How Soon is Too Soon for a Promise Ring?

[oodlesofpoodles]

Well it does sound like this guy has a few issues to work out, but try not to judge him too harshly on other peoples opinions. The conceled weapon charge may send up red flags but it really depends on WHAT the weapon it was. Alot of people just repeatedly do stupid things (like carrying a double sided 8 inch dagger hidden because they think the weapon is cool) and get caught. My hubby to be never goes anywhere without his pocket knife (which isnt concealed) nor do any of the men in his family...of course they are all military or ex military men. What i am saying is there IS cause for concern and your worries are justified BUT with out the full and complete details and certainly with out meeting him yourself, there is no way to really know. He could have just made a lot of dumb decisions, or your bad feelings could be true. Only time will tell. As long as you make it clear to your daughter that you are there to listen and not judge her she will come to you and over time if things are not good, she will get out with the support of those she loves.

 

[nekomania]

Oodles is right about not jumping to conclusions based on what you hear or just tiny bits of information.

My fiance also has a weapons charge against him for having a weapon on school grounds, and by just hearing that it sounds pretty bad huh? What the paperwork wont tell you is that it was a skeet gun, unloaded, in his locked truck down in the parking lot because he didn't want it to get stolen. Granted it was still a bad thing, but not as bad as "He had a weapon on school campus".

I still think it's crazy for her to have accepted such a committment without making the "I love you" committment. It sounds like maybe he really doesn't understand the significance of it all, and perhaps really is only trying to impress her. Or perhaps he is acting on the goading of his crazy mother...

 

[calico2222]

First of all, trust your mother's instinct. They guy himself may not be bad, but the mother certainly sounds creepy. If they haven't said the "L" word to each other (and you really don't know that since you aren't with them) and he gives her a promise ring after a month, I'm thinking maybe the mother AND son want to replace the other girl friend with her and try to force it. Although if I was your daughter, I would be furious that those pics were still on the mother's facebook, but that's just me. Maybe she's not as "in to" the relationship as you fear...especially since she didn't put a lot of stock in the whole "promise ring" thing.

As for the alcohol charges...honestly that wouldn't bother me too much as long as he doesn't get in trouble anymore. He's only 23. Young people do stupid things. If he belongs to clubs that serve alcohol, he's allowed. As long as he doesn't abuse it now then I don't see a problem with that. It's kind of the "kid in the candy store" scenerio. If he can, and he couldn't before, he will.

I can understand why she wants you to meet him now. When I was that age, I wanted my family to embrace my boyfriend and make him part of our family and wanted to be part of his family. The best thing you can do IMO is just meet him. Invite him over for dinner and see how they act with each other, and how he treats her. I went out with a guy that my parents could not STAND when I was about 25, but he was invited to all the holidays. My parents never said a word until I came home from breaking up with him, then they were "thank god!". If they had forbid me to see him, I would have just moved in with him.

Good luck honey.

 

[libby74]

I would be furious that those pics were still on the mother's facebook

It's funny that you mention that. There were pics of bf and former gf all over HIS page when DD started going out with him. His status on his page had just changed from "married" to "single". I pointed that out to DD, she asked him about it, and his reply was that his former gf had put the "married" status on his page. Huh? How did his gf manage to do that? I wonder if it wasn't really his creepy Mom. When I told her how weird I thought that was, DD actually told him about it and he removed the pics. Why the pics are still all over his Mom's page is what creeps me out. Of course, the supposed break up was in June and his status didn't change until September. I consider that really odd.

 

[ut0pia]

Hmm..in my experience with facebook, and I've used it since I was in high school, no one removes their pictures with their ex from there..I think it's considered rude and disrespectful to the ex, unless there was a nasty break up where they broke up and began to hate each other.