Goodbye My Prince

[Mashkasheli]

Two weeks ago I had to say goodbye to my Sheleg. Sheleg was my best friend. He adopted me when he was about 2 years old, and had been with me for 6 years. For the past 2 years Sheleg had been suffering with Stomatitis, and although most cats can live for many years with it, Sheleg just began deteriorating. The steroid injections stopped helping him, the steroid meds he would not take and would he would smell them in any food and refuse to eat. The last year the vet was doing house visits every week, I was buying every food on the market to disguise the steroids, trying everything possible. Sometimes there would be weeks when he would be doing fine, but then days when he was in a lot of pain. The vet kept telling me that it still was not his time to go. Sheleg was my best friend. The closest I have ever come to having a real baby. I live alone, my family are in a different country, and Sheleg was always with me. Weekends and evenings we would watch TV together, sit outside together. he would sit outside the shower and wait for me. He would wait for me to come home from work, knew the exact time, and where I would be dropped off. Sheleg really deteriorated suddenly 3 weeks ago. He was in hospital for a couple of days and when I dropped him off somehow I knew in my heart that his time had come. It was almost as if he had given up. He couldn't handle it anymore and he knew I was battling too. I always dreaded losing Sheleg. It was one of my biggest fears. I didn't think I would ever be able to cope without him. To carry on without him. His last night with me he could barely walk. He managed to somehow get on the bed and he slept in my arms. I am crushed without my little man. My prince. It has been a little over 2 weeks and I am still mourning. The crying has lessened but my house and heart are empty. I miss him and my heart is aching. I feel very sad and very lonely and I find myself talking to him all the time. Just over 2 weeks ago I lost my best friend. My home, my bed and my heart are empty.

 

[di and bob]

I'm so, so sorry for the pain you are going through, I wish I could somehow make it better. It may help a little to know you are not alone, this forum is here for you, filled with understanding and comforting people who have lost their own little ones too. Of course your heart and your home feels empty right now, the physical presence of your Sheleg filled it with his loving presence, and the love you had for each other filled your days with contentment. You were there for him when he needed you, you were there for him at the end. You would never want to prolong the pain on this earth, when he went from living his life to existing. It was his time to go and you could feel it in your heart. Somehow you found the strength to end that pain, and he was comforted, knowing you would always love him and hold him dear to your heart.
Time is the only thing that helps now, it will dull the sharp edges of grief and allow you to fill your heart with the happiness and sunshine he wants for you, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. There will be days of uncontrollable tears, of feelings of great loss, of pain that is almost more than you can bear. But one day the bond you have with that sweet boy will grow even stronger, it is something that can never be broken or taken from you, because it is love, it is spiritual. Spiritual love is eternal and will always be bonded to your soul. Try not to dwell on the end, it only brings pain and heartache. Use the years you shared and the precious memories you will always have bring you comfort, and know in your heart the new path he takes now will always parallel your own.
He thanks you for giving him the wonderful home you shared, and most of all for your love. He left for you in return his legacy of love, and would like nothing more then for you to pass it on and open your heart to another little one when the time is right. Because like a mother with many children you can open your heart to many, each one unique and so dear to your heart. It is never the same because no love is, but it fills your world once more with the happiness and love he so wants for the one he loves above all else.
My heart goes out to you. Please know I'll pray for you and your little boy. Take care......RIP precious Sheleg, you will forever be remembered on this earth, you will always hold a place in a loving heart. Good night, sleep tight, little Prince!

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ Wow ... what a handsom guy . He looks pampered and happy !
Isn't is nice to know that little man who would be so sick found you - of all people - to be his best friend . And that you are !
We are all on the same path. Your little Prince just left early . I hope in time another finds you . ( It always seems to happen )
Peace to you ... and your little friend . Remember he wants you to be well , just as you feel for him .

