Frightened new kitten

[zorisuzaru]

Please don't give up, it has only been a few days! remember that each cat is different, they all have different temperaments and personalities. To simply buy one and expect a lovable, playful ball of fur straight away is not fair, they are living and sensitive beings! He is bound to be stressed for a while because of the separation from his mother- 6 months is quite old for a new kitten. Be patient, it may take days, it may take months, but that is what we sign up for. You will get out what you put in, be consistent with your love and your affection, but give him space when he needs it, and you will be rewarded with the same in time!! 

 

[vbcatparent]

There was one point with my Regent when we reached our breaking point and thought he was hopeless. He had a bleeding injury on his back (found that way when rescued) so we were forced to take him to the vet about a week after he moved in. We now refer to it as The Friday of Terror. He went back into permanent hiding and undid all of our progress. That night, we cried and prayed and deliberated for hours. It literally felt like he would never improve. We agreed to give him another chance, and he surprised us with his turnaround after that.

Six months is a long time to stay home, so he was probably rather attached. A breed vs rescue can be good when they're outgoing and exposed to friendly strangers, but sometimes it can backfire when a breed cat is happy at home for six months and then blames the new family for relocating him. Pixel is a cat -- he doesn't feel this way on purpose, and only time can change a cat's mind. Four or five days is still short enough for him to hope he can go back home. One day it will click that he's there forever.

I'm not a psychologist, but I do wonder if he can sense friction/frustration in you.

 

[elfin]

 
I'm not a psychologist, but I do wonder if he can sense friction/frustration in you.

That thought had occurred to me too. My frustration comes in bursts, and I try to keep away from him at those times. Mostly when I look at him I just feel sad. I'm not the only one trying to interact with him. I thought he might be a bit better with the children since they're smaller and not grieving as badly as I am - they sit beside the crate and talk to him and do jigsaws and play board games. His response is the same though.

 
To simply buy one and expect a lovable, playful ball of fur straight away is not fair, they are living and sensitive beings! He is bound to be stressed for a while because of the separation from his mother- 6 months is quite old for a new kitten. Be patient, it may take days, it may take months, but that is what we sign up for. 

We never expected him to settle immediately, but we did expect to at least see the potential for a connection. Even a small sign - creeping out of his box to take a bite of food with us in the room, or watching us with some interest from his hidey-hole - would be enough to make us keep him. We haven't made the final decision yet, but we aren't prepared to have him like this for months. There needs to be some change, no matter how tiny, in the next couple of weeks.

I have no issue with his breeder. He's in fantastic condition and has obviously been really well cared for. I'm sure he's perfectly lovely with her since he's known her all his life. I still think he's beautiful and would love to have him as a permanent part of our family.

 

[sunflowers]

The cage/crate is definitely a good idea. I used a tall enclosed cat play pen to house my very shy male kitten named Mr.Fancy the first two weeks in my bedroom. Although I would actually try having it in the quite room during the day where it will provide him a chance to observe you quietly. I think the living room is just too much for him at this point, especially since he won't even look at you guys while he is in there. Sounds like you had more progress in the room. It really sounds like he needs time to bond with just one person. He needs someone he trusts to show him the ropes around his new home and he has no one. I would try one week of you being the only person he is exposed to. Then slowly introduce the family one by one into his safe room.

I will say I do understand your frustration, but I guess I would have been more mad at the breeder. If I had bought a kitten from a breeder, I would have expected a great fit with medium to low stress levels. Yes, all cats have different personalities, but a great breeder should be able to pair up families and kittens after evaluating both and give them a warning if they don't feel its a good match. Some breeders won't even let the family buy the kitten. Even though I adopted a kitten, Mr.Fancy, from a foster home, the foster mom had a great amount of knowledge that I would expect a good breeder to have. One very nice family with kids had actually visited and wanted Mr.Fancy before I got there. However the foster parent choose me because I live alone in a quite area. Although she was confident Mr. Fancy would have opened up to the family eventually, she was not confident that they would have wanted to put up with the longer wait for him to come out of his shell due to their loud and active household. She didn't want them to get discouraged by his shyness and possibly return him.

