Are some of us overzealous in giving advice???

[temperpolk]

First of all..... Mods, if I am posting this in the wrong forum, please feel free to move it. I tried to post it in the IMHO forum but it told me I didn't have enough rights,,,

I was wondering if some of us in the forum are not scaring potential and caring cat owners from caring for a cat, be it a kitten or a stray. If you take a step back and look at this forum with impartial eyes (i.e. never having owned a cat and suddenly having to live with a cat) you would want to run for your life...

There is a little bit of fear-mongering. Please understand that I want to emphasize how this forum must never disappear. The advice and experiences shared here are absolutely priceless. I just think that sometimes we get too "anal" about things and everything gets too technical. "If you don't do it this way.......you will be DOOMED" that sort of thing. While we all have our best friends's well being at heart, we should do well to relax just a little and learn from our soulmates: the noble and crazy cats that share our lives with us. They are not as fragile as we sometimes claim them to be nor are they as tough as they appear. I just wanted to let all new cat care givers to know that it's not that complicated to share your life with a feline.
Mods... I know I'm posting to the wrong forum, but I just can't figure out where else to post this.. Sorry in advance

 

[Willowy]

Well, most of the posts are made by people who are having some kind of trouble with their cats....you don't see a lot of "my kitty is perfect!" threads going around. Because a lot of people only join a cat forum when they're having trouble. So that does kind of skew the results a bit, and makes things look worse than they are.

No, keeping a cat isn't complicated. But there is a lot of wrong information out there, and those of us who have had a lot of cat experience can pass on our knowledge to the new cat owners, and save them the trouble of figuring it out for themselves.

 

[strange_wings]

Are you referring to my vet and wait before intros post?

Because it's simply common sense. New pets are cute and new, but you don't want to put your other animals at risk. It's irresponsible.
I've also owned other animals, and still do. Experience there is always the same. With reptiles it's suggested 90+ days and not having them even in the same room as each other - much the same with birds and other small exotics. Again, common sense.

As Willowy said, most of us have had some health problems with our pets. No cat has ever came to me 100% healthy.

 

[clixpix]

I see what the OP is talking about, though. I don't think anyone should take this thread personally, but sometimes I do agree that some responses can be a bit..."strongly worded". We have found that advice given nicely and respectfully will yield a better result than advice that's given forcefully. The people coming to this site, and particularly this forum are looking for advice, but maybe do sometimes do get scared off when everyone is piling on, and being less than tactful in the presentation of their advice. Nobody likes to feel like they're being judged as a bad owner (and yes, sometimes that's exactly what's being said).

It's often a case of not "what's being said", but "how it's being said".

 

[mrblanche]

Many of the sections of the forum here are much like a newspaper. They don't publish good news or even ordinary events. They publish extraordinary events and unusual happenings.

Same here. When someone has a problem, they ask about it. They rarely ask questions like, "My cat always uses the litter box, he pees normal amount, her poop is completely normal, and he curls up to me and keeps me company with never a worry in the world."

 

[clixpix]

Originally Posted by mrblanche

Many of the sections of the forum here are much like a newspaper. They don't publish good news or even ordinary events. They publish extraordinary events and unusual happenings.

Same here. When someone has a problem, they ask about it. They rarely ask questions like, "My cat always uses the litter box, he pees normal amount, her poop is completely normal, and he curls up to me and keeps me company with never a worry in the world."

I don't think the OP is saying to never give advice. The issue is how advice is given. I think the point is, and I agree completely, is that sometimes that advice is shoved down the throat rather than offered, often with dire predictions that may or may not be accurate. The idea is to actually help the person and their kitty, and not drive them away by everyone piling on, and getting worked up.

 

[icklemiss21]

Originally Posted by clixpix

I don't think the OP is saying to never give advice. The issue is how advice is given. I think the point is, and I agree completely, is that sometimes that advice is shoved down the throat rather than offered, often with dire predictions that may or may not be accurate. The idea is to actually help the person and their kitty, and not drive them away by everyone piling on, and getting worked up.

