Dealing with the toughest period of my life these past 7+ months

[neely]

But they are back together, let's hope it stays this way!!

From your lips to God's ears!

 

[Kwik]

Thank You,Lord God!

 

[les26]

Deb has been going through papers and shredding personal information at my parents house in preperation to sell it, and today she told me that she found a very disturbing letter from years ago that a doctor sent certified mail to my dad, saying that due to his unwillingness to stop taking so many pills daily and not wanting to wean off of them they are releasing him as a patient. This was very tough to hear, but also reinforces what I have been saying, that they took WAY too many pills for WAY too long, and really contributed to the issues that they developed over the last 7 years or so.

Very sad to hear her tell me that...

 

[Kwik]

Hi les26

Hard to hear but also it must give you some closure regarding what you've suspected for so long People are going to do what they believe they should do no matter what anyone tells them when they've made up their mind,do you think his judgement was altered due to the medications or just set in his ways?

It was beyond your control but now by having this opportunity to speak about these things on a public Forum you are doing something that brings awareness......it'll make a difference in someone's life .Many things you've shared will greatly benefit others-if that's any consolations

How are they both doing now that they are finally together again?

 

[les26]

Hi les26

Hard to hear but also it must give you some closure regarding what you've suspected for so long People are going to do what they believe they should do no matter what anyone tells them when they've made up their mind,do you think his judgement was altered due to the medications or just set in his ways?

It was beyond your control but now by having this opportunity to speak about these things on a public Forum you are doing something that brings awareness......it'll make a difference in someone's life .Many things you've shared will greatly benefit others-if that's any consolations

How are they both doing now that they are finally together again?

Hard to say but I'm sure the meds altered his mind and they both fell into the deep trap of becoming addicted to Fiornal and Esgic and other meds they took.

I was over there yesterday, they had a "wellness" meeting to talk about my dad and I actually had a cancellation at work so I could attend. They said he already is starting to get up and walk around more on his own and think 2 weeks of therapy for him. My mom on the other hand is mostly bedridden, I don't know if she is that out of gas because of all she has been through or has no will to get better or what, but she isn't as good, and I can understand it to a point. I told them "she was like a ship that was battered in storms" with all that was wrong with her since February, and they know it too. I don't know if she'll get much better, I told her she has to try to get up and walk more and she keeps saying how her right knee hurts, they discovered that she has arthritis in it but she said when they were weighing her last week a girl slammed her into something and she screamed in pain, so that is now stuck in her head. But they are together again.

Deb also said she found MANY citations sent to them for not cutting the grass at a lot of the properties that they had, but they just paid them because they had the money. That also tells me that their state of mind was really bad, but I guess they kept that hidden well, there was no way I'd know about that, but that is all in the past now, all of those properties are sold, only their house and a car are left and that will be sold in a few months if not sooner too.

I know this is how things are meant to be for some reason, but it is really hard to deal with, and hearing of those things just made me feel worse about things, but that's how it is...

 

[les26]

Just got back from emtpying their place at assisted living, took over some stuff to the rehab place that they could use when they get a permanent room there, brought the rest home so now our house looks even more like a rummage sale!!

 

[les26]

Went out to eat just to TRY to get away from this for just a little bit, come home to a message saying "your dad is looking for the exit", "he's looking for your mom", "he wants to talk to you" and when we left him he was fine. Called back and they put him on the phone, he's acting like a raving lunatic saying "I have to get out of here, it's not working", "no one will help me, you're the only one who can get me out of here", then says "I don't even know where I am" so I explained to him it's where I took him to visit mom many times, said that I have a lot of problems right now so "I need you to go back and watch mom, they're taking care of you and making you better and giving you your meds" and he says "that's what they want you to think!"...finally talked to a nurse and they said they called the doctor and said "this is how they get when they have a UTI, we'll just keep giving him his antibiotics". I called back a bit later as I came up with a few suggestions on how to handle him and she said "he's fine now, he's in the room with your mom and he's calm"

This is what I'm dealing with, just about everyday. It's a miracle that I haven't cracked up!!!

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I’m sorry. I know its not really comforting; but my family dealt with this with my grandma. She was convinced my grandpa moved her to the home (where my aunt worked!) because my grandpa’s mistress was having their child and he wanted to move them in. Looking back now I remember the time I visited with my mom and 18 month old DD; Grandma kept telling my mom how now she needed to have a baby. She looked at mom like “who are you fooling?” when mom kept saying that I was her baby. I now suspect she thought i was my aunt (I do favor her) and DD my cousin. So maybe she thought someone who visited was the mistress? We’ll never really know. We knew not to take it personal; but at the same time, dealing with that all was so confusing and tiring. My aunt and grandpa found a support group helpful for a bit.

