Are some of us overzealous in giving advice???

[at129]

Throwing in my 2c here because I'm "super-new," being totally new to both this site, and to cat ownership in general (2 months and counting into this new adventure!), and therefore one of the completely clueless types who might pop up with silly questions from time to time. So thought my opinion might help put this in perspective!

I don't know what I'd do without TCS. My Sophie came to me totally out of the blue, crying on the porch of an abandoned house, and while I'd had no plans to get a cat any time soon (and had never had one before), she was mine the instant I laid eyes on her. I am so head-over-heels in love with her that I want to know every little thing I can. NOTHING beats actual real-life experience for that, and the second I found this site, after frantically googling "kitten care" the first day I had Sophie at home, it became my Kitten-Raising Bible. I would choose you ladies and gents over some "article from the experts" any day. I mostly lurk here, because 99% of my questions are answered just by skimming the boards!

That being said, I have seen ONE post here (out of the hundreds I've read, not a bad record!) where a single replier went too far and actually insulted the person asking the question (and then replied a second time and made it worse!). That one post has stayed with me, only because it stands in such a contrast to the usual attitudes here, and in that case, may have had a negative impact on the questioner's choices. I think this might be the kind of thing the OP is talking about, and this is why I'm seconding the sentiment. I can't speak for people who might be a little more sensitive/touchy (I tend to have a thick skin!), but I think that as long as the tone is not condescending or insulting (mostly not insulting - I don't mind being put in my place by someone more knowledgeable as long as it's done "gently"!), you guys are fine.

So, just had to throw that in there, because you all deserve huge thanks for the time you put into educating all us "kitty newbies." As long as the tone isn't outright rude or an obvious put-down to the person asking the question, I believe you'll end up with mostly positive reactions.

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by temperpolk

I just wanted to emphasize that I was not trying to point fingers or referring to anyone in particular when I first started this thread (certainly not to Strange Wings

).

The timing had me very suspicious...

 

[auntie crazy]

Originally Posted by LDG

Well, I don't know if anyone is referring to me. I tend to write very long and often detailed posts. But I am not aware of enging in "whos the better expert" competition, and if it comes across that way, I'm sorry. I simply try to provide advice I would like to receive.

Since I started the "competing experts" topic... Absolutely not, LDG. I love reading your posts, specifically because you don't just make bald statements and walk away; you give me information from which I can learn. Offhand, I can't recall you contradicting me or anyone else, but I have no doubt at all you'd do it in respectful manner.

(In fact, that's probably why nothing comes to mind!)

 

[momofmany]

I'm a long time member of this site and I've seen the negative posts that the OP referred to. I think what prompts them are usually a couple of things: the responder simply lacks experience and is highly opinionated, the OP really doesn't want advise but is looking to rationalize their choices (and gets slammed for it), and sometimes a responder is simply tired and doesn't think thru their response.

It is everyone's responsibility to take anything we read on the internet and apply it to our unique situations. There are people that post here that I know well enough to trust their judgement completely. Once people are around for a while, they identify these people and learn to trust them. But when advice is offered, particularly to a new member, by someone who lacks experience and is strongly opinionated, it is the mods / advisers role to intervene and try to set the facts straight. I think this is why Laurie questioned herself about her own advice (my mind did the same thing).

I honestly believe that what starts the worst of these threads are the ones where people simply want to justify their choices, and really don't want anyone's opinion, they just want people to agree with them. And people here accommodate them. Trust me when I say that I have to lift my hands from the keyboard and walk away from some of these threads. But many people don't.

But as a whole, those threads a few and far between compared to the outstanding topics that come across this board. My advise is that if you don't like the way a thread is going, simply walk away.

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by Momofmany

it is the mods / advisers role to intervene and try to set the facts straight.

I've been wondering something for a while. What happens when it's the mods that are doing it or attacking people? There was a recent post that was quite bad and the OP was obviously offended. Anytime there's a declaw related thread everyone, even mods, gain up because of the strong feelings everyone one has on the subject - yet this is allowed to happen over and over again.

 

[snake_lady]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I've been wondering something for a while. What happens when it's the mods that are doing it or attacking people?

Indeed.....a very very good question.

