How To Help Cats Get Along?

[Crystall97]

So I recently adopted a new kitty! She is an unspayed female (Sophie) where she came from an abandonment situation. Pretty much it was take her or they were going to send her to a high kill shelter which I just couldn’t do. I also have a spayed female (Molly) that I’ve had since she was a baby, both cats are the same age. Now I already knew it might be a little rocky, because Molly is very much a stand offish cat. First introduction after a week of having Sophie kept in my bedroom; Molly growled a little and then ran away. Much better than it could of gone! So over the weekend, while I was home, I decided to leave my door open and see what happened. All weekend Sophie explored the house without any problems with Molly. Until Sunday night when Sophie tried to intrude in Molly’s space in the basement. A cat fight ensued and resulted in Sophie hiding for two days before I finally found her and brought her back in my room. Meanwhile, Molly was fine and herself the two days Sophie was “missing” but the second I put Sophie back in my room Molly became very stressed. She started peeing on clothes and chairs (something she used to do a lot when she was a kitten), and would hide out in the basement all day and only come out at night when everyone was sleeping. As of now, she’s not peeing anymore but she still stays downstairs for the most part, is more skittish than usual, and looks kind of sad. I feel bad for both cats, Molly for the reasons I just stated, and Sophie because I know she’s starting to get frustrated with being cooped up in my bedroom all day. So long story short, does anybody know of ways I could get them to get along? Getting rid of one of them is absolutely out of the question. I’m afraid to leave my door open now in case of another fight, or is Sophie decides to disappear again. Any and all help is appreciated!!

 

[Crystall97]

Whoops! Forgot to mention. Both cats are 3 years old and yes Sophie will be getting fixed very shortly I just had to get the money together first

 

[ArtNJ]

Sometimes redoing the introduction may help if you didn't do the initial introduction slow enough or follow all the recommended steps. How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide Basically, give them a reset to forget the fight, then go slow with a new introduction. There is also Feliway, which you can get on Amazon, which is said to help, and several folks recommend various calming products. Search for "calming" in this forum. Once they are coexisting a little, there are other things you can do like giving treats at the same time. Make sure you have added one or more litterboxes, and cat trees/structures are a big help because they provide defensible spaces other than hiding in the basement or location unknown.

Good luck!

 

[5starcathotel]

I agree with most of what's in the guide from ArtNJ...just want to really stress a couple of important things from my experience....

1. Don't free-feed. Try to have consistent feeding 'windows', say 2x each day, which will allow you to create a massively positive experience that they can share. You *might* need to feed them separately for now, to get them used to the schedule...but if they are already eating from the same dish/location, it might be enough to put them on a schedule.

2. Play with them both. Da Bird, laser pointer, catnip, whatever works...just get one or both kitties interested and play with them for at least 15-20 minutes, every day, twice a day.

The general idea is you want to create positive experiences for both cats, while in each other's presence. The more you do that, the quicker they will accept each other.

 

[Kefa]

I am wondering if Molly used to sleep in your bedroom. Might give her many reasons to be so mad. I think I would have done things reverse order. Put the new cat in the basement, and leave Molly with the run of her previous territory. Spend time with the new cat, and then let Molly smell her on you. Put some kind of screen or baby fence between the two after a while, and let them meet. Then maybe Molly would invite the new cat into HER territory and all would be well.

 

[Crystall97]

That’s the thing.. Molly is a very very stubborn cat. She doesn’t like treats, or even playing (I know it’s weird) she’ll play for about a minute before she’s over it and she’ll go take a nap. And yes, Molly used to sleep in my room but only here and there. We couldn’t keep Sophie in the basement because it’s all open, there are no doors or any way to keep a cat in there. We also tried keeping Molly in my room and let sophie run free and that just downright pissed her off. Molly has a collection of beds and trees in the basement and Sophie does have one in my room

 

[Kefa]

Well the peeing everywhere is Molly telling the newcomer the house is hers and telling you she is literally pissed And Threatened. What DOES Molly like? You could try getting Sophie stink all over you, then going to visit Molly in her basement citadel and doing something with Molly she likes so she starts to associate Sophie's smell with something positive. Even if you just sit in the basement and read a book while she sits next to you. Also, once Sophie is fixed too, Molly might become calmer. I am pretty sure Cats can tell who is fixed and who is not, and a unspayed female cat has more "cat rights" than a fixed one in my experience. I think that is why they call them "queens".