 

[Mashkasheli]

Thank you so very much for those beautiful words. The most beautiful words I have heard. No one has understood my pain or understood our bond. He was "not just a cat". I am going to print out your reply and keep it in my diary in my bag with me. I can not thank you enough.

 

[Mashkasheli]

~ Wow ... what a handsom guy . He looks pampered and happy !
Isn't is nice to know that little man who would be so sick found you - of all people - to be his best friend . And that you are !
We are all on the same path. Your little Prince just left early . I hope in time another finds you . ( It always seems to happen )
Peace to you ... and your little friend . Remember he wants you to be well , just as you feel for him .

Thanks so much! I appreciate your lovely words xx

 

[Mashkasheli]

I'm so, so sorry for the pain you are going through, I wish I could somehow make it better. It may help a little to know you are not alone, this forum is here for you, filled with understanding and comforting people who have lost their own little ones too. Of course your heart and your home feels empty right now, the physical presence of your Sheleg filled it with his loving presence, and the love you had for each other filled your days with contentment. You were there for him when he needed you, you were there for him at the end. You would never want to prolong the pain on this earth, when he went from living his life to existing. It was his time to go and you could feel it in your heart. Somehow you found the strength to end that pain, and he was comforted, knowing you would always love him and hold him dear to your heart.
Time is the only thing that helps now, it will dull the sharp edges of grief and allow you to fill your heart with the happiness and sunshine he wants for you, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. There will be days of uncontrollable tears, of feelings of great loss, of pain that is almost more than you can bear. But one day the bond you have with that sweet boy will grow even stronger, it is something that can never be broken or taken from you, because it is love, it is spiritual. Spiritual love is eternal and will always be bonded to your soul. Try not to dwell on the end, it only brings pain and heartache. Use the years you shared and the precious memories you will always have bring you comfort, and know in your heart the new path he takes now will always parallel your own.
He thanks you for giving him the wonderful home you shared, and most of all for your love. He left for you in return his legacy of love, and would like nothing more then for you to pass it on and open your heart to another little one when the time is right. Because like a mother with many children you can open your heart to many, each one unique and so dear to your heart. It is never the same because no love is, but it fills your world once more with the happiness and love he so wants for the one he loves above all else.
My heart goes out to you. Please know I'll pray for you and your little boy. Take care......RIP precious Sheleg, you will forever be remembered on this earth, you will always hold a place in a loving heart. Good night, sleep tight, little Prince!

Thank you so very much for those beautiful words. The most beautiful words I have heard. No one has understood my pain or understood our bond. He was "not just a cat". I am going to print out your reply and keep it in my diary in my bag with me. I can not thank you enough.

 

[di and bob]

If I brought you any kind of comfort at all, that is thanks enough......

 

[les26]

I am so sorry to read this and to know the pain and heartache that you are enduring now, it brings back the bad feelings for us all who have lost our little ones but we are here to say "we understand, we know how you feel and what you are going through, it is so very hard to deal with, at times you feel like you too will die and you almost don't care if you do, but with time the heart slowly heals and learns to love and trust again". But for now, it is broken, your spirit is hurting, but each day will improve albeit very slowly. But with time, you will probably find another little one who needs your love and help, and he or she will find you, but until then take care of yourself, let the grief and bad feelings flow out, don't hold onto them as it will only hurt more to try to ignore it, just cry, be mad, laugh, do whatever you feel at the moment, and with time you will be better.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you......

 

[betsygee]

I had tears in my eyes reading your story of Sheleg. It's very clear how much you loved him, and how much he loved you, too. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your best friend. You're in my thoughts.

 

[Mashkasheli]

I am so sorry to read this and to know the pain and heartache that you are enduring now, it brings back the bad feelings for us all who have lost our little ones but we are here to say "we understand, we know how you feel and what you are going through, it is so very hard to deal with, at times you feel like you too will die and you almost don't care if you do, but with time the heart slowly heals and learns to love and trust again". But for now, it is broken, your spirit is hurting, but each day will improve albeit very slowly. But with time, you will probably find another little one who needs your love and help, and he or she will find you, but until then take care of yourself, let the grief and bad feelings flow out, don't hold onto them as it will only hurt more to try to ignore it, just cry, be mad, laugh, do whatever you feel at the moment, and with time you will be better.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you......

Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am very thankful that I found this site where finally I found some wonderful people who understand me and have made me feel like a human again. I am sorry too for all of your losses. I do have 2 more rescues at home whom I do love very much but simply can not compare them to Sheleg. They are much more independent and although I know they care about me they spend most of their time outside. I live in the country. So they come in twice a day to eat and now and then when they feel like cuddles I do love them dearly but Sheleg was my best friend. Never not by my side. Anyway, I hope that wherever he is he knows how much I loved him and that I only ever wanted the very best for him. I love him to the moon and back and I know he is at peace now. Thanks to you all x

 

[Mashkasheli]

I had tears in my eyes reading your story of Sheleg. It's very clear how much you loved him, and how much he loved you, too. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your best friend. You're in my thoughts.

Thank you so much! Sheleg was a blessing and I was blessed to have him in my life. He slept with me every night with his paws wrapped around my neck!! He was certainly something special. Sheleg may be gone but he will never ever be forgotten. My special prince.

 

[betsygee]

I do understand. My first cat Skittles was the 'special one'. I've had several cats since then, and have loved them all dearly but...she was, like your Sheleg, my best friend. It's very hard to lose them.

 

[Mashkasheli]

Very very very hard!Hugs to you x

 

[les26]

We have 9 cats, and Sylvester who is pictured in the left corner is my favorite, he represents Simon and Sebastian two great boys who passed in my arms, he looks like if you combined the two of them, and after Sebastian passed Sylvester and I "rescued" each other, him from a not so good living situation and me from a broken heart from the sudden and tragic loss, and I KNOW when his time comes or if he gets sick I will be a train wreck, I know that I am setting myself up for it but the heart is overriding the mind right now, I just love him dearly as you did your little boy, but I hope that I have him around for awhile yet but one never knows, we just do the best that we can and take care of them the best we are able and deal with whatever life throws our way, the ride is quite bumpy at times but also at times the scenery is beautiful....

 

[boney girl dad]

Sorry for your loss of Prince. We are filled with soul crushing sorrow when they leave us because we have loved a very real love. We are so very fortunate to share our lives with our kitties be it a few days or a few years. No length of time could ever be long enough. Prince is now in a perfect place in a perfect condition. I pray for all the good memories to replace your sadness in time.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sheleg, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What a blessing this cat was in your life, and what a blessing you were in his! This won't help much right now, your loss is so very raw, but...love never dies. It changes form, and continues on, unseen but felt. Although we so miss the physical presence of our loved one, their spirit lingers close, whispering to us. That includes cats. Some day, when the sharp edges of your grief have become a bit blunter, perhaps you can honor that love by giving a home to another cat. Know that Sheleg, with his great heart, would approve of this!

 

[Mashkasheli]

We have 9 cats, and Sylvester who is pictured in the left corner is my favorite, he represents Simon and Sebastian two great boys who passed in my arms, he looks like if you combined the two of them, and after Sebastian passed Sylvester and I "rescued" each other, him from a not so good living situation and me from a broken heart from the sudden and tragic loss, and I KNOW when his time comes or if he gets sick I will be a train wreck, I know that I am setting myself up for it but the heart is overriding the mind right now, I just love him dearly as you did your little boy, but I hope that I have him around for awhile yet but one never knows, we just do the best that we can and take care of them the best we are able and deal with whatever life throws our way, the ride is quite bumpy at times but also at times the scenery is beautiful....

