Extremely disappointed....help...

[missymotus]

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

I said what happens to the upright eared kittens?

Over here they are called Scottish Shorthairs, and are on the showbench right along side their folded friends.

CFA and TICA both have breeder listings on their websites
http://secure.cfa.org/Search.aspx
http://www.tica.org/breeders.html

 

[momofmany]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Originally Posted by menagerie mama:
...How can I live with someone who dismisses such issues?...

Thought this was a very telling statement.

My head went there also. If those issues are counter to your fundamental morals, think long and hard before you have a permanent commitment. Having his opinions doesn't make him a bad person, but could make for a rocky life together. I had a similar struggle with my "ex" husband.

 

[cococat]

He doesn't have to agree 100% on all your ideals, but he does have to respect them, and respect you, since those ideals mean so much to you. Your home is your safe place, your significant other should be a safe place too to bounce ideas off of and learn and grow together, like a really good friend. You should be able to work together on issues and talk about hot and important issues like rational caring adults. If he is making you feel bad about issues you are passionate about, you might want to rethink the relationship.

I understand your issue to an extent, although I am not vegan or vegetarian but I don't eat much meat since I was a kid but I do eat fish, eggs, and some milk products - a little bit of cheese sometimes, sometimes milk in certain things like waffles. Anyway, my husband is a huge meat eater, he eats meat daily. But we respect each others preferences and happily eat dinner together every night. And he will sample anything, he just loves to eat

 

[babywukong]

Hi there, don't feel demoralized or, even worse, depressed! I think you're a perfect angel for wanting to do so much for the animals and even be willing to be the voice for the voiceless.

Personally, I am a meat-eater, but not a huge "must have meat at every meal" type. I hang out with a bunch of good friends who work at a wildlife rescue centre - every single one of them is a vegetarian. I spend a lot of time with them, and consequently, have learned the pleasures of a vegetarian diet. I've even lost some weight and feel healthier!

The reason why the folks at the rescue centre have gone vegetarian is because they know first-hand the truths about the meat industry - what happens to an animal from birth, how they are kept and fattened, often articifially, how they suffer cramped quarters and lots of injuries and illnesses, and at last, how they die, often without dignity and definitely not painlessly. These are tough truths to learn. People often cannot link terrified cow at an abbatoir to that delicious-looking, juicy piece of steak sitting on their plates. Worse, people choose not to know, because they think they cannot give up foods which has given them so much pleasure.

I don't actively get people to go vegetarian, or cut down the amount of meat they eat. However, I take every single opportunity to tell people about eating sharks' fins. In the Asian Chinese culture, serving shark fin is a sign that you are wealthy. Sharks are slaughtered for their fins just so that the Chinese can "save face" (which kinda means, to look good in front of family and friends) at significant occasions especially weddings.

I have actually taken to boycotting all weddings where the couple admit that they are going to serve shark fin. Continuing to serve shark fin is not an issue where people are ill-informed. Its a sign that people knowingly choose to cave into social pressures. This, I find, is completely deplorable.

Even worse are those who hear me out, yet say stupid things like I love shark fin and I'm not going to stop eating it (after I tell them that shark fin itself does not have much of a taste and its really chicken stock they are paying so much for). Some give an even "better" reason - sharks kill people, so why not kill them first! By this point, I'm usually speechless because their stupidity is just SO stunning. So in the end, I get nasty and sarcastic and wish them a happy dinner, and to enjoy the build-up of mercury in their bodies. I know this is not the best way to do it, but heck, these people are so infuriating!!

Geez, looks like I've hijacked your thread for a rant of my own!! sorry about that, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone - and to never give up being the voice of the voiceless

 

[fastnoc]

I don't know, I try picturing myself in a situation like this. I'm a meat eater and will always be. If my SO was a hard core vegan whether the reasons are good or not makes no difference, I would respect her views. That being said, if someone was constantly trying to tell me how rude or mean it is to do what I do, that's not respecting MY views, and you'd hear a whole lot about it from me, probably with me leaving sooner or later.

The fact of the matter is, the saying 'treat others how you want to be treated' is a perfect thought here. I don't think people are coming to you complaining about you being a vegan, I think you are going to them complaining that they AREN'T and if that is in fact the case, you are earning those negative comments. Do yourself a favor if this is true and just mind yourself and how your life goes. Just like nobody wants to listen to someone preaching their religion, they also don't want to be bothered by someone telling them how someone lives their life.

if someone is open to the conversation, THEN you can work on it, but if they say no, or you already know they aren't interested, you're not doing yourself or anyone else favors by bringing it up. Know your audience.

