Originally Posted by Trouts mom
If everything is on the up and up, what does he even have to hide?
Exactly. People don't lie unless they have something to hide, or if they're trying to cover their own behinds for whatever reason.
Originally Posted by Trouts mom
If everything is on the up and up, what does he even have to hide?
You feel like his possession now? Think of how you'll feel, if you actually marry him.Originally Posted by ut0pia
I almost feel like his possession, not someone he loves but he still wants to be with me because he likes the idea of his life with me in it
Okay, I think you've gotten plenty great advice - hope you are able to end your drama by making the decision you know you should. (end)Originally Posted by ut0pia
My fiancee lied to me today, and it just broke my heart into a million pieces.
So to tell the full story, his ex girlfriend came over one night, and it was weird- first of all we'd been drinking and I had never met her before, so I told Kyle that I didn't think it was a good day for her to come over, and I like to be 100% myself and sober when I meet new people. Well, he said it was going to be only for a little while, and I got really upset and went to take a nap, and as I was laying in bed I realized how wrong the whole situation is, her coming over and me having to stay in my bedroom because of that!! So, I got so worked up that I left, and because i couldn't drive I went inside my car and in the parking lot and started crying. It was awful!!
when Kyle realized I'd been gone he just texted I guess I'll see you later. He didn't know where I was, he knew I'd been drinking and my car was far out of sight , and I started to get even more upset at his lack of concern. Later I just got bored sitting out there and I came back inside, and I said hello to his ex, and she seemed to kno so much about our relationship that it just broke my heart that he has been telling her all these details and not telling me that he is talking to her at all!! The next day I asked him to stop talking to her about our relationship and just cool it down with her because they seem to be inappropriately too close.
So, today he was texting someone named Jason, I never heard of this person before, and I had a bad feeling about it...
Well surprise surprise, I followed my gut instinct and reverse looked up the number from his phone, and it turns out it's his ex, and he put her under "Jason" in his phone so that I don't know it's her!!
It's sooo wrong.. and i don't know what to do, he is apologiziing but its not enough...
i don't want us to break up, we are engaged and really seriuos and have invested a lot in our relationship, and things have been great other than this incident with the ex...but at the same time this raises a huge red flag!!! Is it possible to save our relationship if so what am I supposed to do....ughh this is awfullllllll
My heart hurts for you!Originally Posted by ut0pia
This is just it Laurie, you said it so well, and I don't think I could EVER want to be an open book to Kyle ever again...
In fact, I don't feel the inclination to share anything with him anymore
I told him I need time to decide if we will continue with this or not. And not to rush me. He said take as long as you need. I really just want to forget he exists and ever existed for as long as I can get away with it...
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca
OMG! I'm going to be completely blunt here because I can't stand it anymore!
If you were in front of my I would shake you until you came to your senses!
You keep saying "I don't know", but the fact is that you DO KNOW but you don't want to make the decision.
What is it? Better to be with someone than alone? Wrong!!! It's better to be alone than unhappy and miserable in a relationship.
Wake up!!!! This guy is poison and is only going to keep doing what he's doing and it will ruin your life. You will end up married to this creep, have his kids and then end up finally coming to your senses years down the road only to be tied to him for the rest of your life because there is a kid involved. Wake up!
I didn't realize this was the guy and the grandmothers engagement ring. He didn't have the balls to stand up for you to his family. What a loser!
Now he's sneaking around with his ex and concealing her identity and probably told her to call you about the cat.
This guy is a lying manipulative jerk, and it won't get any better either. This punk has knocked down your self esteem to the point where you will accept anything he does and forgive him for it. Stop that!!!!
You keep saying that you don't know, but you do. Dump the guy. Make it a clean break. Don't talk to him. Don't see him. Walk away and have yourself a good life.
One day you will find someone who loves you heart and soul enough to stand up for you and to be open and honest with you and to take your feelings into consideration instead of trampling all over them. You are a worthy person and you deserve all of that and so much more.
And there are lots that he hasn't done for you that speaks volumes about how he feels for you. Like:
1. Take your feelings and desires into account.
2. Not stand up to his grandmother about that stupid ring.
3. Sneaking aound with his ex behind your back.
4. Inviting her over regardless of how you felt about it.
5. Changing her name on his phone so you wouldn't know he was talking to her.
6. Telling her to call you about the sick cat to manipulate her way into your life.
If I talked to you for even 1/2 hour I'm sure I could come up with many more.
The problem is that you are too close to the situation and can't see what an abused woman you are. If this was happening to your very best friend in the whole world, or your sister, you would see it differently.
Get out now while you still can.
Originally Posted by Tink80
oh boy. my first ever boyfriend was like this and i stayed for too long because it was my first relationship and didn't know any better.
he is going to manipulate you and make you feel crazy and paranoid and that it's your fault...it's not even worth arguing with him.
just run away. run away now. FAST. with your ears plugged so you won't have to listen to his lies anymore.
Really? If you had a good friend, and they called you up one day and said 'I cant talk to you ever again because I'm getting married', you'd be OKAY with that????Originally Posted by LuvMyParker
Yeah, this whole thing is weird. Your fiance must know about her marriage and the fact that she is not suppose to have male friends, yet he doesn't respect that? If he REALLY loves you, he would never have hid the truth from you and if he had any sense in his brain, he would leave a married woman alone, especially knowing the culture she married into.
No, you didn't. This is her trying to suck up to you and make you trust her so that you ignore the situation and the grand possibility that she is trying to sleep with your fiance.Originally Posted by ut0pia
Weird but today I get a text from the girl, saying her cat is sick and she needs help. Of course I had to offer to give her a ride to the vets office, and I gave her my vets address...
This part I don't understand. Shouldn't you WANT him to feel bad and try to be nice to your after this? If it was my boyfriend, he better do a LOT of sucking up to get me to stay...Kyle has been sucking up to me all this time after me finding out about it, which only shows how manipulative he isOur wedding isnt' even planned, we just got engaged, so it's not like we are about to make this decision,and I am definitely returning his ring and the engagement is called off, but I know him, he won't give up on this so easily. He will try to get me back ...I almost feel like his possession, not someone he loves but he still wants to be with me because he likes the idea of his life with me in it...
It's all just so very sad
I agree with you for the most part, but this?????Originally Posted by Ducman69
I would probably do the same thing and put her under a different name to avoid a drama fest as its just simpler as the path of least resistance. And personally, if my SO thought she could decide who I am and am not allowed to associate with, especially when I've known them long before the relationship even started... I'd be pretty miffed.
If he is saying this, it is because he's lying to you. I'd know... >__<Originally Posted by ut0pia
and I have no trust in him to think it's his ex!!! He threw a fit over how I don't trust him...