I have decided to leave my boyfriend

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by ut0pia

It's hard to be completely 100% happy with everything in a relationship!

It's impossible. Anytime you put two people in extended contact with each other, especially under the same roof, it's a bit of an experiment. Either they'll get along fine, split, or try to kill each other (not really, but people get the point).

As for the habit not being meaningful. It's not that, it's just that I had to be put into the habit of actually saying it instead of assuming he knew.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? If not too long, the mushy stuff will taper off eventually. Don't complain about it now or you'll just confuse him. If you don't want him spending lots of money on things, take over a bit and help plan activities. Hint at what you do like, but don't criticize what he's doing.

 

[ut0pia]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

It's impossible. Anytime you put two people in extended contact with each other, especially under the same roof, it's a bit of an experiment. Either they'll get along fine, split, or try to kill each other (not really, but people get the point).

As for the habit not being meaningful. It's not that, it's just that I had to be put into the habit of actually saying it instead of assuming he knew.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? If not too long, the mushy stuff will taper off eventually. Don't complain about it now or you'll just confuse him. If you don't want him spending lots of money on things, take over a bit and help plan activities. Hint at what you do like, but don't criticize what he's doing.

lol we've been together 3 years and 7 months. I confuse the hell out of him. At first I complained about him doing too much mushy stuff then he became completely closed off wouldn't look at me and was like acting so weird. And I was like whats wrong and he said well u told me not to be mushy LOL. It was really crazy now I think he's finding the balance but at least I've learned not go after him like that...If he's too mushy now I just don't say anything but change the subject to some more serious topic and get his attention on it. And it's surprisng how he realizes that i'm changing the topic because I'm not enjoying what he's currently doing he gets the idea without me having to directly address it because his overall behavior has changed not just when I change the topic. And another thing was we were in high school together and I was like I HATE to kiss and hug in public places and I told him lets just not do it so he became completely unaffectionate towards me in public places and I didn't mean for him be like that...But after high school ended things became so much better for both of us! Our relationship became amazing after that in so many aspects...

 

[ldg]

Originally Posted by Yosemite

I just wanted to address this. Not everyone will benefit from couples counselling - in fact sometimes it makes a difficult situation worse especially if one of the folks feels the counsellor is taking sides which happens more often than you would think.

Another thing I like to mention to young couples is that if you truly believe that you are going to change anyone's personality after you are married, think again. If not saying I love you often is the type of person he is then you either accept it and him or if you decide you cannot live with this type of person even if all other things about him are good, then you need to get out of the relationship. It is always disappointing to realize that you cannot change who people are deep down inside. Too many couples get together and marry thinking they are going to change that person - it isn't going to happen. Oh, they may change their ways to suit you for the "honeymoon period", but it won't last.

Also, one thing to remember is that he was that way when you fell in love with him and if you try to change who he is, then he won't be that person you fell in love with anymore. Too many people don't realize that when they go about trying to change their loved one.

We can all improve our behaviour to accommodate our partners and try to be better persons for both ourselves and our partners, but our partners have no right to expect us to change to become the people they want us to be. You either accept who the person is or you don't and if you can't live with who they are, then it's best to leave.

Linda, what a beautiful post.

Baloney's mom - I'm so glad you've gotten to a place you're happy with!

Laurie