For my Kitten

[kittens mom]

Congratulations to both you and Mercy! I hope introductions to Mooky go well. Mercy doesn't know it yet but she is one very lucky kitty!

It's absolutely true each love is different. And each one expands our hearts a little bit more.[emoji]128149[/emoji]

Mook is being a cat. Sitting under the kitchen table making panther noises. Baby is fine in the crate for now. Later I crate Mook and let the baby out for a while. And so it goes. you can't force it. I asked Kitten to walk beside the baby. If you choose to live in a house with torties...

 

[kittens mom]

I just opened a card from the VCA. It's pretty standard but each person who took care of her wrote a long note inside. In a week they'll meet Mercy. I want my husband to come on his day off. Again I can't thank the internal medical team there for the effort that went into trying to save our little girl. I've had to say goodbye many times. Never have I felt the kind of compassion given by the staff there in the end. Yes they charged us a lot of money. the kind of treatment we're giving our pets now rivals human medicine.

the E tube collar came today. We're going to donate it to the VCA to give to someone else can have it to use. Life stomps forward with out pity.

 

[kittyluv387]

Mercy was returned for biting and scratching? Sounds like normal kitty behavior to me. But at the same time i dont think most people can deal with kittens and it isnt for everyone. I actually think adult cats are a better fit for most. Looking forward to pics of Mercy sometime in the future!

 

[kittens mom]

Mercy was returned for biting and scratching? Sounds like normal kitty behavior to me. But at the same time i dont think most people can deal with kittens and it isnt for everyone. I actually think adult cats are a better fit for most. Looking forward to pics of Mercy sometime in the future!

They are all a blur. She had been labeled  tagged marked as shy with cattitude. Shy ???? phhhffffffffffffttttttttttttttt. she made short work of every toy in the kitchen and then jumped up in my lap to purr.

As I've said this is bitter sweet. Mook has just reentered the kitchen to take stock of the damage. Baby fed and tucked in her bed safely crated. She's used to crates so making sure she has plenty of play plus random holding and petting we should get through the next few days.

For the first time since we had Kitten PTS I can say I cried a waterfall of tears. I designed a tattoo. That's what I want for Christmas. I really want my heartbeat back. I cried every tear in the universe trying to get Nikki back. In fact I can honestly say I ruined lots of memories by becoming so over focused  on what happened to her. Like Kitten her death was brought about by a chain of outside events. I had no control over what this vet did. We put our trust in this woman to heal our pet. Instead she injured her. I have come to see you can separate these two things. I don't have to let my memories of Kitten be bitter and hateful because they're mingled with the anger over the malpractice.

 

[kittyluv387]

Yes many things in life are out of our control unfortunately. A tattoo of kitten sounds like a great idea! Especially if you designed it yourself. It sounds like Mercy is settling in just fine.

 

[kittens mom]

Yes many things in life are out of our control unfortunately. A tattoo of kitten sounds like a great idea! Especially if you designed it yourself. It sounds like Mercy is settling in just fine.

That's a real lesson in life. You can't control anything , not really. You can set things up to give you the best odds but in the end you are at the mercy of the fates. The worst for me is that Kitten was cheated out of her last years.  And the people she trusted made a horrible mistake in taking her to that vet. I kick myself daily. But the truth is there were no glaring warning signs she was incompetent. That little clinic has been there for years. I took my babies there for their shots because it was so close. She seemed to love cats. And then she gave Kitten a drug that was not even common for an URI at more than twice the dose and I didn't realize she should have had ointment for those eyes. It's not like we marched in there and gave a limit to what we would spend. Or complained about cost. I made the horrible assumption that she had been taken care off. Worst of all I now wonder if this crap that made them so sick came home from her office when I got their vaccinations. Neither of our cats have had a sick day in their lives until we took them there. It's not like there is a high chance of contact with other cats. I'm going to live with this one for a really long time.  The more I look at the circumstances the more I almost feel something malicious was done. Although I can't think of a reason. That of course doesn't mean anything if someone is unbalanced. Her attitude about the situation does make me wonder. She's in her 70's . possible dementia ? I've had a lot of older veterinarians. And I'll probably never know. The end result is my beautiful little cat that never harmed a soul is dead.

