Help And Commiseration Needed

[thefiresidecat]

bigbadbass every couple days I'm going back and re reading what you wrote. lol. patience grasshopper! soooo hard to have patience... lol. i'm all i'mma hug you and squeeeze you and call you charlie chaplin and he's all hissssssssss. lol. he's loving the room when we aren't there though. I've got that chair in the room with the fuzzy blankey on it. he lovvvvesss the fuzzy.

anyway thanks again. your post is helping me. lol

 

[maggiedemi]

Ha, ha. I do that with Maggie, my former feral. I'm gonna hug you and love you and squeeze you. She hates hugs, but I can't resist sometimes because she looks like a cute little teddy ruxpin doll. She looks so offended when I do it.

 

[thefiresidecat]

oh I just want to do that. if I actually tried it I think I'd probably be sans eyes lol

 

[bigbadbass]

I know waiting is so tough...you want to pet 'em, pick 'em up, hug 'em....but you know they'd rip your eye balls out. We're prepared, but they are not. During the normalization period..I was so frustrated, I contemplated letting Bug back outside! Thankfully, i heeded forum advise and was patient. As a last ditch effort...I put up a temporary screen at his door...allowing the 3 domestics and him safely meeting face to face, sniffing, meowing....and like a light switch...he was instantly stimulated...no hissing, no violence. I think he somehow sensed the "clan" and maybe wanted to join? I then let him free roam, room by room...with my guidance of course...always allowing him exit back to his safe room anytime, on his terms. Within a couple weeks..full roam of the house. He quickly became a trusted member of the family.

In 4-5-6 weeks max, I think you'll notice a marked change....then the work begins again...on yet another level.

Hang in there...it'll SO be worth all the time and effort.

 

[thefiresidecat]

when you did your last ditch effort was he friends with you at all yet or still extremely skeptical of you still?

 

[bigbadbass]

I'll say we still had a trust issue...I wasn't quite sure he was over his violence, he was still very stand-off-ish. this was about 6 weeks after neuter. He was 3 years old at the time, had developed definite feral tendencies after being dumped (being dumped is just my guess, I'll never know for sure), also very likely abused some time along the way. He was extremely difficult to approach, had no motivation to interact with any human....except for being fed, he was absolutely starving when he appeared in my woods. Initially, I couldn't get within 20 yards of him before he'd run away.

Bug had it really rough outside, and had no choice but to adapt...as a result he was not "easy" to domesticate by any stretch. But you'd never know it today...a total 180...though he's still skittish. He's not a lap kitty...he'll tolerate being picked up and hugged for a minute or so...very independent....but I think he loves it here.

I opened up the sliding glass door to the outside today...just the screen...snowing out, he sniffed and felt the extreme cold out there...after a minute or so....turned towards the inside again. He's a *retired* feral, happy indoors.

Princess, another black (dumped?) feral was the exact opposite...very willing to come indoors, I had her in within days...willingly. Already spayed, very sweet, skittish and another that was starving. As I've stated before, we believe they are somehow related. I wonder if she didn't "track" Bug here via his scent? Likely she was dumped from same owner as Bug?

So...vastly different circumstances culminating in different adoption procedures.

 

[thefiresidecat]

given charlies age I'm thinking he probably must have ran away or been dumped when he was still in kittenhood. I am sure he's had some human contact but he's definitely more standoffish than I was expecting. we're in week two and only just a few steps ahead of where we were 2 weeks ago.

 

[bigbadbass]

^ That sounds about right. Very frustrating, I know. He can't help it, nor can you...its his chemistry. It WILL, however, normalize. I'd advise some interaction attempts, play, talking, food (of course), maybe some attempts at petting while he concentrates on eating (?) if possible? But at the same time, not pushing him, giving him plenty of space for another few weeks. You'll sense when he comes around. I swear, Bugs face actually changed after normalizing. Again, I'm not a vet, I can't explain it...but its true. Give Charlie the required time to come around, be tolerant in the meantime.

I wouldn't doubt it may be a more intense, extended process for these older cats that have developed feral tendencies too.

 

[thefiresidecat]

we still haven't got to the stage where he will eat when we are there. shawn was able to touch him for the first time today. I have petted his head twice. we offer to let him smell us. if he accepts we pet a little if he doesn't we pet with long handled brush and let him smell that. that's pretty much the extent of our interactions at the moment. we spend a couple hours in the room wiht him but it degenerates into hissing after that and he won't leave his wool cave when we are there .
but it's taking far less time from when we leave the room and he hops out and eats than it was in the beginning lol. it was a couple hours now it's a couple minutes

 

[bigbadbass]

Yes, Bug initially did *a lot* of hiding and sleeping after neuter. I was thinking he was severely depressed, hence my self doubts and turmoil..even contemplating on releasing him. I was urged by members to hang in there (sound familiar?) and glad I did.

