For those of you in relationships...

[theimp98]

oh yea,nat,
i should say, that once people saw i was seeing itta, most of all my female friends vanished minus a few. Same with her male friends.

 

[mews2much]

My Husband still talks to his Ex Wife and I let him. I used to go to Concerts and Games with my Ex Mgr.

 

[enuja]

Neither my spouse nor I are very good at social interactions, so we don't have very many friends, but I'm personally blessed with a totally non-jealous personality.

My spouse and I live in different states right now. I've climbed in bed with a guy (there were three girls and one guy sharing a two bed hotel room at a conference), and he has gone on road trips and rented hotel rooms with only one bed, and slept in the same bed as another women. Two different ones, actually, that I can think of, one really old friend and one women he just met online and they were both following a band. I understand most people wouldn't be okay with that.

He's too busy right now, but he was going to a club two nights a week to dance. I told my mother, and she was very concerned. But for him, dancing is about dancing, not about meeting people.

I have even been cheated on by this person, but that was a in a sticky situation that I knew about. I know what cheating relationships are, and I know what they aren't. I made up rules, I made him sign a contract, and I did all kind of manipulative things (that he said later really helped) to prevent him ever seeing this person again.

I really think it's important not to think of all relationships between people of different genders as potential cheating situations. There are potential cheating situations, but they don't occur with everyone in the gender category your significant other is generally attracted to. You don't have to sanction your significant other sleeping in the same bed as other people, but you do have to sanction your significant other working with people.

 

[cococat]

At first I had mostly guy friends, he had mostly girl friends. We always trusted each other. But I have always found him very trustworthy, and same with him about me. I never worried, if he wanted to be with someone else, then he would be. If I wanted to be with someone else, I would be, but this man really is my perfect match.

I can honestly say in all of these years I have never felt jealous and neither has he, even when others hit on him, same with him when guys hit on me (and when I had my hair short girls too

!)

We were very open with communication from day one and it very much helps. As the years went on, we had less and less friends of the opposite sex, it just happened slowly. For instance, his girl friends got boy friends, and they boy friends all started hanging out - now most of them are husbands, and they all hang out. But friends come and go, friendships change, that is the flow of life.

We did do long distance before, it sucks when you love hanging out with that person, hope you can get closer soon!!!!

 

[fwan]

Oh yes i know the feeling, just the other day i saw him chatting to his ex gf on msn, and i managed to read something that kind of made me worried. It was nothing sexual, i was just caught something in a conversation.

He saw that i looked worried and agitated but i didnt say a word, later that day i was so paranoid and had bad thoughts that he would cheat on me. When i came home from work i told him about it, we are very open to each other.

He always tells me he loves me, and that if he had plans on cheating on me then he wouldnt be getting married to me.

he has many girl friends, and some of them do bother me because they have said sexual things towards him in letters or in his face but he has always told me about it.

 

[okiron]

Lol my boyfriend is either at work, on his computer playing World of Warcraft or with his family at a powwow. He has no time for other women lmao. I used to work with him (I quit so we don't get in trouble) and none of the girls at his work are worth the hassle. All drama queens. Nothing to worry about.

It's funny though when I go visit him at work there's this girl who doesn't like me. And she hasn't talked to my bf in over a month. When I was standing right next to him she said bye to him all flirty like lmao. Like I was supposed to get jealous. Silly girl.

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

the one thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything is jealousy.

She's right Nat. As you know i'm in the same position as you which is a long distance relationship, and that on it's own can be a problem, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT.

Josh is being open about them because he didn't really have to tell you and then when you did find out then your mind would be going into overdrive straight away.

At the end of the day you both have to trust each other so try and relax about it

 

[trouts mom]

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

But when we were together (for four years), I did feel just a bit of jealousy, in the sense that I worried about him feeling attracted to other women. I knew he would never act on those feelings -- knew it without question! But the fact that he inevitably had them, as I think all men do, did spark a little jealousy.

