Crazy Overprotective Mom or Responsible Parent?

[cheshirecat]

I am not a mother but I agree with you. Fortunately you have more experience at it than I do because I would probably have just said no you can't stay. Then everybody would have been unhappy.

My first smoke detector was a gift from a friend. At the time I thought it was odd but appreciated the thought that went into it. Now I realize that she was ahead of her time.

 

[sneakymom]

I don't know.
I can see your point though.

And yeah- it's required that 13 year olds are mortifed of EVERYTHING you do. I can't tell you how many times I've said something and I've gotten MO-THER" said right back

And I have teen girls x2

Cheryl

 

[subconsciousme]

I'm in no position to judge you. So I won't.
But I will say when I was a teen, everything my mother did mortified me.
She passed away not long ago, unexpectedly, and now I brag about her all the time.
Her death did not spur the bragging but I gained insight to her oddities.

When I was younger, maybe in middle school. I babysat (what middle school girl didn't really?). One night, I was scheduled to babysit but the mother called me sick and canceled.
The next morning, I read the paper.
Front page story was how the house caught fire, unexpectedly due to poor electrical workings.
3 of the 4 kids died.

I am not sharing this to spark paranoia, but to say anything is possible.
I now check my smoke detectors weekly!

Live without regrets.You never know.

 

[cococat]

Why would that be the talk of the night? I think that is pretty crazy

 

[ducman69]

Overprotective IMO.

Then again, my dad's first solo flight in an airplane was at age 14 and I got an advanced diving certificate at 12 for nighttime deep dives and a Ducati Indiana motorcycle at age 15.

He's an old man, and I'm getting there without so much as a broken bone to date, so I think most parents worry too much, at least on the first child. After popping out a couple, most chill out and realize kids are pretty resilient, rubbery, and a little risk comes with the territory of experiencing life.

 

[carolpetunia]

There are times when it makes sense to talk about statistical probabilities, and times when it just doesn't. These people were putting children alone overnight in an outbuilding with a space heater. Sure, it's statistically unlikely that a fire would occur, but the stakes are much too high not to take the simple precaution of a smoke detector!

It should not have been Kat's job to provide the smoke detector, but since the parents didn't, thank goodness she was smart enough and brave enough to step up. If the parents took it as an insult, if the girls talked about it, if her daughter was embarrassed -- so what? It's a small price to pay for doing the right thing.

 

[carolpetunia]

Originally Posted by Ducman69

...a little risk comes with the territory of experiencing life.

Surely we can agree that sleeping without a smoke detector is a risk that doesn't really provide much of a thrill.

 

[ducman69]

Everything boils down to statistics when it comes to risk assesment. Just driving your son or daughter to a sleep over is a statistical risk as a fatal accident will happen somewhere by the time I have finished this post.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Surely we can agree that sleeping without a smoke detector is a risk that doesn't really provide much of a thrill.

Oh definitely, but not being allowed to sleep over with friends for a single night because a smoke detector isn't present is missing out. Luckily it didn't come to that. IMO, thats still a lower risk than unsupervised kids on a camping trip making their own fire, and we did that all the time as teens.

Not saying it isn't perfectly natural, especially for mothers (tend to be more protective than dads) and single child families.

There is a danger in overdoing it though. A guy from my track team in highschool died jumping from one balcony to another at a nearby apartment complex, and his mother was VERY overprotective even pretty blatantly interrogating anyone he'd associate with to everyone's embarrassment, and he rebelled. Heard the same thing with girls going crazy at college after being overly cooped up, they just go boy-crazy and binge drink. But that is only in EXTREME cases I think.

 

[swampwitch]

Originally Posted by Ducman69

Overprotective IMO.

Then again, my dad's first solo flight in an airplane was at age 14 and I got an advanced diving certificate at 12 for nighttime deep dives and a Ducati Indiana motorcycle at age 15.

Is your analogy that you and your father did these things without the safety measures or alarm equipment required by law? And that the unnecessary risk was okay since you both lived to talk about it? Otherwise, I don't see what this has to do with a sleepover and a smoke detector.

Maybe I have denied my daughter bragging rights about how young she was when she slept somewhere that didn't have a smoke detector, lol.

There's acceptable risk and then there's unnecessary risk. Guess we all draw the line where we are comfortable; the line I have for myself is not the same as for my young daughter.

Originally Posted by LDG

Well, whacko mom goes with crazy cat lady, doesn't it?

Teetering on the edge, my friend.

Btw, our daughter is fine with how things turned out.

 

[ducman69]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Is your analogy that you and your father did these things without the safety measures or alarm equipment required by law? And that the unnecessary risk was okay since you both lived to talk about it? Otherwise, I don't see what this has to do with a sleepover and a smoke detector.

Oh, I was just pointing out that there is a big range of what people consider acceptable risk, and mine and my parents' are perhaps higher than the norm heh! I've had girlfriend's mothers refuse to allow me to pickup their daughter on my "murdercycle" back in highschool even though I had a spare helmet, leather jacket, and gloves netted on the back!