 

[Crystall97]

Molly likes sitting in windows, and butt scratches. That’s pretty much it. She’s a very simple cat who really doesn’t do much

 

[Kefa]

Simple attention then. Just spending time in her room with her. Reading to her, talking to her, sitting with her. Getting her used to Sophie's smell on you before you try to reintroduce them. This is probably going to take quite a bit of time and patience on your part. I wish all three of you peaceful coexistence!

 

[Crystall97]

Thank you!

 

[Brian007]

Yeah, I'd try as many cat-calming preparations as you can muster - Feliway Friends, valerian (my personal fave), catnip, tryptophan, etc, etc, etc. And, get Sophie spayed asap as a matter of upmost priority. Possibly even talk to your vet about short-term prescription anxiety medication such as diazepam for Molly.

Generally fuss each cat as much as possible, this is going to take up a lot of your time... Is there anyone else in your household who can sit with/fuss the other cat and take turns with each? Building confidence in both cats is paramount and therefore they both need to be in company and not left alone for very long.

Follow the reintroduction advice given above.

Unfortunately, two unrelated female cats, introduced to each other as youngsters (between 18 months & 4 years old) rarely ever get along. However, they can learn to put up with each other, just don't expect life-long snuggle buddies.

Patience. Tolerance. Compassion.

Scrub all peed on areas with biological detergent and then spray with vinegar. Repeat as and when.

I'll call on the expertise of C calicosrspecial , if you don't mind.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Happy to help.

There is a lot of great advice already.

Starting from the beginning is very important and following the formal introduction process and not rushing it is very important and tends to lead to success faster. The biggest mistake we make is moving forward to fast, having a setback and having to build trust again.

So we need to keep them totally separate and feed on each side of the closed door. Start a little distance away and slowly move the food closer. We do not want them to see each other yet. We want to associate the scent of the other one with something good (food) and to have a safe and positive experience (no chasing, staring etc because the door is closed). During the time we are feeding on each side of the closed door we want to build their confidence. We build confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love. So play with Sophie then feed treats or a meal after play. Can you add a cat tree in your room for Sophie? And a scratching post? And make sure she has warm and comfy bedding. Finally, give Sophie eye kisses, if you can safely (without being at risk of being hurt in any way) get her to purr. Give treats. Be calm. confident and loving around her. A confident cat is more likely to accept and be accepted. Finally, I would highly suggest getting her spayed, it is very important.

Molly will be trickier since she doesn't like to play. Do anything you can to make a positive association starting with Sophie's scent. So feeding on the opposite sides of the closed door for now. Give butt scratches if she loves it and you can do it safely. Anything you can do that she loves by that door where her (Sophie's) scent is will give a positive association. Also give treats. We want her to have a positive experience by Sophie's scent. Keep her focused on you or the food etc when by Sophie's door. We will also want to get an old shirt and get Sophie's scent on it and have it near Molly when she is enjoying herself and feeling safe and secure. We want to build trust and positive associations. So Molly thinks "I know that smell, that smell isn't a threat".

It is normal for the resident cat to have the most difficult time adjusting. It is their territory being invaded. They don't know if the other cat is a threat and they will kill them or take their food. So we need to build trust through positive experiences and associations. So when they do meet they are like "I know that cat, that cat is no threat, they are cool".

We have to take this methodically and only move forward when we think the probability of success (positive encounters) is high.

Don't worry, I will be with you every step of the way and we will get through this. We do not want to rush and we want to make positive associations and build trust between them.

Please share anything and ask any questions. I am happy to help. The biggest mistake I see is that people rush the steps, some negative encounters build up and trust is lost and we have to reclaim lost ground before we move forward. Going slower will actually lead to them getting together faster.

Don't worry, we will get through this. Happy to help.

 

[Crystall97]

Happy to help.

There is a lot of great advice already.

Starting from the beginning is very important and following the formal introduction process and not rushing it is very important and tends to lead to success faster. The biggest mistake we make is moving forward to fast, having a setback and having to build trust again.

So we need to keep them totally separate and feed on each side of the closed door. Start a little distance away and slowly move the food closer. We do not want them to see each other yet. We want to associate the scent of the other one with something good (food) and to have a safe and positive experience (no chasing, staring etc because the door is closed). During the time we are feeding on each side of the closed door we want to build their confidence. We build confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love. So play with Sophie then feed treats or a meal after play. Can you add a cat tree in your room for Sophie? And a scratching post? And make sure she has warm and comfy bedding. Finally, give Sophie eye kisses, if you can safely (without being at risk of being hurt in any way) get her to purr. Give treats. Be calm. confident and loving around her. A confident cat is more likely to accept and be accepted. Finally, I would highly suggest getting her spayed, it is very important.

