Devastated - Uncertain

[paris76]

Thank you Zed Xyzed,

yes of course. I have looked everywhere days and days hours and hours. I meant the way his sister died 6 days suddenly after his dissapearance might mean something. Of course except the weight issue he did not behave like Uber did yesterday. He did eat etc. I only noticed Uber yesterday morning and this morning she was dead.

Caramel their mum gave birth to 7. 2 weer still norn, BH was 2 pounds at 7.5 months and uber 3.5 pounds at 7.5 months the other 3 are normal grown cats.

Of course hope dies last and i pray its getting colder at night and he is so frail i dont know but ill never stop looking.

I just think there was something wrong with both of them and that is why the both slept so much, did not move around etc.

I don't know anymore. I think feeding strays is better. When i adopts and care for them it doesn't look like i am doing a good job does it.

Whatever i touch dies. Mustaffa died, BH vanished Uber died....so depressed miss them so much.

Since BH vanished uber has been on me inside i mean 2 days ago she was ok now she is dead

 

[zed xyzed]

I know how heartbreaking it is when you lose a little one. The poor little things live a very difficult life, but you must not blame yourself, there is only so much you can do. You re making a huge sacrifice to look after them, and it kills you when you lose one, but think about the ones that will make it because of you. Without someone to help their chance of survival is very very low. You gave them a chance and more importantly you loved them, and for that they will be waiting to thank you at the rainbow bridge. Thank you for all your efforts, you are a very special person. 

Eric and Midi 

 

[mollyblue]

Sorry for the additional loss of Uber.  It sounds as though they were frail from birth.  No matter how much it feels like what we do doesn't matter, it matters if for no other reason than that they knew love.  Its is not the days in our lives that count, but the love in our days. You are the only human love these kitties knew.  It matters(ed) to them.

 

[paris76]

Zed Xyzed thank you.

I lost 2 within 6 days. Biggie and his sister not one. So.......i won't bore you to death (i have already) Mustaffa i was ignorant, i can do research i have a PHD in chemistry...i didn't. The hospital lied to me, mis handled it i did not even know. "Leave him come tomorrow he is fine"....well he wasn't fine died overnight and had i done my research i would have know by his blood work it is not fine. Spaz the animal organisation that tells me where to go feed animals on the street every week said never ever go to that clinic they misdiagnose for money. I paid 400 euros for nothing.

Big head how can the vet say clinical FIP not the virus thingy he has FIP and tell me "will be up down all is fine" internet says death.

Then uber she is small for her age, quiet, yes loved, fed well. I never took her to the vet i thought she was a small cat. I am not tight but i feed so many strays every week there are so many in Greece it adds up to a lot of money, no complains but i try not to be extremely pedantic cause then ill need 5k euros a month.

Psu the one that was stabbed that i took to put to sleep managed to keep another thief clinic (they also moaned people dont bring strays - well who would at those costs)...300 euros (special stray price) to show a negative fiv and felv test  to give her a shot and go home.

Anyway since then i have found my vet who i trust has all tools there and there surgery echos etc. I always end up feeling guilty. BH why did i not do an echo of US vet says probably heart issue from birth as his size is excessively small. My vet here said when BH vanished "2 pounds at 7,5 months he has seen many times" today he said "uber he saw her 1st time today for autopsy was very small - yet she is 3.5 pounds". Then i think of every detail and it drives me crazy and guilty that i always could do more. I smoke a pack of smokes a day (before i did 3) eat bad food or not eat lose weight and suffer as well. What is the point. I tried to save them i killed em.

And the stray cat who had 5 kittens (BH friends) you can't really touch they are semi feral now and all big healthy active unlike BH and Uber who had a more comfortable life.

Mollu Blue thanks for your reply (as always). I miss them so much. BH killed me then Uber vanishes. I think so as well, Uber name comes from Uber Bitch, we called her with lise cause many times she wanted to sleep alone in her balcony hut so we made fun of her but many times of course she would be inside on me not really wanting me to touch her. But they both did not behave or grow as kittens did. Caramel their mum who we adopted was pregnant we were late then they moved in her stomach vet said and we did not want to abort them. Me and Lise decided we will take care of them and the 3 we found houses and kept the 2 frail ones. They gave life to the building the way BH was always there or when he hears noise in balcon and he was down he would com elook up and whinge or how i took uber down to make her a garden cat in BH villa how she would run up in 2 mins flat and force me to make her a balcony villa. All funny moments. They made me laugh cause they were so different. BH would get smacked by his mum who hated him he would not flinch. So funny they made me laugh so much sometimes with their stupid ways one week before BH vanished they sat both on couch head to head bumping uber did not mind BH like the others did. So sweet ill try find you the photo.

