Help I think my cat has turned on me! :(

[northwest]

Hi everyone I'm new to the forum and I have an issue with my new cat. I am desperate to find an answer.

I got my cat from a cat rescue shelter. It's about 1 year old, British short hair tabby, brown and black stripes.

When I got the cat home his personality was great. He was calm, relaxed, very loving. He would follow me around the house everywhere I went. He would jump up on my lap and want to cuddle. Very affectionate. He slept at the foot of the bed and was very polite and never woke me up. My cat and I were best friends.

One day we were playing and I had a long string. He was chasing it all around the house having a good old time. Then he got real frisky and wanted to play with me and started chasing me.

I figured I would return the play game and so turned around and ran after him and zipped away and I couldn't find him. He ran out from under the sofa, ran upstairs than ran downstairs. Finally I found him hiding behind the washing machine and I had to pull him out.

That day he gave me a real big attitude and turned his back toward me all day, stopped following me around and just sat on the bed all day. I took me a whole day of hold him and showing him affection that he started to warm back up and accept me again.

But now he is very skittish and is not as open and friendly anymore. He basically hides under the bed most of the day, will not sleep at the foot of the bed anymore. Will not follow me around anymore. He creeps out of the bedroom from under the bed and sometimes I call to him and he runs back under the bed.

He is not interactive anymore, not outgoing anymore, not affectionate anymore, runs away from me and just hides and sleeps all day long. It's getting to the point now that all I do is change his litter box and give him food and water and I never see him. This is not what I got a cat for. Everything was great until that one simple, tiny little incident.

I think by playing the chase game with him triggered something in his past ownership or sparked some innate fight or flight response and now he no longer trusts me.

I've tried everything and It's getting to the point where I might have to take him back to the shelter because I can't have a cat just sitting under the bed all day long only coming out to poop and eat and running away from me. He looks like a lazy frog just sitting crouched under the bed all day.

Please help or he may have to find another owner that he can re-bond with.

Thanks!

 

[linni]

I admit I'm no expert, but I'm wondering if Feliway would help? Maybe someone in a pet store would advise you on how to use it.

Also, there is a youtube video of a cat woman who massages cats to modify behaviour. If you do a youtube search I'm sure you can find it. The segment I watched if from a television program. A man had brought in his cat who hated to be touched. Would hiss and growl if you dared to touch him below the neck, and he didn't especially like that! Well after some sessions of massage, the cat was like a new cat! The cat sat on his lap and loved to be petted. Can you crawl under the bed a bit and talk sweetly to your cat? Can you stroke and massage him gently? I would do this for only short periods.

I think there are lots of resources on the web, if you do a search.

Lin

 

[northwest]

I try to reach under the bed and talk sweet and calm but he just scoots away from my reach. I walk around to the other side and reach and he scoots away to the other side.

It's like something snapped in his brain and he is now turned on a totally different personality. He is like a different cat. Shy, depressed, scared, a loner, easily spooked. It's as if he is holding a major grudge against me. He is sort of acting like a feral cat. He is not aggressive toward me, just very afraid.

It's as if I can imagine him saying... "I chased you yes, but I didn't expect you to play back, and now you scared me and now I'm afraid of you and I'm trapped inside this house and cant get away so I'm going to hide under this bed forever."

There are very few moments throughout the day when I can get a hold of him. He'll let me pet him, hold him but his tail swishes back and forth. He is very submissive and limp like a rag doll. The moment I let him go he runs back under the bed. I think the cat is emotionally fragile and doesn't have confidence and is easily offended.

What I've learned from this experience is that you should never, ever, ever chase a cat, even in play. They will think of you as a predator in the wild coming to get them. Never imitate their crouching, pouncing stance as they will take it as a predatory attack response. If a cat wants to play do it softly and not too much. Let cats play together or by themselves so they wont misconstrue any human play actions with aggression.

Does this sound correct? Is there anyway to change my cat's personality or behavior or the way he relates to me now, or am I out of luck?

Help from anyone would be appreciated.

 

[darlili]

I'd say start all over again - sit in whatever room he's hiding in, without trying to make eye contact, and simply read aloud to yourself in a soft gentle voice. If he comes toward you, let him proceed at his own pace - just leave your hand out and let him sniff you. Maybe have some tasty snacks you can put near you, but which he can reach without thinking you're going to grab him. Don't chase him, whatever you do - let him make the first steps.

Cats do have long memories, and you may have inadvertently triggered a terrible memory for him. But, if you can consistently and routinely provide him with food and water, a gentle voice, and tell him how you love him and are willing to wait for him, I think he'll come around. It may require some patience on your part, but love is all about patience, isn't it?