 

[elfin]

Thanks Sunflowers. Unfortunately there's no space in my room for the crate. It's pretty big. The living room is actually pretty quiet. It's generally only my husband in there on the Xbox, and the kids if they want to do something quiet. All the chaos is at the other end of the house. He has me all to himself at night, when I'm lying down and not so scary. I have discovered that he likes 'blanket mice' (aka toes under the doona) and he bites them really, really hard. I doubt he realises he's interacting with me when he's attacking them.

I don't mind if he's just scared and needs a bit of time to get used to the change. What worries me is that he might genuinely be poorly socialised and need months of work, or that he's naturally timid and unable to cope with change. We have a steady stream of people coming in and out, and other pets, and we move house on average every 18 months. He needs resilience and adaptability to fit in here. Maybe his breeder just doesn't have a handle on his personality if she's never seen him in a challenging situation.

Someone I met this morning was telling they had a similar experience with an oriental, though theirs only took 3 days to start showing an interest in their family. Maybe it's just his breed? 

Did Mr Fancy come round for you? How long did it take?

 

[nacho]

All I can say is hang on in there, you've have had him for such a short period of time.

We have had little Nook for 8 weeks now and he is still very frightened.

He has been in the crate for 8 days and I can see it going this on for about 3 weeks if we a lucky as progress is slow. But if he were out it would be much slower.

We still get the occasional hiss, actually I fed him tonight and he was happy and relaxed then he just got scared over nothing, hissed at my partner and is lying low in his bed at the moment sulking for some reason......who knows why. 

I just think of it as teenage angst! 

He is going through his Emo phase just like any teenager, he just needs to grow up.

I do see moments of a lovely cat trying to get out sometimes.

To be honest I am surprised you let him out at night and can get him back in during the day. 

If we try to catch Nook we would get bitten and scratched to bits; had to wear welding gloves for the last vets trip!

What breed is he?

Nook also came from a breeder who I am very unhappy with.  He was sold as a sort haired Birman seal point but looks more like a snowshoe cat - in my avatar picture.

He was purchased for the breeds temperament too.

 

[elfin]

He tolerates being picked up but I've only got as long as it takes to walk to the crate. He's pretty antsy by the time I get there. I also use it as an opportunity to check him over. Yesterday I found a bleeding claw, presumably from getting it caught on something overnight. If he hisses I back off and come back a bit later.

At night I open the door and he goes back to the bedroom on his own. Last night he froze halfway because he thought the slow-moving spaceship on the Xbox pause screen was stalking him.

He's an oriental. I have a lovely green collar to match his eyes if I ever dare to put it on him. We used to have a couple of siamese, from a different breeder who has since retired from breeding. They were great, never had an issue with them.

Nook does look like a snowshoe, doesn't he! A lot of the ragdolls hereabouts look a lot like that too.

Funny you mention teenage angst ... at times Pix does remind me of myself aged about 13. 

Pixel hiding.jpg

• elfin
• Sep 29, 2014

 

[BonitaBaby]

Look, you put him in your bedroom after a long, nightmarish 6 hour trip home for him that might have even made your late cat hide in fear if it had happened to him. Sure, some kittens & cats are ready to make themselves at home immediately, but it sounds like many need their new owners to follow the "new cat/new home tips" of a room to itself with short visits so that he gets accustomed to you but feels safe with his own room with a closed door.

I looked online and read this and set up a room for just my kitty. She used to be a feral stray, but had lived in a rescue shelter with many workers for 7 months before I got her so she was used to strangers, but still hid when I brought her home. Even if your kitten had been around lots of strangers, it might have still wanted to hide when you brought him home.

Aren't you supposed to only expose a frightened kitten/cat to just you at first until it's comfortable with you? Instead, it sounds like your new kitten quickly met your playing children who played right next to him when he should still have been in his own room because he was a frightened kitten.

It sounds like he's made great progress, but it's not enough for you and not what you want. If you want a certain type of personality, maybe you should be getting a cat and not a kitten that's not fully developed yet personality-wise.

I got my cat to replace my sister's cat that I love and used to live with. So I got a cat that looks a lot like her and hoped for the same personality. Instead, I saw a semi-feral cat who didn't play and looked mean. I expected my cat to run out of the carrier when I brought her home, love it here, and play with her new toys. That's retarded thinking. My cat needed 24 hrs hiding to come out to meet me again. That was in her own room with the door closed. Then, she needed a few days in her own room to become interested in what was on the other side of the door. This sounds typical. I've accepted my cat just as she is and adapted my thinking to her personality. She turned out to be wonderful and just needed her time to get used to living in a home of her own. I would never return her unles she gets extremely violent with me and it is not due to a medical illness. If that ever happens, I'll probably still keep her but put her in her own room and cover myself up.

