I wasnt going to post about this but its been weighing on my mind and I know I can count on you all for some support that I cant get in real life.
Almost a year ago after some really heavy thoughts and considerations and major discussions DF and I decided that I need to remove the bug I had up my butt and decide if it was a legitimate not wanting to have kids or massive fear and anxiety that caused me to not want to have kids. After talking about it and thinking about it for almost a year we decided we atleast want to try. With the blessing from my mom and the girls we went ahead and started trying. Well in May we had found out we were pregnant and just a month later at 9 weeks we found out we miscarried. I had to have surgery to take care of myself and what had happened and it was horrible. I got zero support or anything from anyone in real life (df excluded from that but he didnt know what to do) and I really went into a tiny little bubble away from anyone and everything. After about 2 months we started trying again and a couple weeks ago right before Dfs birthday we found out we were pregnant again. Things have been going ok but not great. I have a dr appt this coming Tuesday and it will be the first ultrasound. I am nervous and have some anxiety about it because of what happened last time.
Logically I know that whatever happens its literally out of my control and I cant do anything about it. Last time was a fluke of gene A not matching right to gene B and things just didnt match up right. There was nothing I could do about it and nothing would have changed the outcome. It still doesnt make things better but it helped knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. I have taken that mindset for this go round and Im trying not to stress about anything...except this dang appointment. It gives me the monster heebie jeebies. So basically. Im just asking for some vibes or something. Anything that might just make me feel a little less crazy and a little more normal. LOL haha me normal...what a thought.
Anyways..Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. It feels good to atleast not be hiding it anymore.
Almost a year ago after some really heavy thoughts and considerations and major discussions DF and I decided that I need to remove the bug I had up my butt and decide if it was a legitimate not wanting to have kids or massive fear and anxiety that caused me to not want to have kids. After talking about it and thinking about it for almost a year we decided we atleast want to try. With the blessing from my mom and the girls we went ahead and started trying. Well in May we had found out we were pregnant and just a month later at 9 weeks we found out we miscarried. I had to have surgery to take care of myself and what had happened and it was horrible. I got zero support or anything from anyone in real life (df excluded from that but he didnt know what to do) and I really went into a tiny little bubble away from anyone and everything. After about 2 months we started trying again and a couple weeks ago right before Dfs birthday we found out we were pregnant again. Things have been going ok but not great. I have a dr appt this coming Tuesday and it will be the first ultrasound. I am nervous and have some anxiety about it because of what happened last time.
Logically I know that whatever happens its literally out of my control and I cant do anything about it. Last time was a fluke of gene A not matching right to gene B and things just didnt match up right. There was nothing I could do about it and nothing would have changed the outcome. It still doesnt make things better but it helped knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. I have taken that mindset for this go round and Im trying not to stress about anything...except this dang appointment. It gives me the monster heebie jeebies. So basically. Im just asking for some vibes or something. Anything that might just make me feel a little less crazy and a little more normal. LOL haha me normal...what a thought.
Anyways..Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. It feels good to atleast not be hiding it anymore.