Dealing with the toughest period of my life these past 7+ months

[les26]

The PA from the hospital called me and told me that he tested negative 3 times before he tested positive the other day, they can't believe it either! They said the rehab place is saying he has to stay away for 10 days but the hospital said they are "fighting" them on that, said they don't do that anymore, maybe 5 days if that, so I called the rehab place to see if they could compromise and let him back soon, the PA said "this really wouldn't be good keeping your dad here for 10 days" so we'll see what happens.

Ugh...

 

[les26]

Just got a call from the woman "watching" him at the hospital, said he ate all of his supper and is a "pleasure" to be around, said he got a bit "combative" the other night (go Pop go!! lol!!) but said he is fine and wanted to talk to me so we talked, he talked mostly gibberish probably from being confused, but they said he has a little cough but that's all. They are still battling about how long he has to stay there, I'm sure I'll get another call tomorrow about it.

THANK YOU all for the replies and support and most of all for listening!!

 

[neely]

said he got a bit "combative" the other night (go Pop go!! lol!!) but said he is fine

You can't see me but this put a big smile on my face. Combative means he's feisty and full of spunk! He still has some fight in him which is positive.

THANK YOU all for the replies and support and most of all for listening!!

That's what makes this site and the members so wonderful, i.e. everyone cares and helps one another.

 

[Kwik]

Just got a call from the woman "watching" him at the hospital, said he ate all of his supper and is a "pleasure" to be around, said he got a bit "combative" the other night (go Pop go!! lol!!) but said he is fine and wanted to talk to me so we talked, he talked mostly gibberish probably from being confused, but they said he has a little cough but that's all. They are still battling about how long he has to stay there, I'm sure I'll get another call tomorrow about it.

THANK YOU all for the replies and support and most of all for listening!!

You'd do the same for each one of us... if only we could do MORE,God Bless you @les

 

[les26]

Just an update, Pop is still in the hospital, the rehab place would NOT budge and insisted he has to stay out for 10 days, so he should be back this weekend. He is doing okay but got upset a few days ago and got into a scuffle with a nurse there, caused her some scratches and had to be sedated and put into soft restraints, this was VERY upsetting to hear, but they said they have dealt with this before and realize it is all because he is VERY confused and wants to get out of there, they said he was wanting to walk down to the dining room like he did where he lived before, and his Dementia is causing him to become confused and agitated, and the people at the hospital also think it is ridiculous that he has to stay there for 10 days but that's what they say we have to do so we have to do it.

We saw my Mom yesterday and she seemed markedly better, more alert, talkative, seemed to have a little more "oomph" to her so that was a very pleasant surprise! She is moved upstairs now, that is where they will stay I think? It is similar to the downstairs but it is quieter and has a better atmosphere to it, not so much of a "hospital rehab" feel to it but they check on her all the time and the nurses I have met seem very nice, so she might be taking to that better. She also has a nice big window next to her which helps too.

But we got the bill for them the other day and almost fell through the floor; it is MUCH more costly than the assisted living place, $441 a DAY for EACH of them because it is a "skilled" nursing place, and they have too much money to qualify for Medicaid assistance, they have Medicare and HOP but they don't pay for that, just Medicaid pays, and they of course said "when their money would run out THEN they would be able to get Medicaid" We were shocked, and also checked out two other places yesterday, one was much cheaper but the level of care wasn't good enough for their needs (that's why it was cheaper), and the other was even more expensive, and another one on the phone told us "they are all about the same cost". Their care is top priority, always has been, is and will be, but this was a huge shock to us, just unreal how much money they are asking for and for what they are getting seems way out of line, but that's how it is I guess. Good thing that I invested a lot of their money into CD's months ago, but oh my gosh...

 

[Kwik]

Was just thinking about you les26 ..... too bad you didn't transfer all that money into your own accounts so they'd have none- absurd what they charge EACH person in one room.....it's sad really,so for people who have straight Medicaid can reside there bit not a person with Medicare only?

I'll tell you,it's just crazy- when I first was diagnosed with cancer years ago I was very stable financially and had excellent insurance- insurance capped out and life as I knew it changed drastically- 2nd time around I had nothing and was eligible for Medicaid,everything was 100% covered...... 3rd time,when eligable for Medicare they supplemented with Medicare,again 100% covered & quality care..... you are better of having nothing if you require Medical care because whatever you do have will be gone-big time! ... it's insane

 

[les26]

Was just thinking about you les26 ..... too bad you didn't transfer all that money into your own accounts so they'd have none- absurd what they charge EACH person in one room.....it's sad really,so for people who have straight Medicaid can reside there bit not a person with Medicare only?

