and it may take a little while to find that person. In the meantime, keep working on the questions. That way you will be ready when Mr "Might be Right" shows up!

 

[lunasmom]

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Coming from the 20 year old who's never been on a date....yes....there are aspect of the whole "married" thing....shall we say, benefits

I'm sure I'd like.....but I don't see me getting married. Unless I can find a man who likes cats but doesn't want kids.....

Hmmm...maybe you should be with my fiance. He loves cats and basically took me the 3 years to get him to agree to ONE child.

Perhaps I was magnet for them, but I did date A LOT of men that did not want children and I always wound up with the cat people rather than the dog people (I'm a dog lover at heart)

 

[white cat lover]

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

You'd be surprised! Now I think I saw another thread about "age differences" but sometimes you can find the package you are looking for by adjusting the age variable. There are a host of older guys (not talking 60+ year old grandfather types though) who end up dating / marrying younger women. Generally the guys are past the want to have kids phase, tend to be a little more financially secure and have learned how to be pleasant and accomodating for their significant other.

Lots of younger guys are often stuck on themselves. Whiles its ok to be a little personally selfish once in a while, it doesn't make for a positive relationship in lots of cases. Hence the 50%+ divorce rate.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not the "dirty old man" deal. You just may find out that someone who is more mature is a better fit for your lifestyle choices. Your questionairre should include things like, "So, how many litter boxes have you changed?" or "Do you prefer long or shorthair in your coffee?", or "How do you feel about having 4 or more cat butts in your face first thing in the morning when you wake up?"

And something else to consider. No kids now may turn into a sudden "OMG the biologicial clock is ticking and I have a sudden urge to reproduce!" Changing your mind is something that can and does happen. Hopefully the guy is good with that!

Don't give up on the dating deal. You just haven't found one thats worth dating. There is someone for everyone and it may take a little while to find that person. In the meantime, keep working on the questions. That way you will be ready when Mr "Might be Right" shows up!

Someday I might find a guy....but I dunno. The whole urge to date all my friends had in high school hasn't kicked in yet for me!

Although....I am writing those questions down!

 

[katiemae1277]

as a 29 year old not interested in having kids, i do look to older guys as suggested, but I'm finding that older does not always mean more settled and/or mature

 

[clairebear]

I once had someone tell me that horsewomen generally aren't the marrying type. Apparently the guy that said it seemed to think us horsewomen are so involved with our animals that we don't need a man?

I'm not married yet, but I've been in a serious relationship with my current bf for the past 2.5 years. So I don't really understand why he would think I wouldn't ever get married.

 

[mark kumpf]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

as a 29 year old not interested in having kids, i do look to older guys as suggested, but I'm finding that older does not always mean more settled and/or mature

You are so right. I always say the best part of being a "grown up" is being able to act "like a kid" but some of the fellow older brethren take that to mean "Acting childish" which does not translate into anything faintly resembling a healthy relationship.

I focus on being able to pay my own bills (which means helping kids out too...) and keeping a positive attitude. Settled & mature. I get along well with all age groups but it is annoying when you are dealing with someone who never made it past 8 or 9 years old in the maturity scale. I fully appreciate how hard it is sometimes to find the right person.

 

[white cat lover]

*giggles* Just was talking to a friend of mine about this thread....she says "Yeah, older guys are nice, too. Not to mention usually HOTTER!"

 

[katiemae1277]

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

You are so right. I always say the best part of being a "grown up" is being able to act "like a kid" but some of the fellow older brethren take that to mean "Acting childish" which does not translate into anything faintly resembling a healthy relationship.

I focus on being able to pay my own bills (which means helping kids out too...) and keeping a positive attitude. Settled & mature. I get along well with all age groups but it is annoying when you are dealing with someone who never made it past 8 or 9 years old in the maturity scale. I fully appreciate how hard it is sometimes to find the right person.

that's so true, I want someone who likes to have fun, but also takes care of his responsibilities, and it would be nice if his idea of fun isn't limited to playing pool or going to the bar

Have some culture please! and these are guys in their late thirties!

 

[tnr1]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

that's so true, I want someone who likes to have fun, but also takes care of his responsibilities, and it would be nice if his idea of fun isn't limited to playing pool or going to the bar

Have some culture please! and these are guys in their late thirties!

Hmmmm.....am I sensing a connection here Katie between you and Mark.....

I don't know if I'll ever get married....but I'm truly not concerned about it. Right now...I'm the servant to 2 demanding cats and have a good job and I get to spend my weekends volunteering. I think it is soo much more important to be happy with yourself, regardless of whether you have someone else in your life or not.

Katie

 

[tnr1]

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

SOmeome told me this.

Love is blind
Marriage is love
Marriage is an institution

Therefore: Marriage is an institution for the blind...

-- I have been institutionalized before but I was released and pronounced completely cured....

Mark...that sounds like a quote from Gene Simmons....famously "happily unmarried".
Katie

 

[natalie_ca]

To me that is a compliment because I take that to mean the following qualities:
- independent
- self supporting
- decisive
- Doesn't need a man to feel "complete"

When someone with those qualities does get married, it's because they are looking for an equal partner in life to compliment their lives, not make them feel complete, and not someone to heavily depend on because they are are strong in their own right.

 

[cococat]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

People say stupid, thoughtless things; I think sometimes to just hear themselves speak.

I totally agree. People just talk without thinking at all, some don't even remember or mean it at all.

 

[pookie-poo]

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

To me that is a compliment because I take that to mean the following qualities:
- independent
- self supporting
- decisive
- Doesn't need a man to feel "complete"

When someone with those qualities does get married, it's because they are looking for an equal partner in life to compliment their lives, not make them feel complete, and not someone to heavily depend on because they are are strong in their own right.

This is so totally me! I think that this amount of independence often scares a guy off. And intelligence frightens off more than a few men, too! I know I'm not the marrying type. I tried it once and realized that I prefer my independence. I don't like being cheated on, lied to or used. Unfortunately, I've made 3 bad relationship choices in my life, and now my motto is: "Three strikes, I'm out!" Although Mark, you sound like someone who could be very interesting. I'd probably go out with a guy with a similar philosophy on life.....but never marry! I've learned from my mistakes!

 

[isadora44]

That's hilarious...good thing you have a sense of humor about it!!

I've never been told that about me. However, on my wedding day, my husband was in the car with some of his family members on the way to the church. His great aunt was asking him questions, and then she's like "you know, it's not too late to back out". Apparently the car was silent after that!

I swear, some people don't think before they talk.

 

[ckblv]

I haven't read this whole thread but had to pop in and say, it is true about me, I'm NOT the marrying kind. I have been married and did NOT like it.
Guess I'm just to ornery.

 

[hopehacker]

I've been married twice and divorced twice. I am PROUD to say "I'M NOT THE MARRYING KIND". And I never will be Thank God!

 

[tara g]

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Unless I can find a man who likes cats but doesn't want kids.....

I'm glad I found me a guy like that!

He loves cats, doesnt like kids. Its perfect

But in the past I'd been told I'm not the marrying type. Apparently the fiance disagrees with those people. I think I'd be a good wife, and someone that is the type to be married. Guess I'll be finding out 6 months from today