I doubt people look down on your for being vegan, they just don't care to hear about it.

I don't want my reply to be taken negatively, it's just a view from the outside. I am quite sure you're a very kind person or you wouldn't care about animals in the first place.

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by BabyWukong

I don't actively get people to go vegetarian, or cut down the amount of meat they eat. However, I take every single opportunity to tell people about eating sharks' fins.

Must be a huge sign of the vastly different cultures we're in - at least with foods. That's something that just isn't served where I live. You're lucky if you can find good "fresh" seafood, forget the exotic stuff.

I don't know of anyone that would touch shark fin, either.

The other thing is the economy how it is, everywhere, most can't afford meat in every meal - some barely once or twice a week. I'm surprised anyone would need to be encouraged to eat less.



I just thought of something... who's the one that primarily prepares meals? If both do, it won't be an issue, but being a vegan I can't imagine you like preparing meat anymore than you like eating it. Heck, I eat meat and dislike touching it raw. Something about the smell, feel, and maybe I'm a bit of a germ phob there.

I hope you can drag him in the kitchen to help out with meals if there's parts you can't do.

 

[momofmany]

I have a good friend who is a vegan. When we go out for dinner, I'll ask her for a recommendation, as there are not a lot of restaurants that cater to her diet. She puts up with the fact that I will order a meat based meal, and I put up with the limited choices at the restaurant. When she comes over for dinner, I fix a vegan meal for her. Friends will respect the differences with each other. If she pushed vegan on me, or if I pushed meat on her, I doubt that we would be friends.

 

[menagerie mama]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I just thought of something... who's the one that primarily prepares meals? If both do, it won't be an issue, but being a vegan I can't imagine you like preparing meat anymore than you like eating it. Heck, I eat meat and dislike touching it raw. Something about the smell, feel, and maybe I'm a bit of a germ phob there.

I hope you can drag him in the kitchen to help out with meals if there's parts you can't do.

Well, he used to cook dinner 9 times out of 10, since he gets home earlier and if he didn't, we wouldn't be eating until late. But now, we cook our own food. Since becoming a Vegan, he's had even more meat and dairy at every meal, as if there's nothing else to eat, and has tried and failed at making 3 cheesecakes and a key lime pie. All of which he's thrown away after taking a few bites.
I think some of you might think I just go around everywhere preaching at everyone about their meat habits, etc. I don't. I only bring it up if I'm asked. If someone notices I'm declining meat or dairy, they ask why. I tell them. Then the actions I explained earlier follow. Rolling of the eyes, etc. My boss even went as far as to say, after asking me why I was doing it, "oh Jesus Christ. I don't care, I'll always eat meat." And by the way, she asks me nearly every day, with a smirk on her face, if I'm still doing the "Vegan thing." And the eye rolling follows. So yes, I am being attacked without saying anything first.
Please understand, I told my boyfriend from the beginning I didn't expect him to stop eating meat, I don't say anything when he's cooking it and the house reeks of it, but I did ask him not to waste it anymore. If something is going to die for his meal, the least he could do is make sure it all gets eaten. I don't feel this is wrong to ask. Even before Vegan this made me angry, there are starving people in the world on top of the other reasons, and he feels the need to make 4 pork chops and only eat 2, and throw the others out. He said ok but then the very next day, and every day from then on, has thrown away his food that he didn't finish, and I'm sorry but that is wasteful and it infuriates me. The same man picks the best bites out of a steak and throws 60% of it in the garbage. Perfectly good meat, just not the best bites. You'd just have to know him to understand I guess. He doesn't recycle, he litters, runs water for dishes the whole process, etc. Just very wasteful and not caring about the environment at all. Some of you pointed out that the future will be rocky...I have thought that for a while now, even before the Vegan thing. He has no remorse or regard for anyone. I may be putting off the inevitable.
I got a little off track. The answer to your question, strange_wings, is we now both cook. He doesn't even attempt to cook for me now, unless I ask him to throw a yam in the oven or something easy, even though he wants to be a chef, he can't understand what it is that I eat now. I come home from shopping and show him everything I buy and what it's for, yet he has no idea what to do with it. Nor will he taste anything of mine. I made a stir fry the other day and he wouldn't even try one bite, not even the non-faux meat part. It was the best stir fry I have ever made. He missed out. lol

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

My boss even went as far as to say, after asking me why I was doing it, "oh Jesus Christ. I don't care, I'll always eat meat." And by the way, she asks me nearly every day, with a smirk on her face, if I'm still doing the "Vegan thing." And the eye rolling follows. So yes, I am being attacked without saying anything first.