Thats EXACTLY how I feel. Its not about him cheating..its about him making a connection or being attracted to another woman. I have never worried about that with any other man..but I am not around him and its really hard. I know I have to suck it up and realize he is a man and of course other women are going to be attractive to him. I just have to trust in our connection.

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

Of course we did talk to each other every day by phone or pc, letting each other know whats going on. We really had NO desire to want to be with anyone else and that helped.

..we even tell each other if the opposite sex is hitting on us. I'm not jealous of him, he's not jealous of me - we both know who we are going home with.

Another thing that "cements" our relationship is the fact that God is very much in our lives and he keeps us together and helps us deal with any kind of temptation that might happen in the future.

Thankfully we talk every day a number of times to so we are very much in contact as well and that helps. And I know he can't wait to talk to me..even if its only for a moment to say goodnight.

We are VERY open too. He is actually so brutally honest sometimes that he will say something that he thinks I should know..then it ends up hurting my feelings. (for example, "is my butt fat?..yes yes it is"..lol..well not exactly but you get the drift

). Same thing if a girl is hitting on him or a guy on me, we always share. We HAVE to be open in a long distance relationship. Talking and sharing is all we have right now.

Josh has a strong relationship with God as well, and he believes that I am his 'perfect choice'.

I believe that he is mine, and I think that is why this is affecting me now. I really love him and I am terrified of ever losing him.

Originally Posted by cococat

We did do long distance before, it sucks when you love hanging out with that person, hope you can get closer soon!!!!

He is either coming here for school in September, or I am moving back next year

(Wow, I really hope he gets into school here..next spring would be WAY to long to wait

)

 

[yam102284]

I was in the same situation as you about 2 years ago, just not as far away from each other. Depending on where I was living, college or home, we were either 1 hour or 3 hours away, but still, it's hard.

He had lots of female friends before we started dating and he still a bunch after we were official. I really didn't like the female friends, not because of jealousy and afraid he would cheat, mainly because of what they would do. He had one friend, who was close to me. And he would go hang out with her at her apartment. That I really did not like, because other people knew the girl and knew her history. I expressed my feelings to him, told him I did not like her because of those reasons, and he told me I had nothing to worry about and all that kind of stuff. Well, I think she was interested in him, and I think she may have tried something, but nothing happened. He's no longer friends with this chick, thankfully, probably because of that. She would always call him, and send him messages and I just hated it. It seemed like more than a friend type of message she was sending.

We're still together and the long distance thing made the relationship stronger. Just have open communication with him, and tell him everything you're feeling. Keeping something in will not help, you'll just keep feeling stressed and confused about it until you get answers. I did that sometimes during that whole thing with the girl, and I was always stressed and confused about what's going on.

And he sounds like a great guy, so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[lillekat]

My darling man is hot stuff - of course I get jealous! It's not often he spends time with other women - mostly it's girls from his choir if at all - he's one of the few members with a car, so if people need a lift, he'll give them one. Most of the women in the choir are happily attached - but there is an undercurrent of cheats in there... so I'm actually a bit wary of it. I prefer him not to spend time with other women - another reason being that I don't see him so much as I would really like to, given that he's a workaholic - but it's not my place to say who he can and can't see.

 

[calico2222]

I haven't read the whole thread but thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in. Basically, it depends on who the other girl is and how long they've known each other. If they are old friends (and I have a LOT of male friends I've known for years) then that isn't a problem. If it is someone new..well, that's something completely different.

You also need to find out the story behind it. For example...one night DH and I were out and I was talking to a friend. I saw DH hug another girl and give her a kiss!! Yeah, that jealousy knife twisted in my gut! I went over to "make my presence known" (yeah, that territory thing), only to find both of them laughing at me. She looks at me, and in between laughing says "hi, I'm Tara...he's cousin!"

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Josh has a strong relationship with God as well, and he believes that I am his 'perfect choice'.