I'll tell you,it's just crazy- when I first was diagnosed with cancer years ago I was very stable financially and had excellent insurance- insurance capped out and life as I knew it changed drastically- 2nd time around I had nothing and was eligible for Medicaid,everything was 100% covered...... 3rd time,when eligable for Medicare they supplemented with Medicare,again 100% covered & quality care..... you are better of having nothing if you require Medical care because whatever you do have will be gone-big time! ... it's insane

They can go back 5 years and "retrieve" any monies that they had, so the only way around it would be is if my parents would live about 5 more years or if they would've "sold" Deb & I some of the things for $1 or some low amount years ago, but they didn't so the best we can do is what I did, invested it into CD's. I am going to call the financial advisor and talk to him to see if there is anything that we can do differently, and also call the guy who prepared their taxes, he was very knowledgeable about things, but I don't think there is much that can be done other than what we are doing. But yes, it is criminal the amount of money that they charge, and you are right, it's almost better if you have no money at all!!

My parents have helped us out MANY times over the years and we are grateful for that. Their care and health and welfare is the top priority, but it would be nice to see some of the money not go to the nursing home or the state. But I said this is like a "test", are we doing this for them or for the money? My boss said "there's no one that would question you about that, we all see how much you are doing for them and care", but I look at it as a test to see. It surely would be nice to one day inherit some money, I'm not going to lie to you, but whatever is going to happen will happen, we can only do our best from here on out, but they are what we are concerned about, and again to see my Mom in better spirits yesterday was priceless...

 

[Kwik]

Oh les- there's no questioning your motives,no sir!But I sure would like it if everything they ever worked for does not go strictly to the assisted livjng,that was not THEIR intention! Everything they had they surely thought would be YOURS one day- you're their only child.....My inheritance was a complete mess,most went to attorneys- my Mom certainly did not want that.....I didn't much care,all the money in the world wouldn't give me my Mom or my Dad back---- NOW,years later it ticks me off

I do hope the financial advisors can find some options or loop holes,it's just ( as you said) criminal

On a good note I'm thrilled to hear your Mom doing so much better,you sound much better now as well..... now once your Dad gets out I do hope things start looking up and you get some PEACE!!!!

You do remain in my prayers

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I was told they can go back 10 years in the state my family is from. My grandfather basically had an allowance from his pension and social security but they'd run out of savings so that allowed Medicaid to pay for his and grandma's care. It really helped that my aunt has worked in the office for various nursing homes for decades. Fortunately both sets of my grandparents were able to get their houses into their children's names in enough advance. My father's friend was not so lucky when his mother in law was removed from their care! Basically she was at risk of wandering and the doctors said it wasn't safe. Even though one of them slept by the door every night so they'd hear her. We've had several tragedies in our area with that happening; so I understand it. But gosh it's hard to navigate this.

I'm glad your mother was feeling so good! Hopefully your dad will be feeling more settled once he can get back there too.

 

[susanm9006]

Here is what you can do that will pass Medicaid. Figure out what they need for five years of assisted living and have them give you everything else. Medicaid will only look back five years for asset transfer so if they run out of money in year six they would qualify. But qualifying for Medicaid does come with some disadvantages because not every facility takes it so often people end up being moved to other places which can be very traumatic for everyone.

 

[les26]

Here is what you can do that will pass Medicaid. Figure out what they need for five years of assisted living and have them give you everything else. Medicaid will only look back five years for asset transfer so if they run out of money in year six they would qualify. But qualifying for Medicaid does come with some disadvantages because not every facility takes it so often people end up being moved to other places which can be very traumatic for everyone.

This place they are in now will take Medicaid, they already told me that so that is covered.

I called the CPA who did their taxes this year for them and told him about it, he said to save the receipts because this is considered "medical expenses". He said he did deduct for them what they paid since they were in assisted living back when he did the taxes in March, so this will help a little. I also called the financial advisor who helped us months ago by putting a lot of their money into CD's. he said we could take the money they have in a money market accont out and he could put it into another money market account and make some more interest, but how much would that help? Plus we'd be making more money for them to take, so I don't know...

But they BOTH said it is disgusting that it costs that much. If only my parents would've sold to us or signed things over to us years ago we could protect a lot of it, but they didn't, so whatever happens now happens. Deb said tonight how upset my Mom would be if she found out that we might not get much or anything, I said "it would kill her" as she would be heartbroken so of course we're not going to tell her anything about it!!!

 

[neely]

This place they are in now will take Medicaid, they already told me that so that is covered.

It's my understanding there's a ratio for how many Medicaid beds are available so hopefully if it comes to that your parents won't have a problem staying at this facility. It's been awhile since my parents passed but I vividly remember this, however, I don't know if it's the same in every state. Regardless I'm glad your mom is feeling more like herself and I hope she can be reunited with your dad soon.

 

[les26]

Our CPA told me that my parents can each "gift" Deb and I $17,000 a year, the financial advisor said it too, so I emailed our lawyer who was away last week to see if that is true and what the legalities of that are, so that would shield some of the money as long as they couldn't come back and say they can take that too, she will know though.

We saw Mom today and she is looking really good, so all of your prayers and well wishes are paying off! If we can keep her going that way MAYBE one day she'll be able to walk again, time will tell. But she is much clearer mentally, and I attribute that to reducing the Depakote, and they are going to check her blood levels on Tuesday and see, maybe lower it even more or take her off it and see what happens, if she starts to get the migraines again they said there are better pills than Depakote for that.

