Goodbye My Prince

[Kitty Mommy]

I am so sorry for your pain. Losing a beloved kitty is torture and it takes time to recover. But you will start to feel better in time and eventually you will be able to think of Sheleg with smiles instead of tears. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Kitty Mommy]

Mashkasheli I lost my baby boy Tiger 3 months ago and I too was so distraught that I went to a therapist. It has helped more than I could have imagined. There is no shame in it. Cats are very important to many people and a loss of a beloved cat companion is just as painful as any other loss. I hope your therapy gives you some comfort.

 

[Mashkasheli]

Kitty Mommy , I am sorry to hear about Tiger. How painful it is to lose our little angels. How heartbreaking. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them. Take care x

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I feel like I am betraying him!

My Darlin' Girl, the only way that you could possibly betray Sheleg is to sink permanently into misery rather than to celebrate the joy that his life brought you! He loved you so, and when we love someone, we want them happy. You absolutely do need time to grieve, that is so normal and so human, but for the sake of a great little spirit who loved you, and who loves you still, one fine day you must find joy, not sorrow, in his memory. And you must learn to love again without fear, for that is what he would want for you.

 

[sillywoody]

Thank you so very much for those beautiful words. The most beautiful words I have heard. No one has understood my pain or understood our bond. He was "not just a cat". I am going to print out your reply and keep it in my diary in my bag with me. I can not thank you enough.

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Two weeks ago I had to say goodbye to my Sheleg. Sheleg was my best friend. He adopted me when he was about 2 years old, and had been with me for 6 years. For the past 2 years Sheleg had been suffering with Stomatitis, and although most cats can live for many years with it, Sheleg just began deteriorating. The steroid injections stopped helping him, the steroid meds he would not take and would he would smell them in any food and refuse to eat. The last year the vet was doing house visits every week, I was buying every food on the market to disguise the steroids, trying everything possible. Sometimes there would be weeks when he would be doing fine, but then days when he was in a lot of pain. The vet kept telling me that it still was not his time to go. Sheleg was my best friend. The closest I have ever come to having a real baby. I live alone, my family are in a different country, and Sheleg was always with me. Weekends and evenings we would watch TV together, sit outside together. he would sit outside the shower and wait for me. He would wait for me to come home from work, knew the exact time, and where I would be dropped off. Sheleg really deteriorated suddenly 3 weeks ago. He was in hospital for a couple of days and when I dropped him off somehow I knew in my heart that his time had come. It was almost as if he had given up. He couldn't handle it anymore and he knew I was battling too. I always dreaded losing Sheleg. It was one of my biggest fears. I didn't think I would ever be able to cope without him. To carry on without him. His last night with me he could barely walk. He managed to somehow get on the bed and he slept in my arms. I am crushed without my little man. My prince. It has been a little over 2 weeks and I am still mourning. The crying has lessened but my house and heart are empty. I miss him and my heart is aching. I feel very sad and very lonely and I find myself talking to him all the time. Just over 2 weeks ago I lost my best friend. My home, my bed and my heart are empty.

He was so lucky to have found you, and you him. You two obviously shared an incredible bond, that is still so strong, it touches my heart just to hear you talk about him. I am currently dealing with the emptiness feeling of losing my furrbaby a couple days ago, and what I have been told time and time again from people who have been through it, is that time heals. Keep talking to him, keep him in your heart. You did such a remarkable job with him, you can see the contentment in his pretty face, he is your family, and always will be. I'm so sorry for your loss, and am sending all my strength and love to you.

 

[Mashkasheli]

My Darlin' Girl, the only way that you could possibly betray Sheleg is to sink permanently into misery rather than to celebrate the joy that his life brought you! He loved you so, and when we love someone, we want them happy. You absolutely do need time to grieve, that is so normal and so human, but for the sake of a great little spirit who loved you, and who loves you still, one fine day you must find joy, not sorrow, in his memory. And you must learn to love again without fear, for that is what he would want for you.

Thank you so much. I am extremely lucky he found me! I remember when he showed up at my doorstep 6 years ago. I was not happy about it. I was taking care of so many cats, and because I live on a community type of farm (a kibbutz) I was positive that he belonged to someone and I was just not interested in adopting him. But he just wouldn't leave. I had about 5 cats then that I was taking care of and I wanted him to just go home. But Sheleg was a stubborn little thing and would not leave. My dad came to visit me from overseas and he fell in love with Sheleg and Sheleg just stayed. And that was the start of the biggest and closest and most loving friendship ever. You just could NOT fall in love with him. It's been 3 weeks. I wish I could stop counting the days, the hours. I wish I could stop waking up with tears in my eyes, and I wish I could stop falling asleep with tears in my eyes. Actually I wish I could actually sleep! But life will have to go on and I have to throw my energy in to taking care of my other 2 little monsters who need me. Again, thank you for your support! Happy Holidays!