You asked for opinions, just threw mine out there.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I think if it were the middle of summer and no space heater required I might have worried less. But I don't like the idea of them sleeping in a building without one too. And like everyone else says; all mothers of 13 year olds are wacko! Heck I have a 1 year old and I'm already wacko! Shes in for it when she's a teen!

So I guess I do think what you did is ok. Your daughter still got to go. I don't think I would have even considered asking the parents to buy or put one in there themselves; just because I hate stepping on people's toes. But then again that's your "baby" sleeping in there! And looking at things from a parent's shoes can be so different than the way you thought prior to becoming one!

 

[wellingtoncats]

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

There are times when it makes sense to talk about statistical probabilities, and times when it just doesn't. These people were putting children alone overnight in an outbuilding with a space heater. Sure, it's statistically unlikely that a fire would occur, but the stakes are much too high not to take the simple precaution of a smoke detector!

It should not have been Kat's job to provide the smoke detector, but since the parents didn't, thank goodness she was smart enough and brave enough to step up. If the parents took it as an insult, if the girls talked about it, if her daughter was embarrassed -- so what? It's a small price to pay for doing the right thing.

and I'm 21 and I think that makes you awesome, Kat.

 

[junior_j]

I don't have children but even at 19 i myself wouldn't be comfortable with sleeping a room/place with no smoke detector. You done a compromise , you daughter wanted to stay out so she got what she wanted and you could sleep happy knowing you had inflected in safety device which meant you would be happy

Good on you for sticking to your guns and keeping not only your girl safe but other parents children safe too x

 

[Winchester]

Statistics be darned....all it takes is one time. Just one time. Frankly, I think you were pretty cool to think about the smoke detector. I probably would have just said no and that would have been the end of it. You came up with a good solution.

(And I have a feeling that your daughter will be thinking the same thing in a few years.)

 

[22animalluv22]

I think what you did was responsible but speaking as how i had a overprotective mom as well i can only give you this advice,don't smuggle her meaning it's ok to be protective but when you get over protective believe me the kids will retalieate. I say this cause i did i had such a over protective mom i couldn't cross the street by myself tell i was like 18. She's in a difficult peirod of time in her life,show her you're there for her but also that you are willing to give her space. If you do that you'll do fine.

 

[threecatowner]

The summer before my senior year of hs a divorced family lived nearby. Middle son moved in with dad, mom had custody of 17year old party animal boy and 13 year old daughter.

Mom went out one night, left daughter home, brother went out and drank with his pals. Brother came home, started to fry bacon, took a detour to bathroom, and passed out. Mom still out on "date".

Of course, bacon fire erupted, old frame house went up in flames. Both kids killed. Daughter was found on floor by 2nd floor window, apparently overcome while trying to get out.

No smoke detector in house, they weren't "the law" then. This was 1977. I figure that mom hasn't slept a comfortable night since. I definitely wouldn't.

In my gut, swampwitch, I understand why you did what you did. This still haunts me.

 

[rockcat]

Originally Posted by threecatowner

The summer before my senior year of hs a divorced family lived nearby. Middle son moved in with dad, mom had custody of 17year old party animal boy and 13 year old daughter.

Mom went out one night, left daughter home, brother went out and drank with his pals. Brother came home, started to fry bacon, took a detour to bathroom, and passed out. Mom still out on "date".

Of course, bacon fire erupted, old frame house went up in flames. Both kids killed. Daughter was found on floor by 2nd floor window, apparently overcome while trying to get out.

No smoke detector in house, they weren't "the law" then. This was 1977. I figure that mom hasn't slept a comfortable night since. I definitely wouldn't.

In my gut, swampwitch, I understand why you did what you did. This still haunts me.

That trumps statistics any day, IMO. So sad.

 

[3catsn1dog]

I don't think it was overprotective. But that's as an adult. If I were a tennager I would have been like omg craaaazzzyyyy.

I'm irresponsible. We don't have a smoke detector in our house at all. We should have them but never thought twice about it. Now that the thought is reignited in my head I will be putting smoke detectors on my household shopping list along with a carbon monoxide detector. Especially since we have a wood stove.

 

[capt_jordi]

I think it would have been more overprotective if you told your daughter no. Even though you may be viewed as weird by her friends, it made for a good compromise that didnt mean your daughter had to miss out.
But I do agree with what others have said, be protective but dont smother. Smothering will result in rebelling....

 

[carolpetunia]

I told my mother about this thread and asked her opinion, and she said, "Well, if they were all sleeping in one little room and the door was right there, I don't know if a smoke detector is really necessary." I was shocked!

But further questioning revealed that Mom had never heard why smoke detectors are so important: because smoke and toxic fumes can overcome you in your sleep, so that you never even wake up. So I thought I'd mention that fact here, just in case. Everybody be safe!