Molly will be trickier since she doesn't like to play. Do anything you can to make a positive association starting with Sophie's scent. So feeding on the opposite sides of the closed door for now. Give butt scratches if she loves it and you can do it safely. Anything you can do that she loves by that door where her (Sophie's) scent is will give a positive association. Also give treats. We want her to have a positive experience by Sophie's scent. Keep her focused on you or the food etc when by Sophie's door. We will also want to get an old shirt and get Sophie's scent on it and have it near Molly when she is enjoying herself and feeling safe and secure. We want to build trust and positive associations. So Molly thinks "I know that smell, that smell isn't a threat".

It is normal for the resident cat to have the most difficult time adjusting. It is their territory being invaded. They don't know if the other cat is a threat and they will kill them or take their food. So we need to build trust through positive experiences and associations. So when they do meet they are like "I know that cat, that cat is no threat, they are cool".

We have to take this methodically and only move forward when we think the probability of success (positive encounters) is high.

Don't worry, I will be with you every step of the way and we will get through this. We do not want to rush and we want to make positive associations and build trust between them.

Please share anything and ask any questions. I am happy to help. The biggest mistake I see is that people rush the steps, some negative encounters build up and trust is lost and we have to reclaim lost ground before we move forward. Going slower will actually lead to them getting together faster.

Don't worry, we will get through this. Happy to help.

Molly doesn’t like treats either. There are two other cats in the house, and two dogs, that get along with Sophie and Sophie doesn’t mind them. So the feeding by the door I suppose could be done but I’m not totally positive if Molly will eat there. There is my mother who’s home all day but Sophie runs and hides if someone tries to go near her without me there. Sophie is completely fine with me and cuddles with me all the time!

Molly is a very hard cat to please. She was found outside as a tiny 5 week old baby so I bonded with her very well but everybody else in my house she more or less tolerates. She will let them pet her but only for a few minutes before she’ll walk away. I think I’m just going to have the longest road ahead of me.

It may have been a little irresponsible for me to even take her in but I just couldn’t find it in me to say no. The people who had her before beat her and she was attacked by the other animals before being abandoned in the apartment her owners had lived in. The daughter of the owners got me in and we took her home.

I already planned on getting feliway so I’ll definitely get that. I am unfortunately at work from 7-5 but I’ll devote all the time I have to spending time with both of them. I did also try that sock trick and all that happened was Molly peed on it and all around the are.

Sophie has everything she needs in my room besides a tree as it’s a smaller room and I don’t have any room for one. But she does have multiple beds, sratching posts, blankets, toys, and I have a few pieces of high furniture where I made spaces for her to rest. Molly has her own utopia downstairs with everything her heart desires.

I understand they’ll probably never be besties and I’m totally okay with that. I just want them to be able to get along enough to where I don’t have to keep Sophie locked up all the time because I do see that it’s frustrating her and I feel bad that it has to be that way.

Thank you all for all your help and suggestions though! I really appreciate it

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thank you for the additional information.

Ok, we can get through this.

So I really want Sophie to be in your bedroom only. NO getting out. We need to stabilize Molly and get her feeling more secure again. So we need to just stay in place. During this time I would like you to play as much as possible with Sophie in your room. We want to build her confidence and get her feeling secure. Please tell me about her body language now and as time progresses. We want her walking tall, tail straight up, going up in the world (on your bed, on the dresser, etc).

During this time I just want to stabilize Molly. SO do what you can to make her feel (and act) like she was before they got into a fight. I want her to be acting like she use to. SO not avoiding areas, walking in the way she did before. Try to just let her know all is ok, that she is loved. Anything that she enjoys. For now we want to avoid feeding close to the door and doing any scent swapping. We want Molly to act like the old Molly (pre the fight with Sophie). Then we will slowly start feeding by the door and giving her love (if you can safely) to make a positive association.

Our goal is to assure Molly that Sophie is not a threat. So we will want to make positive associations and above all we do not want any negative encounters between them if they can be avoided. So we want the door to Sophie's room closed. We want Molly to just be anywhere else until she is feeling more secure.

Then we will slowly try to feed Molly near the door (or at least towards the door). We may have to start down the hallway 30 feet away, we may have to start on a different floor. It just depends. We may not be able to feed on each side of the door eventually but instead give butt rubs by the door to build a positive association IF you can do it safely not being at risk of being hurt. We will try a number of things.

