He lied

[pombina]

Thats good Mackenzie I'm glad you have been able to talk about things. I agree it doesn't sound like an addiction but that doesn't matter, it's something he's been lying about so he has a lot of making up to do and I hope he realises how lucky he has been and how close he came to losing you.

 

[phenomsmom]

I am glad you two had the weekend to talk things out and make sure this relationship was the right thing at the right time. I agree that you can't force him to stop that he will stop when he is good and ready!! I am also glad he knows now that he can and will lose you for being dishonest even about little things. A realationship is built on trust and if there is no trust the relationship is bound to crumble!!

 

[babyharley]

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

A realationship is built on trust and if there is no trust the relationship is bound to crumble!!

Thats what I told him too Brandi, and he agreed with me that he was wrong and that he wanted to stay with me - I think we'll be okay.... I was just pretty hurt about the whole lying thing

 

[phenomsmom]

I am sure you two will be okay as long as you are both willing to keep working at the relationship. I think this was a reality check for him. Now he knows that you can be gone in a heart beat and he will be alone. he obviously doesn't want that!!

 

[winter hawk]

I think it's weird that everyone keeps saying John has an addiction. A person doesn't get addicted to pot..I think he probably just enjoys it sometimes. That is definately different than being addicted.

Speaking from experience.....YES....a person can and does get addicted to pot, both psychologically and physically. If it truly isn't a problem, then it can be left by the wayside.....and if it is causing problems in your life, which from what I can read IT IS.....then I would have to lean towards calling it an addiction. Ya'll act like *addict* is such a harsh word.....people can get addicted to lots of things and the one thing that I have learned is that I have an addictive personality, which means that anything that I truly enjoy, I can't seem to get enough of and can trace this all the way back to when I was just a kid.

Winter Hawk

 

[katachtig]

I don't think any of us are saying he is addicted. But when you add in the lying about it, this raises a red flag that there are problems here. It sounds like Mackenzie and John are willing to work at it. We just want Mackenzie to take care of herself also.

 

[lunasmom]

I agree, just because you smoke pot doesn't automatically mean you're addicted. You can enjoy it recreationally, like drinking alcohol. Just because you drink doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.

I can see where people here might be confused...because you are trying to help him quit, and he continuing once or twice a month is different then everyday. Believe me, I wasn't ever a pothead, but I had some neighbors in an apartment that were. You could smell the pot rolling out of the air conditioning unit. I would choke whenever I walked pass their apartment.

Plus it IS really hard to quit when your friends are still doing it. I know its not the same, but when I quit smoking I had to walk away from my friends and make "non-smoking" friends. It was my only way to quit. If I wasn't around it I wouldn't smoke.

 

[babyharley]

Originally Posted by lunasmom

I agree, just because you smoke pot doesn't automatically mean you're addicted. You can enjoy it recreationally, like drinking alcohol. Just because you drink doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.

I can see where people here might be confused...because you are trying to help him quit, and he continuing once or twice a month is different then everyday. Believe me, I wasn't ever a pothead, but I had some neighbors in an apartment that were. You could smell the pot rolling out of the air conditioning unit. I would choke whenever I walked pass their apartment.

Plus it IS really hard to quit when your friends are still doing it. I know its not the same, but when I quit smoking I had to walk away from my friends and make "non-smoking" friends. It was my only way to quit. If I wasn't around it I wouldn't smoke.

Doing it once or twice a month is a lot different than doing it daily - he used to do it in the morning, at noon, afternoon, night - all day long. I just didn't like the person he was when he smoked, which is why I told him I wanted him to quit in the beginning of the relationship. I applaud him for quitting so much, I really do - its been really hard for the both of us, but like I've told him before, I'm here for him - I just hope that he understands that now and doesn't feel as tho he has to lie to me about it anymore

 

[halfpint]

Hopefully he's not addicted, and it maty not be a physical addiction but there are plenty of articles that say it is addicting in other ways. It does cause people to be less movited, there thinking is destorted and alot of other things, but like I said before I really beleive that it doesn't start out as an addiction, it's a decision first, and I'm sure he will see that you and your relationship mean more to him then the drug or the having to lie. Lieing is a visious circle and most people alway's get caught.

 

[ilovesiamese]

OMG Mackenzie, I was away from the computer all weekend and I just read the whole thread.

I'm sorry that you were/are hurting over what John has done. I too, feel that any drug use or lying is unacceptable. It's just as hard to walk away as it is to stay. My first instinct was to say don't waste another minute of another day on this, but that is wrong because you love this man and are engaged to be married.

Pot can be completely addicting, especially since the pot probably is laced with a lot stronger drugs like meth, etc and that is what makes it addicting and that is why educators refer to it as the "gateway" drug because people start out with this seemingly harmless joint once in a while and then it leads to other things more often that not.

AS for the trust issue, I would definately take up his offer on the drug tests once a month. It will keep him accountable and wouldn't you rather know what is going on and if he is lying or not. I mean if you will be happy with the apperance that he isn't doing those things than don't make him, but if you want the truth, I say do it and go with him.

My sister is a recoving drug addict that started with pot and has done everything. Now, she goes with my mom (nurse) and does the pee test right in front of her(her choice) (that way it can't be boughten pee off the internet) every month so that she is held accountable and that's what she needs to help her stay clean.