I'm very sorry your cat passed, but, IMO, it's not fair what you're doing to this kitten and what you're expecting immediately. I'm surprised you have lots of experience with cats.

 

[lamiatron]

1) I think you should give your cat more time. take into consideration Pixel's needs. And for the time being, adhere to what is best for him

2) You've only had him for a few days. This is not enough time for him to feel safe with anyone or anything. All cats are different. My cat Charlie roamed his home the first day he came home with me, and he didn't need an adjustment period. My girl Jet had an adjustment period of about 2-4 months, during which time she was also ill, and needed to be syringe fed. My cat Gunther had an adjustment period of about 1 week. I've had all 3 cats since they were kittens, Gunther is still a kitten. Each cat is SUPER different from each other. It's not fair to compare pixel to your cat that passed away, and your foster cat. I learned that REAL quick, when I adopted Jet and thought i was getting a social, out going kitten who would love company and cuddles and love, just like my Charlie did. 

3) Every time you make progress, you are taking 5 steps backwards when you put him in a crate and leave him in an open/busy area. Try to find an area in the house with the LEAST amount of foot traffic. A quiet room, or a bathroom that's never used, a huge closet that's not visited often throughout the day. Keep pixel in there with water and a clean litter box. Visit him a few times a day if possible to speak to him, read to him, talk to him, check up on him. 

4) Following proper cat to cat intro protocol...you should try to let your foster cat be around pixel. He may not feel comfortable around you guys, but he might feel more comfortable and be more trustworthy of another cat. I saw this happen when i adopted my girl Jet at 2 months of age. She did not trust humans, and she was a former stray cat. The intro process between her and my cat Charlie (who was 4 months old at the time) was a bit rocky, but she trusted him much quicker than she trusted us, the humans

5) If you are free feeding pixel, change it to timed feedings daily of wet food. Bring him is food, and sit behind him if possible, while he's eating, try to pet him, or talk to him in a soothing tone at least. Make him associate good things with you, such as food. When you come home, give him treats, so he understands that when you are home you are good.

6) engage your kitten in play with a laser pointer. maybe hide someplace so he can't see you and make him chase the laser. to end play point a laser to a favorite toy of his, or a stuffed animal, so that he feels like he has "made the kill". 

Cats can't be forced into a situation and then overtime just adapt. I understand you are trying to help him, and have him come out of his shell, but you are harming him instead. All this exposure this quick is stressing him out. and all this stress will lead to a health issue. In addition to using feliway plug ins, I would recommend using Sentry Calming Collars. I use them for my girl Jet, it works wonders, and could help alleviate some stress from Pixel's life. 

Try to put yourself in his shoes. And even after you have changed for Pixel, if you feel he is not progressing as you had hoped, maybe it will be better for him if he goes to another home, where an experienced owner would be able to adhere fully to his needs. Maybe he doesn't belong in a household with other pets and children. Whatever decision you end up making, I hope that you do so in the best interest of Pixel. 

Adopting an older cat might be a better choice for you and your family. If adopting from a shelter, you will be saving a life. Shelter workers would be able to tell you accurately what the personality of a certain cat is, and if it will match with your lifestyle, and family. 

 

[elfin]

I hear what you both are saying, but a few points:

We didn't adopt a child, we bought a cat with expectations of what we were getting based on his breeder's assessment of his personality. We certainly don't want him stressed but ultimately he needs to fit in with us, not the other way round.

We don't have a room that can be just his. No matter where he is, he has to share with someone. Even the ensuite is in use.

We aren't forcibly making him interact with us, we've just put him in a location where he can watch us if he wants to. He has hidey holes, and blankets blocking parts of the crate from view, and he can do everything he needs to do without being seen if that's how he wants it. The only difference between there and under the bed is that he can hear our voices and he can watch us while still feeling safe.

'Children playing' does not mean they are running around, fighting or throwing things beside the crate. They're only allowed quiet activities in that room. So yes, he does hear them talking, and he if looks out he might see a game of chess going on.

