any of you experienced online dating?

[pamela]

Hi.

I haven't posted here for a LONG time so I doubt most of you will remember me from before.

I have been thinking of joining a few 'dating' websites so I can meet some guys. I just turned 40 and it's really depressing that I have not dated for almost TEN years. I don't think I am bad looking and people seem to enjoy being around me. Two cons for me is that I'm profoundly deaf and mainly communicate using ASL (American Sign Language) and that I own 6 cats.

Unfortunately, there are not many intelligent deaf guys who are available, are emotionally mature and williing to commit to a serious relationship. Most of the hearing guys I've met aren't interested in learning ASL or getting involved with the deaf community. I do prefer a deaf man over a hearing man since I am involved with the deaf community and we as the deaf people have a strong sense of deaf culture. It's hard even for my own family (all hearing) to understand where I as a deaf person am coming from and they've known me for 40 years.

I was just wondering if any of you have tried online dating and if so, was it successful? Would you recommend it to your friends? If it wasn't successful, can you explain why? Any advice?

Which dating websites have you tried? Match.com? Eharmony?

 

[orangeishcat]

I know that my uncle had success with E-Harmony- I do believe he met his wife there.

It might be worth a shot, just remember that him having a positive experience doesn't mean you will! From what I've heard, though, it's a pretty legit site that works hard to match you based on common factors. I think if you put in your profile that you're deaf and would prefer someone else who is, you may get some bites!

GOOD LUCK!

 

[mrblanche]

It's probably not an indictment of online dating, but the woman who is missing (and probably dead) in Aruba met the slimeball on match.com. Of course, she made some really bad decisions, too.

Have you checked in the deaf community to see if anyone there has a suggestion?

It's probably not common, but I have a friend whose kids attended a school in Dallas where there were a lot of deaf students, and all the students were required to learn at least rudimentary ASL.

 

[rafm]

Originally Posted by mrblanche

It's probably not an indictment of online dating, but the woman who is missing (and probably dead) in Aruba met the slimeball on match.com. Of course, she made some really bad decisions, too.

And many women that met their significant other at church, in the local bar or introduced by friends have been murdered by those men too.

I did online dating about 10 years ago and met my husband through matchmaker.com. Honestly, the only thing someone can lie to you about online that they can't lie Bout in real life is what they look like. Everything, and I mean everything else is just a crap-shoot.

There are some whackados out there, don't get me wrong but they will ping your radar pretty quick, just like in real life.

I think online dating significantly enlarges your dating pool and increases your odds of finding what you are looking for.

Good luck!

 

[mrblanche]

Yes, if you go into any of them with your eyes open and your radar up, they can work. I've heard good things about e-harmony, too.

 

[resqchick]

Originally Posted by mrblanche

Yes, if you go into any of them with your eyes open and your radar up, they can work. I've heard good things about e-harmony, too.

I think you're right. I have also heard good things about e-harmony.

I hope you find someone perfect for you, Pamela.

 

[kailie]

Before I met Dana at work, I joined Plenty Of Fish for awhile. There were a LOT of creeps on there, however I did meet a few really nice guys, just not the guys for me. I do know a lot of people who have had great success with dating sites. My only advice would be to be careful, but good luck!

 

[Winchester]

In a round-about way, my son met his wife through an online dating service. I say "round-about" because he actually met and started to date his wife's roommate. That simply wasn't working out and one night she called him and admitted that she was attracted to him. He was attracted to her, too, and well, they've been married 11 years and have given us two beautiful grandchildren. They are a lovely family.

I believe there is somebody for everybody; sometimes it just takes longer to find that person. Good luck!

 

[mystik spiral]

My sister did online dating and met several decent guys. She finally met her current boyfriend on eharmony - they own a house together and it's only a matter of time before they get married, although neither of them is in a hurry. People that I know who've used online dating (and my friends and family have been urging me to try) said that match.com is a decent place if you're just looking to date, and that eharmony is the best place to find a long-term partner.

Good luck!

 

[natalie_ca]

I haven't had any success with online dating sites. However I know people who have met their partners through art forums they have frequented for years, Yahoo personals and friend sites such as Lavalife or Match.com or Plentyoffish.

I've made profiles on Lavalife and Match.com. I was contacted by several guys and even met 3.

1. One guy who I really hit it off with is 12 years younger than me. We each felt like we had known each other our whole lives!! However, he had separated from his first love (high school sweetheart) about 9 months prior after 7 years of marriage. And he never dealt with the separation. He didn't want the separation, but she did. It turns out that he was secretly hoping that she would change her mind. I was his rebound. I broke it off because he was too darn confused at that point.

A few months later he contacted me telling me that their divorce was nearly final and he was looking to see me again. I told him to go be single for awhile and that he needs to figure out what it is he wants in life.