 

[kittyluv387]

There was no way you would have known. We trust doctors and vets because we trust that they have a far superior set of specialized knowledge than compared to just regular people. But even though they are so much more qualified than us, they can be careless and make mistakes too. Please dont put that on yourself for long. As you said we do our best but dont really have control over anything. Thats all we can do. Kitten was robbed of her last years but it was not because of you at all. Its because of that vet lady! And shame on her for not taking responsibility by not willingly reimbursing you. Its not about the money, its the principle.

 

[kittens mom]

There was no way you would have known. We trust doctors and vets because we trust that they have a far superior set of specialized knowledge than compared to just regular people. But even though they are so much more qualified than us, they can be careless and make mistakes too. Please dont put that on yourself for long. As you said we do our best but dont really have control over anything. Thats all we can do. Kitten was robbed of her last years but it was not because of you at all. Its because of that vet lady! And shame on her for not taking responsibility by not willingly reimbursing you. Its not about the money, its the principle.

Actually it is the money. Over the years one thing consistently makes people comply. You slap them in the wallet. I'd like to see her prosecuted. Realistically that is not going to happen. The best justice I can get for my girl is sanctioned by the SVB and sue her for the damages. I have other things I would like to do but they are highly counterproductive to myself and my husband. I believe in settling things legally no matter how much another method might dole out some real justice. Baby just realized mommy don't care if she throws a fit in the crate. I don't need to be getting up to pull two cats apart. Resident cat gets to keep her spot on the bed.

 

[kittens mom]

Absolutely nothing will ease the ache but time.

 

[kittens mom]

Tomorrow will make one week. Tonight the last night she was mine to hug and love on. The hour when I knew that we were going to have to kill her. How do you ever reconcile yourself to that. I never do. I want to hold her so bad.

For whatever reason the world crapped on that little cat the last 3 months of her life. We really thought that her retina damage was the worst we were dealing with. Never did we think it was all going to end this way. When that vet was telling her interns how to check for cancer and feeling her chest did she find something and not say. I've had a lot of vet visits where the vet or another tech might be showing or observing how to do a procedure but never had one talk about palpating for cancers. I mean we were standing right there. She said we had a chest rattle but wasn't going to bother to x-ray. Would that have shown something.

The receptionist that I went and got a few extra tabs from because out here you never know when you're going to catch the vet and Kitten wasn't thrilled about getting all that pilled down her. She commented that was an awful high dose of that drug. I've got her first name on the receipt. I also have an accurate pill count to prove that She got what the vet prescribed. I trusted her because she actually knew how to handle cats. My cats never hand an URI their whole lives until they went to her office. Up until we lost her I considered most of this a lot of crap under the rug. We'd take her court for the vet bills and all move on. Now I have a million questions none of which anyone can really answer. This is one of those evenings where you wish tomorrow wouldn't come. You know it will I just want to wake up and not feel like a lead weight is sitting on my chest.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Just want you to know we're still "listening"

Sometimes there are just no words of comfort...you just need to try to get it all out by writing each day

  (and know we're here

, reading)

 

[margd]

Just want you to know we're still "listening"

Sometimes there are just no words of comfort...you just need to try to get it all out by writing each day   (and know we're here , reading)

Want to second this. You are in many people's hearts.

 

[kittens mom]

My heart ache for myself , my husband and my little heartbeat. We can't just grieve. There is the whole sorted mess to deal with the veterinarian. And then there's Mercy. Little and innocent and she looks so much like Kitten at that age. Is that good or bad ? Of course that doesn't matter. She's mine now. What's mine people have to rip out of my arms. Hubs has described it as encountering an enraged female T-Rex. He patted Kitten's bottom one time and I nearly pulled his spleen out. I think he's impressed how I'm handling this vet issue. I simply can't let Kitten rest until things are set right. And they won't be set right if I let the emotions rule the day.

Throwing bricks through windows yelling cat killer are not likely to yield anything but the most temporary satisfaction. I can't let it go. Somehow that would diminish how much I cared about her. She was my first cat. I had plenty I was fond of from the neighbors. But she came in and made our house a home. When my heart was broken she curled at my feet and trilled. She would lay across my shoulder for hours. She got me out of bed in the morning because she was starving. I was her mommy her whole life.