 

[sharky]

Originally Posted by Snake_Lady

Indeed.....a very very good question.

I am going to take a stab at this

... Mods are under the same rules as all of us on here ( ie for those who forgot check the link under every reply box) ... If you feel someone singled you out use the exclamation point and signal who ever is on duty ... OR and likely a better option use a PM to that person and see if it is a mis communication issue( yeah I know all of us are perfect

)

 

[strange_wings]

But, and maybe I'm not the only one concerned about this - What if reporting a mod or PMing them turns the person spiteful - that they take it out on the person later whenever possible. It's a common human fault not to let stuff go, to repeatedly dig at another person or outright make things difficult. When someone has some power in a social situation like a forum it can turn ugly - I know I'm not the only one to have witnessed that before due to stories others have shared.

Is anyone else ignoring stuff/refusing to speak up due to a mod or a popular member being involved?

 

[carolina]

Originally Posted by Yosemite

I agree some information needs to be dealt with in a better way such as things like if your cat doesn't eat for 24 hours it will die of liver failure - nonsense! Bijou was lost for 4 days and hiding under a bush in a back yard so I'm pretty sure he didn't eat for 4 days and he was fine. We need to not use scare tactics but we also need to stress the importance of certain things to new people coming to the forum.

I am pretty sure this is directed at me, so I am using my right to respond...
Well, yes, he was fine and I am glad, however HL is no nonsense and in an obese cat can take place in a few days if not in a couple of days (it has been cases of compete anorexia in 24h onset BTW in obese cats). In a Skinny, or healthy weight cat, like Bijou, it can take a few WEEKS -FYI. It is Very very very serious, and in many cases Lethal... So when a member comes here saying that my cat hans't eaten since Thursday and it is now Sunday.... Sorry to bother whoever it is bothering, BUT I AM going to bring up the HL issue because it IS true, AND I have seen it happening right here in the site...
I saw a very long thread where I told this person over and over again to feed his little girl, and unfortunately he preferred to listen to the people who was as you call "lollipopping" him. Feeding his cat was at the time the easiest at hand thing he could have done... Guess what -next thing I read, his cat had Hepatic Lipidosis. That HURTS. All It would taken was to feed that cat.
So yes, it is not non sense and there is plenty, plenty plenty of research about it EVERYWHERE.
_____________________

Now going back to the topic...

I think that what happens is that sometimes we read so many threads and respond to so many of them, that we want to get right to the point.
We don't think about the OP as a pet parent, we think about someone who came here for an answer, and we objectively give an answer.
I also think that the person reading can do a little searching before posting, perhaps?
Like litter for example - this is a cat forum... search litter before posting...
And... Also I think the same way we can write a little nicer, the reader can also read the answers for what they are, and not take them personally, because they ARE NOT personal, since we don't know you, especially when it comes to a new member.
When it comes to an old member, we get used to it - sometimes one word will do it- question, answer... we get to know each others' style, and so on...

I am seeing a lot of things in this thread...
One - the vet issue: I agree - we do send the person to the vet, but I agree we do need to, and that we are right to do so...
One thing that I learned from TCS that I didn't know before, is that Cats are notorious for hiding pain, and when they show symptoms, generally means the situation is not so good anymore.
Also, things like a kitten sneezing for example - you might think you are saving $35-40 by not taking the kitten to the vet, but in a couple of weeks that can result (I said can, and not will) in a large bill for a kitten with pneumonia that you can't pay, and you watch your beloved kitten die...
If your male cat is peeing outside of the box and we tell you to go to the vet during the day time and you don't.... All of the sudden it is 3 am and you are frantically here looking for help because you think your cat is blocked and you don't have the money to take him to the ER... Next day he needs to have surgery, stay in the hospital, yadda yadda...
So, that is why we do say go to the vet... In my opinion, at least, for all that's worth. Things can go wrong with a cat, and fast.

Of course your cat can be completely fine.... but there is a chance that the worst can happen too, and we here, being away, with no credentials... really, how much can we help?

All we can do is share experiences, and hope that that helps someone.... But as Yosemite said, there are a lot of people who come here instead of a vet, and we can't accommodate those people, because we might do more harm than good... There are no vets or credentials in here.