He has been introduced to the foster cat at a distance, who is now avoiding any area where she thinks she might encounter him. He might feel better for the presence of another cat, but she is not happy. She has started vomiting from stress again (confirmed with the vet, she is not sick) so I'm not going to push her into his presence.

Laser pointers are illegal here unless you have a genuine occupational reason to have one (too many people pointing them at planes). We have to do the best we can with feather wands and dangly things on sticks.

We have been letting him free feed overnight because he was refusing to eat at all during the day. He just ate breakfast in the crate when he thought we weren't watching. If I think he's eaten enough today I'll take away the free feed tonight. Unfortunately he's not food motivated and he won't eat if we're nearby.

We aren't just doing stuff that occurs to us as we go along. I'm in contact with his breeder and also with the lady who runs the pet charity that I'm fostering for. In fact I borrowed the crate and most of its contents from the charity, for this exact purpose.  

Last night after I let him out of the crate he decided it was time to explore the house. He spent about an hour going from room to room before he headed to the bedroom. He even had a play on the cat tree, until someone moved then he was back under the couch. I do think there are socialisation issues here, not just the normal fear associated with a new home. He's too willing to explore his surroundings and too wary of people.

 

[catpack]

I think you are doing right by putting him in a quieter room that still has activity and where Pixel can get accustom to the children.

I also agree that he was not very well socialized, especially since he was put in an outside cage at 3-4 months old (possibly at an earlier age?) By doing this, he doesn't get acclimated to all the noises and ongoings of a household.

I would suggest keeping Pixel in the cage 24/7 until he gets comfortable there. Meaning he is eating well, using his litter box, and interacting with you. He was crated for most (if not all) of his life thus far, this will simply recreate an environment he is use to and hopefully help him transition more quickly.
If the crate is not already, make sure it is elevated by placing the cage on top of a table. You don't want him flat on the floor.

 

[vbcatparent]

Pets have a delicate balance in the human scheme of things. They are in a fuzzy middle area between property and living creatures. I think some members are reading a bit of flippancy in Elfin's words like Pixel is a toy to be returned for malfunctioning. That stirs up emotion.

Elfin, I know you said you're still pleased with the breeder, but to the rest of us, it's clear that Pixel was either not raised correctly for adoption or was not vetted for compatibility with you. It's not Pixel's fault. He is a cat. You pay hundreds of dollars because you expect a result, and I totally understand that, but you paid the breeder to do better than this. Pixel didn't take your money, and Pixel didn't promise you he was ready.

It really might be better for you to rehome him though, because his progress/personality may never be what you paid for. This is one of the biggest problems with breeder buying; no matter what a breeder says, they can't manufacture cats with guaranteed performance. If I were you, I would give Pixel a chance to start over, and I would foster until I fell in love with a perfect cat.

You're hurting about the loss of your baby. You had unrealistic hopes that such a strong bond could be recreated if you spent enough money. I don't say that to jump on you. It just is what it is, and it's hurting everyone in your home, including Pixel.

Please understand I'm not snapping at you or judging you. I see a toxic relationship forming, and I'm trying to offer advice.

 

[elfin]

I'm sorry if I came across as flippant at any point. This is a distressing situation for all of us and I definitely don't feel flippant.

I spoke with the breeder again this morning. She wants to give him another week, and if there's still no change we'll talk then about what to do.

 

[panamapatti]

The first thing that stood out when I skimmed the post was "house was infested with children".   Children are high energy and noisy, even the best behaved ones, its normal.  What is quiet to you is enormously loud to a cat that is unaccustomed to it. Enough to set the most tolerant cat on edge. If your kitty came from a quiet home it will take time and patience (a lot of it). Cats hear mice in walls and  under the snow that you or a dog would never hear, its how they hunt so well.. Their hearing is exceptional.  They will hear someone walking up your drive minutes before the dog wakes up and barks.   Have you ever turned on a blender and had a cat run from the room?  Bet you didn't know it hurts their ears.  Do you know that cats can pick up vibrations in their paws from someone walking through any part of your house.  Ok, I just skimmed another post - Xbox - yup, cat can hear it.  Kitty is terrified.  The normal shooting and game sounds are death threats to a cat that has never heard them before. Looking at it from a cat perspective might help.  I have two suggestions.  Lets start with a story.

