Frustrated with my half-feral cat...

[orange&white]

Ohhhh, I'm really sorry to hear that. You've put so much work into Mille.

Consider adopting the cozy and tame cat before giving Mille back. Sometimes a shy/feral cat can learn trusting behavior better from a socialized domestic cat much faster than they learn from us humans. The first few weeks I had Farrell, she definitely watched very closely as my domestic cat Tangent rubbed all over me and flopped over for belly rubs. I think Tangent helped tame Farrell more than I did.

 

[chint]

Hmm, I'll keep that in mind, but I don't think I can afford two cats :/ And I don't have the energy to deal with two cats if they don't get along.

 

[orange&white]

Try it 30 days? What have you got to lose?

You've come this far already.

1989, when I brought in the super social kitty with the shy little cat from 1987, was the first time I ever owned more than one cat at a time. Since then, I've owned 2 or 3 at a time, so I don't mind if one of the cats wants to hide under the bed forever and be less social...as long as I have at least one snuggle bug.

 

[KatKnapper]

Here's a little video of us playing:

That is the same rapid punching my cat done the other day when the motorized vacuum brush attachment came within his safe zone beneath my desk. He is fearful of the vacuum and carpet steamers and runs beneath my desk for safety. Of the six months he has been with me (former outdoor cat) this is the first time he has displayed this rapid forceful paw punching. I took it to be fearful defense...like "Hey you, you're threatening me, I'm afraid of you, you're too close...BACK OFF NOW!" He never chases around the vacuum heads in curiosity, but watches from a perch or run the opposite direction. I would take a closer look and discern if the rapid forceful paw action is defensive aggression and not play.

I play and tease my cat a lot like poking a finger or toys along the opening when he's in his box or scratching his post while he's stretching, and the mysterious hand moving under the blanket play to get gentle paw actions out of him. The moment with the vac, he was hitting it hard with a very rapid, almost motorized punching.

 

[daisyd]

Oh that s so sad to hear that you're going to give her back. Sorry it came to this. My gracie is quite the little one sometimes. She still bites and is aggressive after 5 months and we've had her since she was 7 weeks. It frustrates me as I spoil her to pieces ! I've tried everything I mean everything and she still bites so I just leave her be until she calms down . She is my baby though and I can't ever give her up ! We laugh and say she is half lion and can picture us having to put her in a cage when she's older if we have visitors. I hope it turns out ok for you and I'm not being judgemental just know what its like to be frustrated that's all

 

[chint]

Hmm, I didn't think of it like that, with the playing. Thanks for the feedback, I'll keep that in mind

Thanks for understanding... it's not an easy decision, I gave my very best, but it just didn't work out. I struggle with depression and anxiety, so I don't have all the best capacity either. And being sensitive and nervous is not the best trait when you're dealing with half-feral cats... I'm not an "outwardly" nervous person, I come across as very calm and seem to have a calming effect on most people and animals, but I got to admit I become nervous when the cat hisses at me, especially the other day when he hissed several times, and really eyeballed me.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

If you have given all you have to give, then that is the best decision for BOTH of you. You've gone a long way to making her a cat that a more experienced cat guardian will be able to work with. Thank you for that. Poor girl. Poor BOTH girls! Do think very hard about making that exchange. A cozy kitty is just what you need to get you over the trauma (and it was a trauma). When you have her (him?) be sure to come back and introduce us to your new pet.

I know your heart is aching over this, and that you did NOT make this decision lightly. ALL of us have different strengths and abilities to deal with things, and when you have done your very best, NO ONE has a right to denounce a decision made for the best interest of you AND Mille! HUGS, Darlin. LOTS of

 

[msaimee]

If you are still having feelings of ambivalence next week, then maybe you could give it a shot taking the second cat into your home to see how that would work out. The last feral kitten I took into my home a year ago bonded with my other forur cats within a few weeks, and very strongly with one of them after only a few days. She was able to observe how they interacted with me, and after bonding with them began to view me as a safe person. A few months later, she finally bonded with me. She turned out to be very affectionate. Maybe if you give it one last try by bringing the second cat in, then you will have complete peace of mind if you still decide to return her to the shelter if that doesn't work out. This is only a suggestion. I tend to struggle with anxiety as well, and I know how stressful the socializing process can be with a new cat. Prayers for you and this precious kitty.

 

[chint]

If you have given all you have to give, then that is the best decision for BOTH of you. You've gone a long way to making her a cat that a more experienced cat guardian will be able to work with. Thank you for that. Poor girl. Poor BOTH girls! Do think very hard about making that exchange. A cozy kitty is just what you need to get you over the trauma (and it was a trauma). When you have her (him?) be sure to come back and introduce us to your new pet.