Good luck - I know it's sad when you think your baby is simply terrified of you.

 

[stephanietx]

I'm with Darlili, be patient and loving and start all over with him. Don't force anything on him or try to pick him up. Don't make eye contact with him either. Talk to him quietly and calmly. Give him time to trust you again.

If he's under the bed or hiding, get the string and dangle it near where he's hiding and entice him to play. Put little treats out for him so he associates you with good things. Don't raise your voice or talk very animatedly as that might scare him. Play soft, soothing music for him (classical is great). Also, try not to stress out about it. He'll pick up on your stress and be even more stressed.

Definitely suggest the Feliway plug in for you, too.

 

[bellaandme]

Maybe he doesn't feel good. When Bella acts that way it is so far from her natural personality that I am usually put on alert. I watch her for a day or two and if she doesn't snap out of it I take her to the vet. Cats are sssssoooooo secretive and hide what's really going on with them.

 

[linni]

I really feel your pain. I don't know what I would do if my newly adopted lovable year old cat turned on me. Plus, I'm sure I've played games like that with my own cat! One of the things he loves is to chase me up and down the stairs. (We have three floors.) I think it gives him good exercise. So, don't blame yourself.

I might try talking to someone at the shelter, or even your vet about what to do. And I'd think about Feliway. And when I talked to him I would talk softly and apoiogize for scaring him. And when he does sit on your lap try some of the cat massage techniques.

Let us know how it goes!

Lin

 

[northwest]

Thanks everyone for the help!

Today he is still hiding under the bed.

The only "treat" I had was some canned tuna fish. I put some on a paper plate and put it on the floor about 3 feet from the bed. I gave tuna to him before and he knows the smell and loves it, but he didn't even come out for that. I left it there for an hour and closed the door.

I finally was able to get close to him under the bed and brought it too him. He gobbled it up and then crawled away further under the bed.

Later this afternoon I went to check on him. He was close to the edge of the bed so I picked him up and held him. He was purring softly but his body was limp like a rag doll, just lifeless. I held him in my arms and he was submissive and lifeless

I walked to another room with him in my arms and I sat down and stroked his face and scratched under his neck and held him for about half an our. He seemed to like that.

He then got up from my lap and then briskly walked with his head down, back toward the bedroom and under the bed and crouched with his paws tucked under him like a little sad frog.

He is acting like he is deeply depressed and sad, almost if he is mourning. Do you think he may be sick?

I can not figure this out and I still don't know what to do.

 

[cheshirecat]

My suggestion would be a visit to the vet to rule out any illness. Could be he is just not feeling well. Hiding is a sign.

 

[stephanietx]

How long have you had him? Have you moved his food, water, and litter box in the room with him? If not, please do.

 

[linni]

I would continue doing what you're doing, massaging him gently and cooing to him. I would keep everything gentle and soft. But - I would also see the vet.

Lin

 

[threecatowner]

Was the little guy a feral before he ended up with the rescue? I ask, because his behavior sounds very similar to Scaredy's, especially in the beginning of her time with us.

I'd definitely check with a vet, and take things slow with him. Scaredy goes on a tear through the house occasionally, but if I were to chase her, it would totally freak her out.

 

[northwest]

Okay here is an update so far:

Last night he pooped on the carpet right by the bed because he was too afraid to go downstairs and use the litter box like he always used to do. I cleaned that up fully.

I brought his litter box, food and water upstairs and put them into the master bathroom and showed him where they were. He now uses them fine.

Last night he gobbled up some of this real meat cat food that I bought for him. It basically contains only real chicken, fish, seafood a bit of water and nothing else. I figured perhaps if I fed him something closer to his natural diet, like real meat he might respond better.

The shelter was feeding him Science Diet, and gave me a new bag of it to take with me and this is what I have been feeding him. Maybe part of his issues is that he may have been dissatisfied with his food (food depressed) even though he was eating it.

Some good news! Last night he came out from under the bed and slept on the top at the foot of the bed all night long like he normally does. He didn't run away despite me moving all around last night! I woke up and he was there with me which was nice to see.

I held him in my arms as I walked downstairs in the morning. I set him gently on the kitchen floor and gave him some more of the real meat cat food and he stayed downstairs with me until he gobbled half of it. I kept peering over the counter to look down at him. He saw me and finally ran back upstairs under the bed.

Later this morning I heard him in the other room having a good old time with his toys. I peered into the room after a while but he spotted me and quickly went back to the bedroom.