I believe that he is mine, and I think that is why this is affecting me now. I really love him and I am terrified of ever losing him.

hey, about that - have you gone to church w/him yet? [can't remember which weekend it was supposed to be

]. if so, how was it? oh, & didn't y'all attend a church in your area? how was that?

 

[trouts mom]

Originally Posted by laureen227

hey, about that - have you gone to church w/him yet? [can't remember which weekend it was supposed to be

]. if so, how was it? oh, & didn't y'all attend a church in your area? how was that?

We haven't had a chance to go together yet, but I will be attending his church and meeting his community in a couple weeks when I visit again. I am super nervous! He is worried that I will leave him after I see what goes on there

Apparently, there is dancing and singing and all sorts of craziness

 

[goldenkitty45]

I do know there are people who are not religious or believe in God in here; however, during the entire time (and now) not once did God allow that jealousy to be felt by either of us. It was total trust. God had his hand on our relationship from the beginning.

I know a lot of people would be jealous with some of the things that happened, but with us, the fear and jealousy were never there

He cemented our relationship from the very beginning

 

[wesley's mom]

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I agree with you about jealousy killing a relationship. My ex was jealous and it led to our demise among other things. I hate feeling the slightest bit jealous, but at least can admit fault in it.

Its not about trusting him, because I do..its about other women and them thinking thoughts about him

grrrr. I just feel like I should be the one running with him..Not some other girl.

I know how you feel, I really do. Jealousy is such a hard thing. I trust my husband 100%, it's the other women I do not trust! But I know deep inside that my husband would do the right thing if something ever happened.

I get jealous VERY easily. But I have to realize that he loves ME not any other women.

Generally we don't hang out with the other sex alone. Not because we don't trust each other but we feel it's just safer that way. Now I'm not saying we can't hang out with the other sex or anthing, I am just saying that is what we choose to do. We are normally hanging out together anyway because we both have the same friends and all have a lot of the same interest. But of course I will go do something with friends alone or he does also, but we just try to make it so I am not all alone with one man or he's not all alone with a woman. So, there's not even temptations of any kind. I would never be tempted by another man because I love my husband too much, but who knows, another man might be tempted by me.

I'm not putting down how any one else feels on the subject. I just thought I would share how we do it!

 

[yosemite]

The first two years of our relationship we spent about 2 months of that together. Hubby was a full-time musician and on the road travelling for most of that time. When I got pregnant for Jennifer he looked around and found a band that only worked in and around Toronto so he didn't have to travel. Was there jealousy? Of course there was some for both of us. Only those of you who know what "groupies" are like would understand. Groupies would go to bed with Godzilla if he wore a guitar around his neck.

Fortunately my husband had a good upbringing and treated our relationship and marriage as special as did I. 30+ years later I truly believe he has never cheated - he loves to look at pretty ladies, but then if he didn't I would suspect he was dead.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Wesley's Mom

we just try to make it so I am not all alone with one man or he's not all alone with a woman. So, there's not even temptations of any kind. I would never be tempted by another man because I love my husband too much, but who knows, another man might be tempted by me.

a very wise policy!

 

[mistressotdark]

Jim sometimes goes out with his buddy and plays pool..but I don't mind..I know he's not looking for anyone else...I've met his buddy and every time he gets a text message from him..I say..hey its your girlfriend...
lol

 

[worriedmommy]

Boy that is a hard one. DH and I have been married for 12 years and at first I tended to be like that. Now it just depends like with mutual "girl friends" I have no problem with him spending time with them BUT I am always there. I can understand why you are having a hard time. Sorry...no wisdom here just sympathy.

 

[EnzoLeya]

We don't.....It doesn't work. I have always said, "you can never be friends with someone of the opposite sex". I don't like being jealous either, but I am! My SO is very trustworthy, but I know how girls flirt and talk to men they find attractive. I've had a few openly flirt with Blake in front of me

I definitely understand how you can be a bit jealous with him running with that girl. I dated a guy who had a "running" partner. About a month after he dumped me he was "intimate" with her