Some background: "Ed" has been best friends with my husband for 25 years, and Ed and I have been very good friends for 20 years. Ed was a groomsman at our wedding, and held our daughter in the hospital the day after she was born. My family has always considered Ed one of our dearest friends.
When Ed found his wife cheating on him 13 years ago, he came and stayed with us until he figured out what to do. I called him at work every day, reminding him to come over and have dinner with us (which he did) because he was so devastated that he wasn't eating and was losing a lot of weight. 7 years later, he broke up with a long-time girlfriend and came and stayed with us for a week, saying he needed to be with people who cared about him. He told us later we saved him from doing something desperate. Ed always stays with us when he is in town, 2-3 times a year, and he considers our daughter like his own, and she's always adored him, and we all look forward to his visits.
Ed got engaged a few months ago and told us he would be getting married in Calgary in June. My husband, daughter, and I decided to make a week-long vacation out of the trip, since there would be 3 nights of events for the wedding. Also, Ed asked my husband to MC the reception, which my husband said he would gladly do.
We just got the wedding invitation and our daughter is not invited. My husband called Ed and asked if the wedding and reception is adults only and Ed said yes. He said kids can't be there "because they are serving alcohol" and my husband was kind of stunned so they hung up.
The problem isn't that the event is adults only - I get that. If the wedding were here in Victoria we would have no problem having our daughter stay with a friend and her family, or another trusted family we know, or even she could stay overnight if we needed two days, but we are going to be 700km away in Calgary.
Are we supposed to leave our 12-year-old alone at home in Victoria for 5-6 days? Or leave her in a hotel room by herself in a strange city for 3 nights? Or get a stranger/sitter to stay with her in the hotel room for 3 nights? None of these are options! And I would never burden our friends here to take our daughter for a week (and get her to school and back, make her lunches, etc.) unless it was an emergency!
We are hurt that Ed didn't give us the heads-up on this sooner before we made plans to all go to Calgary. Our daughter is sad and hurt, he should have talked to her and explained why she wasn't invited. Frankly we all feel bad about this. Ed and his future wife have made no provisions for out of town children of guests, either, in fact Ed said that children aren't even allowed near the building where the reception is being held!
So, we are going to politely decline. This invitation really doesn't sound like Ed at all, though, I hope his marriage works out but it seems like it's not starting out so great, a big red flag already.
I'm curious what you think of this situation!
When Ed found his wife cheating on him 13 years ago, he came and stayed with us until he figured out what to do. I called him at work every day, reminding him to come over and have dinner with us (which he did) because he was so devastated that he wasn't eating and was losing a lot of weight. 7 years later, he broke up with a long-time girlfriend and came and stayed with us for a week, saying he needed to be with people who cared about him. He told us later we saved him from doing something desperate. Ed always stays with us when he is in town, 2-3 times a year, and he considers our daughter like his own, and she's always adored him, and we all look forward to his visits.
Ed got engaged a few months ago and told us he would be getting married in Calgary in June. My husband, daughter, and I decided to make a week-long vacation out of the trip, since there would be 3 nights of events for the wedding. Also, Ed asked my husband to MC the reception, which my husband said he would gladly do.
We just got the wedding invitation and our daughter is not invited. My husband called Ed and asked if the wedding and reception is adults only and Ed said yes. He said kids can't be there "because they are serving alcohol" and my husband was kind of stunned so they hung up.
The problem isn't that the event is adults only - I get that. If the wedding were here in Victoria we would have no problem having our daughter stay with a friend and her family, or another trusted family we know, or even she could stay overnight if we needed two days, but we are going to be 700km away in Calgary.
Are we supposed to leave our 12-year-old alone at home in Victoria for 5-6 days? Or leave her in a hotel room by herself in a strange city for 3 nights? Or get a stranger/sitter to stay with her in the hotel room for 3 nights? None of these are options! And I would never burden our friends here to take our daughter for a week (and get her to school and back, make her lunches, etc.) unless it was an emergency!
We are hurt that Ed didn't give us the heads-up on this sooner before we made plans to all go to Calgary. Our daughter is sad and hurt, he should have talked to her and explained why she wasn't invited. Frankly we all feel bad about this. Ed and his future wife have made no provisions for out of town children of guests, either, in fact Ed said that children aren't even allowed near the building where the reception is being held!
So, we are going to politely decline. This invitation really doesn't sound like Ed at all, though, I hope his marriage works out but it seems like it's not starting out so great, a big red flag already.
I'm curious what you think of this situation!