Freeing Myself Of Cats

[jefferd18]

Hi everybody

Don't get the wrong idea from the title- I love cats, but I need to make a hard decision to free myself from them. I do this for two reasons: first, to give them a chance for a better life and secondly, to give my emotions a break.

When I lost Jeff six months ago, I pretty much lost my zest for life. If I were to spend another sixty years in this world. I would never come across a better friend than she was to me. Today I read a thread that brought all that pain back to me. I'm tired- tired of reading what people do to cats, (ESPECIALLY AUSTRALIA!) tired of hearing of how they are really a "dog person", tired of how cats are thrown away, and finally, just tired of my own involvement with them.

I have decided to re-home all of my cats and to devote my time left in this world in helping feral cats.

No matter how hard or how long I search, I will never find Jeff. She left and took a big part of me with her and as much as I love her, sometimes I have to admit, I get a little tired of her too.

 

[susanm9006]

It sounds like you have been giving this a great deal of thought. It is a difficult decision but hopefully will give you some rest and peace.

 

[Mia6]

Are you absolutely sure?

 

[verna davies]

Think of your cats, will you find a better home for them than they already have. Rehoming them and helping ferals will not fill the gap left by Jeff, nothing will. Try not to think of your loss but of how lucky you were to have her in your life. Keep your cats and help the ferals.

 

[Mia6]

Think of your cats, will you find a better home for them than they already have. Rehoming them and helping ferals will not fill the gap left by Jeff, nothing will. Try not to think of your loss but of how lucky you were to have her in your life. Keep your cats and help the ferals.

I agree with V verna davies and I'll also add, not to be rude, but get over yourself. You have a commitment to your cats and to rehome them? What will they think??? As verna wrote, "Keep your cats and help the ferals."

 

[bbdoll22]

Are you thinking that by re homing your cats it will spare you the pain you felt when Jeff died? I know she was special and one of a kind but please think about your current kitties. They will feel the loss of your love if you rehome them.

 

[Winchester]

Your post doesn't make a lot of sense. I understand your grief; I think we've all been there. I was there a few years ago when Banshee died and I thought I was going to lose my mind.

You're not accomplishing anything by getting rid of your cats, even if you do manage to find them a good home. Basically, you're abandoning your own cats to take care of ferals. And there's not much sense to that, IMO. And I truly don't understand how taking care of ferals is freeing yourself from cats. They still require an amount of commitment, even, maybe especially, if they're feral.

Believe me, I understand your grief. I was there; many of us have been there. But it's truly not far to your own cats in the long run. Taking care of any animal is a life-time commitment and that means through almost everything and anything. Your cats will never understand. If you're truly tired of taking care of cats, then re-home your kids to the best homes you can possibly find. And then walk away from it all. Why? Because you can't try to help the ferals, and then walk away from them in a couple of years, if it all gets to be too much. It's simply not fair to cats who've learned to depend on you. And ferals will depend on you for their care, much like your own kids depend on you now. You know.....the ones you're considering re-homing.

I always said that I may have a thousand cats, but there will never, ever be another Queen B. (Banshee) in my life. And that's very true. Nonetheless, you will pry my Mollipop out of my cold, dead hands.

And consider this: Maybe the absolute best way to honor your Jeff is by doing the best thing possible to take care of the other kids in your life.

 

[Kat0121]

Imagine this:

Jeff is sitting beside you and the two of you can communicate with one another. She just heard what you are thinking of doing. What would she say? I think she would gently but firmly tell you that you and the cats who are still in your life need each other. They are your family and you are theirs. Jeff loves you. She will always love you and she'd never want you to do this to yourself or your other cats. She understands that you miss her and are sad. She misses you too but she knows that the day will come when you and she will be reunited. You are forever in her heart and she in yours. The bond you share is unbreakable, unshakeable and irreplaceable.

Rehoming the other cats isn't fair to anyone. They will be sad and confused. They will not know why this happened. The best way to honor Jeff is to take care of all the cats in your life. Hang in there. Things will get better. The cats will help you heal and we are here for you too.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

It takes time to work through grief and I sympathize, but I don't think rehoming your cats is the answer. It sounds like what you are wanting to do is prevent yourself from being hurt by loss, but unfortunately that is what life is. When my cat Willie died 2 years ago, I was devastated. She was my baby, my one true soulmate cat. It took several months for me to feel ready to adopt again, but I did. I would hate for you to regret rehoming your cats when the level of grief you are feeling is likely temporary. You will always feel sad, but it won't always be this intense.

Have you tried looking into seeing a therapist? A good therapist can help you work through your grief and all of the emotions you are feeling. I think everyone would benefit from a therapist, to be honest, I've been seeing mine for years now and I've greatly benefitted from it.

 

[jefferd18]

Are you absolutely sure?

No, I am not, but I know that something's gotta give.

 

[jefferd18]

Are you thinking that by re homing your cats it will spare you the pain you felt when Jeff died? I know she was special and one of a kind but please think about your current kitties. They will feel the loss of your love if you rehome them.

Yes, I have not handled her death well. I was suicidal for a while and was closely watched by a few wonderful friends.

There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't pop up in my head. Even in warm weather where we were basically passing ships to one another, I always felt comforted just knowing that she was here.

Most of my cats don't feel the same way about me as Jeff did, (with any luck Figaro won't even notice that I'm gone) but that is okay, they don't have to. After Jeff left I just don't feel strong enough to keep going to bat for them, and they deserve better than that, I think all living creatures do.

 

[CatLover49]

Think of your cats, will you find a better home for them than they already have. Rehoming them and helping ferals will not fill the gap left by Jeff, nothing will. Try not to think of your loss but of how lucky you were to have her in your life. Keep your cats and help the ferals.