 

[Mashkasheli]

@sillywoody Thanks very much for your kind words too. So sorry to hear about your loss. I get so self-absorbed in my grief and forget that there are people going through the exact same feelings and grief as I am. At the moment I am not feeling that in the last 3 weeks that time has healed anything but I am guessing that both our losses are still fresh and painful. And I am guessing that they will always be painful, and that whenever I think of Sheleg, and you of your loss that we will always feel a twinge of pain and loss. I hope that we both manage to get to the stage where we can smile and laugh and remember our angels and the happiness they brought us. Happy Holidays and take care!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Of course, and to you, as well! Although...in your case, the wishes are a wee bit belated!

 

[Mashkasheli]

I feel like I just go on and on about my Sheleg but I have to write, because in reality I can't talk about him with anyone because not a single soul around me understands. I get people saying, " Proportions, Maxine, really, put things in proportion." or, " A little bit of optimism would not hurt." Or, "Its just a cat, you have 2 others,"or he bit you in April, you were in hospital for a month, good riddance, its about time, I would have killed him the moment he dared to bite me."
Yes, seriously, all of these people say this to my face! I am at my most sensitive at the moment. And actually right now anything anyone says to me gets me either angry or upset and I have really started to push everyone away because them not understanding me has just started to make me angry.
I still cry. At work, I will run to the bathroom for a couple of minutes. I cry on the train to work, on the walk from the train to work, and vice versa. I get home and start crying. I am trying to be nice to my other two cats, and give them lots of attention and food anytime they want, because Sheleg gave up on food. Its so cold here, the last few days so rainy and cold and I wish that my 2 cats, Tricky and Hope would snuggle with me like Sheleg. Hope cautiously comes on to the bed and sleeps but its just not the same. I love my 2 cats very much, but Sheleg? He was THE one. It doesn't sound very nice to say that but that's just how it was. Where I went, he went.

In October I got very sick. I was unconscious in my apartment for 3 days until they found me and was then in hospital for a month, and I keep thinking that is I was at home that month, Sheleg maybe would have been in better shape and would still be here for a few more months. The neighbors looked after him and tried their best with all 3 but Sheleg has been ill for years and every few weeks he would need medication. And he didn't get medication while I was stuck in hospital barely conscious. The night I was released from hospital he came home in a bad way. I had to learn how to walk again, and my mother had to fly to help me recuperate from South Africa. I called the vet immediately and probably from then on Sheleg was just not the same. His last few days he just deteriorated, and the last day I saw him I felt that he had given up. He refused food, water and wouldn't lift his head. He curled up beside me and would not move. I held him for a long while and then put him in his carrier and took him to the vet. My vet was away but I also knew that possibly it would be the last time I would see my beautiful friend. I herd him howling in the carrier-he hated it, and he hated the car. They had to know him out because he wouldn't let any of them touch him for examinations or X-rays. More X-rays when there was nothing to see. Sheleg had just given up. His mouth was sore. He was in agony and he couldn't take it anymore. It was time to go.

I said goodbye to him. It was the second time he had been in hospital that week, the 5th time he had been knocked out that week, and the 12th time he had seen the vet that month. So many injections, so many medications. I couldn't handle it while I was I in hospital, the many infusions all day, the many, many pills 5 or 6 times a day, the poking and prodding a few times a day by doctors and professors, the temperature, the MRI's, the X-Rays, the CTI's, the blood tests everyday. I lost weight, tons of weight because I had no appetite. I wanted it to be over. So how could I expect my angel to have to go through that for so long now?

I always told Sheleg how much I loved him. A million times day. And I always told him that I did not know what I would do with out him. He knew how much he was loved. On Sunday December 3rd the vet called me at work, and told me that Sheleg had not improved an it was his time. I agreed with my vet and didn't want him to suffer another minute. I wasn't with my Sheleg when he passed. My vet who was already very close to Sheleg was with him. He told me that Sheleg went very peacefully. That his vein was open from the infusion and that he didn't feel anything and that he was in my vets arms.

I feel terrible that I was not with Sheleg but Sheleg did know he was loved. And I would have not been able to cope, watching my best friend die.

So I guess we push on. Sheleg is gone, and I have to start accepting it.

 

[Kitty Mommy]

My heart is just breaking for you right now. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. It was not your fault that Sheleg was ill. You did everything you could for him. And it wasn't your fault you had to be in the hospital. Don't listen to what those heartless people say to you. They are ignorant and don't have a clue! I know how hard it is to go on with the day to day activities when you are so sad. As time goes by you will start to feel better, even though it doesn't seem possible right now. This site is full of people who understand what you are feeling and you will get a lot of support here. Hugs!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Just knowing that eventually you will be able to accept it is about all you need to do just now. This is still a very new loss of a very dear member of your family, and under horrible circumstances. Your own illness just breaks my heart even more for you. PLEASE do not blame yourself in any way for what you could NOT control! We are here.