You are an intelligent and beautiful young woman who knows what will truely make you happy and the standards you want for you and your future children. You shouldn't settle for anything less or compromise yourself or your values for someone else's.

I just want to wish you the best of luck and I truely hope that John will be able to earn your trust back and keep straight so you guys can live a happy life together.

 

[chichismom]

Mackenzie- I just saw this thread

I was brought to tears at work reading your post. I'm REALLY REALLY happy you were able to sit down and talk to each other, and work some issues out. I know you are really mad he lied to you, but IMO it was kinda like he was stuck- he knew he was'nt supposed to smoke, and he knows he needs help- but at the same time he could'nt talk to you about it without it turning into an arguement. Not that I am taking his side

but as someone from the outside looking in, that is what I saw. I'm soo glad you decided to try and work things out. He really needs you now more than ever. Theres no way in the world he wants to lose you

I hope he can find the self discipline to actually stop now. I'm sorry it came out in an arguement, but its great it has surfaced. Now you both canwork on it, instead of it building up inside of him. I'm glad you still have your best friend

HUGS!!!!!!!

If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me anytime

 

[coolcat]

Originally Posted by lookingglass

This is my advice... find another dude. The drugs are more improtant that you are, and you are worth more than this.

....

Hello McKenzie,...you to know you has my complete simphaty!

....I´M SO SORRY about all this.....

...I feel bad by you!...

.........I to know in the bottom he loves you BUT,........

...(about the quote at the top)....I have no words to how to express my support to you,
YOU´RE a GREAT AND WONDERFUL PERSON, and nobody has the right to make you feel Miserable....

....


you´re in my prayers today!

 

[babyharley]

Originally Posted by CoolCat

....

Hello McKenzie,...you to know you has my complete simphaty!

....I´M SO SORRY about all this.....

...I feel bad by you!...

.........I to know in the bottom he loves you BUT,........

...(about the quote at the top)....I have no words to how to express my support to you,
YOU´RE a GREAT AND WONDERFUL PERSON, and nobody has the right to make you feel Miserable....

....


you´re in my prayers today!

Rigel, thank you very much for your extremely kind words, it means so much to me!!

 

[coolcat]

Originally Posted by babyharley

Rigel, thank you very much for your extremely kind words, it means so much to me!!

.............************thinking of you!

*************

 

[hell603]

I am so sorry - all I can say is YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!

Personally I would not want to be with a man that I would have to check on whether he is on the straight and narrow via a blood test.

I do hope he does not disappoint you again - remember you are so very special !!!!!

 

[shengmei]

I have never had any experiences with drugs whatsoever so I might not be much help at all..........

Biochemically, marijuana is MUCH less addictive than heroin and meth, so he might still have a chance of quitting.......if he is addicted with heroin than he might be totally gone.........From what I have heard, marijuana is relatively easy to quit. He'll definitely need lots of support though (an addiction is never easy to overcome, just think about smoking tobacco).

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by babyharley

I told him that I don't want to have children with him in the future if he's going to be doing this - I don't ever want to bring children into a situation like that, or to be around someone who's into doing that.

I love him, but is the heartache worth it? I have so much soul searching to do, its unreal how hurt I am

my cousin's first husband had this same problem. he kept promising to quit, but was unable to keep that promise, for whatever reason. i'm not going to debate the 'addiction' question - it really doesn't matter in this case. if this is a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. it would be one for me, as well - & it was for my cousin. she never got pregnant by him because of his inability to quit smoking...& she finally got a divorce. she's now re-married, with a stepson & two children of her own. i'm sure she had much heartache, but she's happy again, now. if you eventually decide to end it, sooner is better than later, for both of you. only you can decide if you want to take that step, tho.

edited to add: ok, read the end of the thread, & realize that you're trying to make another go of it. but most of the above applies anyway. good luck in the future, sweetie!

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I think it's weird that everyone keeps saying John has an addiction. A person doesn't get addicted to pot..I think he probably just enjoys it sometimes. That is definately different than being addicted.

re: the above - found this on the web at the NIDA site... [link below]
Q: Can people become addicted to marijuana?

A: Yes. Long-term marijuana use can lead to addiction in some people. That is, they cannot control their urges to seek out and use marijuana, even though it negatively affects their family relationships, school performance, and recreational activities (9). According to one study, marijuana use by teenagers who have prior antisocial problems can quickly lead to addiction (3). In addition, some frequent, heavy marijuana users develop “tolerance†to its effects. This means they need larger and larger amounts of marijuana to get the same desired effects as they used to get from smaller amounts.

also found this: Psychological addiction, as opposed to physiological addiction, is a person's need to use a drug or engage in a behavior despite the harm caused out of desire for the effects it produces, rather than to relieve withdrawal symptoms. Instead of an actual physiological dependence on a drug, such as heroin, psychological addiction usually develops out of habits that relieve symptoms of loneliness or anxiety. As the drug is indulged, it becomes associated with the release of pleasure-inducing endorphins, and a cycleis started that is similar to physiological addiction. This cycle is often very difficult to break.
i've often heard that marijuana is psychologically addictive...
http://www.nida.nih.gov/MarijBroch/MarijIntro.html