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That's why my medievil or scottish themed wedding means we all buy our own outfits with a little part that matches. No silly identical dresses!
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How rude is this??
- Thread starter sarahp
- Start Date
I can fully understand why the bridesmaid pulled out. All I can think of is when I had to put Melody down... she was my dog (a dalmatian) that I got for my 10th birthday and was by my side every day until a few months before my 24th birthday. Two days after her death I was still crying hysterically and hanging out at pet stores/shelters just to play with the dogs and let the puppies chew on my hands. There is no way I would have been able to attend a wedding. I couldn't even attend work (my boss' dog had to be put down the month before, so she knew exactly what I was going through and was totally cool with it).
The fact is... if I were someone's bridesmaid, they obviously know me pretty well. They know my furkids are in fact my kids. None of them would ever expect me to attend *any* event if one of them had just died. God knows if I were to attend I'd screw up all their pictures with mascara running down my face.
As for paying for the dress... I can see both sides of it. I might lend it to whoever was my replacement. I guess it depends on how much I spent on it. ($100, I'd lend. More, I'd ask for payment.)
This is also why I'm considering a halloween party wedding. Everyone can pay however much or little they want for their costumes. I'm just not into the big white wedding thing... so... maybe I'm out of line in saying this... but I think the bride is making too big of a deal about having everything even and perfect. Whenever I hear something like this it makes me want to slap the bride and say "Hello! It's not about the wedding... it's about the marriage!" But.. that's just me
The fact is... if I were someone's bridesmaid, they obviously know me pretty well. They know my furkids are in fact my kids. None of them would ever expect me to attend *any* event if one of them had just died. God knows if I were to attend I'd screw up all their pictures with mascara running down my face.
As for paying for the dress... I can see both sides of it. I might lend it to whoever was my replacement. I guess it depends on how much I spent on it. ($100, I'd lend. More, I'd ask for payment.)
This is also why I'm considering a halloween party wedding. Everyone can pay however much or little they want for their costumes. I'm just not into the big white wedding thing... so... maybe I'm out of line in saying this... but I think the bride is making too big of a deal about having everything even and perfect. Whenever I hear something like this it makes me want to slap the bride and say "Hello! It's not about the wedding... it's about the marriage!" But.. that's just me
i agree, the bride sounds a bit over sensitive and kinda 'slapped' the original bridesmaid in the face by asking someone else to take her place. the wedding shouldn't preceed ANY one's emotions when it comes to greiving.....in fact, i think it was a slap in the face to the person she asked, why wasn't she good enough to be in the bridal party anyway?
wedding's aren't always perfect.....
rant over, must get some sleep
wedding's aren't always perfect.....
rant over, must get some sleep
Im all for the living in sin...Dave and I are happy and dont really want to change anything but have decided that when we can finally afford a trip to Vegas, that is where we are getting married. That is our idea of the perfect wedding...Until that day, I couldnt be happier than where Im at.
I'd be exactly the same, and if she was huffed, tough!. They could have the dress free of charge as well because i'd have more important things on my mind than posing with a false smile on pictures
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If one of my dogs or cats died I would die for a while, too. I really would. I've often thought about it. I know I certainly wouldn't be able to go back to work for a bit and I've often wondered how that would go down with the boss, but I'd just be shattered.
I think I would still try to do the wedding for the sake of my friend, but if I felt I really couldn't, there's still no way I'd behave like this girl. Grief doesn't give you a ticket to be an a-hole. Particularly the whole dress thing. That's just insane.
But even thinking about one of the babies going makes me cry anyway so enough of that!
I think I would still try to do the wedding for the sake of my friend, but if I felt I really couldn't, there's still no way I'd behave like this girl. Grief doesn't give you a ticket to be an a-hole. Particularly the whole dress thing. That's just insane.
But even thinking about one of the babies going makes me cry anyway so enough of that!