I know your heart is aching over this, and that you did NOT make this decision lightly. ALL of us have different strengths and abilities to deal with things, and when you have done your very best, NO ONE has a right to denounce a decision made for the best interest of you AND Mille! HUGS, Darlin. LOTS of

Thank you (even though I am a male, hehe )! Yeah, I didn't think I bonded much with Mille, but I get sad thinking about returning her, and I'll probably get worse when I'll make the delivery :/ Hmm, that maybe true. Thank you for understanding

 

[chint]

If you are still having feelings of ambivalence next week, then maybe you could give it a shot taking the second cat into your home to see how that would work out. The last feral kitten I took into my home a year ago bonded with my other forur cats within a few weeks, and very strongly with one of them after only a few days. She was able to observe how they interacted with me, and after bonding with them began to view me as a safe person. A few months later, she finally bonded with me. She turned out to be very affectionate. Maybe if you give it one last try by bringing the second cat in, then you will have complete peace of mind if you still decide to return her to the shelter if that doesn't work out. This is only a suggestion. I tend to struggle with anxiety as well, and I know how stressful the socializing process can be with a new cat. Prayers for you and this precious kitty.

Hmnm, you have a point, but the problem is the money... twice the amount of food, litter, insurance and vet, etc. It's a lot of money, so I think I'll pass on that. Even though the idea is good...

 

[chint]

Is it hard to get an outside cat be an indoor cat? The people from the shelter said they had only one cat that was an indoor-cat as of now, and that and outdoor cat would just howl and make it unbearable... is it really that bad?

 

[orange&white]

I think you're going to want to take a very friendly indoor cat. It is kitten season, so if they don't have the right cat for you today, they may have in the next week or two. I wouldn't hurry the "trade-in".

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Thank you (even though I am a male, hehe )! Yeah, I didn't think I bonded much with Mille, but I get sad thinking about returning her, and I'll probably get worse when I'll make the delivery :/ Hmm, that maybe true. Thank you for understanding

OOPS! There goes that "assumption" thing! I shall not forget that one! And of course we understand. HUGS, Darlin. You really did try. We'll support whatever decision you make. I'd love to see you with a cat who can be a real companion to you, and, as I said, you have moved Mille to a place where a person with experience can finish off what you have begun.

 

[KatKnapper]

I think of her as a "strong-willed" cat. If the rescue place makes this known about her, then the right person at that organization will take her under their wing, to nurture and mature what you have begun Chint. I understand this well, as I have a similar charming little creature (presently resting at my feet...thought that was a throw rug), who when you at water becomes an alien being. When it comes to his meds I would rather "burrito" a WWE Wrestler to pill. If I befriend outdoor TNRs or a passing stray cat that scents me, I practically have to remove my trousers immediately or suffer his wrath of removing them himself (almost threw the kitchen sink between us both to protect my legs.) In me, he has met his match.

I think you made the right decision. It was the adoption place, that didn't take Millie's disposition and history into perspective when releasing her to a new home. I always visit the kitties seeking an adoption home when I visit the pet store, and one of the staff there were socializing a new little kitty so as to get her more comfortable with being handled. Similar steps should have been taken with Millie to prepare her more for a home and family.

Please strongly recommend that they get her the help she needs to prepare her for a life within a home. If they don't, they can expect to see her returned again and again until she is deemed unadoptable. That would be a real tragedy when all she needs is the right person with lots of love, patience and the talents to help her through her insecurities.

If you are still interested in a kitty companion, Jackson Galaxy I believe has a recommendation that may be just what you need. When you're ready, please stop by his youtube channel or google "Jackson Galaxy Adopting An Older Cat."

 

[KatKnapper]

Is it hard to get an outside cat be an indoor cat? The people from the shelter said they had only one cat that was an indoor-cat as of now, and that and outdoor cat would just howl and make it unbearable... is it really that bad?

I like the term "strongly suggest against" [stands on top soap box]...did I say it right? In light of your last, don't let them sell you on that one. Please don't. Shop around, widen your shelter or rescue location range, browse PetFinder.com, but under no circumstances get near a formerly outdoor cat.

Mine was a family cat, but he resided entirely outdoors to my belief. When I add water he turns into a Gremlin. I took him inside the first night of a rain that lasted for a week. The first two weeks he only slept in my lap or on my chest when reclined in a chair (under my neck once...thought I was going to suffocate.) If he wasn't on my lap asleep, he was in my computer chair asleep. Now that this phase has passed, this formerly "outdoor" cat won't be held long enough to weigh him on a scale. If I need to clear him out of a room, all I have to say is "Come give Daddy a bug hug!" and off she shoots through the cat tunnel and down the hallway.

