Childless by choice/Childfree

[kathyfromcanada]

Never heard it explained in such an amusing way. Lol. Well done!

 

[kathyfromcanada]

Bottom line. You need to know yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you know your not parent material then that is totally all right! Also so very sorry for those of you whom have had miscarriages.

 

[fleabags mom]

I have never really had a strong desire to have kids. Like many others have said, nothing is more annoying than when people used to smugly assure me that I would change my mind. At least I have stopped hearing that now that I am almost 40.

I think I could have been a great Mom. I have so much love to give. Sometimes I do get sad, wondering if maybe I have missed out on an important aspect of being a woman. The way I have lived my life has removed a lot of my choices and I wonder if I would feel differently if I were financially and emotionally capable of raising a child. I have been clean for several years and although I have many regrets, having not brought a child into that horrible mess isn't one of them. I think the sadness is just melancholia about getting older and reflecting on my life so far and it's lack of grand accomplishments and direction.

I pour all of my love and maternal instincts into my pets and my husband. I always thought if at some point I did decide that I wanted to be a mother, I would adopt. There are so many children who need a loving home, I don't see the point in making new ones. Even though it sounds awful to admit out loud, the older I get, the less I like children.

After rereading this, I guess I am a waffling mess. Addiction is hell, even when you are clean.

Just for the record, I don't think you're a waffling mess! Apart from the fact that to get and stay clean is an amazing and difficult achievement, I think your comment about sadness being melancholia hit the spot with me over the whole not having a baby issue. Hugs to you and hope you keep that strength.

 

[trevandbur]

 
TrevandBur

Amazing that you were able to do what you did considering so many use the child in divorce.  So glad she was able to be raised by dad given the situation.

It may not be the "normal thing" but in end giving the best shot of a happy childhood is WAY more important then who normally has full custody.

My only thing if I ever do have a kid is I KNOW I am not one to do the entire moms bonding/baby classes.  It would drive me nuts to hear my kid is sleeping xx hours at xx weeks and all one upping.  My focus would be the baby but maybe different then many.  My mom personally did the PTA and the like but was always in the background as it just was not her thing either.

Thanks. The judge actually commended both of us at our final divorce hearing for being able to set aside our differences for the good of our child. I just saw no reason to drag her through a fight. She didn't ask for any of this. But she has told me that she is much happier now because she doesn't have to deal with us fighting all the time. We made an effort to not fight in front of her, but sometimes things happen (he would goad me until I couldn't stop myself sometimes), and even under the best of bad circumstances, kids can feel the tension. I still can't stand the sight of him, but I don't bad mouth him in front of her and just let it go. 

And I can't deal with that stuff either, and the whole "attachment parenting" phenomenon. My ex boyfriend's sister actually refused to associate with me after I didn't accept a FB friend request from her 10 year old daughter on the grounds of my FB not being kid-friendly (I post what I want), saying it was because I wasn't a mom like her. I'm glad I'm not a mom like her, because her kids are little demon spawn who don't listen, don't mind, and have no manners! Despite all the circumstances, my daughter is a nice person, a well behaved child that other people enjoy being around. She has manners and knows how to behave at home and in public. She's smart, funny, caring, and compassionate, and has lots of friends, but she is her own person and doesn't give in to peer pressure. I'm really proud of her, because I was afraid that me being how I am might have screwed her up. I may not have wanted to have a kid, but I certainly don't feel like that gives me any right to screw up another person, so I'm glad she's come out the way she has. Kinda strange how what I consider to be my best achievement is something I never wanted to do.

 

[margecat]

I'm childless by choice, though I always wanted kids. I got married late, and didn't want to risk having a child with Down's syndrome, etc.--although if I did, I'd keep them and love them. It was a hard decision, but I think it was the best one. DH always said that he didn't like kids, though I've seen him with older children, and he's a natural. If we did have kids, I think he'd be a responsible father, but I wanted him to LOVE his kids, not just do the right thing. What really made me decide not to have kids is when we had a dog for a few days. He doesn't like dogs much; he loves cats, but humored me by letting me adopt a dog. Yes, he took him out for walks, etc., but I could tell his heart wasn't in it, and, even though he volunteered to care for the dog, he resented having to do it. I then remembered the his feelings about kids.

