I think my boyfriend abused my cat while I was away. Need opinions

[baylorbear223]

I'd like to get some advice/opinions on what happened to my cat while I was away.



I went away for Thanksgiving.  I left Thursday morning and returned Monday night.  I had my boyfriend come and check on Copper (my cat).



I've known/been dating my boyfriend for ~7months.  He says he is allergic to cats and never had any animals as pets.  He tries to stay away from Copper as much a possible, but he will pet him if he comes and rubs against him.  I've seen my BF give him treats and tuna on occasion.  I've also seen him shoo my cat away if he gets too close to his gym bag.  He hates cat hair.



After I went away, I got a text from my BF saying my cat had pooped 3 times on the carpet in my living room.  This has never happened before.  He cleaned it up for me.  The BF said he checked in on him everyday that I was away.



When I got back, I opened the door to my apartment and Copper was no where to be seen.  He always meet me at the door.  I called out his name and I heard a distress call coming from behind my curtains.  Copper was cowering behind the curtains and would not budge.  He looked very scared.  It took a little coaxing, but I got him to come out and I could hold him.  I noticed he had some bruising on the outside of his ears.  Then came a knock on my door, which sent Copper running to hide inside his litterbox.  I've never seen him do this either.  The only person who frequently knocks on my door is my BF.  The rest of the night Copper was fine and acted like his normal self.



I took him to the vet today and the vet said said he has more bruising deeper inside his ears.  Consistent with either running into a wall or being kicked. I explained all of what I wrote above to my vet and he used "suspicious" to describe the injuries to Coppers ears.



I flat out asked my BF if he kicked Copper.  He said no.  He said he's always told me if he's stepped on his tail or paw by accident, which he has done.  However, he was very unconvincing and unusually calm for being accused of animal cruelty. 



There is a chance a maintenance worker came in and hurt Copper, or someone broke in, but my gut says it my BF.



Thoughts, please?

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Oh my goodness.  Your poor kitty!  I am glad you took him to the vet.  Did the vet have advice on how to help him through the trauma?

Can you find out if a maintenance person came in to your apartment?  

It may go without saying; but I would seriously reconsider the relationship with your boyfriend if you truly believe he did this to your cat.  Even beyond the cat's sake or your own; a boyfriend is a potential father to your children someday.  

Your kitty may have messed outside his box because he was upset at being alone...or because he was hurt.  It's hard to say.  I hope you are able to help the kitty through this. 

 

[miss mew]

I'm sorry that you are going through this.  You know if you have a bad feeling about it, then I'd say your instincts are leading you the right way. 

Personally I'd be saying goodbye to this BF.  As far as contacting the authorities, I'm not sure they'd do anything without concrete evidence.

 

[catwithmycoffee]

I have to admit, your boyfriend's response to being asked is throwing up a red flag for me.  Copper's injury is indeed suspicious.

As to what to do: don't allow your boyfriend to be alone with Copper again in any way, shape, or form.  There's no telling what else may have happened when you weren't around. 

 

[christine a]

One other point bothers me.   - If your BF is allergic, what happens if you decide to make your relationship permanent?  Does 'Copper' then have to be given up?  Also, anyone that hurts an animal has serious issues and could turn on a person later on.  Please consider your relationship carefully.  Your suspicions obviously mean that you don't trust him and trust is the most important aspect of any relationship.  Hope 'Copper' will soon be his loving self again.  Best of luck and hugs to you!
 

 

[orientalslave]

There is a lot of good evidence that people who abuse animals are more likely to abuse people.  Sincerely hope you wave goodbye to this B/F for both Copper and yourself.  Am so glad she will recover.

 

[gibbly]

if you even so much as suspect your BF of hurting your cat, then you need to boot his arse out the door, I'm sorry for being so harsh, but all the things your cat is doing is pointing to just that.

That is something I would not tolerate, you hurt my pets? you need to leave and I would quite gladly help you find the door.

people who harm animals are class A abusers, and it doesn't matter what they are abusing, I have female family and friends who have been in abusive relationships, they ALL started out with the animals, the dogs or cats would act scared of the BF/husbands whatever and eventually, as in the case of one of my friends, she had asked her BF to feed her dog for her (an outdoor dog) because she was pregnant, she heard the dog barking happily because he wanted his food, and he liked to jump and then heard him yelp, well the NEXT thing she hears is her BF screaming bloody murder, she hobbled outside to find that her mild mannered dog had her BF pinned against the ground, ripping the crud out of his arm LOL (when she told me, I laughed by butt off, dog: 1 abusive human:0)

at anyrate, she had to re-home her dog after her baby was born (gave him to her mom) and her BF turned his abuse to her.

She did leave him, btw and he is now sitting in jail for 6 years for assault

what you ought to do is invite him over, and judge your cats reaction to him, cats are smart, and they will remember if a certain human has done something to them.