I agree, sometimes we come on too strong and sometimes with unfounded 'facts' as recently mentioned in a declawing thread - it gets to the point where we have this doomed attitude to something that is already done that we turn people away from TCS and they dont learn anything or in other cases, dont read and put the person off by 'go to the vet' without reading that they have been to a vet - it all puts new people off.

 

[clowangel]

I'm relatively new here, but yes, I do agree that some people can come off as...unpleasant. It's not the advice, but the way they give the advice. It isn't even advice anymore when it's, "Do this, this and this, or this, that, and that will happen."

I personally don't want someone else raising my cat for me as if I can't raise him myself. Sometimes the way people say things make us feel like we can't raise our own pets, as if we're inadequate pet owners. It's why I'm hesitant about asking anything after reading several dozen threads. I realize they aren't intentionally saying that, but it comes off as such. A simple, "I think perhaps you could blah blah blah..." would go over better. It's just how you word things.

There's a world's difference between:
1. I think maybe you should get your kitty checked by the vet just to make sure kitty might not be suffering from something serious.
2. Make an appointment with your vet asap. If not, your cat is going to be in some serious pain.

Uhhh... which is friendlier and seems like 'advice'? Instead of a doctor's note?

Also, I noticed that some people will skim the OP's initial post and then comment. So they skip out on facts. Sometimes it seems like they don't read the rest of the thread either before replying with their advice that has been repeated a million and one times already. And a lot of replies consist of, "Go to the vet" when we've already been to the vet or have said we've made an appointment. It really upsets me. It's great to think of the cats we own, but perhaps you should think of the owners a little more as well.

 

[mschauer]

Yup, I agree. There are ways to communicate that a situation may be serious without being overly dramatic about it. Including a bit of calm, rational explanation about why the situation may be serious is helpful to the poster and can mean the difference between understanding and blind panic. They are more likely to react appropriately if they understand.

 

[ldg]

Some people write emotionally, some write rationally. Some provide explanations, some don't. It's a public board, and obviously a message is better received when presented rationally, not emotionally, but people are free to contribute in their own ways.

Yes, people not reading entire posts is frustrating. I find it somewhat disrespectful, myself.

That said, I do think part of the issue is that people tend to speak from experience, and often when "scare tactics" are used, it is because of something that happened to one of their kitties and they just want someone else to not have that happen. The motivation is from the right place.

 

[icklemiss21]

Originally Posted by LDG

That said, I do think part of the issue is that people tend to speak from experience, and often when "scare tactics" are used, it is because of something that happened to one of their kitties and they just want someone else to not have that happen. The motivation is from the right place.

I agree but in those cases I say, my cat had the same symptoms and it turned out to be xxx please get your cat checked soon to be sure its not something like my cat had rather than 'go to a vet now or your cat will die'

It is still all in how you present the information

 

[ldg]

You're right about that!

 

[snake_lady]

I will have to agree with some people come across as highly overzealous.

There are people who believe their way is the right way, and it shouldn't be questioned just do it that way..... (health, food, behaviour...)

There are people who give misinformation because thats what they've been taught (not deliberate misinformation)

There are people who don't agree with things, and cannot agree to disagree.

There are people who speak without emotion, which in turn, makes their posts seem harsher.

There are people who are brutally honest.


IMO: I think posts like this are great because it does help people to step back and think about how they may sound......

Advice only helps if it is listened to, which it won't be if its "forced down" a persons throat, or if they are made to believe that they are wrong for doing things their way.

I know my animals are raised differently than a lot of peoples... my reptiles are raised substantially different than the "standard".... That doesn't make me wrong... nor does it make anyone else who does it differently wrong either.

And you are right. Keeping a cat is NOT as complicated as some make it out to be.

 

[howtoholdacat]

Originally Posted by clowangel

Also, I noticed that some people will skim the OP's initial post and then comment. So they skip out on facts. Sometimes it seems like they don't read the rest of the thread either before replying with their advice that has been repeated a million and one times already. And a lot of replies consist of, "Go to the vet" when we've already been to the vet or have said we've made an appointment. It really upsets me. It's great to think of the cats we own, but perhaps you should think of the owners a little more as well.

This drives me crazy too. I recently read a post where there were box problems. The OP said they'd tried Cat Attract and it didn't work. The second reply suggested using Cat Attract.