 I have had several Bengal cats in the past.  The first one Tsunami was an amazing cat that reared and trained the other two.  When I brought my second Bengal home, (Seismic) he was terrified.  I have no children, T.V. nor do I listen to music, in other words I live a very quiet life even for cats.  I listened to the breeders advice even though I did not agree with it.  After 4 days of hiding, no food, and no litter box use, I decided to ignore the breeders advice.  I let Tsunami into the room.  He was a very big boy and just ambled over to Seismic, pinned him with his huge paw, and bathed him from top to bottom.  When he walked away the Seismic followed him to the food bowl and water, and a final stop at the litter box.  All I could think is that I fretted over this for days and the solution was so easy. That was all it took, but I had an great cat I trusted, so I relied on cat to cat communication.  This may or may not work for you.  I don't know what your other cat is like.

So, you've been at this for a couple of weeks, kitty is exploring and eating when everyone is asleep or exploring until someone moves or there is a noise.  Guess what, there has been a big improvement - maybe one that is not to what you hoped for, but a very big improvement. I would recommend singing and dancing but that might scare the kitty, so just pat yourself on the back. 

In an earlier post you mentioned studying on your bed and in another the other cat showed no hostility toward the new cat.  Use this to your advantage.  When I studied on my bed at night, most, if not all the remaining household was asleep.  With books and cat toys (ideally a wand) go study with the door open.  Attract your regular cat (I saw him used in an earlier post so I will refer to the male as Him and the female as Her since I am not sure of the names) to the bedroom with the wand.  Get on the bed as if studying, ignore Her and play with Him.  By ignoring her, this means no looking at Her and no peeking.  There must be no talking at all.  Focus your attention on Him and playing (hopefully this is not a cat that likes to do bank shots off the wall and flips in the air).  If you can get a pet session with a major purr going on - go for it. Then ignore everybody and study. Try this for a couple of nights, they do not have to be consecutive, but the closer together the better.  Don't force Him on Her or deprive them from each other unless there is hostility.  Cats don't understand a word you say, they may relate repeated words to certain actions with positive or negative outcomes, but children sitting on beds and quietly speaking to cats does not mean a thing to them. Sorry, I know you meant well, but we are looking at this from what a cat understands.  Another cat trusting, playing and purring is something they can relate to.  If Him is a lap cat and loves to crash on your paperwork and books, allow Him to do so, just so Her can sit and observe without any requirement on Her part. When I prepare for going to bed I ask the cats "Do you have your jammies on?" Now they don't have a clue to what I am saying, but they do know, because of routine that very soon I will be in bed, so off they go to bed.  When I get there, I have 8 warm spots, which I very much appreciate on a cold night with cold sheets.

I have 8 feral cats from the street and 7 are lap cat slobs.  The 8th was so injured when I rescued her, the occasional pet I get is just fine with me. Trust is sometimes exceedingly hard to build, but always worth it in the end.  I pulled  a one year old female from the streets and it took 2 years for her to except me (your job is easier).  Now I can't keep her out of my lap and I often call her a pest, a regular lap hog. You are building trust, one step at a time, starting with you since you care enough to spend all this time on searching for answers.  Leave the door open to venture out to everyone else, but start small with yourself and build the trust, then extend the trust to the remaining household. 

Ok. I just read another post and realized the name is Pix and he likes blanket mice.  This is great.  How covered up are you when he starts his play?  I wooed a Siamese this way.  At first I was completely covered up and every night I lowered the covers an inch or two until my thigh was showing.  With a well placed glop of tuna on my thigh (just above the knee)  was enough of an attraction that it took to the end of the thigh washing before he realized it was me he was cleaning up, should have seen the look on his face.  See you are doing better than you think, he is playing with you.  No, he may not realize (yet) that is your foot under the covers but he does know you are on the  same bed he is on.  I expect you will be waking up to company in the morning and very soon.

I had to laugh at one of your post where you said you didn't adopt a child.  Oh, yes you did.  Maybe another species but still a child, just a cat child and your attachment shows by your devotion.  I looked back for a breed and found oriental and Burmese - great cats, but sometimes one person cats.  Strong willed, stubborn but can be wooed on their terms.  On another post I read that he stopped to look at the ship on the Xbox, sounds to me that he was considering the ship as possible prey in his next cat and mouse game.  