 

[Mashkasheli]

Thanks to all of you for making me feel better. I am so blessed to have found this site and other people who feel how I feel (I don't like it that they know how I feel because that means that they have had loss too, and I do not wish that upon anyone) but finally I have found a place where I can talk about my loss, where I can talk about my love for cats, and where people don't think I am weird for doing so. So thank you thank you. Today on my lunch break I bought a key ring that I just happened to see on the side of the road. It says, "All you need is love and a cat" What wise words! Today I left a message for my vet to call. I have seen him since he took Sheleg and we had become good friends. On Sunday it will be a month since Sheleg has gone and I had a special gift made for my vet, a mug with a picture of Sheleg on when he was healthy, and it says "World's Best Vet" So I am hoping to talk to him soon and invite him over for coffee and to "catch up" I think seeing him will probably bring up a lot of emotions but will also make me feel better because he was with Sheleg in his last moments and he knew Sheleg.

Thanks again guys for all your kind words! x

 

[Mamanyt1953]

What a sweet way to honor Sheleg with his vet! Hugs, Darlin!

 

[Mashkasheli]

What a sweet way to honor Sheleg with his vet! Hugs, Darlin!

Thank you lovely x

 

[Mashkasheli]

What a sweet way to honor Sheleg with his vet! Hugs, Darlin!

The weekend is coming up and that's always the hardest with out Sheleg. On Sunday its a month without him, but the weekends are just awful without him. I feel so lonely and I picture him everywhere. I lie on the bed alone and have photos of just a week before he passed of him lying on me watch TV with me. Sometimes I just can not believe that I wont hold him again. Sometimes I look at his photos and I laugh. And then I remember that I wont be able to feel him ever again. Or touch him. Or hold him. Or hear him meow, or purr. Or see him knead. I was very lucky that even though he was sick, I managed to get a video of him kneading. He loved when I changed the bed linen-always loved the fresh linen from the laundry, just like me.
Weird thing-I got some new bedding and feel sad to use it because he never got to sleep on it Its these little weird things that I think of that make me feel crazy.
Last night I spoke to my vet and he said he would come for coffee soon. I lost Sheleg. I don't want to lose what became a friend too.
This is what is printed on the mug I designed for him. Probably a bit kitsch but it's the thought...

Anyway, I am thinking of all you who are also grieving and thank those who have left me such kind, supportive words again.

 

[di and bob]

What a wonderful, thoughtful gift!
Don't feel alone in your thoughts and remineces, we all have them. I still tear up when I clean my little Chrissy's headstone, it's so hard to believe she has been gone 5 years now, the pain can come back in an instant if I let it. Now to have Burt's headstone next to hers is bittersweet, at least I can believe they are together again, waiting for me to join them.
You have your precious memories of Sheleg doing all those things, you will never forget something so precious, let him come to you in a dream and you can hold him once more, he will comfort you in any way he can. I send you my prayers, I hope you can bring peace to your heart knowing how very much he loved you. Bless you for that big heart!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Here is something that came to me last night, you may see it happen in the future. Because Sheleg was so much your kitty soul-mate, your other two cats, while much-loved, took a lesser position. You may find that they blossom with your full attention, and that one of them, while never ever taking Sheleg's place, makes his/her own special place in your heart, helping you to heal while helping you to remember Sheleg with more joy than sorrow.

 

[kago87]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your heartache. Your story sounds so similar to my own. My boy I just lost 4 days ago was my first pet of my own. I have no kids. He was my baby. I too dreaded the day I'd lose him. He too followed me everywhere, waiting for me outside of the shower, hating to not be in the same room with me, sleeping with me every night...it's so hard to walk around the house and not have him with me...I do hope your pain has eased up some as I hope mine will soon. Sounds like you had a wonderful 6 years...our boys were take from us way too soon.

 

[Mashkasheli]

Here is something that came to me last night, you may see it happen in the future. Because Sheleg was so much your kitty soul-mate, your other two cats, while much-loved, took a lesser position. You may find that they blossom with your full attention, and that one of them, while never ever taking Sheleg's place, makes his/her own special place in your heart, helping you to heal while helping you to remember Sheleg with more joy than sorrow.

Thank you x

 

[Mashkasheli]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your heartache. Your story sounds so similar to my own. My boy I just lost 4 days ago was my first pet of my own. I have no kids. He was my baby. I too dreaded the day I'd lose him. He too followed me everywhere, waiting for me outside of the shower, hating to not be in the same room with me, sleeping with me every night...it's so hard to walk around the house and not have him with me...I do hope your pain has eased up some as I hope mine will soon. Sounds like you had a wonderful 6 years...our boys were take from us way too soon.

I am so sorry for your loss. I do hope you slowly start to feel better soon. Our boys were definitely taken away from us too soon. We need to take comfort that they are in peace x