The topic of this thread is something that's bugged me for a while. You know the old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey?" I think you can help more cats live in a happy home if you're friendly and helpful rather than accusatory and rude. That's really what people want to do here after all. Shouldn't we do the best we can?

 

[auntie crazy]

I second the let's "be nice" sentiments. Until and unless we know someone is choosing to be cruel, there's no need to go all rambo on them. So many cat owners already feel bad about past mistakes; to my mind, compassion is far more called for than accusations or condemnations.

I also agree that the "go see your vet" line too often seems to be used in lieu of actually offering helpful advice. Excepting trolls, of course, people who come here seeking advice genuinely care for their cats and are looking for help to make their furbabies lives better. If they're not allowed to get it here, and can't get it through a vet (because they're waiting for an appointment, the vet is stumped, or they can't find one who has any knowledge about the subject, etc.), they're left with few resources and a bad taste for the forum. Yes, definitely, vets are wonderful resources! But so are many of the people here - let's make offering opinions easier (even when they are differing opinions!).

And in line with that, I'd like to add yet another thought to this thread.... Can we please stop turning every request for help into a competition about who's advice is more "expert"? This doesn't help the people in need and is another turn-off for visiting members. I, personally, am weary of the character attacks. It is solely due to the encouragement and support of other TCS members that I am still here to share any advice at all.

I like to think of TCS as a place of support and encouragement, as well as a venue for sharing with people who are as passionate about their cats as I am. Can we perhaps use this discussion as an opportunity to make TCS a more safe and supportive environment for everyone, posters and responders alike?

 

[yosemite]

I agree that sometimes we tend to get over-zealous - I know I do but I tend to do it more when a poster comes looking for vet advice instead of taking their cat to a vet because they either cannot afford it or do not want to spend the money. And I do it again when everyone has given good advice and the person says, well thanks anyway but I won't be doing that (not in those words but you can tell they didn't want to hear the advice given and aren't going to act on it anyway). As for whose advice is best, it's more of a question of whose advice is correct and not heresay and/or misinformation or incomplete information. Sometimes when someone offers blatantly bad or wrong information, it is very, very important to correct that information in the thread in a way that the OP will not act on that misinformation and do harm to their pet. And if emphasizing that the information is erroneous seems too over-zealous, so be it.

I agree some information needs to be dealt with in a better way such as things like if your cat doesn't eat for 24 hours it will die of liver failure - nonsense! Bijou was lost for 4 days and hiding under a bush in a back yard so I'm pretty sure he didn't eat for 4 days and he was fine. We need to not use scare tactics but we also need to stress the importance of certain things to new people coming to the forum.

Being all rainbows and lollipops is fine to a degree but the information offered needs to be taken seriously at times and it needs to be delivered in a manner that the poster will sit up and take notice.

 

[ldg]

Well, I don't know if anyone is referring to me. I tend to write very long and often detailed posts. But I am not aware of enging in "whos the better expert" competition, and if it comes across that way, I'm sorry. I simply try to provide advice I would like to receive.

 

[yosemite]

Originally Posted by LDG

Well, I don't know if anyone is referring to me. I tend to write very long and often detailed posts. But I am not aware of enging in "whos the better expert" competition, and if it comes across that way, I'm sorry. I simply try to provide advice I would like to receive.

I doubt there would be any problem with your posts Laurie. Your posts are detailed but accurate and backed up by research which you link. Your experience and knowledge here are well known to most of us and your delivery is always polite and gentle and greatly respected.

 

[katkisses]

I agree with you guys, maybe we need to run some sort of campaign, maybe sigs with some sort of cute slogan? Or avatar?

I think alot of people do this without realizing, also things get misinterpreted...

 

[temperpolk]

Hi everyone. Very lively and constructive discussion. I just wanted to emphasize that I was not trying to point fingers or referring to anyone in particular when I first started this thread (certainly not to Strange Wings

). It was just an observation, and I think all of us, including me, can be a little guilty of being overzealous at time. It was really just a reminder to myself as well to take a step back sometimes and "lighten" up a bit when posting with advice to the TCS. This is an priceless forum.