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Two days after the death of my beloved Pallina I found two dying kittens on two different occasions, a few hours apart. What a luck!
Understandably at that time I only needed to grieve, to cry and to suffer over the death of my cat, but I was forced to take care of those two poor souls. I was so glad that I found them and they found me, it was mid-August, who else could have done something for them?
In particular, the saving of one of the two kitties, the circumstances that led me to finding him and what I did for him on that day, still make me extremely proud of myself, and some tears roll down my face when I think of that day.
I devoted entirely to them during the time they were home with me (6 weeks), before I adopted them out.
But I have to admit that on certain days I kind of hated them because they were distracting me from my pain, I only wanted to cry and be desperate, but I had to give them the meds, play with them, take them to the vet visits, scoop their litter boxes, etc.
On those days I was sure, adamant, that my Pallina was mad at me because I was saving their lives instead of crying over her.
When I adopted them out I had my time to grieve again, and in time I thought that maybe, maybe, Pallina had made me cross the path of the two dying kittens because she knew that I would need something different in my hands, or I would have gone crazy for sure.
I might even think that those two kittens saved me, and that Pallina made it possible.
So, consider Inky, Gypsy, and Shanghai as a life buoy that is helping you not to sink and drown in your pain.
It is even possible that one day you will thank them.
Thank you, Antionio65, for not only offering comfort in regards to Jeff but also for sharing your own personal story of those two incredible felines, Pallina and Lola. I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling when they both had to leave you. Friends like that don't come around everyday and i know you cherished the years you had with them. However, remember that it is only a temporary good-bye. Those two haven't gone far, and the three of you will be reunited.
Yes, I believe that Pallina wanted you to find those kittens- in fact, I am sure she pointed you in their direction. I believe cats have more empathy than most people, and she knew that you would be the one who could save those vulnerable babies. She knows you possess the patience, the compassion, and the interest, for the welfare of those who can not speak for themselves. In other words, what she is trying to say, is that while you recognize the special place that both she and Lola held in your heart, they too knew that they had a rare and special friend in you.
I am so glad that you understand my emotional conflict- there are times when I not only resent some of my other cats but I also find myself comparing them to Jeff. And thank you for the shared empathy of knowing what it's like to want to join our feline friends. My heart is broken and my brain is in a dark place these days.
Its funny, but I felt so immediately comfortable when I met Jeff, almost like I had known her before. If that is the case then I hope we meet again, and when we do, I will embrace her and then I will thank her, for all the wisdom and love she gave me.