I agree if something happened to one of my babies, I couldn't be in a wedding 2 days later. As for wanting money for the dress....did she want it upfront, or was she willing to get a check later? If she wanted it the money right away that is crazy. But, if she was willing to wait until, say, she got her next pay check, that I can understand.
Like everyone else, I agree that if Luna, Whitey, Patches or Beauty passed on, I wouldn't be myself and definitely wouldn't want to be in a wedding that was 2 days.
Heck when my guinea pig died (back in 2003) I spent 3 days alone for mourning. I didn't answer phone calls or anything.
I think the bride should feel LUCKY that that bridesmaid informed her...she could've just disappeared without telling anyone.
As for selling the dress...holy cow some of those are terribly expensive. If this bride was set on everything being perfect, I'm sure the bridesmaid dress was $150-250. So heck yea I would want to sell it.
Especially if I wasn't that close to the replacement bridesmaid.
If I was close to the replacement bridesmaid I would either split the cost or loaned it to her...with the intent that I receive the dress back (so that I can sell on eBay...)
Heck when my guinea pig died (back in 2003) I spent 3 days alone for mourning. I didn't answer phone calls or anything.
I think the bride should feel LUCKY that that bridesmaid informed her...she could've just disappeared without telling anyone.
As for selling the dress...holy cow some of those are terribly expensive. If this bride was set on everything being perfect, I'm sure the bridesmaid dress was $150-250. So heck yea I would want to sell it.
Especially if I wasn't that close to the replacement bridesmaid.
If I was close to the replacement bridesmaid I would either split the cost or loaned it to her...with the intent that I receive the dress back (so that I can sell on eBay...)
That chick sounds like she needs a punch in the face lol...Im just kidding! What a crappy attitude, I would definitely lend the dress to my stand in, especially if I was the cause of such a dilema! I have lost pets but that doesn't stop me from living, I can't stop going to work because I am so upset! Sure I ball my eyes out and I usually take the next day off of work but I wouldn't break such a commitment, maybe im stronger than that, because I would suck it up! I wonder what the real deal is behind her backing out, it just seems so overdramatic and catty! If she was a true friend to the bride she would do her best to accomedate her and the fill in bridesmaid! Hmm maybe Im just too nice and caring...Or maybe I've had so many losses in my life that I just keep on going! I guess Im the only mean one on the post, I live for my animals but I also live and stand by my human loved ones as well, especially when I am commited to them by some means!
My husband's sister had a good friend (a male) as her "man of honour". I thought it was a great idea.Originally Posted by CarolPetunia
Y'know, my brother is the only person I know of who had a groomsmaid in his wedding!
It was his first marriage, to a wonderful girl who is still a friend of the family. One of my brother's best friends at the time was a woman, so he asked her to be in the wedding! She suffered from a chronic illness that made it hard for her to walk, but by golly, she did it. I was proud of my brother (and the girl he was marrying) for making their wedding about the people who were important in their lives... even though it precluded the standard symmetrical arrangement of beautiful people in perfectly matched dresses and tuxes.
I would expect the new bridesmaid to offer to pay for the dress if she was going to be using it.
If a member of my family died a few days before the wedding, I wouldn't want to be in the wedding -- I don't think I could handle that many happy, smiling people, and me having to fake being happy and smiling, too. Since I consider my cats a part of my family, the same logic would apply to them. Would I be absolutely devastated about not being in the wedding? Would I feel enormously guilty for the last-minute back-out? Sure. But I wouldn't want my personal grief to bleed into someone else's happiness, and if I knew I couldn't take it, I wouldn't be there. Maybe that's not entirely fair to the bride and groom, but it wouldn't be fair for me to attend and then rain all over their parade, either.