When we moved here, I also got the "So, when are you going to have kids?" thing from the women, I started telling them, "I'm unable to have babies, but our cats are our kids." That shut 'em up!

 They're not cat lovers anyway, and already thought we were weirdoes.

Our cats somewhat fulfill my maternal instincts, and I suppose, hubby's paternal feelings. He simply adores the cats, especially the new kitten.

 

[angels mommy]

 
Job Posting

Wanted: someone to do extremely difficult job with no prior training. Must work every day of the year and many consecutive nights, with no weekends off, no sick days, or vacation time. Duties will increase significantly during holidays, since regular work must be continued along with all the extra preparations. 

This job requires a minimum 20-year commitment. Historically, the most difficult years will begin around year 13. Outcome of this job is critical since it will directly affect at least one person's life; more likely your job performance in this area will affect many more lives than that.

Candidate will have to go through 9-1/2 months of preparation before taking on the job. Prepare for nausea, inability to eat, bloating, pain, discomfort, major body changes (some will be permanent), extreme fatigue, and possibly months of bed rest. Serious medical complications, including life-threatening ones, are also a possibility. 

Help and guidance from others may or may not be available.  Successful candidate may add a partner to help with duties, so choose carefully. Keep in mind that your efforts in all areas will be generally underappreciated. You may even experience scorn from strangers if you can't keep all the "balls in the air" 100% of the time.

Before accepting the job, there will be one final test of endurance which involves extreme pain that may last for hours or even days. This process could be life-threatening and may involve emergency surgery. Once the test of endurance is over, the real job begins (immediately).

There is no salary for this position, in fact it will cost you approximately $100,000 to take on this job. There are no retirement or health benefits associated with this position. 

Serious inquiries only.

 

Very good!!

 

[goonie]

i never had any children and never wanted any either and i'm glad i didn't

 

[pushylady]

i never had any children and never wanted any either and i'm glad i didn't

Me too. I just wish I had known the term "childfree" earlier, and I wish I knew more childfree women in real life.

Great thread! People's honesty about this touchy subject is so refreshing.

 

[calico2222]

I haven't read the entire thread (gotta leave in a few to start cutting wood with DH), but here's my 2 cents worth.

I was pregnant twice in 2010 and miscarried both times. The first time was a surprise because DH was told by his doctor that he probably couldn't have kids (due to chronic illness and meds that caused low sperm count). I miscarried a week after I found out I was pregnant and I was still getting used to the idea. I then got the "baby bug" up my butt and decided I needed to have one. After trying all summer (much to DH's pleasure lol), I found out I was pregnant again in Sept. I carried until October and started miscarrying on our Anniversary (Ironic?) 

Anyway, after 2 heartbreaking miscarriages, I starting looking at exactly WHY I wanted a child. After soul searching, I realized it was because A) It was expected of me, BY me. You get married and you have kids. I wasn't getting any pressure from my parents because they had both passed....maybe that was part of it. B) I wanted to be able to see myself in another living being. I'm adopted so I can't say "oh, I have grandma's eyes" or "I have Dad's nose". I wanted to see ME in someone else. And, C) I wanted someone to take care of me when I'm old. 

When I looked at the reasons, I realized these are not good reasons to have a child. I don't even like kids, so why would I want to subject one to me? I can't even hear the dogs bark when they want out in the middle of the night....how could I take care of a baby??? Do I think I may have missed out on something? Yeah, sometimes. But I'm not really upset about it anymore.

I guess you couldn't really say I'm childless, or childfree, by choice. It just kinda happened that way, and we're fine with it.

 

[fhicat]

Hilarious, NSFW article about annoying things parents say to people who choose not to have kids:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-annoy...age&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage

 

[Docs Mom]

I always knew that I preferred furry kids rather than the 2 legged oneds. Animals have always been my focus, its a good thing that dh has same childless philosophy and love for the furkids....

lisa

 

[dragonheart]

I simply have no desire to have children. I also know that I would not be a good parent. Even when I was a kid I disliked other kids for being too noisy and messy, touching things and running around being annoying. That feeling hasn't lessened much over the years. I also recognize that I would resent a child for making me focus on their needs rather than my own and potentially force me to give up my own interests and passions, should they not be compatible. Essentially, I value my freedom too much and don't care to be beholden to anyone else.