I think you should try not to spend your time thinking of losing Sylvester but rather spend each day enjoying him, spoiling him and treasuring every moment you have with him :-) You are so very lucky to have found each other. I was so lucky that Sheleg chose me. And unfortunately he did get ill and I knew that I would lose him at some stage. I remember just a few months ago sending a text message to my mom and telling her that I thought he was going to be leaving me soon, and she responded and said that he was still with me now and I could still spend every day spoiling him, and that's what I tried to do. I held him and I told him that I loved him all the time. He was a true treasure. Today is 3 weeks since I lost him. I feel angry at the vet, angry at myself, I feel lonely, I feel like maybe I should have not agreed with the vet. The day after Sheleg was put down I actually sent the vet a message and told him it was a huge mistake and needed Sheleg back. The vet answered me and said that it was the correct decision. That if we kept on going like we were we were going to lose him soon anyway and he was just going to suffer along the way. You would think that after 3 weeks that the pain would have lessened, but sometimes I feel like it is just getting more intense. Anyway, I went way off track here. What I just wanted to tell you was, spoil Sylvester, be with him and live in the moment! Don't think about what could happen! You are together now and that is what matters! Enjoy each other and be happy! :-) Take care! xxx

 

[Mashkasheli]

Thank you all for your kind words. Sheleg really was a prince. Today is 3 weeks without my little prince. The weekends are especially difficult because I find myself especially lonely without him. The bed is empty and I even feel guilty watch TV series that he used to be on my lap when I watched! How silly! I feel like I am betraying him! :-) Like I am carrying on watching episodes he wont be with me while I watch them. It sounds absolutely crazy. I miss every thing about him. But mostly I can not believe that I will never feel him in my arms again. That I won't ever see him again or have the chance to touch him or give him a little hug. I feel so angry with myself. I feel angry with my vet who was at my home sometimes twice a week for the past year and a half. And who only ever helped us. I feel guilty. I feel like I made a huge mistake. I hate everyone in my life because I can not talk to them about this. So I have am I have had to start seeing a therapist. I feel like I am going crazy. Who sees a therapist because their cat passes? Sheleg is not the first cat that I have lost. But then Sheleg was not really a cat to me. He was my whole world which was not very healthy. But he was my whole world. Now my world is shattered.

 

[les26]

I think you should try not to spend your time thinking of losing Sylvester but rather spend each day enjoying him, spoiling him and treasuring every moment you have with him :-) You are so very lucky to have found each other. I was so lucky that Sheleg chose me. And unfortunately he did get ill and I knew that I would lose him at some stage. I remember just a few months ago sending a text message to my mom and telling her that I thought he was going to be leaving me soon, and she responded and said that he was still with me now and I could still spend every day spoiling him, and that's what I tried to do. I held him and I told him that I loved him all the time. He was a true treasure. Today is 3 weeks since I lost him. I feel angry at the vet, angry at myself, I feel lonely, I feel like maybe I should have not agreed with the vet. The day after Sheleg was put down I actually sent the vet a message and told him it was a huge mistake and needed Sheleg back. The vet answered me and said that it was the correct decision. That if we kept on going like we were we were going to lose him soon anyway and he was just going to suffer along the way. You would think that after 3 weeks that the pain would have lessened, but sometimes I feel like it is just getting more intense. Anyway, I went way off track here. What I just wanted to tell you was, spoil Sylvester, be with him and live in the moment! Don't think about what could happen! You are together now and that is what matters! Enjoy each other and be happy! :-) Take care! xxx

Very good advice, you are right and believe me I spoil him and spend time with him everyday! I just know and remember the heartache that comes when they leave us, and am reminded of it everytime that I respond and try to comfort someone on here who is experiencing it now, but that is like you said a reminder to enjoy today and be in the moment with him and our others, take care of them the best that we can and we know they don't live forever, at least not with us here on Earth, but their spirits live on forever!

 

[Mashkasheli]

les26 , I hope you know what a lovely thing it is that you do, when you leave words of comfort for others. Right now I am going through one of the most difficult times ever, and your words of comfort along with others on this site have brought me comfort and are much appreciated. But still, please focus on your happiness and your wonderful cats and be happy!