Friend stealers?

[nebula]

Hi Everyone

This is so odd to even think this way, but has anyone had a friend - like a best friend and then you get married and they end up buddying your spouse and leave you in the dust? It seems so sad. For months now I have been trying to get my best friend to be friends with my hubby (who is very reserved and doesnt easily make friends) now that it has happened, I feel left in the dust- especially when they go have "guy time" and leave me alone with no transporation and stuck in the house

Anyone else ever feel this way? Any suggestions?

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I can't say that I have.  My closest friends have always been girls, besides DH.  I found that the friendships with guys I did have kind of died off after I got married too.  For a long time DH and I were stuck between groups of friends.  The single ones and the married with kids ones. 

I would talk to your DH.  Be gentle and non-confrontational about it though.  For me I'd probably say something along the lines of "Hey; I'm glad you 2 are having a great time, but can I come out and play too???"  Sort of silly like.  Know what I mean?  If that doesn't work, be a little more blunt about it.

 

[rad65]

I have never been on the receiving end, but I have been the friend that a significant other gravitated towards. My best friend in high school was a girl (I'm a guy) and she had a boyfriend who I knew somewhat but not well at all. Well, we started hanging out as a group, but my friend had times where she was busy but neither of us was, so we began to hang out without her. We found that we had tons of similar interests, and it got to the point where me and the guy would be hanging out every day. My friend told me she was feeling left out and I felt absolutely horrible. I never thought about the fact that I was taking time away from her and her boyfriend; I was focusing on my new friend and all of the fun we were having hanging out. Once she made it clear that she felt left out, we redoubled our efforts to include her in everything, and as corny as it sounds we all became much closer to each other after that.

I think everything will go back to normal over time once the newness wears off. Their friendship is still new and exciting to them now, and I'm sure they never even thought about the fact that they're excluding you from anything. Tell them you're feeling left out and I think they will understand.

 

[swampwitch]

I'm confused. You asked them to get along and get to know each other. Now they are friends isn't that what you wanted?

Is this the same friend you were talking about in this thread? Did you ever figure out what the problem was?

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/240987/does-anyone-else-ever-feel-this-way-what-might-be-going-on

In any case, it sounds like you are having a rough time - I hope you get things worked out. 

 

[nebula]

The same friend............ So An update:

I feel so silly and foolish and stupid. Everything is Fine... I just perceived it wrong I guess. I wasn't being excluded. I get alone time with Nick all the time, he just wanted that time with Ricky. So they came back, we went out to eat- then played games & watched TV and when he left, we had our customary one on one time to just chill and talk about whatever. Ricky is completely OK with the relationship with Nick, and it seems for the time being, things are "back to normal" with us....

Thanks for letting me vent guys, its just a strange concept to have people to care about me....

Mel

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I'm glad things worked out for you guys.  You are lucky to have friends in both your husband and your friend at the same time.  It's been a long time since DH and I could both claim the same friend as a true friend. 

 

[nebula]

I'm glad things worked out for you guys.  You are lucky to have friends in both your husband and your friend at the same time.  It's been a long time since DH and I could both claim the same friend as a true friend. 

Absolutely Nick is a total blessing from God- for both of us. We are basically stuck @ home with no transporation, and Nick is our only friend who seems to visit. This keeping in mind, he drives an hour one way to visit us quite often. He also "springs" us out to dinner, or to mini golf etc.. I am truly blessed to have him as a friend, and it seems it has now made the dynamic shift to all of us being "best buds" and I wouldn't have it any other way.