It sounds to me that Sophie will be fine, Molly will be tricky BUT you got Molly to get along with 2 dogs and 2 other cats so it can be done.

Molly had a shock, an "intruder" n her "territory" and therefore defended herself as many cats do. Our task to let her know that Sophie doesn't mean harm, isn't a risk. So positive associations (love, butt rubs, possibly food), safe and positive encounters (starting with door closed via scent then sight eventually). Eventually getting to the point where they are so use to the other one and don't have negative thoughts that they accept.

Sophie doesn't sound like an aggressive cat, is that correct? Is Molly aggressive? I am guessing she was defensive in that fight with Sophie.

How does Molly walk around typically? Tail down? Does she move lower to the ground than others? Does she avoid areas at all? This is pre Sophie arriving.

Molly peed because she feels very insecure. So our goal is to build that security or confidence. Play is not possible and treats aren't either. But her food should help, as will giving her places to go high (cat shelving, cat trees) having scratching posts she can get her scent over and "own" more things, comfy warm bedding for her, and finally let's use your bond with her and her love of butt rubs. Be very calm and confident with Molly, be your loving self to her, make over her, just let her know all is good and she is loved.

And let me know how she is acting, how she is walking around. And if the marking/peeing stopped.

Don't worry about Sophie, I have seen cats have to be isolated for a long time and if we make it comfortable for her and get her love she will be fine. And the time separated will be beneficial in getting them to get along and should help them get together faster.

You saved Sophie's life. It is very hard to know what is best. But I can guarantee you I will do everything possible to help you get through this and get them to get along. We have to take this slow and work on building upon positives but if my impression of Sophie is correct and my feeling that Molly can accept others based on her history we can make this happen.

What order did Molly come into the family? Was she the last cat into the household? Last animal? Has Molly been bullied by the other cats or dogs at all?

I will be asking a lot of questions about their body language, how they carry themselves, if they avoid areas, etc. So keep a watchful eye on everything they do.

So for now, let's just hit the pause button and stabilize Molly and get her acting normal again and then we will slowly move forward.

 

[Crystall97]

Sophie body language now: honestly I would say she’s pretty confident. She walks tall and tail straight up, very loving, purrs a lot. With me. When someone else in my house goes in without me she runs and hides under my bed. She loves being on my bed and my dresser. So all in all I really don’t have any worries with her.

Molly body language now: cautious, alert, tail straight out. Still loving toward me. I was able to load her up on catnip last night and got 20 minutes of play out of her. Molly was an in-the-middle cat. We already had one cat, a neutered male, who loves other cats so there wasn’t a problem there. Then Molly came. Then just a couple weeks later, got another kitten which molly pushed around mercilessly until the kitten got bigger and pushed back. Then the dogs came around 8 months ago and Molly was mad about it. She whacked them around any time they went near her until they learned to stay away. They steer clear of her now but she will still whack them if they go near her. I wouldn’t particularly say aggressive... but she definitely gets frustrated easily and lashes out physically. Molly has stopped peeing for now, and hopefully it stays that way! Let me know if you need any other info. C calicosrspecial

 

[calicosrspecial]

Great on Sophie. I agree, I am not worried about her. That is great behavior (and normal that she is a little skittish with other people). Very good.

Ok, yes, Molly is feeling insecure (cautious, alert, tail out not up). Is she avoiding certain areas too?

It is very common for the resident cat (in this case Molly) to have the biggest issue in accepting. Add in alack of confidence and Molly's behavior is very common.

GREAT that she has stopped peeing for now.

So we need to work with Molly. It is GREAT that you used catnip and got Molly to play. Let's try to keep that up. Feed after a play session. After a few days let's try to expand her play territory. Play builds a lot of confidence. A confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked. And a confident cat is more likely to accept.

Also try to get Molly to feel your love, if you can safely get her to purr that would be great. If you then can get her feeling comfortable in other parts of the house away from her downstairs territory that would be great. I want her to feel like she owns the place. I would like her to walk tall, tail straight up, confident. It takes time but I would like to move in that direction.

So for the time being let's just stabilize Molly and build her confidence. Let's see if we can make a difference in her body language. If you see her with the other animals try to distract the other animals so Molly has a safe and good experience with them. It is all about building her trust and confidence for now.

