Friend's Wedding (long post)

[vampcow]

Originally Posted by Catfriend

I also think you made the right decision. Perhaps the "new bride" is threatened by your long friendship with Ed. Like a selfish child with a new toy, she doesn't want to share.

I was thinking this also because I have a twin brother and he wanted me to be in his bridal party and even stand in for his best man (who was serving in Iraq at the time) and his wife (my SIL) told him under no circumstances would she allow me in the wedding party because she was afraid I would start crying and mess up the pictures. (even though she was crying so hard the priest told her to cut it out...she's an actress)

THEN at the reception she placed me in the the table farest from the head table with a bunch of friends and then she came over to me in the middle of the dinner and SCREAMED her head off at me...to the shocked expressions of everyone at the table. OT this day my friends are still like wow...we still can't believe that ___ screamed at you like that on her wedding. WHen you weren't even doing anything! SHE also yelled at me for bringin a good friend as a date instead of some random guy from the gym.


THE REASON why she was soooo awful (and she still is sometimes) is this....I AM her husband's twin sister and she thinks I am prettier then her. She has told me that i am a huge threat to her control over my brother and she told me once "you are the most dangerious person to me in this family." JSUT BECAUSE I AM HIS TWIN SISTER!!

SOO you never know that is going on in the bride;s head. Sounds like to me your friend found himself a jealious and controlling woman and I am going to share with you the same advice my aunt gave to me...."be nice and supportive because the day might come when you will be needed the most."

 

[februa]

I think that THEY probably planned their wedding how they wanted it, and its unfortionate that your daughter was excluded, but to take this personally, as if the whole wedding was planned to spite certain people with children, is ridiculous. Im amazed everyone here thinks that a brides wedding choices should not actually be hers, or that the hubby to be should put friends children ahead of his fiances wishes. There should be no issue here, there should be no offense that some or all children were excluded - guest list IS up to the couple, and there should be no offense on his end that you are not attending. Creating/furthering drama over this will only further harm and destroy a friendship that seems valued on both sides.

 

[fisheater]

Originally Posted by Februa

I think that THEY probably planned their wedding how they wanted it, and its unfortionate that your daughter was excluded, but to take this personally, as if the whole wedding was planned to spite certain people with children, is ridiculous. Im amazed everyone here thinks that a brides wedding choices should not actually be hers, or that the hubby to be should put friends children ahead of his fiances wishes. There should be no issue here, there should be no offense that some or all children were excluded - guest list IS up to the couple, and there should be no offense on his end that you are not attending. Creating/furthering drama over this will only further harm and destroy a friendship that seems valued on both sides.

I couldn't agree more with this post. The groom is honoring his bride's wishes (or his wishes? or both?). I don't see why other people can't respect their wishes on their wedding day. Its their day. He has obligations first and foremost to his future wife. Yes, it is unfortunate that your daughter is excluded from the event. And you as a parent have obligations to take care of your daughter before attending his wedding. I think its perfectly reasonable for you to decline attendance. I would decline too if I was in your situation.

However, I think its silly for either side to be upset with the other. I see no reason for him to be upset over your declining to attend. I also see no reason why you should be upset that your child was not invited. I hope that both sides can remain good friends. It would be sad to destroy 20+ years of friendship over something that should be a celebration of happiness for the husband/wife to be.

 

[gailc]

I have to disagree with the last two posts. While yes its the bride and grooms (why isn't it groom and bride BTW?)choice over the guest list I think a personal call informing you why your daughter was not invited would I think helped calm the situation down.
Just curious, did you ask him why this wasn't done?

I hope you enjoy your new plans they sound good to me.

 

[yam102284]

Originally Posted by Februa

I think that THEY probably planned their wedding how they wanted it, and its unfortionate that your daughter was excluded, but to take this personally, as if the whole wedding was planned to spite certain people with children, is ridiculous. Im amazed everyone here thinks that a brides wedding choices should not actually be hers, or that the hubby to be should put friends children ahead of his fiances wishes. There should be no issue here, there should be no offense that some or all children were excluded - guest list IS up to the couple, and there should be no offense on his end that you are not attending. Creating/furthering drama over this will only further harm and destroy a friendship that seems valued on both sides.