And one last thing we do welcome

you new members

and your kitties nad please please please never feel afraid of asking questions - it is NOT personal!!

 

[sharky]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

But, and maybe I'm not the only one concerned about this - What if reporting a mod or PMing them turns the person spiteful - that they take it out on the person later whenever possible. It's a common human fault not to let stuff go, to repeatedly dig at another person or outright make things difficult. When someone has some power in a social situation like a forum it can turn ugly - I know I'm not the only one to have witnessed that before due to stories others have shared.

Is anyone else ignoring stuff/refusing to speak up due to a mod or a popular member being involved?

If it is not made known to someone , If you are not comfortable with the Mods or Directly approaching the person via pm I would suggest contacting Anne or one of the "Super Mods". Ignoring will definitely not make an issue go away

 

[strange_wings]

I always forget about Anne

I don't see her posting as much so I don't know how active she is on a day to day basis - she probably posts more in the PL.

 

[jcat]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I've been wondering something for a while. What happens when it's the mods that are doing it or attacking people? There was a recent post that was quite bad and the OP was obviously offended. Anytime there's a declaw related thread everyone, even mods, gang up because of the strong feelings everyone one has on the subject - yet this is allowed to happen over and over again.

TCS is against declawing, which should be very obvious to anybody who reads the forum rules or articles; those who can't be bothered post about declawing at their own peril.

3. This website considers declawing a drastic way to curb cat behavior. A painful ordeal for your kitty we would suggest that declawing never be considered for any behavioral issue. Health issues are entirely different. It is up to you as a responsible pet owner to explore all the different options available instead of declawing. Your cat is dependant on you to make wise choices for her, and not put her into any more stress or discomfort. Please be a responsible pet owner and research this subject thoroughly. Understand that if you are pro-declaw in your posts, you will encounter opposition. Please learn more about alternatives for declawing here in our forums as well as on our website itself. Declaw - More than Just a Manicure. Hopefully those of you with claw-related problems will find solutions by spending time in our Behavior Forum.

Forum Rules

Why You Should Never Declaw

Feline onchyectomy or Declawing is a radical procedure that involves amputating the cat's toes at the first knuckle. This is an extremely painful procedure than is nothing short of mutilating the cat. Many cat experts agree that robbing the cat of one of the most natural feline behaviors can lead to serious behavior problems later on. Declawed cats are probably more prone to become biters and some of them may develop litter
problems as well.
Unfortunately there are still many vets in the United States that offer declawing as a routine procedure, along with spaying or neutering. Declawing may be routine for the vet (and quite profitable as well), but it is an unnecessary and extremely painful and traumatic for your cat. In most western countries this procedure is actually illegal. Until the law changes in the US, it is up to us as caring cat owners to remain educated and save our cats from being declawed. For more information about declawing please check Stopdeclaw.com.
Training your cat to use a scratching post may take a little bit of time and effort, but with so many products available to help you, there is really no need to resort to declawing.

Problem Scratching And How To Stop It

Scratching is not a behavior problem. It is a natural function of a cat, and it is important to the health of their toes and nails. Physiologically, cats walk on their toes. Because of the structure of the toe and claw, declawing requires the removal of the last joint of the cat's toe. Cats use their claws for balance, jumping, climbing, self-defense, and grooming, and declawing forces your cat to walk unnaturally. There is some evidence that some declawed cats develop arthritis as a result of the unnatural posture forced upon them as a result of the declaw surgery. As cat owners/guardians, there are many steps we can take to help our cats scratch "appropriately" before considering declawing our pet.
What Is Declawing?

A cat's claw is part of the last bone in the cat's foot, called the Distal or Third Phalanx. The claw is embedded within this bone. Because of this anatomy, in order to avoid claw regrowth or abcessation (infection), the Distal Phalanx and claw are removed at the joint. This is the amputation of the third joint and claw of each toe. This procedure is completed with the use of a scalpel, a guillotine knife, or a laser.

Declawing and Alternatives

 

[yosemite]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

But, and maybe I'm not the only one concerned about this - What if reporting a mod or PMing them turns the person spiteful - that they take it out on the person later whenever possible. It's a common human fault not to let stuff go, to repeatedly dig at another person or outright make things difficult. When someone has some power in a social situation like a forum it can turn ugly - I know I'm not the only one to have witnessed that before due to stories others have shared.