2. Another guy was around my age. I contacted him initially. Aparently it was an old ad that he hadn't taken down. We talked in MSN Messenger. Turns out he was already involved with someone in another province and they had flown back and forth to meet. I respected that. Over the next couple of months a few times a week we would talk in MSN. Basically about our day and the weather. Literally short (about 5 minutes) generic conversations.

One day when I was logging out of MSN I told him that I needed to go make dinner. He said that he hadn't eaten either and suggested that we go and grab something to eat together. I agreed.

He picked me up and we went to a steak house not far from where I live. Not only did he stink of cigarette smoke from head to toe, but his car stunk like an dirty old ashtray. His ad didn't say anything about him smoking.

The only new things I learned about him during that 2 months in MSN was that he had been divorced for 6 years I think. He had 2 teenage kids from his first marriage. She got the house, but his name was still on the mortgage!!! He wasn't making payments on the house, but he was making sizable child support payments. In that 6 years he never learned to cook or clean because he depended on his daughter to do it when she would visit him. According to him, he didn't know how to clean!! Oh and that he worked in construction. Like I said, pretty short and generic conversations.

We sat in the smoking section (gags), and he had a cigarette in his hand the entire time we were there, even when he was eating. He smoked between bites. It was the grossest thing I've ever witnessed.

After dinner, he drove me home and we said good night at the outside door. I gave him a small hug and thanked him and told him that it was nice to finally put a face to the text. And we said good night. After that day he went from messaging me a few times a week to doing so every single day, and he was now using emotes such as flowers and such.

The next thing I know, within a 2 week period, he's telling me that he's in love with me and how he bought a house trailor in some small town near the city and how he wanted me to see it because it needed a woman's touch.

I told him that there was no "us" and that he was involved with someone already and I don't step on other women's toes and that we had agreed that we were meeting for dinner strictly as friends. He told me that his girl friend sees other people, so why can't he? And then he got really desperate and in short, he ended up begging to be let into my bed!!!

I blocked him and put him into my "just another loser" catagory.

3. The last guy I met wasn't bad looking and he sounded very nice. We talked in MSN for a couple of hours. He was deeply intelligent and had 2 degrees, one in agriculture and the other in math or something like that. We made arrangements to meet. It was December and he asked what I would like to do. I suggested a drive around the city looking at house Christmas displays. Before we logged off I gave him my phone number and he asked if he could call me after we logged off, so we could at least have talked to each other "in person" prior to meeting. I agreed.

I cringed when I heard his voice. He looked like a huge teddy bear. 6'2" tall and a bit chubby. So I wasn't expecting him to sound like Donald Duck! We did meet. He was a nice guy, but in person we really didn't have much in common and there were several awkward silences. We drove around looking at Christmas displays and he took me to one that the city was putting on at the race track where you drove in your car and listened to the music on a specific radio channel. Then we went to a piano bar across the city for a drink. He suggested it, but I knew the place and really liked it. Turns out he lived across the street from it so he parked his car in his parking spot and we walked across the street.

He had 2 or 3 and I was worried about getting into a car with someone who had that many, plus the police were out in full force looking for drunk drivers. I suggested that maybe it would be better if I took a taxi home? He agreed that it would be because he didn't want to get nabbed for a DUI.

I called a cab. He waited with me. When the cab came, before I could get in, he grabbed me and kissed me. Let's just say it was sloppy and gross and that he nearly removed my tonsils!! *gags* He didn't even offer to pay for my cab home. It cost me $25.00 (like I said, it was across the city). He contacted me a few times after that, but I finally told him that I didn't feel a connection with him. Which was true. But I was also offended by how he took liberties with me, and that whole $25 cab ride just buggegd me!!

4. Then there was the stalker! Well, not really, but it was close! LOL I forget which site we met on. He seemed nice, and his picture was "hot!" It showed him on a beach in Hawaii. We talked in MSN for about 6 weeks before agreeing to meet. I have a good insight to people. My gut told me that he was harmless, so I invited him over for dinner. I asked him what his favourite meal was and he told me "roast beef", so I said I would make that.

On the day he was to come over, he must have called me 30 times! (hence the term "stalker" LOL) He didn't have anything important to say, he was just basically giving me a play by play of his day.

Anyway, he shows up on time. Points for him. He looked nothing like the picture he sent to me. The picture showed a guy about his age that looked relatively fit. In person he was chubby (which is ok), but his gut looked like he was about ready to pop out triplets!!

As he sat down at the table he said "I'm not very hungy, I had a late lunch." I asked him what time he had lunch, he said "about an hour ago." So basically he had about 1 bite of everything. As I cleared the table he went and sat on the couch. I brought the wine to the living room and found him laying stretched out on my couch, sound asleep. I watched "Chicago" by myself and when it was over I woke him up and told him to be on his merry way!