 

[three cat night]

If you even think he possibly hurt your kitty sounds like your intuition is working and telling you to get him the $&@$ out of your life. Don't take chances , you will always have this worry in the back of your mind and there is a reason for this, again intuition and gut feelings. This cannot get any better so get rid of him so you'll be open to meeting someone that is kind . As long as he is around you will have this fear. So glad you took him to the vet. If you really want to k now what is going on get a nanny. Cam and see for yourself. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[dejolane]

First get rid of the boyfriend if you suspect its him abusing the cat. Go to the vet and have Copper checked out if you can. Better too be safe than sorry. I hope Copper is ok. You should have had a family or a friend checking on your cat while you were away.

dejolane

 

[mai_kitties]

First off, you need to approach this carefully, because anyone who will intentionally hurt an animal will also intentionally hurt a human. If you do really suspect your BF of kicking your cat, you need to make sure that someone else you trust knows this. I would approach him again with someone else present. Chances are he is not going to fess up to you on this since a confession at this point is likely going to be a relationship ending move.

You need to trust your own judgement on this one. You know him and the way he is, we don't. You probably wouldn't be suspecting him if there weren't already other red flags in his behavior. Go with your gut instinct. 

Also props to you for straight out asking him and for taking this seriously. There are entirely way to many people out there who would look the other way without a second thought all in the name of "love". 

 

[angels mommy]

I completely agree with everyone, & between your intuition, & the fact that everyone here is saying the same thing tells you something you need to listen to.

You are also your babies protector, don't let him down. If you don't stand up for him who will?

I'm so sorry this happened to your baby. Get rid of this guy, & spoil Copper rotten!!  (& don't forget to screen future boyfriends better. 

)

 

[baylorbear223]

Thank you SO much to all that responded.

Ever since I confronted the BF, he never once tried to convince me he didn't do anything.  I heard nothing from him all day.  I think that behavior is very telling.

Just as I was about to break-up with him, he sent me a text saying he wants to pay me back for the plane ticket i bought him for Christmas to come visit my family, "out of respect". He then said he's walking away from this relationship. I think he knew it was over and he wanted to end things on his terms.  Fine.

We're over.  Thanks again everyone.  Copper is doing much better

 

[peachesxo]

^^ Just caught up with this thread, but WOW, what a low-life he is!

He no doubt figured out that you knew and were likely about to break-up with him, so he pulled a fast one and did it first to save whatever was left of his ego. Shmehh. Cowardly, pathetic and very annoying for you I'm sure, but probably for the best... if he is messed up enough to hurt your cat it's probably a good thing that he *thinks* he got "the last word" in. Hopefully now he'll disappear & that will be the last you hear from him.

You & Copper take care.

 

[bastfriend]

Baylorbear, I am so relieved for you and Copper that things are over with the BF.   Now make it an immediate priority to get your locks changed!   A man who would kick a cat can't be trusted to any degree.

 

[gardenandcats]

So glad you and cooper have him out of your life. I would say he probably did hurt him.
 

 

[angels mommy]

Baylorbear, I am so relieved for you and Copper that things are over with the BF.   Now make it an immediate priority to get your locks changed!   A man who would kick a cat can't be trusted to any degree.

Yes, A very good idea Bastfriend!!  

Baylirbear223,  I am glad that it went well, in that he walked away w/out any drama.  He knows he did wrong, & hopefully he will feel bad about it for a long time & learn a lesson!!

I am just glad that you & Copper are okay.

  In the future, I wouldn't even consider dating someone if they are allergic to cats for a number of reasons. You want someone who is going to love Copper too.

 

[ritz]

Glad it worked out.

Somewhat tongue in cheek:

Now that you have some extra time, volunteer for a cat rescue organization, meet and fall in love with a tall handsome man there, and at your wedding take a picture of you holding Copper in your arms with your now husband holding another cat and send it to your x-boyfriend....

 

[angels mommy]

Glad it worked out.

Somewhat tongue in cheek:

Now that you have some extra time, volunteer for a cat rescue organization, meet and fall in love with a tall handsome man there, and at your wedding take a picture of you holding Copper in your arms with your now husband holding another cat and send it to your x-boyfriend....

 LOL! I love it!!

 

[three cat night]

Glad it worked out.
Somewhat tongue in cheek:
Now that you have some extra time, volunteer for a cat rescue organization, meet and fall in love with a tall handsome man there, and at your wedding take a picture of you holding Copper in your arms with your now husband holding another cat and send it to your x-boyfriend....

Baylorbear, thank god that is over right? And the advise from Ritz is just hilarious !!! Keep us posted on how you and copper are doing. Good luck

 

[jcat]

Baylorbear, I am so relieved for you and Copper that things are over with the BF.   Now make it an immediate priority to get your locks changed!   A man who would kick a cat can't be trusted to any degree.

That's good advice.