 

[bbdoll22]

Yes, I have not handled her death well. I was suicidal for a while and was closely watched by a few wonderful friends.

There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't pop up in my head. Even in warm weather where we were basically passing ships to one another, I always felt comforted just knowing that she was here.

Most of my cats don't feel the same way about me as Jeff did, (with any luck Figaro won't even notice that I'm gone) but that is okay, they don't have to. After Jeff left I just don't feel strong enough to keep going to bat for them, and they deserve better than that, I think all living creature

 

[Elphaba09]

tired of how cats are thrown away, and finally, just tired of my own involvement with them.

I have decided to re-home all of my cats and to devote my time left in this world in helping feral cats.

None of what you have said makes any sense. You are tired of how cats are thrown away so you are going to get rid of yours? How does that make sense? If you are tired of your own involvement with cats, how is helping feral cats going to alleviate that?

I cannot recall, but how active are you with helping ferals and strays now? I have done a great deal with our local colony and random strays/ferals. I have to admit that it is rewarding and heart-shattering at the same time. It does not, however, make caring for my indoor cats any less important or rewarding.

I can get that you are upset about Jeff's passing, but why take that out on your current cats? How is that okay or fair? I am saying this as someone who has grieved--and still grieves-- a cat that died more than 10 years ago. I am also saying is as someone who has taken in cats who were left in the street or who were somehow lost. I say it as a person who works with a shelter and who sees cats who were "rehomed" dropped off because they were so upset by the whole thing that they started acting out. There is one cat at the shelter who was a failed rehoming and has been at the shelter for more than three years.

I understand that rehoming is sometimes the only option, but in this case, it seems like you are taking your loss and sadness out on your cats who have done nothing wrong.

What you have said is also rather concerning. Have you sought grief counseling?

 

[FeralHearts]

There's a lot of love in this thread. Lots. From you, from the other members, from your kitties. Just love. So much Love it warms my soul.

There was a time back last year dealing with some of my ferals I brought in because they were going to die and my own resident cat with plenty of issues all by himself - that I actually said - maybe I should rehome them as they would do better with someone else.

I'm not a wealthy girl. I get by. The cats have been expensive, they've been exhausting at times, I lost more sleep than I thought possible. At one point I hadn't time to wash my hair in near two weeks. (Thankfully I could put in up and I'm not in a dirty job.) I work f/t with often a few longer hours that I'm not paid for and I help my friend out twice a month on days off for a little extra.

Yeah, seriously thought about re-homing as I thought I was going to fail them. I was beyond exhausted and overwhelmed and sometimes I still am.

Then there was here. This place. My light in the dark. Everyone kept me going when I didn't think I could possibly push forward. I know we can be the same for you. Let us help lighten your heavy heart. It's okay that something has to give. I get it but there is another way. I am certain. I'm also certain you would regret the choice to re-home.

Would someone do better then us with our babies? Maybe - but there is no guarantee that they will get someone who loves them as much as you obviously do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here. If you didn't, losing Jeff wouldn't hurt so much.

As others her have kindly reminded me - you need to look after you too.

You are a lovely soul.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 

[Mother Dragon]

I believe your feelings stem from deep depression. There's probably a lot more to it than just losing Jeff.

Please see a psychiatrist now. They can prescribe medication and counseling that will make life immeasurably better for both you and your cats. If you're already on medication, it may need to be changed or the dosage changed. Either way, your life can be made a lot better. I promise.

Do it now, before you sink any further or do things you'll later regret. You CAN feel better and you'll see life in a very different way.

 

[bbdoll22]

My feelings are your heart hurts so badly for Jeff. It’s a known thought to not make any important decisions until a year after the death of a loved one.
Can you try ?

 

[1 bruce 1]

My friend, I feel as though you might be considering re-homing your cats because you feel like they would be better off without you, and animals don't think that way. They don't need fancy things to be happy, they just need someone who cares about them, as you do and have in the past. Just remember, once they've been given up, you cannot take it back or change your mind. This is a big decision to make. And not to be made on emotions alone. I wish you nothing but the best

 

[jefferd18]

My goal is to help my cats not to harm them.

 

[jefferd18]

None of what you have said makes any sense. You are tired of how cats are thrown away so you are going to get rid of yours? How does that make sense? If you are tired of your own involvement with cats, how is helping feral cats going to alleviate that?

I cannot recall, but how active are you with helping ferals and strays now? I have done a great deal with our local colony and random strays/ferals. I have to admit that it is rewarding and heart-shattering at the same time. It does not, however, make caring for my indoor cats any less important or rewarding.

I can get that you are upset about Jeff's passing, but why take that out on your current cats? How is that okay or fair? I am saying this as someone who has grieved--and still grieves-- a cat that died more than 10 years ago. I am also saying is as someone who has taken in cats who were left in the street or who were somehow lost. I say it as a person who works with a shelter and who sees cats who were "rehomed" dropped off because they were so upset by the whole thing that they started acting out. There is one cat at the shelter who was a failed rehoming and has been at the shelter for more than three years.

I understand that rehoming is sometimes the only option, but in this case, it seems like you are taking your loss and sadness out on your cats who have done nothing wrong.

What you have said is also rather concerning. Have you sought grief counseling?

Most of my threads are about helping the cats over at Hood's parking-lot, you should read some of them if you have the time. Just rescued three cats this summer- two adults and one kitten- form that place. Been feeding and medicating them for seven years now.

"How is it being fair" to my other cats? By recognizing that I am in no shape to fulfill their needs right now- their emotional needs.

Throwaways? I was going to do everything that it takes to make sure that they are placed in good homes- not throw them out into the street.

Of course I sought out help- from friends and a medical expert. Why is it totally acceptable to be in deep dark distraught over the death of a loved person but not a loved cat? Somebody has got to sit me down someday and explain that one to me.