Later, I looked up and I saw his little face looking around the door of my office, as if to say: "hum, what's going on in here?" He realized I noticed him and he scurried back to the bedroom. It was cute!

I went to check on him and to my amazement he was still laying on top of the bed, not under it. I gave him some more of the real meat cat food and he gobbled some of it. I stroked his head and talked softy and seemed to like that.

I've been going in and out of the bedroom throughout the day bringing the real meat cat food with me to associate me with good things. He has been on top of the bed sleeping all day.

So far he seems a bit more relaxed, with his energy growing and his mood improving. He still is a bit jumpy when I walk or make fast moves, but he's not quite as bad as before.

Let's see if this will help him improve. He really likes this new food.

I'll keep everyone updated.

 

[stephanietx]

Sounds like you're making some headway!

Just remember to be cool about it and don't rush or force anything. When he looks for you, just talk to him, but avoid direct eye contact.

 

[northwest]

I visited with him allot today. He stayed on the bed most of the day. I gave him good meat treats each time I came into the room. He finally had to use the litter box and when he was done he crawled under the bed. I think he was just a bit tired and a bit lazy to jump on the bed or maybe he just needed to be back in his original comfort zone for a while. I tried to reach under the bed to pet him but he inched away. We'll see if he jumps up on the bed tonight like last night.

I'll post more updates tomorrow!

A few people have mentioned not to look into his eyes. Can you tell me why?

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Northwest

A few people have mentioned not to look into his eyes. Can you tell me why?

it makes you look like a threat.

 

[northwest]

Update:

Last night he slept at the foot of the bed again which shows signs of improvement.

He came downstairs this morning which is good only looked around shortly and then ran back upstairs under the bed. Coming downstairs is an improvement.

I opened the window shade and window (it has a screen so he can't jump out) and he sat on inside ledge looking out, listening to the birds and smelling the fresh morning air.

He seems to be making progress, although he is still skittish and runs away when I walk near him or he hears noises which he never used to do when I first got him.

I used to look into his eyes all the time when I first got him and it never bothered him.

I hope he snaps out of it and relaxes completely.

I'll post more updates later today.

 

[darlili]

I think you're making real progress....just try to be patient and not rush the process at all. I'd still make time to sit in one of the upstairs rooms and just read aloud to myself in a soft voice and see if he comes to visit....don't move toward him, just let him check you out as much as he wants. It sounds like he's doing that now - so just keep encouraging him by being patient and letting him set the pace.

Many animals, and cats especially, stare at each other to establish dominance and it can be considered a threat. So, always good at first to look away when you 'lock eyes', or at least blink. As he begins to relax and feel totally confident with you, you may find him staring at your eyes, and blinking slowly...that's often considered a 'kitty kiss'. Sometimes it's fun to slowly blink back at them.

For whatever reason, he really got spooked downstairs and is being cautious now about restablishing his territory down there. Bless you for being so understanding about his poop accident - cats can immediately pick up stress and anger in the home. You never know - at some point someone may have been really mean to him, and that little chase triggered bad memories, although you certainly didn't mean it. But, sounds like he's trying to be a very brave boy, and you're doing the right thing by being patient and rewarding him for his baby steps toward confidence.

 

[northwest]

Afternoon Update:

First of all, thanks everyone for your help!

It looks like he is coming around to his old self again! Yes, I tried the reading and not looking into his eyes.

He finally walked with me downstairs! He walked around in the kitchen and living room and stayed down there and didn't seem spooked at all. I opened the window blinds so he could see out.

I got the brush he enjoyed being brushed. We both waked upstairs together.

He's been walking in and out of the bedroom and sleeping on top of the bed.

Having the real meat food with me each time has really helped him come out of his nervous state. I've gained allot of his trust back again and he is more relaxed around the house.

It seems like he is coming around. He has ear mites which needs to be treated and this could be one reason why he doesn't feel that great.

I'm still going to take him to the vet in the next week, just for another check up. Although do you think that is a good idea right now? He might get another grudge with me again. Maybe I should wait awhile until I feel he is completely over this spell. He doesn't like being in the carrier and I don't want to loose his trust so soon.

I'll post some more updates tomorrow.

 

[northwest]

A New Day - Update:

Well... It looks as if he is almost back to normal.

He slept at the foot of the bed all night as usual, walked downstairs with me in the morning, walked back upstairs with me, is playing in the other room.

If he's on the floor when I walk into the room too fast, he'll still get a bit spooked and run under the bed, but eventually he crawls out.

He's not totally back to normal but I think in one or two more weeks he should be back to normal. Hopefully