I don't know how you put up with that. That's nothing to do with you being vegan, it's just a cheap shot for her to be childish and mean. I would have been fired after the third time she did that for asking if she was still doing the "b---- thing".

You two do have some issues.

But most couples do, it would be very strange if there weren't any. The sad thing is, it sounds like some of the stuff he does is just simply him being a guy and maybe due to how he was raised. I have no idea if there's any sort of "fix" for that... Stick to that common ground as much as you can and maybe get couples consoling if you truly feel the relationship is worth it and in need of that.
You sound like a very sensitive caring person, I'm sorry you have to put up with peoples comments about being vegan.

Sad fact is, I think PETA nuts may have colored some peoples view about vegans.

We all have things we feel strongly about. I know people are sick of me harping on them to get their pets to the vet for regular checkups or to even get themselves to the doctor (I won't give up on my MIL, she has high blood pressure).

 

[enuja]

I've noticed a lot of people giving vegetarians and vegans an enormous amount of trouble. I don't get it, and it actually bothers me that people who hassle vegetarians and vegans don't hassle me. I'm a flexitarian who doesn't cook meat any more, I am willing to eat meat when eating out or at other people's places, I think of myself as a great vegetarian's taste tester when at a party with a buffet, and I absolutely adore vegetarian food (although I love cheese and eggs more than almost any other foods). I've always liked vegetables and tofu, even when I ate a lot of meat. When I met my spouse, he was a sometimes vegetarian, sometimes vegan, sometimes omnivore who had had trouble with family and significant others treating his food preferences very rudely. There were many things about me that he liked, but my total comfort with his vegetarianism was certainly one of them. I never planned to go vegetarian. My biggest single step towards vegetarianism was when I decided that having chicken thighs in the freezer allowed me to shortcut actual cooking and eat without having the yummy vegetables and variety that I enjoy eating. After that, I became functionally vegetarian, but it was very confusing to other people to describe my dietary preferences. I felt much more comfortable with my not-eating-much-meat when I figured out a clear (although quite arbitrary) rule: I don't cook meat. I eat so little meat now that I have to be careful when eating meat: it often leads to vomiting. You might be able to use that as an excuse when people try to foist meat off on you: say that your digestive system is no longer used to meat and it is very likely to make you vomit.

All of that said, as you've admitted, it looks like the current problem is mostly with the boyfriend (obnoxious bosses can be annoying, but rarely effect our inner view of ourselves). It seems like maybe you should write a letter to him explaining exactly how his treatment of you with respect to vegan food and your animal advocacy makes him feel. Maybe that will be enough of a wake-up call that he will learn to treat your choices as legitimate.

 

[carolpetunia]

I understand so well how you feel! But fundamental change is difficult, both at a societal level and for each individual. People evolve at different rates, and some of those we love most will always be on a different page in their development... so we have to be able to accept a reasonable range of personal enlightenment, or we'll exclude a lot of good people from our lives.

 

[menagerie mama]

Originally Posted by Enuja

All of that said, as you've admitted, it looks like the current problem is mostly with the boyfriend (obnoxious bosses can be annoying, but rarely effect our inner view of ourselves). It seems like maybe you should write a letter to him explaining exactly how his treatment of you with respect to vegan food and your animal advocacy makes him feel. Maybe that will be enough of a wake-up call that he will learn to treat your choices as legitimate.

Unfortunately, the one time I wrote him a letter about something that I dealt with as a child, only made him think about why he is the way he is, and not at all about my plight. I think another letter would end the same way.

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I don't know how you put up with that. That's nothing to do with you being vegan, it's just a cheap shot for her to be childish and mean. I would have been fired after the third time she did that for asking if she was still doing the "b---- thing".

You two do have some issues.

But most couples do, it would be very strange if there weren't any. The sad thing is, it sounds like some of the stuff he does is just simply him being a guy and maybe due to how he was raised. I have no idea if there's any sort of "fix" for that... Stick to that common ground as much as you can and maybe get couples consoling if you truly feel the relationship is worth it and in need of that.
You sound like a very sensitive caring person, I'm sorry you have to put up with peoples comments about being vegan.