If you still have time try to keep build Sophie's confidence but if time is a constraint use the time with Molly. Anything you can do to make Molly build confidence. And for her to feel safe and secure. Just don't put yourself at risk of being hurt in anyway. And at some point if you can get old shirts and get Molly's scent on them and put them in areas Molly may be more cautious in the house that could be helpful (we don't need to do this yet though).

Molly is feeling territorially insecure and with the additions she is wondering about her safety, food source etc. It is common. Our goal is to show her that all is well and that no one wants to hurt her so we want to make sure that everything we do is a positive experience for her.

Once we get Molly more confident then we will work on the introductions.

Don't worry, we will get through this. It will take time and effort but it can be done and will be rewarding.

I just want to add my thanks for all you are doing for them. For saving their lives and giving them a chance at a good life going forward. I will be with you every step of the way.

 

[Crystall97]

The only areas Molly avoids really is the hallway (it’s only like 5 feet) where my bedroom is. She does roam the house, usually at night but will always come in the living room when I’m home. She doesn’t really purr but she does show her appreciation through head butts and love bites. (She’s honestly the strangest cat- I blame it on her having to fend for herself out in the wild when she was so young).

Anyway, yes. All of my free time while at home will be used on both cats.

However there is a problem. I just found today that Molly has a dime sized wound on her tail, about an inch to two inches above her butt that I can only assume she got from the fight between her and Sophie. As of right now it looks good, it’s still open but it’s nice and red, there’s no green and goopyness or anything like that. But it being so close to her butt her getting an infection is worrisome. I would like to buy her some disinfectant but I don’t know how well that will go. As you can assume, Molly doesn’t really tolerate being held or having ANYTHING done to her. Is there anyway or any products (like a spray so i wont have to hold her down) that i could do without breaking the trust/confidence shes been building? Even just doing a flea treatment will have her hiding out for the rest of the day so I can only imagine how much it’ll piss her off to have that wound cleaned out.

I would also like to thank you from the bottom of my heart, honestly you’ve been such a big help and I can’t wait to see the outcome! C calicosrspecial

 

[calicosrspecial]

You are very welcome, I am happy to help. Thank you very much for your sincere appreciation.

Molly only avoided the hallway by your bedroom since Sophie came in the house, correct? Or did it start after their fight?

It is great that she gives head butts. Love bites I can personally do without but it is a sign of affection which is good. Having her feel good like this will help us build her confidence more. So keep trying to give her as much love as you safely can especially in the living room. We want her to feel safe and secure and therefore build more confidence. Just be careful with her sore so you don't cause her any discomfort with the sore.

I would post on the health section of the site for advice on her sore. We don't want it to get infected but we also don't want to traumatize her especially because of how she reacts to other treatments.

Depending on the past and their interactions and experiences cats can behave very differently. But I have always seen cats respond to being loved and Molly is no different it seems to me. Your love for her is very helpful.

This will take time and effort but I am confident we will see good results. We just need to build Molly's confidence and trust and show her that Sophie does not mean harm or is a threat. It is a process but I will be with you every step of the way.

Please post anytime and feel free to ask anything and update on how they are behaving etc.

 

[Crystall97]

Well there’s an update already! Molly has stayed away from the basement and been hanging out in the living room/kitchen and been asking for affection from my brother and my grandmother! She is walking taller, her tail isn’t fully up yet but it’s up higher than it was. It’s honestly a little wild how quickly she seems to be gaining confidence. My grandmother told me today that while I was at work Molly has been hanging around my door and even scratching at it to get in! With the cats history, we decided to not open it. I don’t want to have to start over yet again. C calicosrspecial

 

[calicosrspecial]

GREAT!!!

Let's just keep building her confidence for now. Just making her happy, feeling safe and secure. Just do everything you are doing.

If you see her by your door let's try to encourage her in a positive way away from your door if possible. I just want any encounter between Molly and Sophie to be as positive as possible.

After while we will start feeding them near your door but I want Molly to feel better for a little longer. We want her to be stabilized and feeling good before we move forward.

You are exactly right, we do not want to open your door for a while. We want to take this slow, make every encounter as positive as possible (starting with scent), build on that and then when we sense a chance of success we move forward.

I am really proud of you, your family and Molly. She came back faster than I thought.

There are always ups and downs in the introduction process but we will move forward. Just stay calm and confident around Molly and keep working to build her confidence in any ways possible. And let's just take it slow and build on positives.

Keep up the great work and please let me know how things are going. Our next step in a week or so depending on how Molly is acting will be to feed on either side of that closed door. But check in with me before you do that or anything else.