Is anyone else ignoring stuff/refusing to speak up due to a mod or a popular member being involved?

Speaking as a mod, I'll just say that many things are discussed behind the scenes and we are accountable for our actions and replies to each other and to Anne.

Unfortunatey there will always be some folks who will resent any interference by mods and believe a certain mod doesn't like them and is out to get them for whatever reason their mind can conceive when, in fact, this is far from the truth. If a member has a problem with a particular mod, it is generally agreed that another mod will deal with that member for any future issues. There are some folks that will take offense where none was ever meant and may even possibly bad-mouth the other person via PM's and other private means - that is one side of the story but not always the only side or the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

ETA: As to being spiteful, that isn't necessarily restricted to mods.

 

[strange_wings]

^Good to know it is dealt with.

Originally Posted by jcat

TCS is against declawing, which should be very obvious to anybody who reads the forum rules or articles; those who can't be bothered post about declawing at their own peril.

And flames are against forum rules, but they occur in those threads.

 

[jcat]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

^Good to know it is dealt with.

And flames are against forum rules, but they occur in those threads.

And the proper response when you see flaming is to click on the "report post" button . Mods are not reading TCS posts and threads 24/7; believe it or not, we actually have real families, pets, jobs and obligations.

 

[sharky]

Maybe the FLAME defintion should be more defined?>

 

[AbbysMom]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I've been wondering something for a while. What happens when it's the mods that are doing it or attacking people? There was a recent post that was quite bad and the OP was obviously offended. Anytime there's a declaw related thread everyone, even mods, gain up because of the strong feelings everyone one has on the subject - yet this is allowed to happen over and over again.

At the risk of looking like the Mods are ganging up in here

I'd like to respond to this as well.

I've lost my cool a few times in threads. I'm only human. When I do, I report my own post and ask the other Mods to look it over to see if I have crossed the line. If I have, I edit my post or one of the other Mods does, just like any other member.

As far as holding a grudge, I have quite a few members that hold a grudge against me for enforcing the rules on TCS. I have been called the meanest Mod ever and that was one of the nicest things. Most I can't post here.

I tend to overcompensate in those situations and if I have had "issues" with a member will refrain from posting in that member's threads or dealing with that member unless it is absolutely necessary. I will normally ask another Mod to take care of the issue if it in one of my forums.

Also, when is it necessary to discipline a member, one single Mod does not make that decision ever. It has to have the majority vote of the Team. If a single Mod has a grudge against someone it is not going to make a big difference in the "vote" so to speak.

As always, if you think you are being treated unfairly by the Mods, you can always contact Anne.

 

[auntie crazy]

Looks like this thread has drifted into a "mods are the bad guys" direction, when I think (correct me if I'm wrong, please, Temperpolk), the OP was meant for TCS members in general, whatever their role may be.

TCS needs to be a safe and supportive environment for everyone, posters, responders, mods AND members. We're all just people, who care about kitties.

Can we all just take a minute to review our posts for respect and clarity before we hit "submit"? If either aspect is missing, maybe that particular post should be left un-submitted. <<<hugs>>>

 

[temperpolk]

You're absolutely right Auntie Crazie!!! My original post was just a ramble about a certain feeling I got when reading through the forum as a whole. For a while, I kind of gritted my teeth at some posts I've seen off and on at the TCS and I was just commenting on it. At no time did I ever mean to single anyone out. PLEASE BELIEVE THAT! I was just expressing a concern that at times when someone posts and they are not cat savvy and they don't have the means for a trip to the vet "immediately" some of us go become very inflexible. My opinion continues to be that it's better for a cat to be cared for by a human, even if they can't afford a vet at the time, than be out there on its own. Anyway, I didn't intend for this thread to become a fight. I have had no negative experiences EVER in this forum. And let me add..... Strange Wings: keep that advice coming .... and MODS: you are the best ever!

 

[carolina]

Originally Posted by Yosemite

There are some folks that will take offense where none was ever meant and may even possibly bad-mouth the other person via PM's and other private means - that is one side of the story but not always the only side or the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

That as everything in life, IMHO happens in both sides...