I'm glad you are okay, Carol. I'm sorry that you are having a rough go of it for the time being.
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How do you release your rage and frustration?
- Thread starter carolpetunia
- Start Date
Carol
I know you can get through this, and seeking a counselor is a great idea, I hope you can find someone that you feel comfortable with enough to help you
Keep your chin up, we all care about you!
I know you can get through this, and seeking a counselor is a great idea, I hope you can find someone that you feel comfortable with enough to help you
Your brother has always turned to you to "fix" any problems in the family (am I right?). He now has misplaced anger and also some guilt in the mix. You couldn't fix your father and he's blaming you. His anger is irrational. You have cared for your parents and you have done everything humanly possible for them, and if he's a decent person he will someday see that. Guess that doesn't help you now, though. It was very unfair for him to call you those names.
Don't worry about too much about seeing your nephew now; you will see him again when your brother works through his grief. Even in the worst-case scenario, there is always the telephone and email to communicate with your nephew.
You told me not to say it, but you should not be embarrassed for posting. You are respected here and loved, and we would have been upset if you hadn't written what was going on because I know many of us are thinking of you a lot these days. It's not like you were partying and got really drunk and posted.
Don't worry about too much about seeing your nephew now; you will see him again when your brother works through his grief. Even in the worst-case scenario, there is always the telephone and email to communicate with your nephew.
You told me not to say it, but you should not be embarrassed for posting. You are respected here and loved, and we would have been upset if you hadn't written what was going on because I know many of us are thinking of you a lot these days. It's not like you were partying and got really drunk and posted.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #64
It's humbling to come out here this morning and find such an outpouring of care and concern, both here and in PMs. I talked again with Pookie-Poo last night, and several other people have given me their phone numbers, too. I'm so glad to have them... even if I never need to use them, they're there, and that's a comfort.
And someone has also given me a membership for awhile, so I can take some of this very personal stuff into a more private place. I hated putting it all out there in public, but I was so desperate... I had to talk to you guys. To that dear sweet PL angel...
Swampwitch, your speculations are very interesting... I've been turning them over in my mind to see if maybe I've been viewing my brother's actions all wrong, not giving him as much credit as he deserves. And it may be that some of what my brother has said and done is driven by grief -- grief he is shoving aside and replacing with vicious insults and sarcasm, two familiar weapons he's very good with. It would be morally insupportable, but emotionally understandable if that's the case.
When Papa died, Mom begged my brother to put his hatred of me on hold and "be good," and with obvious effort, he did. He handled his role in the wake and the funeral just beautifully, and we were so grateful for that. We hoped it might mark a turning point, and he might be his best self from then on. And his best self is so wonderful! He has it in him to be the most amazing man, and his friends see that all the time. But he won't be that man for us, because he despises me. (His word, repeated often over the past three years.)
But no, there was no turning point. A few days after the funeral, I was fair game again. What my brother did last Sunday was no different from the usual (aside from the hand injury). It just hurt worse, I guess, because Mom and I are still so raw from losing Papa, and because I'm no longer taking my antidepressant.
But I'll see about getting back on something. Strange, isn't it, that I was able (barely) to handle my father's death without medication, but a few cruel words from my brother...
Anyway... I thank you all so much for your patience with me and all my dramas these past couple of months. I think I'm all right now. And I will stay away from my brother until I've gotten back on something to help me cope.
And someone has also given me a membership for awhile, so I can take some of this very personal stuff into a more private place. I hated putting it all out there in public, but I was so desperate... I had to talk to you guys. To that dear sweet PL angel...
Swampwitch, your speculations are very interesting... I've been turning them over in my mind to see if maybe I've been viewing my brother's actions all wrong, not giving him as much credit as he deserves. And it may be that some of what my brother has said and done is driven by grief -- grief he is shoving aside and replacing with vicious insults and sarcasm, two familiar weapons he's very good with. It would be morally insupportable, but emotionally understandable if that's the case.
When Papa died, Mom begged my brother to put his hatred of me on hold and "be good," and with obvious effort, he did. He handled his role in the wake and the funeral just beautifully, and we were so grateful for that. We hoped it might mark a turning point, and he might be his best self from then on. And his best self is so wonderful! He has it in him to be the most amazing man, and his friends see that all the time. But he won't be that man for us, because he despises me. (His word, repeated often over the past three years.)
But no, there was no turning point. A few days after the funeral, I was fair game again. What my brother did last Sunday was no different from the usual (aside from the hand injury). It just hurt worse, I guess, because Mom and I are still so raw from losing Papa, and because I'm no longer taking my antidepressant.
But I'll see about getting back on something. Strange, isn't it, that I was able (barely) to handle my father's death without medication, but a few cruel words from my brother...
Anyway... I thank you all so much for your patience with me and all my dramas these past couple of months. I think I'm all right now. And I will stay away from my brother until I've gotten back on something to help me cope.
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Not at all strange....your daddy loves you, forever & beyond. Your brother's hatred will be never-ending....and while we often do not openly recognize how our family loves us....the hatred coming from them can take us down.
My older sister hates me, with a passion. I've bent over backwards for her, I took her puppy when she couldn't handle it anymore. I've drove 3 hours(one way) to pick her up because she was drunk somewhere & needed a ride home, with no one else to call. Easter day, she tells me how she wishes I were dead.
Some people thrive on making other's lives miserable....it makes their miserable lives better. I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to let him get to you....it's taken me years to realize I will never be good enough for my sister....that I apparently ruined her life by being born...there is nothing I can do to change that. I've come to accept it.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #66
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. How can people be so cruel to each other? It just makes no sense to me. How can anyone look into the eyes of a fellow human being -- let alone a family member -- and deliberately, gleefully hurt them so?
I'm sorry you're in such a similar spot. But at least you're not alone there.
I'm sorry you're in such a similar spot. But at least you're not alone there.
- Joined
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- 22,206
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I'm fine with it, I hope you can get to where you can move past your brother's rage.
Sometimes, there's nothing you can do to make any difference to them.
Sometimes, there's nothing you can do to make any difference to them.
Originally Posted by white cat lover
Not at all strange....your daddy loves you, forever & beyond. Your brother's hatred will be never-ending....and while we often do not openly recognize how our family loves us....the hatred coming from them can take us down.
