Divorced

[mai_kitties]

I have to agree with everyone here who says make him leave. As long as this is not an abusive situation and you are not in any danger, you go to your home and stay put. If he wants out, let him know he is more than welcome to pack his stuff and leave.

Also, go right out and retain a good divorce lawyer, especially if he tries to make you leave the family home. You have marital rights and right now he is most likely trying to play on your possible ignorance to those rights. Don't let that happen.

 

[libby74]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry; how incredibly insensitive of him to break it to you the way he did.

Now my advice: one of my nieces is going thru a nasty divorce of her making (everyone in the family is on her husband's side, even her parents).
This breakup is obviously his idea--he's the one that needs to move, not you. You need to be the one to hire an attorney and file for divorce first; that way you can sue him for your legal fees. If the 2 of you should decide to give it one more try, do not drop the divorce proceedings, ask your attorney to put it on hold. Otherwise, you'll have to pay a 2nd retainer.

I know that sounds cold and calculating, but for the most part that's what the breakup of a marriage is. Be strong, don't back down, stay in your home with your babies. Don't let him put you on the defensive.

I know you're hurting; I wish there was something I could do for you. Please think of yourself and your kitties; you have to put yourself first now.

 

[kailie]

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

It may not seem so now, but things WILL get better.

 

[jennyr]

I am so sorry - been there too. All the others have given you loads of advice, I have none to give but to say do think things through very carefully before taking irrevocable action regarding your kits, money or house. Unfortunately, I know time is something you don't have. But try and think long term about the important things if you can. And whatever you do, keep your self esteem - there is nothing you need feel guilty about, so don't give in easily.

 

[cococat]

I have no words of wisdom but I suggest you seek some help in dealing with such a hard situation.

 

[otto]

She has not been back since posting. Can't help worrying.

to you, we're all thinking of you.

 

[libby74]

Originally Posted by otto

She has not been back since posting. Can't help worrying.

to you, we're all thinking of you.

I've noticed that, too. She did say she'd probably be without internet for awhile, but I was really hoping she'd stay in her house and kick the loser to the curb. But, I'm worried.

 

[ldg]

Originally Posted by otto

She has not been back since posting. Can't help worrying.

to you, we're all thinking of you.

Originally Posted by libby74

I've noticed that, too. She did say she'd probably be without internet for awhile, but I was really hoping she'd stay in her house and kick the loser to the curb. But, I'm worried.

 

[samhainborn]

Thank you all for the support.

We were living with his parents while we were waiting for the place we were going to get to be empty. Well, needless to say, I couldn't kick him out of his own parent's house, and I can't afford the new place without his income.

We are splitting all the bills right now, separate bank accounts, everything. He's being amazingly generous, actually. I guess that actually makes this harder. I want to hate him, but he's willing to give me anything I want.

He just wants me out of his life.

I AM getting professional help to get me through this.

I DID take Cuddles, Prissy and Smudge with me. But Ginger seems to be ok over there with him, and my parents said they were not going to take in my cats to begin with. Leaving one behind was a compromise that had to be made. She seems well taken car of though.

I'm working on several different options for housing right now. I am staying on an air mattress in my special needs brother's room right now. Life isn't what it should be, but we're all alive.

When my parents suggested I give up my cats, I lost it. I screamed at them, tears running down my face. "I've already lost everything else. It's not fair for me to have to lose them too!" They caved and let me take the three I have now.

I'm pretty well numb at this point. I know that this will get better eventually, but right now I'm either numb, or devastated. There is no in between, there is no happiness. I just go to work, and go home to curl up with my babies and cry.

I've gotten dragged out to a friend's house tonight, which is why I have internet. I think it'll be awhile before I'm back again.

I did want to tell all of you thank you, though, and that I am OK. The kitties are fine, even if they're not all together. Ginger was getting a little standoffish to the others anyway, so maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. She was extremely attached to the husband, though, which is why he kept her.

Got to go for now. I'l update when I can.

 

[libby74]

Sweetie, I'm so very, very sorry you're going thur this. Wish I could give you a (((big hug))) and a shoulder to cry on. Things can only get better; I know that's not much help. It's just so hard to find the right words.

 

[ldg]

Oh hun! I'm so glad you have your babies.

And I'm really glad to hear you're getting professional help through this. I can't imagine how difficult and hurtful this is.

Thank you for the update... Like Libby, I wish I could give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on.

 

[tory_canuck]

Good vibes your way

I am a paralegal in Alberta, Canada, and have studied family law which also includes divorce.

You are entitled to HALF the equity of the house since it was aquired during the marriage.In Alberta, we have the Dower Act which covers such.
You are also entitled to half of the assets which were aquired during the marriage whether it be cars or such.
If you do not have a job, you can sue for alimony.
A word of advice would be to get legal advice from a lawyer who can tell you what you can and can't do.

 

[cococat]

Thank you for updating. I was worried as well. More of these headed your way

 

[samhainborn]

We hadn't actually finalized the sale of the house yet, so I get nothing.

I have a job. It was on my third day of work that he came to have lunch with me, and broke the news to me about it.

I think I have a plan of action. I have some... "former acquaintances", shall we call them? They own the property where a beauty salon and a gas station used to be. The gas station burned down years ago, but the salon is still in decent shape. Since they live in a college town, they've been wanting to gut this place and turn it into a small house for college kids. So, they're going to let me put a little money in on the refitting, and then I can live there until I get on my feet again, just paying them what I can afford, and putting in work. I'm familiar with construction and remodeling, so I am going to contribute my skills as part of my rent. We're also remodeling their kitchen, as well.

As long as I'm getting 32 hours of work a week, I can manage on my own, I think.

Again, all your love and support really means a lot to me. I don't think I'd be getting through this without you guys.

 

[rawvixen]

Sam, so glad you're gathering moral support and have a plan of action. PM me if you need to vent privately.

 

[3catsn1dog]

I hope that things work out for you, they seem to be partially picking up a little now. I hope that you come out of this stronger than ever and happier also. Just know we are all still here for you whenever you need a pick me up or to vent or just to chat!

 

[libby74]

I'm so glad you have a working plan and something to keep your mind busy. That will help tremendously. You'll get thru this.
Wish I could give you a (((big hug))).

 

[samhainborn]

Libby, I'm feeling your hugs from here.

I don't know if things are picking up or not, but I am really trying to get by day by day.

I am pretty certain I'm going to come out of this stronger. My only concern is that I will be so strong that I won't be able to let anyone else in through the armor I'm building around myself.

 

[-_aj_-]

Originally Posted by SamhainBorn

Libby, I'm feeling your hugs from here.

I don't know if things are picking up or not, but I am really trying to get by day by day.

I am pretty certain I'm going to come out of this stronger. My only concern is that I will be so strong that I won't be able to let anyone else in through the armor I'm building around myself.

I am so sorry with everythingn that is going on right now hun, ive been following this thread and didnt know what to say, but you will get through this and when the time is right and the right person comes along you will let them in

 

[libby74]

Originally Posted by -_aj_-

I am so sorry with everythingn that is going on right now hun, ive been following this thread and didnt know what to say, but you will get through this and when the time is right and the right person comes along you will let them in

I agree. It will be so hard to trust someone with your heart again, but you will. And I hope that person is devoted to you and absolutely adores you.
Be strong, sweetie. I know it hurts now, but the pain won't last forever.