One last thing, when you approach him and he hisses check your body language.  Is your hand open or closed when you reach for him.  Try a hand that is balled into a fist with only one outstretched finger, cats find this less intimidating.  Check to see if you are facing him with your body front on, if so turn your body partially sideways, this is also less intimidating. People often forget how large they are in comparison.  Finally, look for the blinky.  It is a slow motion closure of the eyelids - it is a sign of acceptance.

 

[lamiatron]

.....

Please understand I'm not snapping at you or judging you. I see a toxic relationship forming, and I'm trying to offer advice.

total agree with @VBCatParent  here.

No one is trying to attack you @elfin  , or make you feel bad or make you feel like you made the wrong choice.

Clearly you care a lot about Pixel to seek out a forum and then to start a thread about your problems to try and get help. 

We're only going by what you're saying here, and we're trying to offer the best advice.

Please remember, that its been less than 1 week since you have had Pixel, and you guys got off to a really rocky and traumatizing start with your car unfortunately breaking down with him in the car. search the numerous threads that are here about new cat and cat to cat intros on this forum, and you will find GREAT AMAZING advice, and you will also see that most cats adjustment periods are a few weeks to a month or even more. Cats don't just hit the ground running and get used to their owners and surroundings right off the bat. If they do, those certain cats are exceptions to the norm. You haven't even given Pixel a week yet. Understand that within the less than one week that he's been with you, he has made amazing progress. 

This is my true and honest opinion, I feel you should re-home Pixel, and go for a cat that is more suited to your lifestyle, which is not normal to most people's life styles, as you did mention that you guys move about every 18 months or so. At this point, Pixel seems like he might be a skittish kitty forever. I have one of those, and I know how they can be...and as they get older, they adapt less and less to change, and changes in their environment is difficult for them.

I know you've paid a lot of money for Pixel, since you've gotten him for a breeder, and yes maybe its not the same as adopting a child, but you adopted a living breathing being, that is completely and solely dependent on you for care and love. That's not a small matter. Its not a couch, its not a TV, its not a pair of shoes that hurts when you first wear it, but eventually you're going to wear it down and then it fits to you. I can understand the frustration you feel...as far as having to pay a lot of money for something and then not being satisfied with what you bought..as a consumer. But Pixel is an animal, he's a cat. He's going to be who he is, he's going to take how ever much time he needs, just like you would in a new situation. Maybe its not a good match for your family and Pixel.

I hope you see the improvement you're looking for in the next week, which will total you having him for almost 2 weeks? if not, then maybe its best for everyone if Pixel gets re-homed, and you guys look for an older cat, age 1-2 maybe, that is said to be good with children, and feels comfortable in a multi-pet household, and is known to adapt well to change. 

 

[BonitaBaby]

[quote name="VBCatParent" url="/t/285638/frightened-new-ki
Please understand I'm not snapping at you or judging you. [/quote]

I'm guilty of snapping at you and judging you. I feel much more for the kitten than I do for you and what you are going through. Why? You're human and can change your circumstances and your mindset. You can change your unfair expectations about this kitten and you can change your behavior towards this kitten. This kitten cannot and doesn't even know what's going on. This kitten has no idea how you want him to behave or else he'd probably bend over backwards to try to please you.

Your posts all seemed to lack any empathy... empathy for your new kitten's situation. They don't seem to be following advice much or really even soliciting advice. They seemed to be more venting & soliciting sympathy. Perhaps I read them incorrectly or you didn't post any empathetic worries you had/have about your kitten. You keep saying you are following the breeder's advice, so maybe the title of your thread should really be "Unhappy with my new purchase".

A lot of cat owners paid something for their cats because even shelters cost $$ for the microchipping and spay/neutering, but we say we "adopted" because that's what it is usually. You using the word "bought" says a lot. When you buy something, you expect something specific. When you "adopt", you're taking in and caring for someone or a pet in need. It's partly altruistic instead of completely selfish.

I also think you should just bring the kitten back because it sounds like that's what your mind is set upon anyway. Why prolong the kitten's experience so that when he starts to feel more comfortable after another week, you return him because he's just not what you want?