I am inside now on the couch, no uber looking in forcing me to let her in. No uber jumping from her hut when she senses dinner time, no BH banging on the door to be let in

its just not the same so sweet they were so stupid and funny

I went to an area by the sea today i go too and fed the cats and dogs, spaz cares for them, there is a cute dirty one never cleans herself but looks fine except that sings and eats i love her. I won't move her i can see someone cares for them ill pass time to time to feed that gang too they are funny especially the dirty singing one who runs when she sees my car and jumps in and head butts my hand.

Anyway sorry to bore you i bore you cause when i say this to friends they do not understand i get "only a cat who cares" whatever.

 

[mollyblue]

Only one who loves cats can understand the pain we feel for them, with them, through them.  Having this happiness no one can understand, is worth having this pain we must also face alone.

My animals have always understood me better than my people.  Sometimes, it isn't enough, and I wish for human companionship, compassion, understanding...  but when I seek those things, I am disappointed.  This thing humans call love.  When I accept these things from my animals, I am not so.  Disappointed when our time together is too short, but not disappointed in what I can give to them, or what they bring to me.  Some people look at animals and only see their shell.  These people do not understand.  Some people look at animals and see their soul.  These people do understand.

You cannot save them all.  I think most of us do what we can.  Some are limited by space, some by finance, others by opportunity...IDK. Until you are ready again to help the little furry ones in your space, perhaps you can volunteer a little at an animal shelter.  It is sad and wonderful all at the same time.  So much love and so much hope packed into a little tiny room.  But so many negatives too, so much disease, so many broken dreams and broken hearts.  But these actions keep us grounded to what really matters.  Its worth what we put into it.

 

[paris76]

I dont have the time. When i moved to Athens from London i came upon some crying grannies, near my house, i live near a small park. I won't bore you, their neighbour was killing their cats and throwing away fodd and water bowls. On the day i saw them one mum cat was crying they told me the neighbour and his son (12 years old yeah future psycho) threw one newborn in rubbish and one was between 2 fences tight. Took me hours to get the 2nd one out then the mum carried it to safety inside the grandmas plot of land. 1st one i jumped in rubbish saved it third one was dead as the kid threw it from top floor 4th one was with its mum fine. Mum thanks me daily when i go and feed she attacks me . I called the cops, there are new laws in Greece many people jailed cops did nothing i warned him twice he laughed and nothing to brag about he then went to hospital with his son and now they won;t be touching any cat they see me and cross to the other side.

so i feed them one day on one off (agreement with grannies they do my off day)

then i do once a week i belong to spaz animal organisation i feed a colony of 100 cats fix them houses in a remote part, foto to call vets out etc.

I do 3 dogs near my house and 6 cats all friends again one day on one off and i also have another mini colony the cats are taken care off well by neighbourhood so i add there.

Then with lise i do pm shift she does am shift then my balcony once a day visitors (balls, bear, 911 etc)

and psu at home. so pretty full schedule. Plus i have food in the car for when i find a cat in need 9people are better my area has food and water and housing for em under buildings everywhere - happy cats).

What you said could not agree more.....i prefer animals to humans anyway. Psu who was tortured so bad by sickos. She is now my little stalker.

I do not use a cage for her we go to vet she sits next to me in car walks to vet, the people there say she will run away, i open door to have a smoke outside waiting room psu comes stands next to me. She is my little leach softest cat u ever saw ill send u foto cant sleept without the leach hugging my neck. I wait till she snores turn to get some sleep jumps over me and hugs me again snores again and so on.

If we walk in garden and i run u hear a NRRRRRRRRR and the leach runs behind calling for me to stop. My mum is allergic had toxoplasm young she cant even resist psu she brings the gang toys, ikea mice they love cooks them chicken etc

 

[mollyblue]

It sounds like you do have your hands full.    I don't trust my Tati without a leash, but she loves to go along out doors with me on her harness.  Tati and Snowy both love riding in cars too, but it is harder for Snowy.  She is deaf, and she gets spooked more easily out in public. Sometimes even at home.  Perhaps someday she will trust me completely to care for her, but not now.  She had to rely on herself for a long time, she doesn't want to appear soft in front of the other cats I guess.

 

[paris76]

awwwwwww snowy sounds so cute

you love your babies

i think uber was a mute hr miow was to open the mouth and no sound to come out