I had a long thread "Meet Buggy" last year. May be worth your read...all my mistakes, doubts, screw-ups

 

[thefiresidecat]

making my way thru that thread. ty for mentioning it. lots of interesting things to try. I still think we're making progress but snails pace. he'll lick small amounts of baby food from a spoon now. won't eat treaters from our hand but from a spoon. I took down a dental treater that he really loves yesterday morning and then I sat a few feet away from him after showing it to him and putting some in his food dish. he was staring with intent at that dish. I waited about 20 minutes but he wouldn't come out for it so I left so he could get it. but I think we're close.. really close.

last night we hung out with him for the worst of the fireworks. (we can see three light shows from here and nearly everyone around us likes to by their own displays some of them semi professional. so yeah poor baby another reason we're glad he's in even if he isn't) and he was in a new spot under the tv instead of in one of his caves. I don't think it was intentional though. I think he must have panicked. but he could see us the entire time. the hisses were extra vehement. tried to feed him a little baby food and he actually took a lick but that was it. we've definitely heard vocalizations from him when we aren't in the room but never when we are. he has a pretty vocabulary that I am sure says unprintable words. the one thing that I find myself wondering about is thankfully, he hasn't sprayed anywhere in there. I was terrified he was going to be a marker. outside he even would mark his food dish. (that was weird and gross) but I also have never seen him own anything in the room. that's a bad thing right as far as acceptance goes.

 

[thefiresidecat]

actually my husband says he saw a little owner ship of some things. tonight I saw him play for the first time. he's ripping a little catnip toy a new one. that is so heartwarming to see even if he won't play with us. that also reaffirms that not a feral thing I think. the hormones are wearing off are also turning him into a groomer. also new behavior in the last few days. he wasn't really grooming at all the first week or so. a minute here or a minute there maybe but not full on normal cat bath time. he actually stopped in the middle of play time for a bath. lol.

 

[bigbadbass]

good...a little progress showin'

 

[thefiresidecat]

good...a little progress showin'

we take what we can get. lol I am so ridiculously happy to see him act like a normal young adult kitteh even if he still hates us. lol

 

[thefiresidecat]

so even though we've seen play time, and we know he's eating well and well relaxed in there when we aren't there. he's still ultra terrified of us. he hit me today. I went in to put food down and he growlled at me. so I put the brush in and let him smell it then brushed a little. then I let him smell me. no adverse reaction. I used the cardboard petter and let him smell that and pet him with it. then i went into let him smell my hand again and wack! then he did some winking with non anime eyes. I was being a little aggressive iwth the hand smelling today because it's been like a week of not letting me even get close enough for the hand smell. I feel like I need to do something to break thru this. we're also spending an hour to 2 hours down there a night watching tv with him. I feel like we're making great strides with him being comfortable down there and next to none with him getting used to us.

here are some videos of him playing

 

[maggiedemi]

Great videos of him playing! He looks happy. Are you going to put up a gate so he can meet your other cats?

 

[thefiresidecat]

Great videos of him playing! He looks happy. Are you going to put up a gate so he can meet your other cats?

Eventually but not yet. He's still not friendly w us yet so I'd think confronting him w other cats might backfire. He's also only 2.5 weeks past neuter ao hormones still

 

[rubysmama]

I have no personal experience with ferals, but have read many threads on this forum and love following the progress of these formerly feral cats as they become spoiled indoor kitties.

Thank you for bringing in your guy. I see you have been getting some advice, so you know to just be patient. Hopefully Charlie Chaplin will become a happy full-fledged member of your feline family. Good luck.

 

[thefiresidecat]

today is three weeks in. got a call from the vet saying he was ok for his booster vacc. I had to laugh at them and say no way.. they say it's not optimal but it will be ok. I spent a few hours down there on my laptop. talked to him a lot. went over every hour or so and tried to pet him wiht the cardboard petter stick. I can't bring my person near him but he did own the petter stick when I tried to scritch his chin with it. I accidently got his belly and I got a bit of a rabbit kick. i tried to give him a wild boar orgin treater but no go with bare hands. I put it on the cardboard petter and he ate it from that. he even made a motion like he was considering getting out of his cave for the second treat. then i tried to hand feed and got growlled at again. so I dumped some in his dry food dish and left for the evening. such confliction here. lol. I think that has to actually be pretty good progress even though I am more than a bit dejected that he still won't let my hand near him. this is progress right? is this how it goes for people. I did read badbass's story but it sounds like bug was friendly enough to be pet at least before he was even inside. don't get me wrong. I'm not on the verge of letting him go or anything. he's our cat even if he's the basement cat. this is a 4400 sft house. we can't even hear his (very very sad) caterwauling unless we're listening on the nanny cams. so we've got plenty of space for him.. lol. i'm just trying to figure out if we're on schedule so to speak. is this how it goes for most? I don't really know the path of acceptance for most cats. trying to do things right here.

 

[spsalmon]

today is three weeks in. got a call from the vet saying he was ok for his booster vacc. I had to laugh at them and say no way.. they say it's not optimal but it will be ok. I spent a few hours down there on my laptop. talked to him a lot. went over every hour or so and tried to pet him wiht the cardboard petter stick. I can't bring my person near him but he did own the petter stick when I tried to scritch his chin with it. I accidently got his belly and I got a bit of a rabbit kick. i tried to give him a wild boar orgin treater but no go with bare hands. I put it on the cardboard petter and he ate it from that. he even made a motion like he was considering getting out of his cave for the second treat. then i tried to hand feed and got growlled at again. so I dumped some in his dry food dish and left for the evening. such confliction here. lol. I think that has to actually be pretty good progress even though I am more than a bit dejected that he still won't let my hand near him. this is progress right? is this how it goes for people. I did read badbass's story but it sounds like bug was friendly enough to be pet at least before he was even inside. don't get me wrong. I'm not on the verge of letting him go or anything. he's our cat even if he's the basement cat. this is a 4400 sft house. we can't even hear his (very very sad) caterwauling unless we're listening on the nanny cams. so we've got plenty of space for him.. lol. i'm just trying to figure out if we're on schedule so to speak. is this how it goes for most? I don't really know the path of acceptance for most cats. trying to do things right here.