can someone please explain this to me

[lil_axl_gurl]

I know we have parents here so I would like to see if I can find the answer to why my mom is doing this.

Soon I'm going to be getting my hair straightened and if the straightener works I'm wanting to do this to my hair:

But I know my mom would NEVER let me. I don't understand why though. I know she doesn't think I'm trying to be goth. I'm only doing stuff that I like. Stuff that I think is ME!

There was a time where I wanted to paint my fingernails black..My mom only let me do that for halloween. I don't understand..she tells me to be myself yet she won't let me. I'm so confused. When my dad was talking to me about painting my nails black he was saying that he thinks I'm doing it just for attention. That is not true..I'm doing it because I like it..I think it looks good on me.

Plus if I dye my hair like that and it looks bad we can always just..not do it again.

Could someone please tell me why mom isn't letting me be an individual? If you think I'm trying to be gothic I'm not..I don't worship satan. All I'm doing is what I think looks cool.

 

[journey]

I'm not a mother yet. BUT - I have vowed to let my kids express their individuality by dyeing their hair, painting their room, etc.

I'm not sure what your mom's reasons are, but maybe you could just tell her what you told us here. You would like to feel free to express your individuality, and feel like this is the best outlet for you right now. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise together.

Or you could tell her she has two choices - either you dye your hair and paint your nails black or get knocked up and start doing drugs!! That might put it in a different light!!

I'm kidding by the way!!

 

[valanhb]

First of all, being goth has absolutely nothing to do with worshiping satan, or any religion. I was goth before it was cool, before Marilyn Manson (who isn't goth to begin with). From what I know of the scene today, the Baby Bats have turned it into a fashion show. The meaning, the acceptance of anyone, and especially the MUSIC that it had when I was in the scene are all long gone.

But honestly, if that's what you think goth is, then just imagine what your parents think! If you think being goth means worshiping satan, then to someone who really has no clue about youth culture (and most parents have been out of youth culture long enough to not know what's going on with their own teens) painting your fingernails and dying your hair black must mean you're worshipping satan.

Hey, I got it when I was a teenager into heavy metal music, and all the booklets at Church said KISS and Motley Crue and all the other metal bands would brainwash your kids into being satanists. Rubbish! (It always struck me as funny that the real black metal was never listed in those booklets!) I was lucky to have a mother who trusted me and talked to me about what I was listening to, but most of my friends didn't have such trusting parents.

Long story short (too late!), as misinformed as you are about being goth, your parents must be more so. They are just worried about you and don't want to see you going down the wrong path.

 

[amanda8501]

Originally Posted by Lil_Axl_Gurl

I know we have parents here so I would like to see if I can find the answer to why my mom is doing this.

Soon I'm going to be getting my hair straightened and if the straightener works I'm wanting to do this to my hair:

But I know my mom would NEVER let me. I don't understand why though. I know she doesn't think I'm trying to be goth. I'm only doing stuff that I like. Stuff that I think is ME!

There was a time where I wanted to paint my fingernails black..My mom only let me do that for halloween. I don't understand..she tells me to be myself yet she won't let me. I'm so confused. When my dad was talking to me about painting my nails black he was saying that he thinks I'm doing it just for attention. That is not true..I'm doing it because I like it..I think it looks good on me.

Plus if I dye my hair like that and it looks bad we can always just..not do it again.

Could someone please tell me why mom isn't letting me be an individual? If you think I'm trying to be gothic I'm not..I don't worship satan. All I'm doing is what I think looks cool.

Im not a mother either, but i think it has allot to do with the fact that when people have kids they have this idea of how they want their children to grow up. what they want them to do in life and how they want them to be. your mom may just want you to not do it because she doesn't understand. if you talk to her more and tell her that you just want to try it because you think it looks cool, or explain why without getting upset it may help her understand. when it comes down to it it's about showing that you have reasons for why you want to do it. also letting her know that you will still be the same person with red hair as you are now. persuasion and maturity always goes along way.

 

[beckiboo]

Well, as a parent of a teenager and a young adult, I can tell you that I think that look is hideous. Luckily, I have not had a kid ask to have such drastic hair, so it hasn't been an issue. But Jess and I did discuss the whole "look" of giant pants and black fingernails. Like I told her, your appearance does affect how people look at you. Certainly it is most important to be a certain way on the inside...but you don't usually want your outside to give the impression you are in with the bad crowd.

That said, she did wear a lot of clothes that I personally disliked, but met my standards of decent clothes just WAY not my style. She wore her hair long and straight, when I thought it would be cuter in a shorter style. She had shoes with such thick soles, I used to tease her that she would break her neck if she fell off them! Some of her pants were so big, we both could have worn them...at the same time!!! And such weird fingernail colors!