I can't bath him without it becoming a nightmare with a Tasmanian Devil, I can't pill him without dawning a WWE Wrestlers' uniform, he won't sit in my lap, can't clip his nails, hugs last no more than 5 seconds, when I go to bed to sleep, he gets up and leaves. If I get my pants leg butted (scenting) by outdoor cats, I get treated like a husband who has been frolicking in a brothel. Nearly every time I enter or leave the home I have to blockade the door to keep him from dashing out. Come Vet visits I have to towel "burrito" him into the pet carrier. He nags me to let him out almost daily for the past six months. This is my formerly "outdoor" cat. He's been inside now for six months and still wants out to roam.

Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly. We are best of friends and inseparable. I will eventually retrain him of all these unfortunate habits and ways, just still looking for a better motivator than "Good Boy! and No!!!" My suggestion is any cat other than what I have mentioned here or an older formerly single adult or couple's cat, as suggested by Jackson Galaxy...Walk Away!!!

Now this stray, whom my cat nearly tore my leg off because he/she rubbed against my trouser legs after I fed it...a few days later, laid in my lap and beneath my arm as I drove it to a rescue place to get adopted. The second day of meeting this cat I was able to lift her (I think she was female...the same in my profile avatar) and cradle her like a baby. She was definitely someone's angel for a time. Never hissed at me, though I was a stranger. Never clawed me, even accidentally. I would have taken her in if my precious baby weren't so territorial. I thought she was a mature cat, because of the raspiness in her meows. The rescue place did not agree when they compared her their known older cats.

Anyways consider adopting a cat such as this or one with a well-known family history and I think the two of you will be awesome together.

 

[chint]

Hmm, this is going to be tough... went over to a couple of friends today, and they tried to convince me otherwise. They respect my decision of course, but very idealistic cat-lovers. I can't say that they changed my mind, but I have been thinking a little about a second cat... two cats would be wonderful. I am also noticing that my energy is pretty much rubbing over on Mille... my friend adviced me to act more confident and "leaderlike", and I tried it when I came home and I can tell that that's kinda what she wants from me. More assertive. I don't want to give her up, but I really want a cat that's confident and cozy. This is hard...

 

[astrael]

Scutch was born feral. He was part of my colony for a few months before he insisted on coming inside. He started staying in full time in late fall. He's now indoor only. He meows a lot, but not to go out. (Two bites of kibble is missing from the bowl, the world is ending. Scoop my box. I'm bored again, play with me... Wake up and pet me.)

He was raised outside, in a colony, and become the only indoor kitty. He loves looking out the window/door. But he isn't miserable indoors. (I may harness train him)

And about the confidence thing, that is VERY true, especially if they might have been bullied at some point. Scutch is great with the people he knows (and runs from everyone else), but my mom had trouble getting close to him at first, because she hesitated too much. He needs the people to be calm and comfortable. We just act natural, until he does too.

Honestly, every pet is going to be demanding in some way. Kinda like with each other, we find the ones who's quirks complement our own.

That said, I've worked with cats with all sorts of problems. Biters, traumatized cats (one girl had her ribs broken and teeth kicked in when we found her clinging to life. She could never be near another cat or man again), neurotic shy cats, and amazing intelligent sweet cats. I have a lot of patience and experience for cats. My health makes a lot of things difficult. (Part of why we didn't have an indoor kitty till Scutch) However, Millie doesn't sound hopeless. Maybe a little slow to open up, but she's shown some very promising behaviors.

Scutch chose us, and just wormed his way in. He makes allowances for our poor health. Only you know your limits. If you can't give her the life you think best for you both, it's ok. It's not anyone else's decision.

That said, I also agree with the others that cats learn by example. Scutch copied Judy (friendly feral that stays in our house when the weather is bad) when he first started coming in. He learned where to go, how to do things. Even how to get attention. Cats are a lot more social than many people realize. It might not hurt to even temporarily foster a friendly cat. Then they could be adopted if you can't handle 2. But the experience might help Millie, and you. And by fostering, you'd have the option of adopting the second kitty yourself, but not being obligated to.

Whatever you decide, you have done a wonderful thing by helping Millie. I hope you find the companionship and comfort you seek. :-)

 

[orange&white]

It's not any easy decision, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. We will support whatever decision you make.

Yes, I am of a mindset that you should adopt a second friendly, socialized cat (not an outdoor cat) and keep Mille at least 30 more days afterward before deciding to give her up. Something within the range of three things would happen:
1. Mille would blossom by observing that human affection is a good thing, and would become friendlier herself.
2. She would not be happy about sharing her home with another cat, but would be neutral to the other cat and to you. She could live peaceably hanging out as the "shy one".
3. She would absolutely hate having another cat around, making another 30 days seem like a horrible mistake.

The first two weeks would likely be a huge adjustment period for everyone, with the cats spitting over establishing territory and you whacking your head , which is why I would give it a full 30 day try to let the dust settle.

Anyway whatever you do decide, you'll get support here.

 

[chint]

<3

 

[Mamanyt1953]

And remember, whatever your final decision, we know you are acting in the best interest of BOTH of you, and we are here for you.