Sad fact is, I think PETA nuts may have colored some peoples view about vegans.
We all have things we feel strongly about. I know people are sick of me harping on them to get their pets to the vet for regular checkups or to even get themselves to the doctor (I won't give up on my MIL, she has high blood pressure).

You don't know how bad I want to say something like that to her!
Yes, and his mother admits to it AND apologizes to me for having to deal with him, he was spoiled rotten as a child and now wants, wants, wants...I am hoping he'll grow up soon? lol

I feel that PETA has a lot of good points, and their website has helped me along in my transition, however I do feel that they go too far with some things such as releasing lab animals (like monkeys!)out into the city and trying to pass laws against pet ownership, etc. I am not a member, nor will I be. I also feel that they do what I hope not to do, and angrily preach what I am trying to gently make clear.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I understand so well how you feel! But fundamental change is difficult, both at a societal level and for each individual. People evolve at different rates, and some of those we love most will always be on a different page in their development... so we have to be able to accept a reasonable range of personal enlightenment, or we'll exclude a lot of good people from our lives.

I have heard this recently and it rings true. I tried being a vegetarian about 10 years ago, and it didn't work out, mainly because I was ill equipped in the knowledge department, and maybe too young and less motivated, I don't really know the reasons. But I am going to try like heck to keep it in my head "shining example, shining example.."
My mom gave me a great idea for the wasted food. I have an uncle who does not have much money and is disabled. My mom takes him all her leftovers, so ours will go to him, as well. This makes me feel so much better, in that regard.
Today he asked what I was having for dinner, and I said whatever you're making me. He said what do you want? I said I'm sure you'll do a good job at thinking of something. He made me home made potato chips and a bowl of canned beets. LMAO
It's a start, anyway.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

he feels the need to make 4 pork chops and only eat 2, and throw the others out. He said ok but then the very next day, and every day from then on, has thrown away his food that he didn't finish, and I'm sorry but that is wasteful and it infuriates me.

it would infuriate me, as well... of course, i take home 1/2-2/3 of all of my restaurant meals [provided they're good] & eat them at a later time [hey, that's what microwaves are FOR, right?]. i often get 2-3 more meals out of them.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Some of you pointed out that the future will be rocky...I have thought that for a while now, even before the Vegan thing. He has no remorse or regard for anyone. I may be putting off the inevitable.

you may be - but only you can decided when/if that occurs.

i often choose vegetarian meals in restaurants because of my food allergies - if it's vegetarian, i know there's no chicken, fish or seafood used in its preparation. of course, i also have several vegetable allergies, so that doesn't always work out...

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

My mom gave me a great idea for the wasted food. I have an uncle who does not have much money and is disabled. My mom takes him all her leftovers, so ours will go to him, as well. This makes me feel so much better, in that regard.

That's wonderful!

Given the season, the thought will matter so much as will being remembered. It will probably do him good to have family visit more frequently.

It sounds like the BF simply doesn't know too much about cooking. He can learn if you make helping in the kitchen seem more fun and not like a chore. Though he may not be one for getting floured or buttered.

I'm lucky DH goes along with it.

My issues with PETA are just the poor laws they try to get passed and the very unsavory acts and people they support. You don't pay for an arsonist's defense, not matter what it was they burned down. Fire is very very dangerous. The people who still believe in doing good and actually helping animals are fine, but I feel these types are better displayed/supported in various welfare groups (like your local shelter and rescues.)

I think almost all of us agree on this.

Good luck to you. Men can be frustrating, and it certainly sounds like your hands are full. I hope the two of you can continue working things out and have a good holiday season.

 

[swampwitch]

Go to a public dinner at a Buddhist temple and meet some vegan men.

 

[rahma]

Maybe if your boyfriend had some more ideas about what he could cook, it would help. Spark his creative juices with a cookbook with tasty, non-weird (you know what I mean, some vegan/veggie food just seems strange to meat eaters) vegan recipes. Veganomics is a great cookbook (although some of the recipes are "strange"), and I also like dabbling in international vegetarian cuisine. Madhur Jaffrey's World Vegetarian and World-of-the-East are 2 of my favorites in that category, and both have quite a few vegan recipes.

If he's still stubborn, try making exciting vegan dishes and serving them as a side to his meat. I tried to go vegetarian earlier this year with half hearted support from my husband to reduce his meat consumption. He bailed, but he does enjoy the vegetarian meals I make as a compliment to his meat. He's even commented how much my cooking has improved since I've thrown a ton of effort into making a wide variety of vegetarian dishes.