Grandma did get more like that with UTIs. I was working for a neurologist when she first moved into the home and his assistant said the same thing. Hopefully antibiotics are all he needs to help settle. I know they avoided moving rooms for her because that unsettled her too. Maybe that’s contributing.

 

[neely]

This is what I'm dealing with, just about everyday. It's a miracle that I haven't cracked up!!!

Thankfully your parents are out of the house and you know they're in rehab where they'll be safe. Unfortunately that doesn't spare you the worry and numerous phone calls. I'm sorry you have to carry this burden and wish it didn't all fall on you.

 

[Kwik]

les26
My Mom brought more chaos and stress along with her and into my life for many years. She'd scream like a raving lunatic and in literally 5 minutes my head would be throbbimg...... I'd take a throbbijg head and listen to her screaming all day long just to be able to hold her hand and see her face again.......
It is very very difficult,it is a Miracle that you've not flipped your lid but it is indeed temporary and no doubt the moments here & there where you get to enjoy them are but a few it's better than none at all
The only way to through this is exactly how you have been-LOVE,FAITH and a very supportive wife-awww les,I pray for you everyday

 

[AbbysMom]

This is what I'm dealing with, just about everyday. It's a miracle that I haven't cracked up!!!

Thankfully your parents are out of the house and you know they're in rehab where they'll be safe. Unfortunately that doesn't spare you the worry and numerous phone calls. I'm sorry you have to carry this burden and wish it didn't all fall on you.

I haven't responded to this thread yet because it's a bit to PTSD for me as I am going through all of this with my mother for the past 3+ years now. My mother is in memory care at an Assisted Living. I've had a few quiet stretches but then the calls start up and again and they've been coming fast and furious lately. I can't echo enough what neely said. You know they are safe. I can not begin to tell you how much I've had to let go over the past three years and it is still very difficult. Sending you lots of

 

[les26]

Thank you for the kind words, it is just so so upsetting, especially yesterday, we saw them and they were okay, then to get that phone call message of how he was acting was like a hit in the head with a pipe, we couldn't believe it, they were just fine!!! He's been on antibiotics since he was in the hospital and still is on them, I hope it IS from the UTI, hope that didn't clear up and something else is going on, but I'm sure they'll find out. I didn't get any calls from them after that so I guess he settled down, ugh....

They did move my Mom from room 110 to 106 so they could accomodate my Dad, so maybe that does have something to do with it too?

But what breaks my heart the most, and Deb's too, is that my Mom just wants to lay in bed, she doesn't want to do much therapy or do anything, if they sit her in a chair she wants to go right back to bed they told me yesterday. I attribute this to all the horrible things she has endured these last 5 months, because before this all started in mid February she was determined to work hard and walk with her walker and she did, she could get up out of bed or a chair by herself and would walk us to the door when we left, but after Covid and the stomach virus and the overmedicating of Depakote and on and on she seems to have lost a lot of her fight and will. When she had her gallbladder drained awhile ago she REALLY perked up, and we thought now with therapy she'll be good again, but it didn't last long, she just wants to lay in bed all the time. She still has her sense of humor and talks, but she cries a lot, gets upset, I don't know if antidepressant pills would help or not, I just know it is so heartbreaking seeing her like this and there isn't much more that I know that I can do for her, I am doing all I can, and will ask the doctors what they think about all this.

Thank you all

 

[les26]

I haven't responded to this thread yet because it's a bit to PTSD for me as I am going through all of this with my mother for the past 3+ years now. My mother is in memory care at an Assisted Living. I've had a few quiet stretches but then the calls start up and again and they've been coming fast and furious lately. I can't echo enough what neely said. You know they are safe. I can not begin to tell you how much I've had to let go over the past three years and it is still very difficult. Sending you lots of

Thank you. I am sorry that you have to deal with this too, but it is the way it has to be I guess.

Yes, the phone calls, and the breaks in them then getting them everyday, sometimes 4 or 5, mostly while I am driving blind and visually impaired clients around, it drives me crazy. People say "let it go to voicemail", but I know if I do that it will be an emergency and something bad will happen and I would never be able to live with myself for not taking the call...

Best of luck with the situation...so many thoughts go through my head, probably yours too, memories from the past about them and our lives years ago, I have very weird dreams at night and I suspect that is just stress and my mind's way of trying to wotk things out...


God Bless...

 

[susanm9006]

I had one of those phone calls yesterday. The auntie with dementia, who can hardly walk decided to go to Target about a block from home. She filled a cart with $200 in stuff and then couldn’t figure out how to use her debitcard. I had to rush over, pay for her things and pick her up. My sister is her guardian but she has her own health issues and never seems able to do these emergencies. I told her she was at the point where she absolutely needed a memory care center.

