How rude is this??

[mom of 4]

Wedding days are all-about-the-bride days. If the bridesmaid could not be genuinely happy for the bride and groom on their day, then she actually did the right thing to withdraw.
If the replacement bridemaids agreed to pay for the dress, then it was a verbal contract and shoould be honored. However, the bridesmaid should have let it go and considered it part of the bride's gift.

My daughter was just in the wedding of one of her best friends. Besides the cost of the dresses/accessories for the ceremony, reception, rehearsal, and showers, there was the cost of the showers, gifts, bachlorette party, expense of travel and misc. During the reception, she found out the couple had actually been married three years ago - so the bride could get his service benefits while he was in Iraq. The part that hurt - her "best frined" told some peope, but not her. The bride doesn't understand why it should matter.

 

[trixie23]

Originally Posted by DeeLovely79

I dunno, I guess it has more to do with how close the relationship is between you and your bride. I'm in a wedding in Sept, just plane ticket and dress have cost $330 so far and I still have alterations, hotel costs, hair, makeup shoes, gift etc to deal with. Even if one of my human family members died, unless the day of the wedding was the actual day of the funeral I'd still show up and play my part. Why, because I've known this person for 7 years and she's been there for my lows and highs and I wouldn't want to miss this important part of her life (especially after her constantly calling me asking for advice with her relationship for the past 3 years). Just like I wouldn't miss the birth of a friends baby if they asked me to be there. For me seeing a new life, two people coming together would be really comforting. I'd much rather be focusing on happy futures than painful presents. Then again like another poster mentioned I've lost/been abandoned by a lot of people in my life so I know my world can't stop when bad things happen. And I cherish the ones who are around a lot more.

Thanks it's good to see that someone has a similar prospective and knows the experiences of many losses...Knowing you have to keep on going! I sad I thought I was mean earlier, but I really don't...Im just being me and being honest about the situation!

 

[carolpetunia]

Yes, it's true that the dress and the shoes and the dye-to-match and all those things are a great big waste of money -- but the original bridesmaid was evidently willing to waste that money, because she agreed to be in the wedding.

But now that she doesn't want to be in the wedding, she expects to get that money back? It's as if she views the money she spent as payment for something she bought, and now she wants to return it, y'know? She's treating it like a ticket to a show she's decided not to go to after all. I guess that's how some people think, but... it's supposed to be about friends.

Also, consider the replacement bridesmaid's feelings. She wasn't asked to be in the wedding at first -- but now, in a pinch, she's swallowing her pride and filling in. And she's supposed to pay for this privilege?

Finally: okay, your beloved pet has just died and you're so heartbroken that you can't follow through on this commitment to your friend. I can understand that -- but this woman who couldn't stand up in a church and smile is somehow able to stand up and demand money? She's able to muster up the inner toughness to hold the blasted dress hostage two days before her friend's wedding?

I can't help thinking the poor dog's death is just being used as an excuse for this woman to back out of the wedding and recoup her losses.

Gosh, I'm not usually so cynical. But this story just doesn't sit right.

 

[annabelle33]

I was in my bf's sister's wedding as a last minute replacement.. Well actually it was decided about 2 mths before the wedding when another bm backed out. I had to buy my dress and everything even though i was a fill in. The worst part was, about 2 weeks before the wedding me and my bf broke up (and it was NOT a good one, broke off engagement, etc).. I struggled w/whether or not to drop out of the wedding but in the end decided I couldn't do that to her.. so we just pretended to be together for her sake, lol.. Ended up not speaking again after the wedding.. then a few months later hooked back up and are still together to this day! Boy I'm glad I did the wedding otherwise the family would probably hold that against me now.. but at the time it was REALLY uncomfortable.

 

[wookie130]

I don't know...I'm sort of on the fence.

On one hand, losing a family member/pet is devastating, and I can understand how someone would want to have some necessary grieving time to themselves.

On the other hand, I feel that if the bridesmaid was very close friends or a relation to the bride, then she is somewhat obligated out of LOVE and SUPPORT on the bride's special day, and that it is a time to put the sorrow aside, if only just for a few hours.

But, it's easier said than done for some, so I do understand the bridesmaid's withdrawal from the ceremony.

And the money issue here is really assanine, I must say. THAT part I find inconsiderate.