I read the other posts. My heartache is not singular but it's my heartache. And Anger. As to the new baby. I would love her just as much if Kitten was here to do Hiss Assist with Mook. I am a lover of torties and all things about them. I was spoiled to have one for my first ever house cat. I never mentioned it but Mook is a direct relative of Kitten's. Her mother is the little feral that was ripped apart in front of me by the neighbors dogs while we were sitting on my porch steps. She's the last outdoor cat I let steal my heart. I can never erase that image or the sounds made. And so I snatched that baby and made her mine. I really need to post a good picture of her. she is stunning. A tortie panther .  My home , my life and my heart are ripped to pieces. And I can't put the pieces together and find a way to deal with it. I have to keep scratching at the scab to make sure the one person in Kittens whole life that hurt her has to answer for it.

 

[kittens mom]

I want to touch quickly on something I read and has bothered me considerably. If you are a responsible pet owner you will never find yourself in the position of not being able to afford to save your pet. It's very easy on a website to have that view when your audience consists of pet owners who are sharing their stories about saving their pets. If surgery had been a viable option with an good prognosis we would have found the money. Not every pet owner is that lucky. There should never be guilt about making a decision to put a pet down rather than let them suffer without treatment or face a lingering death. And if there was a charity or low cost clinic for every case none of us would have to pay anything. Pet insurance is out of reach for a lot of pet owners. Their cats are lucky to get the fancy supermarket cat foods. My 150$ dollar cat food bill per month for two cats is likely most of their grocery budget for the month. lights, heat take your pick. The last thing we need are pets suffering because owners are too ashamed to take them to the vet because they can't afford extensive treatment. We're left with considerable credit card debt and a heavy hit to our savings. Kitten was  not euthanized for financial reasons. We had her PTS because continuing treatment and even a surgery that would have almost certainly caused her more suffering. confusion and stress would have failed. As much as we want them to be our children. They are cats. And there is a time when even if there is more treatment available you have to deal with the just because we can should we. Are we saving the cat or saving our feelings. I of course haven't shared the exact details of some of Kittens issues. Why ? Because someone always knows someone who's cat had the same thing and is now 25 years old. Or someone has a link to a website with a miracle cure. They weren't there with us with the combined issues having to make the life altering decision for all of us to let her go. Instead of making those that try to save their pets feel inadequate how about focusing on the people like my neighbors who I have observed for over two decades abuse and neglect every pet /livestock they have ever come in contact with. Their idea of a vet is the .22 and that's only if the animal malingers in their front yard.  And they are far from uncommon.

 

[margd]

I don't think there is any question that you did right by Kitten. Following her story, it seemed to me you did exactly the right thing. You did everything you could until it was clear she was suffering and that the chances that additional measures would work were very slim. People with cancer and other serious diseases often make the same decisions. My mother died from ovarian cancer and decided at one point not to pursue additional rounds of chemotherapy because it probably wouldn't help and it made her so nauseated.

Although it's normal to second guess our decisions over euthanasia, in your case you really did do everything right. You had Kitten's best interest at heart every second of the day and acted accordingly.

 

[kittens mom]

I don't think there is any question that you did right by Kitten. Following her story, it seemed to me you did exactly the right thing. You did everything you could until it was clear she was suffering and that the chances that additional measures would work were very slim. People with cancer and other serious diseases often make the same decisions. My mother died from ovarian cancer and decided at one point not to pursue additional rounds of chemotherapy because it probably wouldn't help and it made her so nauseated.

Although it's normal to second guess our decisions over euthanasia, in your case you really did do everything right. You had Kitten's best interest at heart every second of the day and acted accordingly.

thank you

 

[donutte]

I had a couple of folks saying there was more I could do for Lucky. Yes, he was crashing the day I made my decision, and he was crashing hard. Apparently, it is possible to recover from crashes, but that just didn't matter to me at that point. He had been in a steady decline, he was not eating at all on his own and was having to be force-fed, and his numbers were significantly worse despite aggressive treatment. My funds were almost completely depleted, and I had other critters to care for. I may have been able to save him from this crash by putting him the hospital to be put on IV fluids, but then what about the next time? There wasn't a question of if, but when. Not to mention there was no way I could afford to admit him to the hospital. Nor did I want to chance losing him when I wasn't there (selfish, I know). 