I then sent him an email telling him that it was nice to have met him but that I didn't feel that we had any chemistry and that based on the previous evening, I think he would agree with me. I never heard from him again.

************************************************

I found that there are a lot of married men on those sites looking for affairs.

One guy who contacted me from Lavalife turned out to be the husband of a co-worker. Same first name, played in a band, worked at a printing company. When I mentioned her name, he disconnected from me and blocked me on the stie.

I signed up for eHarmony. eHarmony was a colossal waste of money. I had a pretty narrow distance selected because I am not into long distance relationships. However I wasn't getting any matches. So I expanded the distance. After that I was being sent matches for guys in the states living on FARMS!!! I HATE FARMS!

I'm a city girl through and through. I live in the heart of downtown. I would love to live in a city of millions! I hate camping or rural living. In fact my idea of getting back to the great outdoors is opening my apartment window! Yet they were matching me up with farmers!!!

None of these sites, even eHarmony, screen people. So it's up to each person to weed out the wackos. And believe me, there are plenty of them out there!

 

[ducman69]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Unfortunately, there are not many intelligent deaf guys who are available, are emotionally mature and williing to commit to a serious relationship.

Hate to break it to you, but that includes hearing guys as well, self included!

IMO, fast with the body, slow with the mind. You won't know if its the right guy for a "serious relationship" one way or another off the bat, so I'd keep it light and breezy and dump em till you find Mr. Right and it feels natural to get serious.

I've hooked up online but nothing serious, but two of my friends found their current spouses from online dating AND they are still together.

 

[pamela]

Wow! Thank you all for sharing your input. These are great.

Yes, I'm aware that ther are a lot of cuckoos out there and that I need to be careful. I plan to communicate mainly through IM chat rooms and emails then if I feel comfortable, chat through videophone, then if he's still interested and I'm interested, we can meet somewhere public and go from there.

I've signed up for eharmony (free option which limits my ability to search) a couple weeks ago but am not really impressed with it. I called customer service to ask if there was a way to put in a filter for languages and let me find men who knows ASL mainly (deaf or hearing) and was told that was not possible.

I have mentioned in my profile that I am profoundly deaf and communicates using ASL.

I've also signed up for Match.com (free) but am having the same issues- can't filter out by languages like I had hoped.

I have found one website that is mainly for deaf but do have some hearing members who knows ASL and have signed up for that. So far, I've gotten 2 hits- One I WON'T answer and another one I might reply back to.

I have also sent 'winks' (free service- i can't email them since that service is for gold members only) to about 5 guys so we'll see how that goes.

I will use free service for a few months before I determine whether to become a gold member or not of that website.

Keeping fingers crossed that I'll meet a guy that is compatible with me. I guess I am just getting tired of being alone but at the same time, I am very independent and used to being alone so I'm worried that will make it harder for me to date. I also get real scared when I think about dating- I think it's because it has been so long and I'm not sure what to do, how to act, etc since I am out of practice for about 10 years. Oh, well, we'll see.

Thank you all for your input and experiences - these have helped a lot! More is welcome.

Wish me luck. I need it! LOL.

 

[natalie_ca]

The problem with free services and the ability to send *winks* (lavalife?), is that most people there expect the other person to pay in order to establish "live" communication beyond sending free winks.

 

[motoko9]

Like many of the other posters, I've never tried online dating myself, but I know a lot of people who have met their spouse/long-term significant others that way. Best of luck to you!

 

[luvmyparker]

Most people I know who tried it, it didn't work for them. My cousin cheated on his wife from someone he met online as well. I'd be concerned about that. Never know who has a spouse sitting there with them while they search for "true love".

I hope you find your true love though.

 

[sweetpea24]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Hi.

I haven't posted here for a LONG time so I doubt most of you will remember me from before.

I have been thinking of joining a few 'dating' websites so I can meet some guys. I just turned 40 and it's really depressing that I have not dated for almost TEN years. I don't think I am bad looking and people seem to enjoy being around me. Two cons for me is that I'm profoundly deaf and mainly communicate using ASL (American Sign Language) and that I own 6 cats.

Unfortunately, there are not many intelligent deaf guys who are available, are emotionally mature and williing to commit to a serious relationship. Most of the hearing guys I've met aren't interested in learning ASL or getting involved with the deaf community. I do prefer a deaf man over a hearing man since I am involved with the deaf community and we as the deaf people have a strong sense of deaf culture. It's hard even for my own family (all hearing) to understand where I as a deaf person am coming from and they've known me for 40 years.

