Ask The Christmas Guru - Official Thread!

[christmas guru]

Purrs and Season's Greetings to all!

I am the wise and all-knowing official Christmas Guru for TheCatSite.com.

If you have any questions related to the holidays, I'm your kitten! Post them here and I shall provide the answer (if needs be, I'll make a quick behind-the-scenes call to Santa).

 

[AbbysMom]

Dear Christmas Guru;


With the holidays coming up, I have already started my baking. I've got 6 dozen cookies in the freezer already with plenty more to bake. Everyone is whining that they are on diets. I really enjoy baking cookies, but I can't eat them all myself because I am on a diet. :anon: What can I do? Do I have to stop baking now and forget about the rest of the cookies?



Sincerely,

Frustrated Baker

 

[christmas guru]

Dear Frustrated Baker,

Don't put your measuring spoons away quite yet.  You'll need to buy another tool for your kitchen.  

When a cookie breaks there is caloric leakage. The more cracks and the longer they are broken; the more the leakage. Each cookie will need to be broken into at least 12 pieces. All you need to do is buy  a small mallet and your problems are solved.   You can either pre-smash the cookies for your family and friends or provide them with their own mallet.   May I suggest baking a batch of catnip cookies for the feline friends in your life?  Cats like cookies too, you know, and feel free to send some to me at the North Pole.   I'll put in a good word with the big guy for you if you you do!

Purrs,

The Christmas Guru

 

[Norachan]

Dear Christmas Guru,

I wonder if you could give us some insight into how Santa feels about "Good kitties" and "Bad kitties". I know good children get stockings full of presents and bad children only get coal, but does the same rule apply to cats?

I'd like to get presents for all my cats this year, but some of them are very naughty. Knocking over flower vases, bullying their sisters and spraying the front door are just some of the things I've had to deal with recently.

Your thoughts please,

Guardian of the wild and fearsome beasties.

 

[christmas guru]

Dear Norachan,

The cat activities you described are perfectly acceptable in Santa's eyes.   Santa says presents for all, even those cats who bully their sisters.  So start shopping for those cats!  He also says the coal for naughty children is parent propaganda.   

From the Snowy North Pole,  

The Christmas Guru  

 

[Kat0121]

Dear Christmas Guru,

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Your answer to @Norachan got me thinking. You're right (of course)- all cats should get presents for Christmas (or whatever holiday it is that they and their family celebrate). My kitties are all purrfect angels!  Lily never picks on her siblings.

  Sophie never pushes anything off the furniture so she can relax in the spot it used be in

Henry? Well he actually is a very laid back well behaved boy who puts up with a lot from his sister with grace and humility- a true gentleman.

Since they are so wonderful and kind, we have decided to share the Christmas spirit with cats in a local shelter by putting together a gift box with toys and treats so they can feel special too. A few extra per shopping trip each week leading up to Christmas and we should have a nice variety for them to enjoy!

Thank you for the inspiration.

All cats count

Sincerely,

The three wise kitties and their humble servant

 

[Norachan]

Thank you Christmas Guru, that's good to know. I'll start shopping immediately.

 

[mservant]

Dear Christmas Guru

My kitty, Mouse, never seems to play with his toys anymore but he loves to wrestle and roll with the paper bags and boxes things come in.   Should I bother to get presents to go in the wrapping this year, or would it be acceptable to leave a little pile of empty bags and boxes under his tree?

 

[christmas guru]

Dear Unsigned,

Christmas Guru believes in showing courtesy to all. You would not dream of declining a host's serving of tea and biscuits, demanding instead to get "straight to business", whatever that may be, would you? In the world of human gift-giving, Christmas Guru has not yet encounter a human who prefers the wrapping box to the gift inside. Yet, we continue wrapping gifts in elaborate, colorful and sometimes gaudy wrappings that end up being tossed away. It is a comforting tradition to tear at the wrapping paper. Just as well, it is comforting to Mouse and all the felines in the world to snub the $2,000 gift in favor of the wrapping paper. Christmas Guru implores you not to deny Mouse the comfort of snubbing the gift, for to Mouse, the gift is the wrapping paper and the box, not whatever is inside.

From the North Pole,

Christmas Guru

 

[Columbine]

Dear Christmas Guru,

My dog, Leah, seems obsessed with the cats' toys. Every time I have Asha's toyboy out, she tries to riffle through it to find a new 'prize' (which she then tries to destroy [emoji]128574[/emoji]). Asha will respond by picking fights with Leah...and Leah always comes off worst.

How can I keep the peace (and make everyone stick to their own gifts) this Christmas?

Sincerely,

Equal Opportunities Owner [emoji]128049[/emoji][emoji]128021[/emoji][emoji]128054[/emoji][emoji]128008[/emoji]

 

[macha 143]

 ​Dear Christmas Guru,

Macha loves to eat her dried foods only. I have hard time feeding her with canned foods. What should I do to keep Macha eat some canned foods? Macha loves only one toy and if she can't find it she's so nagging and demanding, my neck is hurting just  to find her favorite toy. I checked under the furniture, fridge and bed but nothing. What to do Christmas guru?

Sincerely,

Domestic white&black caretaker

 

[paula freeman]

How come you can get all kinds of pet toys for your cat to play with but he would still rather play with an old box or a paper bag? Or anything else lying around the house just not his toy.