If you are looking for a certain personality, it makes more sense to go visit the cat/kitten you're thinking about adopting multiple times or go see cats and kittens before choosing one instead of bringing one home for a traumatic "trial period" and then returning him/her if you're unhappy with his/her performance. It's too bad you can't buy a programmable robot that looks and sounds like a real cat or kitten since that is what it sounds like you really want.

I feel sorry for this kitten and how it was taken from its mother to go through what it's been going through and that it might end up being returned and maybe the bond with its mother is broken now. Breeders usually breed to make money. They're good at breeding and selling kittens more than they are with helping the kittens they sell adapt to their new homes.

I feel someone has to defend this kitten. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this kitten. He seems healthy and has shown remarkable progress considering his situation and that terrible 6 hours of being trapped in a carrier for the first time and then just being given the underneath of a bed to hide after that horrendous ordeal. Lots of cats cry like crazy, all panicked, over a 10 minute drive to the vet. I've been in a car with 4 crying, terrified cats when it was vet time. Even if the kitten didn't cry, it might still have been terrified.

Edit: I don't consider the initial "kitten not eating" a true concern. If the kitten had been in the ensuite to begin with, with the door closed, at night, he would have felt safer and may have eaten and pooped versus having to hide under the bed.

 

[BonitaBaby]

What I mean by my "Edit" above is you even wanted to take the wheels off your bed so this kitten would have nowhere to hide because you wanted him to immediately be social. You weren't asking,, "my kitten is frightened! How can I make him comfortable and feel safe?" Scared cats and kittens and even comfortable cats need hiding places. It's possibly similar to how humans feel safe with a lock on the front door and closed windows.

 

[vbcatparent]

Elfin is probably much more caring about cats than what this thread conveys. There is grief involved in this and a distorted expectation. The breeder probably made out like Pixel would be a perfect solution and got the family's hopes up too high.

 

[BonitaBaby]

Elfin is probably much more caring about cats than what this thread conveys. There is grief involved in this and a distorted expectation. The breeder probably made out like Pixel would be a perfect solution and got the family's hopes up too high.

I'm sure you're right. If I ever post anything where I'm not thinking of my kitty, then I would fully expect others to jump down my throat, hence my opinionated, angry posts...I just feel if anyone is going to adopt a pet, they should be thinking foremost of the pet's health & well-being since it's usually a choice to adopt a pet and it's traumatic many times for a pet to be brought to a new home/shelter or even taken traveling. Unless you're helping foster a pet or the pet is vicious or your pets hate each other, after reading about how traumatized cats can be when adopted, I just don't believe in "trial periods" anymore. The pets have no idea what's going on or what will happen to them or why they've been taken from their home.

It's a lot easier for humans to adapt in these situations than it is for the cats and there's a lot of information readily available for free on the internet to research what to do before adopting and how to pick the right pet.

It may not seem like it's being done "lightly", but it may come across that way. After less than 2 weeks with my adopted cat, she's mine!!! Through sickness and health, orneriness, happiness, purring, biting, scratching, etcetera. Forever, until one of us dies. If she ever shreds me viciously for no apparent good reason, which I was afraid of at first, then I will get her more Feliway, medication, and try to change her environment and/or my behavior. But that's just my philosophy on adoption -- that it's a commitment.

 

[elfin]

All I'm looking for from him is some indication that a connection might be possible. 

I'm confused about why we would be expected to keep him here if it's obvious that he's not happy and comfortable with us. How is it fair to expect him to live in a place with people he wants nothing to do with? He's not a stray or feral who has nowhere else to go. Most responsible breeders prefer that their animals return to them if the new situation isn't working out.

We didn't pay vast amounts of money for him, but yes, we did pay more than we would have for a rescue, primarily to have a complete personal and family history so we don't have to go through what we did with Poe any time in the next 10 years.

And I asked about lowering the bed because it was given as a suggestion on another thread (I can't remember if it was here or another forum that I was reading through). We have plenty of other places to hide, under the bed was just particularly inaccessible to us. Of course he wouldn't have been out in the open!

Yes, I'm upset and worried that he's not fitting in with us. I'm also upset that there is this beautiful cat in our home that we desperately want to connect with, who is obviously frightened, and we can't find a way to show him that we care because he wants nothing to do with us. That hurts.