You knew Kitten best and knew what the best thing for her was. Even vets don't really know when it comes to that because they aren't there with them all the time like we are. The last thing you ever want to hear from someone when you've made that decision is how someone else recovered from it. Well that's great, I'm glad for them and hope they lived a high-quality life also. That's not always going to be the story though. In fact, most often, it's not.

 

[kittens mom]

 
I had a couple of folks saying there was more I could do for Lucky. Yes, he was crashing the day I made my decision, and he was crashing hard. Apparently, it is possible to recover from crashes, but that just didn't matter to me at that point. He had been in a steady decline, he was not eating at all on his own and was having to be force-fed, and his numbers were significantly worse despite aggressive treatment. My funds were almost completely depleted, and I had other critters to care for. I may have been able to save him from this crash by putting him the hospital to be put on IV fluids, but then what about the next time? There wasn't a question of if, but when. Not to mention there was no way I could afford to admit him to the hospital. Nor did I want to chance losing him when I wasn't there (selfish, I know). 

You knew Kitten best and knew what the best thing for her was. Even vets don't really know when it comes to that because they aren't there with them all the time like we are. The last thing you ever want to hear from someone when you've made that decision is how someone else recovered from it. Well that's great, I'm glad for them and hope they lived a high-quality life also. That's not always going to be the story though. In fact, most often, it's not.

Vets don't encourage euthanasia unless you're pretty much out of option and the animal is starting to suffer. And you can always push harder and they may very well try to do something. Even some of the pet insurances have upper limits. All of us have upper limits that we can charge and then pay off. The VCA cut us breaks every chance they got. If these specialists felt we'd pretty much exhausted all of our options and considering the obvious decline in 24 hours we simply didn't see the sense in delaying the inevitable. She was really jaundiced at the vet when we had the tube put back in .Pictures don't lie i took one at home before leaving. When I checked the image she was neon yellow. Why didn't my eyes see that. She seemed content by my husband that night. and waited until we were told her doctors would be in. 

My real beef here is the growing implication that if you can't afford 20K to save your pet and you don't have Cadillac pet insurance you are somehow not a responsible pet owner. When we got Kitten we had to save to take her to the good vet for her spay. If she had gotten sick then our only option would have been to euthanize her. Which would have been the kind, humane and responsible thing to do. And that is a decision loving caring pet owners that feel the same way we do/did about Kitten have to do every day. Are we going to hang their pictures on the wall of shame. Sometimes life just sucks. 

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I am GLAD we have the option to euthanize our furkids rather than see them suffer so.  I just wish this were an option with humans.  Sure, humans can deny further treatment, but unless they go thru all kinds of legal hoops, they still have to suffer until the end, even if they don't want to "stick around"  IMHO, it's shameful, and so hard on the patient AND their friends families. 

 

[kittens mom]

 
I am GLAD we have the option to euthanize our furkids rather than see them suffer so.  I just wish this were an option with humans.  Sure, humans can deny further treatment, but unless they go thru all kinds of legal hoops, they still have to suffer until the end, even if they don't want to "stick around"  IMHO, it's shameful, and so hard on the patient AND their friends families. 

Many decades ago my grandmother who suffered from horrible bursitis that made her life miserable daily and who refused to live in a nursing home , don't blame her. Fell and broke her hip. She was pretty much gone. Even though she had signed some type of DNR my aunt insisted they treat her. She lingered in the hospital for weeks in unbearable pain begging to die.

It is a inhumane to let a pet suffer to try and unreasonably prolong their life or go to such lengths that the pet will live a diminished life which at some point only the owner knows best if that particular cat would adjust. I've had plenty of horses that required daily treatments some that took several hours a day. I don't mind doing that if their quality of life is also good. I very much had to step into my clinical self to make this decision. When you are doing more harm than good you offer mercy. Which is really why the new baby is named Mercy. We had to show it for Kitten and then offer it to this little girl so she would not end up in a trash bag. And we hope that continuing the legacy of tortie in our home it will somehow offer us mercy in time and let us heal.