I was just wondering if any of you have tried online dating and if so, was it successful? Would you recommend it to your friends? If it wasn't successful, can you explain why? Any advice?

Which dating websites have you tried? Match.com? Eharmony?

I have tried lavalife and plenty of fish. I am a nonpaying eharmony member. I also have a profile on millionaire.com thanks to my sil! ( I did get an email but didn't pursue it - gosh darn, maybe I should have and started my own reality show...real housewives of burlington, ontario!). I didn't have much luck with lavalife although I was not really looking for a long term relationship at the time. I am kind of dating a guy on pof but still looking per se. POF is a bit of a creepy pond but it's free so you're going to get the creeps. Eharmony would probably be the best bet as I would think that men who have to pay would be more serious. My boss found her hubby on eharmony a year and a half ago and she just turned 50.

I don't know if dating a deaf person would be a bad thing; I would personally love to learn ASL and whether you can hear or not, you are still who you are. However, I don't know what it's like to be deaf but I do know that whether they are deaf or not, many are not intelligent, emotionally mature nor willing to commit to a relationship. And at our age, it gets harder because the pool is smaller. However, it's not a hopeless cause.

The thing with online dating is that people lie. I have met guys who I thought were gorgeous and sweet and they ended up being slimy and crude. I haven't had any horror dates but to me, the thing to look for is profiles that seem way too good to be true or ones that list rules of what they think you should be or what you shouldn't be. And ask for a recent picture. I have had guys send me 'gifts' with I love you on it and we haven't even met! Heck the guy I'm dating hasn't even said that. I don't think there is a magic formula but always meet in a public place and have a friend rescue you...I mean, have them call you and if you're having a crappy time, you can say it was an emergency. Follow your instincts.

Apparently, there are games to play like let the guy chase you, don't always be available....I never really dated when I was younger; more just got together. I think there is something to it but you have to be classy and smart about it. Guys like mystery but not so much that they think you're playing games. Guys are simple; put things simply, they will understand. Tell them what you want specifically; nothing in the abstract.

I think as we get older, we tend to get stuck in our ways per se, get used to a certain way of living our lives but when you meet that someone, you will know when to make the compromises required to live with another person. You will find someone, just be positive, real, and true to yourself.

 

[misty8723]

I've never tried them (been married for 30+ years), but my niece just married someone she met on a site and all indications are that he's a really great guy. My boss also married a woman he met on a dating site after his divorce. I guess its like meeting someone anywhere else, good experiences and not so good experiences. Good luck!

 

[Draco]

I kinda understand where you are at. I haven't had a steady boyfriend pretty much since High School 13 years ago. I am hearing impaired (though I don't know much ASL, I admit).. and it does throw off some guys.

I've been on Match.com, and currently on eHarmony. I've had guys tell me that they are not comfortable with my hearing impair-ness. Their loss, really. I've had guys that just stop responding when they learn I am hearing impaired.

Then there are some guys that are really interested, but I am not with them for various reasons! There are open minded men.

I am always torn in deciding to mention on my profile that I am hearing impaired, or tell them in person or later on down the internet-communication stages. I've done both ways and gotten responses either way (more so without mentioning it).

It takes time to meet the right guy. I have friends that met their husbands online, it works. but it takes time and patience and lots of men.

My sister mentioned a site for deaf and hearing impaired people.. for them to meet up and such. When she returns from her trip, I'll have to ask her what it's called.

 

[ducman69]

Originally Posted by Misty8723

I guess its like meeting someone anywhere else, good experiences and not so good experiences. Good luck!

Much better than meeting someone elsewhere IMO!

Say I were to go to a bar or club. You can narrow down your choices by physical attraction. Then next you hang and spend tons of money on overpriced drinks, and after Q&A you really still only know a tiny bit about the person especially at a club where its noisy as heck. To even weed through three girls, its not only time consuming, but really expensive after the cover/drinks and perhaps dinner date to actually get a clue if this person is a waste of your time. If you love the game/hunt or don't care about personality/likes-dislikes since you're not looking for a real gf/bf, great, otherwise booooo, heh.

Online you can quickly narrow down to people in the approximate same socio-economic demographic that are into the same kind of things you are.

 

[northernglow]

I've never tried online dating, probably should as my current situation isn't getting me anywhere I'd want to..

My sister met a decent guy through internet, it didn't work out though. She doesn't have any problems finding guys offline either so she quit online dating.

My ex actually used several online dating sites when we were still together..

thought I wouldn't find out, I did. One of the sites had an add on photobucket's add banner and they had his picture in it among some randoms. That was kinda bad for him.. xD "Meet singles on your area" and my boyfriend's pic next to it. You can imagine I wasn't very happy when I found out...

So yeah, be sure they really are single if they claim to be!