Pop was supposed to come home today but they called yesterday and said they made a mistake, he has to stay today yet as today is the full 10th day. so he should be coming home tomorrow. 10 days felt like 10 years....

The auctioneer met me at their house, we did another walk through and I gave him the keys and they started clearing things out already. It was very emotional but it needs to be done...

 

[neely]

We saw Mom today and she is looking really good, so all of your prayers and well wishes are paying off! Pop was supposed to come home today but they called yesterday and said they made a mistake, he has to stay today yet as today is the full 10th day. so he should be coming home tomorrow.

Great news about your mom and fingers crossed your dad will be able to come home tomorrow. It has definitely been a long road for Deb and you but hopefully things can start to settle down for you soon.

 

[les26]

Pop got returned back to Mom yesterday, let's hope they stay out of the hospital for awhile!

The facility called me right in the middle of a boat club picnic that we were having for our visually impaired and blind clients for work, asking me if we want to have DNR for my dad or do we want them to perform CPR if something bad happened and it infuriated me, I couldn't talk to them at the time and said "I've answered this question at least 6 times now, isn't this on record?" and she said they have to ask me everytime they come in which I think is ridiculous, but they ALWAYS seem to call at the WORST times, usually when I am driving but yesterday it was this, ugh....

 

[les26]

Just an update, we visited mom and dad yesterday and they both look pretty good. Mom is clearer mentally than she has been in years thanks to them finally getting the Depakote level correct, but still is giving them a hard time about doing physical therapy, she said two therapists came in and were really pushy with her and her arthritic knee but then the next day a different woman came in and she was much better so hopefully with time she can get her up and moving again, she can't just lie in bed all day and have them wait on her but she seems to be quite content with doing that lol! But hopefully she will get going again, but she is remembering things that my wife and I cannot believe so that is really good!

My dad seems sad or not really happy about being there, it is tough to decipher what he is trying to say to me but I think he really misses being next door in assisted living where it was more "homey", like an apartment rather than a glorified therapy room, and he used to like to walk down to the dining room to eat. They are working with him and he is doing well with therapy, so I told them once again to get him up and let him go down to their dining room so he can move around and meet people, and maybe get him involved in some light activities for something to do. Deb thinks he might enjoy doing some adult coloring, he was an electrical engineer and was precise with things so maybe something along those lines would help, I mentioned that to them so let's see what they say.

We bought them VERY expensive hearing aids last year, and of course they hardly wore them, but we have been on them to start wearing them and they sit in their chargers on a nightstand next to their beds. I noticed one of the aids lying loose on the stand, and I couldn't find the other one, so I asked my mom if she was wearing it and she said she had it in the other day but not now, so we looked on her, on her bed, under the bed and couldn't find it, and of course on the floor right below it was a trash can so we think it got knocked into the trash!! I told two nurses about it, they said "it'll turn up" but I doubt it, it's probably gone for good now and all that money gone too...

Speaking of money, I contacted a lawyer who specializes in cases like this where they have experience shielding some monies from the nursing home, and have an appointment in a few weeks to see if they can do anything. Like I said it is their money, I just sold their things and managed it and put it into CD's and money market accounts to make the most that we can, but it would really be sad to see this nursing home drain a lot of it, so hopefully we can legally shield some of it, we will see.

But they are being taken care of, we haven't gotten a panicky phone call saying that one of them is being rushed to the hospital in weeks, hopefully it stays that way!!

 

[les26]

Well I should've kept quiet lol, but it's not horrible, they called me today and told me that Mom's gallbladder bag isn't draining right, so they are having her transported in tomorrow morning. I asked "can't anyone there figure it out?" and they said that they flushed it but it's not draining right so they'll send her in, but she was just there last week or so and everything was okay but who knows? It should just be a quick adjustment and then back home again, I hope?!!!!!

 

[neely]

It should just be a quick adjustment and then back home again, I hope?!!!!!

Fingers crossed you're right and it just needs a quick adjustment. I don't know if you ever watched the old episodes of Saturday Night Live but Gilda Radner played a character called Roseanne Roseannadanna. She would end her skit by saying, "It's Always Something!" To this day I have said that over and over again, now my sister says it too. Best wishes for your mom and you.

 

[les26]

Fingers crossed you're right and it just needs a quick adjustment. I don't know if you ever watched the old episodes of Saturday Night Live but Gilda Radner played a character called Roseanne Roseannadanna. She would end her skit by saying, "It's Always Something!" To this day I have said that over and over again, now my sister says it too. Best wishes for your mom and you.

She was in and out of there in what the doctor siad "was the fastest appointment they ever had" and according to him the nurses didn't have it hooked up right, so she was basically sent over for something that could've been prevented, but it's better than being an issue, but it was an upheavel getting her picked up at 6:30 a.m., she said she was nervous about it!!

 

[susanm9006]

A relief for you that it wasn’t something serious but also a big irritant since it shouldn’t have happened!