 

[les26]

I had one of those phone calls yesterday. The auntie with dementia, who can hardly walk decided to go to Target about a block from home. She filled a cart with $200 in stuff and then couldn’t figure out how to use her debitcard. I had to rush over, pay for her things and pick her up. My sister is her guardian but she has her own health issues and never seems able to do these emergencies. I told her she was at the point where she absolutely needed a memory care center.

That's really sad, I am sorry you are dealing with these stressful things too!!

 

[les26]

Today we were at their house, going through their personal papers and shredding things with their social security numbers on and all, and we are finding a LOT of interesting notes and cards and pictures, it is VERY emotional...I saw a picture of my grandfather who passed away in 1975 when I was 14 and started to cry, it all hit me at once. We found a lot of notes my parents wrote to each other, even one my mom wrote to my dad on their wedding day!! But I also found paperwork about my mom from doctors, she was dealing with depression and anxiety and the migraines and insomnia and even got a sabbatical from teaching school because of it, so she has been dealing with these things for awhile now, but we really knew nothing about it, they kept it quiet from us. That was our weekend, cleaning out their place at assisted living, and then working at their house, what fun that was...

We stopped over to see them today, checking on how my dad was today, and they were both sleeping when we got there, but the nurse came in and woke my dad up to clean him up. He was okay, I didn't say anything about last night's episode, he probably wouldn't remember it anyway, but we got no phone calls-yet. But I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning, so probably about 9:00 when I'm sleeping they'll call with some catastrophe or another, I really hope not!!!

 

[les26]

Got called at 12:07 today, "your dad isn't responding, we're sending him to the hospital". They called and said he was "okay", the EKG was off but it was last week when they did the stress test, his vitals are fine, but they are keeping him to observe and talk with the cardiologists about him.

It..never...ends....

 

[Margot Lane]

Got called at 12:07 today, "your dad isn't responding, we're sending him to the hospital". They called and said he was "okay", the EKG was off but it was last week when they did the stress test, his vitals are fine, but they are keeping him to observe and talk with the cardiologists about him.

It..never...ends....

SO sorry. At least we live in an age where it’s healthy to talk about what we’re going through…no need to be stoic and keep it all inside. I hope you find some scraps of humor and love along the way.

 

[les26]

Well the script from Looney World continues, they wouldn't release my Dad from the hospital until he didn't need "1 on 1 supervision" for 24 hours, they said he was still agitated and wanted to get up and walk around and I said "it's because he is being moved around a lot, and he doesn't want to be in the hospital when there is supposedly nothing wrong with him, just send him back to my Mom", they ran all kinds of tests and found nothing wrong, but were sticking to this train of thought. I called yesterday morning and they said they were going to "huddle" about it, but heard nothing, so I called the hospital last night but no one answered the phone in "observation", so I called the rehab place and asked if he was back there and they told me that he tested positive for Covid!!! They both had that in February, now he got it again?? So I called the hospital and someone finally answered and she said yes he tested positive but has no symptoms, so I don't know what is going on now. The woman at rehab also said "your mother doesn't want him in the room with her, he is very agitated and it's upsetting her and her numbers are way off", so I have to see what the REAL story is there, is my mother really saying that or is that this woman's opinion of it? They said Mom tested negative for Covid.

I cannot believe the way that this is going now, unreal...

 

[Kwik]

Well the script from Looney World continues, they wouldn't release my Dad from the hospital until he didn't need "1 on 1 supervision" for 24 hours, they said he was still agitated and wanted to get up and walk around and I said "it's because he is being moved around a lot, and he doesn't want to be in the hospital when there is supposedly nothing wrong with him, just send him back to my Mom", they ran all kinds of tests and found nothing wrong, but were sticking to this train of thought. I called yesterday morning and they said they were going to "huddle" about it, but heard nothing, so I called the hospital last night but no one answered the phone in "observation", so I called the rehab place and asked if he was back there and they told me that he tested positive for Covid!!! They both had that in February, now he got it again?? So I called the hospital and someone finally answered and she said yes he tested positive but has no symptoms, so I don't know what is going on now. The woman at rehab also said "your mother doesn't want him in the room with her, he is very agitated and it's upsetting her and her numbers are way off", so I have to see what the REAL story is there, is my mother really saying that or is that this woman's opinion of it? They said Mom tested negative for Covid.

I cannot believe the way that this is going now, unreal...

Oh my Lord les26 - Covid?Again?what the heck is going on there?I just can't believe this,they don't come in contact with other patients or visitors so it seems...... ugggh,all that moving around ,transporters etc.... your Dad has been through the mill since this all started,,it's no wonder he's "agitated"..... heck,I'd be through the roof with what he's going through

And you,oh dear @les this roller coaster emotional ride is relentless-Im so so sorry you are going through it all,really,my heart goes out to you(&Deb).... praying,praying,submitting prayers for Divine Intervention