 

[christmas guru]

Dear Christmas Guru,

My dog, Leah, seems obsessed with the cats' toys. Every time I have Asha's toyboy out, she tries to riffle through it to find a new 'prize' (which she then tries to destroy [emoji]128574[/emoji]). Asha will respond by picking fights with Leah...and Leah always comes off worst.

How can I keep the peace (and make everyone stick to their own gifts) this Christmas?

Sincerely,

Equal Opportunities Owner [emoji]128049[/emoji][emoji]128021[/emoji][emoji]128054[/emoji][emoji]128008[/emoji]

Dear Equal Opportunities Owner,

Hmm...perhaps Leah can be preoccupied with a nice chewy bone or treats while Asha gets to check out her gift.  This is a tough one, as dogs will be dogs and cats will be cats.  Both wonderful, but with very different approaches to situations.  Christmas Guru wishes you all Christmas peace.

Sincerely,

The Christmas Guru

 
 ​Dear Christmas Guru,

Macha loves to eat her dried foods only. I have hard time feeding her with canned foods. What should I do to keep Macha eat some canned foods? Macha loves only one toy and if she can't find it she's so nagging and demanding, my neck is hurting just  to find her favorite toy. I checked under the furniture, fridge and bed but nothing. What to do Christmas guru?

Sincerely,

Domestic white&black caretaker

Dear Domestic white&black caretaker,

Christmas Guru knows many cats that prefer only dry food.  Santa recommends continuing to feed Macha a diet of healthy dry food, if that is what makes her smile.  

Christmas Guru has a cat with a favorite green mouse.  There are other mice just like it in different colors, but it must be the green  one or it just won't do.  Christmas Guru would recommend buying duplicates of the same toy, if they are available.  Maybe Macha will accept them.  Maybe...

Christmas Guru hopes your neck feels better soon.  

Sincerely,

The Christmas Guru 

 

[christmas guru]

How come you can get all kinds of pet toys for your cat to play with but he would still rather play with an old box or a paper bag? Or anything else lying around the house just not his toy.

Dear Unsigned,

In the last century or so, there is a paradigm shift in the mindset of cats. Perhaps you have heard of, or read jokes about, cats and world domination. Perhaps you may have heard that cats twitch their ears when they communicate with their mothership many thousands of light-years away, biding their time until the fall of humanity.

Well, Christmas Guru can assure you that it is not true. At least, it is not many thousands of light-years away, it is merely hundreds of light-years away. Felines all over the world, nay, galaxies, are preparing for the coming of the Cat Emperor. When the Cat Emperor arrives, and no one, not even Christmas Guru, knows what he, she, it, looks like. But it will signify the beginning of a new era. The Era of Cats.

Playing with an old box, a paper bag, or anything that isn't cat toy is a sleeper instinct clawing its way to the surface. By familiarizing themselves with household items, cats obtain knowledge about the workings of the human world, and can pass this knowledge to as many offsprings as possible. This is crucial for when the Era of Cats awakens. It is programmed into their very essence to avoid "cat toy", as much like alcohol or drugs, it is a human invention designed to dull the senses of cats.

They are coming.

You are not prepared.

Sincerely,

Christmas Guru.

 

[godiva kiss]

Dear Christmas Guru,

This Christmas me and my grandmother are thinking about giving our kitty Sprinkle a plate of Christmas Kitty Cookies. Any tips on how to make them both healthy and delicious?

 

[macha 143]

Dear Christmas Guru,

I appreciate your advice, you are indeed very good and also very caring, my neck is feeling much better .

Thank you, Christmas Guru. :-)

Sincerely,

Domestic white&black caretaker

 

[christmas guru]

 
Dear Christmas Guru,

This Christmas me and my grandmother are thinking about giving our kitty Sprinkle a plate of Christmas Kitty Cookies. Any tips on how to make them both healthy and delicious?

Dear Unsigned,

Christmas Guru hopes you and your grandmother did not mean kitty-shaped cookies. Christmas Guru cannot imagine the trauma that would be inflicted on a cat who eats another cat, cookie or no.

Otherwise, tuna-shaped cookies made from tuna has always been a big hit. 

From the Cold North,

The Christmas Guru.

 

[Kat0121]

 
Dear Christmas Guru,

This Christmas me and my grandmother are thinking about giving our kitty Sprinkle a plate of Christmas Kitty Cookies. Any tips on how to make them both healthy and delicious?

here you go

Crunchy Tuna Cat Treats

Here is a recipe for crispy cookies for your cat, to keep in a glass jar.

This is what you are going to need:

• 140 grams of drained tuna
• 125 grams of oat flour
• 1 egg
• 1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon of dried catnip

Put all the ingredients in the mixer or in a bowl.

Blend all of them, or in alternative, just the tuna, adding then little by little the flour.

Mix to obtain a homogeneous mixture, to be spread with a rolling pin.

Cut out the biscuits and bake at 180° C for 10-12 minutes.

Keep them up to a week in a vacuum container, for storing in the refrigerator.

 

[godiva kiss]

No, I mean cookies for the kitty.

 

[godiva kiss]

Thanks a bunch for that recipe!!! I am sure she will love those!!!