I, too, would ask for the replacement bridesmaid to pay for my dress. What, I'm supposed to just give it to her, when I had to eke out a small fortune for it? The dress for J's sister's wedding, which I'm a bridesmaid in, was $300, not counting the cost of alterations, the shoes, or the jewelry. I just don't have that kind of money -- J's mother actually paid for most of it and I'm gradually paying her back -- and for me to not be in the wedding, I'd essentially be throwing that money away, because it's not like I can wear that dress to anything else (it's far too fancy). I wouldn't be wenchy about it and I'd be understanding if the replacement bridesmaid couldn't pay me back right away (after all, I couldn't), but yes, I would expect reimbursement. (My other thought is, why should the replacement bridesmaid get a free ride? The other bridesmaids had to pay for their stuff. Just because she's a last-minute addition doesn't mean she shouldn't also have to pay. How is that fair to the other girls?)
I, too, would ask for the replacement bridesmaid to pay for my dress. What, I'm supposed to just give it to her, when I had to eke out a small fortune for it? The dress for J's sister's wedding, which I'm a bridesmaid in, was $300, not counting the cost of alterations, the shoes, or the jewelry. I just don't have that kind of money -- J's mother actually paid for most of it and I'm gradually paying her back -- and for me to not be in the wedding, I'd essentially be throwing that money away, because it's not like I can wear that dress to anything else (it's far too fancy). I wouldn't be wenchy about it and I'd be understanding if the replacement bridesmaid couldn't pay me back right away (after all, I couldn't), but yes, I would expect reimbursement. (My other thought is, why should the replacement bridesmaid get a free ride? The other bridesmaids had to pay for their stuff. Just because she's a last-minute addition doesn't mean she shouldn't also have to pay. How is that fair to the other girls?)
My husband did that.Originally Posted by CarolPetunia
Y'know, my brother is the only person I know of who had a groomsmaid in his wedding!
It was his first marriage, to a wonderful girl who is still a friend of the family. One of my brother's best friends at the time was a woman, so he asked her to be in the wedding! She suffered from a chronic illness that made it hard for her to walk, but by golly, she did it. I was proud of my brother (and the girl he was marrying) for making their wedding about the people who were important in their lives... even though it precluded the standard symmetrical arrangement of beautiful people in perfectly matched dresses and tuxes.
I know you were joking anyway..
For the gown I just bought for my friend's wedding, I spent $175.00 plus another $100.00 for alterations. Give it away? I'd rather cut it down to wear to a party. I would lend it to the other bridesmaid, but she would have to have it dry cleaned before she returned it!
I agree that it was rude of the BRIDE to expect her friend to just hand everything over to a replacement. Did she replace her friend in her heart as quickly as she replaced her in the wedding?
I agree that it was rude of the BRIDE to expect her friend to just hand everything over to a replacement. Did she replace her friend in her heart as quickly as she replaced her in the wedding?
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I dunno, I guess it has more to do with how close the relationship is between you and your bride. I'm in a wedding in Sept, just plane ticket and dress have cost $330 so far and I still have alterations, hotel costs, hair, makeup shoes, gift etc to deal with. Even if one of my human family members died, unless the day of the wedding was the actual day of the funeral I'd still show up and play my part. Why, because I've known this person for 7 years and she's been there for my lows and highs and I wouldn't want to miss this important part of her life (especially after her constantly calling me asking for advice with her relationship for the past 3 years). Just like I wouldn't miss the birth of a friends baby if they asked me to be there. For me seeing a new life, two people coming together would be really comforting. I'd much rather be focusing on happy futures than painful presents. Then again like another poster mentioned I've lost/been abandoned by a lot of people in my life so I know my world can't stop when bad things happen. And I cherish the ones who are around a lot more.
I totally agree with you. The doggie had passed and nothing could be done about that. This bridesmaid was very wrong to do this esp. a couple of days before the wedding. She now has not just lost her dog but a friend as well as I don't think the bride will have anything to do with after this. Then to add insult to injury, she wants to be paid for a dress she will never wear. I would want to punch her lights out too.
That is definitely the way to go nowadays.
Your not being mean at all, your being realistic. I said in my post that I would've attended the wedding anyway, altho I wouldn't be a happy bridesmaid but I certainly would have showed up and did what I promised to do.