Originally Posted by fisheater

I couldn't agree more with this post. The groom is honoring his bride's wishes (or his wishes? or both?). I don't see why other people can't respect their wishes on their wedding day. Its their day. He has obligations first and foremost to his future wife. Yes, it is unfortunate that your daughter is excluded from the event. And you as a parent have obligations to take care of your daughter before attending his wedding. I think its perfectly reasonable for you to decline attendance. I would decline too if I was in your situation.

However, I think its silly for either side to be upset with the other. I see no reason for him to be upset over your declining to attend. I also see no reason why you should be upset that your child was not invited. I hope that both sides can remain good friends. It would be sad to destroy 20+ years of friendship over something that should be a celebration of happiness for the husband/wife to be.

I think part of the reason is that he lied to her. He told her that children were not invited because they were serving alcohol and it is a liability issue. But then turned around and told her the only kids in attendance would be the nieces and nephews. Well apparently it wasn't so much of a liability issue if those children could come. Yes, those may be blood family, but he said he thought of her daughter as one of his one. The fact that he couldn't consider her to come to the wedding, I would consider heartbreaking for the daughter. And she's 12. I doubt she's going to cause trouble or be loud like a 3 or 4 year old might be.

 

[baloneysmom]

I still stand by my post that itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s their wedding, they are spending the money, and itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s their day everyone should go along with it.

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve been in this situation before, a friend I had (and still have) through all of high school that I hung out with every weekend and at least once a week for 6 years straight… she was my sisterâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s best friend and a good friend of mine. She got married and invited my sister and not me. I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get a call or anything from her but I did get an invite through my sister to come to the bachelorette party. I knew she was strapped for cash and assumed that was the reason why I wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t invited. I never asked her why, never asked my sister, nor do I even remember caring about the whole thing. I sent her a gift of 100$ with my sister and received a thank you card. That was good enough and a month later we were back to going out once a month after her honeymoon and house move.

I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t imagine being upset over something that someone else is paying for or being upset that someone elseâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s big day didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t take me in mind. I am not an overly sensitive person though so maybe thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s why. This is why I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want a wedding. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s my day, I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want to spend it trying to make other people happy and accommodating everyone… I want it to be my day lol maybe thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s being insensitive and mean, but Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll pass on the wedding. Eloping for me!!

I also think itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s really silly for him to be mad as well… like really? Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a totally understandable situation and he shouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t take it to heart. 20 yr + relationships are extremely rare… extremely… donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t let this ruin that for you.

 

[mystik spiral]

I agree with Gail and yam. The problem isn't so much that kids "aren't allowed" (even though SOME kids apparently are), but that he didn't give a heads up to Swampwitch and then was offended to learn that she and her husband wouldn't be attending the wedding. That's really crappy, and I hope it doesn't affect this long-time friendship.

It is the bride and groom's decision to not have kids at a wedding, but they shouldn't be offended if people with kids - especially from out of town - don't come. And I still say anyone who doesn't allow kids at their wedding are missing out. There is nothing cuter than a kid on a dance floor!

 

[nurseangel]

I know you and your family have been (and are still going through) a great deal. Ed should have been grateful that you, your husband and daughter were willing to take the time to attend his wedding in the first place. I'm sure your presence will mean a lot more to your sister anyway. So maybe things worked out for the best.

I feel terrible for your daughter, though, and am sorry that her feelings were hurt. Perhaps you and DH could take her someplace special to make up for the wedding?

As far as Ed, I wouldn't waste a minute worrying about him. "No kids are allowed at the wedding because there will be alcohol, except these kids?" I agree that they can invite who they want to their wedding, but he has no right to be dissapointed that your family declined. Especially under the circumstances, and especially after he lied to you. Then he tries to make you feel guilty? Maybe the bride is in control, but Ed is still seems very insensitive and only concerned with himself.

There! With much editing, I ended up saying this without making myself look too mean toward Ed!

 

[yam102284]

Originally Posted by Mystik Spiral

And I still say anyone who doesn't allow kids at their wedding are missing out. There is nothing cuter than a kid on a dance floor!

I agree! We have the CUTEST pictures of FH's then 4 year old niece dancing with her father at FH's other sister's wedding 2 years ago. I can't wait to see the young kids at my wedding dancing, and to dance with them!

It may be their day and they do what they want, but to me it seems like the bride is in control. If he really did want the OP's daughter there, and the bride didn't because of the kid issue, they should have compromised. What harm is a 12 year old going to do at a wedding. And if the bride didn't want to compromise, well then there's an issue there. They let the nieces and nephews come, but not someone the groom considers one of his own daughters. It's a shame.