I think each parent and child have to work out between them where the line is at. And you are not alone. Every child and every parent butt heads on some things. Each generation manages to come out with something new that is basically harmless, but shocks their parents. And every parent, who swore they wouldn't be one of "those" parents, who forgets what it felt like to be a teen, forgets sometimes.

Just like a Momma cat pushes a kitten out of the nest eventually, parents and teens have major conflicts at times. Every kid grows from thinking Mom and Dad know everything, to they know nothing. Do your best to express your feelings and desires clearly to your Mom. Maybe you could start with another color that isn't so shocking to your Mom. Give her some time to adjust to the fact that her little girl is becoming a woman, and not one of the bridge club women, either! Try to keep working with her, without giving up your expression of who you are!

 

[save_adopt]

i know with my parents its about what society will look at you as. Say you need insurance for a car and you go to meet your insurance guy... hes going to lable to you. its just the way things work. i dont agree with it... but for now thats how it is.

 

[yayi]

Your mom is telling you in a nice way that you will look ugly expressing your "individuality'. She doesn't want you to get hurt by people who may ridicule you for it. In other words, she's protecting you.

 

[emmysamson]

I see that you will be turning 18 soon. But, I'm not sure if you are still in school?

If you are still in school, maybe you could work out a deal? Like, if you get all A's & B's on report card, then you can have that done.
If you are done with school, then maybe you need to find your own place where then you can make your own rules. Otherwise, personally, that even though you may legally be an adult once you turn 18, you will still need to abide by your parents rules.
Like some other people advised, maybe try talking to your parents the same way you did here. Ask your Mom why she is so opposed to this look. Maybe you can suggest trying the hair color that washes out in a couple washes, and see how that goes....both for her and YOU. You may do this coloring, and realize...YUCK! If you use the hair dye that washes out quickly, you may be glad!
Now, as a Mom, myself. This is my own opinion, but....my son is almost 9, but I have to say, if this is the worse thing he can come up with to try to torture his father and I, I will consider myself SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lucky. Especially when you consider all the other things that can happen when you are a teenager ( and God knows, I've been there, done that, and someone stole my t-shirt!) I am hoping someone will come up with a way to just have kids skip the whole teenage thing before my son becomes one!

Good luck to you. And if you do succeed in getting this done, let us see a picture of it!!

 

[miss mew]

Originally Posted by yayi

Your mom is telling you in a nice way that you will look ugly expressing your "individuality'. She doesn't want you to get hurt by people who may ridicule you for it. In other words, she's protecting you.

So true!!

What I would suggest is what my mom and I did when I was your age. Compromise...I wanted to dye my hair "plum" but she thought it was too drastic (natural blonde to near black) so we settled on red.

Try talking about it and see what you can compromise on!!

Hey I'm 27 now and because of work I still can't dye my hair the way I want!

 

[purr]

I know in my case, when I was younger and wanted to dye my hair and my mom wouldn't let me it was because she thought it was perfect the way it was. You mom probably thinks you're perfect the way you are and thinks you're trying to change that. She probably also has a picture of you in her mind, her little girl, and doesn't want that to change.

Of course, I didn't want to do anything 'different' like that, just change the color. If I had wanted to change drastically, I know she'd be concerned with how society would view me because of my appearance, and I imagine it would be very hard for a mother to see their child be treated poorly for any reason.

In an ideal world, she would let you express yourself the way you want to, and teach you not to care what society thinks (like you probably don't anyway), but mom's don't always think rationally when it comes to their babies! They want them to 'fit in' and be liked.

I'm only a mom to Cupid, and I worry about how society sees him. To me, he's gorgeous and purrfect in every way, but I worry about how people will react to him sometimes, even though I know it's not going to hurt his feelings or even phase him in the least bit. I think mothers generally want their kids to be loved by everyone as much as they are loved by them.

By the way, I think that looks cool.

 

[dixie_darlin]

It's funny you ask that... I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys. Justice 7 yrs and Deacon 3 yrs....Does this show how strict I am about my boys expressing themself?

Justice when he went skating


Deacon... Dont mind the Cheetos on his face lol




The stylist who cut his hair put the green hair glue in and spiked it up.He LOVED it lol

 

[save_adopt]

that is so adorable

 

[journey]

Originally Posted by emmysamson

but I have to say, if this is the worse thing he can come up with to try to torture his father and I, I will consider myself SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lucky. Especially when you consider all the other things that can happen when you are a teenager

My thoughts exactly.....

 

[lil_axl_gurl]

So I talked it over with her and right now I'm in tears because she had to result to making fun of me. Thanks mom you just made me even more angry with you!!

 

[arlyn]

Well from someone who used to do very much the same, horrible things to my hair (except mine was a mohawk) I can tell you, you'll completely ruin your hair.

My eldest niece (whome I raised) had this very discussion with me.
I told her I'd be more than happy to let her get her hair cut and dyed in any style/color she wanted.
Then I made her run her fingers through my flamboyantly hot pink hair and feel how damaged it really was.
She never brought it up again.

 

[jennyr]

Moms and daughters will always have different ideas on looks. I fought with my mother in the early 60s over going out with skirts that were above the knee! And in my first year at college I dyed my hair blonde and my mother freaked. I tried so hard not to with my daughter, but by then I had realised that sometimes you have to make compromises with the outside world. I remember the first time I went to see my bank manager for a loan and he (very kindly but firmly) told me that I did not make a good impression because of the way I looked and dressed. But I think it is good if when you are at school and college and have no outside responsibilities and are trying to find your own identity, you can look as you want and try out new ways of expressing yourself. Later, sadly, we all have to observe some rules, depending on where we find ourselves in life. People in advertising agencies can get away with a more individual look than those in banks.

 

[turtlecat]

several things that bother me about these statements .. that boil down to 1 thing.

you're not trying to be goth, because being goth implies to either you, or your parents, or both, that you "worship Satan".

1. Most goths that choose to practice an alternate religion are not satanic, and a vast majority of goths are AGNOSTIC, meaning they don't necesarily know what's out there and are witholding any judgement on what that overpowering force is until they get a message that is true to themselves(this is only the best way I can explain this).
2. Satanics do NOT worship Satan, they worship how the bible paints him to be one of his own power.
3. Even if you chose to study an alternative religion (which is, by the way, a common religion to another culture or place) it isn't a *BAD* thing. that's part of your own journey into adulthood.

As far as why they won't let you? They're afraid what other kids will say, or afraid that you're copying kids that do bad things, simply because it's *different* It's an unfortunate side effect of being a parent, you tend to judge what your kids are doing through your own past experiences.

It also may be where you're from is rather conservative, or that your parents are. Also, depending on what you're going to be doing for a living if you are up to that point, it may not look well in the face of those that Hire you.

I do have to say that I am rather irritated with some of the other posters on this board that ARE parents and are basically reinforcing that she can't have some time to find herself by trying a look that YOU find unnatractive. Quite frankly, I am certain that I would find many of the things that you think are a "good look" quite hideous.

 

[hopehacker]

I would say, colouring your hair, and wearing clothes that are in fashion, that the other kids wear, should be accpeted by a parent. Who cares what "society" thinks of you. You have to please yourself, not everyone else. Besides, I'm sure you'll conform more to "society", when you get older, if for no other reason, than to get a job. I think it's VERY NARROW-MINDED to judge someone by the way they dress, or the style they have their hair in. It's what's "inside" you that counts, not how you dress. This is why I tend to NOT conform at all. I really don't want the acceptance of such narrow minded people.

 

[loveysmummy]

Originally Posted by Arlyn

Well from someone who used to do very much the same, horrible things to my hair (except mine was a mohawk) I can tell you, you'll completely ruin your hair.

My eldest niece (whome I raised) had this very discussion with me.
I told her I'd be more than happy to let her get her hair cut and dyed in any style/color she wanted.
Then I made her run her fingers through my flamboyantly hot pink hair and feel how damaged it really was.
She never brought it up again.

I'm with Arlyn on the practical side of things

I have dyed my hair every colour since 13 from purple to green to blue and black as well as platinum blonde. I have had a mohawk and kept it styled with Crest toothpaste (yes, its a well known punk*ss styling agent

Today, I have to be extremely careful with products and hair styling as my poor hair has really taken a beating.
You will be grateful if you don't end up starting to dye it. Its addictive and it wreaks havoc !

 

[turtlecat]

Originally Posted by Loveysmummy

I'm with Arlyn on the practical side of things

I have dyed my hair every colour since 13 from purple to green to blue and black as well as platinum blonde. I have had a mohawk and kept it styled with Crest toothpaste (yes, its a well known punk*ss styling agent

Today, I have to be extremely careful with products and hair styling as my poor hair has really taken a beating.
You will be grateful if you don't end up starting to dye it. Its addictive and it wreaks havoc !

I have to say that if your hair is a light color naturally, you would benefit from not dyeing/bleacing the section of hair you want brightly colored, but to simply use a dye like Special Effects on natural hair, and dye the rest. My secret, don't do BLACK. there are a lot of REALLY DARK reds or purples that will fade, sure but will cause less damage than to dye your hair full on black. These also can be colored over with mid browns if you decide sooner rather than later that the look isn't working for you, where as BLACK needs to be stripped out and that's VeRY damaging.

use a deep conditioner twice a weeks and color no more frequently than you absolutely have to.

As far as your mum teasing you, my mum was like that and still is.. it's a part of her personality , but instead of reacting to it, ignore it, or tell her that it relly is hurtful whne she teases you. Though, I personally find that not reacting at all tends to cool their jets much quicker than anything else.