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advice please...really bad situation :(
- Thread starter ut0pia
- Start Date
Interesting to see so many different emotions as well as from both genders. Everyone has an opinion and makes great points. Bottom line is, as I believe its Oprah that says "(that gut feeling) the quiet whisper you hear just before you hit that brick wall is God speaking to you......how many times hindsite do we say I knew it, I had a gut feeling, that is the whisper we heard and chose to ignore because we did not WANT to hear it". So do not worry what anyone else thinks about your decision, go with your gut feeling it will not steer you wrong. Be all in or all out and move forward. The decisions you make today, this minute, is carving paths for the rest of your life. When you look back you want to say "i am so glad I trusted myself", everything that happens has a purpose, good or bad.
On a side note, i do agree with this last thing about the vet. Thats some bs she is manipulating a soft spot in your heart, why else would she do that? He possibly is completely innocent but sounds like more on her end. If you choose to trust him I certainly would not trust her. If it were me, one more incident on her end would require a phone call to her hubby.
On a side note, i do agree with this last thing about the vet. Thats some bs she is manipulating a soft spot in your heart, why else would she do that? He possibly is completely innocent but sounds like more on her end. If you choose to trust him I certainly would not trust her. If it were me, one more incident on her end would require a phone call to her hubby.
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You feel like his possession now? Think of how you'll feel, if you actually marry him.
Okay, I think you've gotten plenty great advice - hope you are able to end your drama by making the decision you know you should. (end)
My heart hurts for you!Originally Posted by ut0pia
This is just it Laurie, you said it so well, and I don't think I could EVER want to be an open book to Kyle ever again...
In fact, I don't feel the inclination to share anything with him anymore
I told him I need time to decide if we will continue with this or not. And not to rush me. He said take as long as you need. I really just want to forget he exists and ever existed for as long as I can get away with it...
Only you can decide what to do, but I will tell you this... no matter what it is in life - if you ever have any doubts about it at all - then it is better to not go through with it because in the end it will turn into regret.
I know this because I have had to learn the hard way - and there is no way for me to ever "fix" it.
However, you still have that choice - to walk away before things get too complicated and you are dealing with an expensive divorce and fighting for the only thing that matters - your kids. I have a friend who is going through this right now and the woman is horrid. He regrets ever having married her and is now fighting for his son.
You don't need time because you already know the answer. It is always hard to let go of the things that hurt us the most, but the longer we hold on the long we hurt and it never allows for us to start healing.
You have already made your decision based on your last sentence. The hardest part to moving forward is taking that first step....
Take it and don't look back. Rely on yourself, love yourself and the right person will come along. It will happen when you least expect it.
Have faith in yourself....
There's a trap a man like this will lead you into. Little by little, by word and deed, he'll wear down your self-image, convincing you that you're incredibly lucky to have anybody in your life, because you are such a loser. He may even come right out and tell you that nobody else will ever want anything to do with you, so you'd better hang onto him for dear life, or you'll end up alone forever.
THESE ARE LIES. His ego may be such that he actually believes these things himself, but they are lies, and the longer you spend with him, the deeper those lies will settle into your subconscious. You've got to get away!
I'm not going to tell you to dump him either, and here's the reason why:
At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, we lived 3000 miles away. It was very hard, but we loved each other so much, we were determined to make it work. Somewhere along the way, I become friends with this guy from school, and we developed a special bond. I loved him like a brother (that's the closest way I can explain it) and I was sort of a surrogate stand-in for the girlfriend that he lost. I basically stayed close to him, let him take me to lunch at fast food places and held his hand. It never went any farther than that. I thought I was doing him a favor, just helping him not feel so lonely while he healed from the girlfriend whom he lost. But I was doing myself a giant disfavor. I lied and betrayed my boyfriends trust to help out a guy that most likely only wanted to steal me away from my boyfriend. I hurt my boyfriend in the deepest way possible. And I'm sure that's how you are feeling.
I would relay to your boyfriend the seriousness of the situation. Try your very best not to cry as a lot of guys then blame you as being overemotional and you've lost your whole argument. Explain to him that he lied to you and betrayed your trust and that you have every right to leave him. Explain to him that if he wants to keep you, all communication between him and his ex has to stop. He is untrustworthy and if he wants to earn it back, he can no longer talk to her for any reason. His phone will have to be free for examination at any time. If he truly loves you, he will agree and you can move on with your relationship. If he refuses, he is not worth your time.
Edit: I think its a good thing and not a bad thing that he asked what he can do to remedy the situation.
You realize this is lying right??? How would you feel if you found out your girl was talking to some attractive guy behind your back and changing his name so you wouldn't find out!!
This is a terrible way to go about making a loving relationship.
At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, we lived 3000 miles away. It was very hard, but we loved each other so much, we were determined to make it work. Somewhere along the way, I become friends with this guy from school, and we developed a special bond. I loved him like a brother (that's the closest way I can explain it) and I was sort of a surrogate stand-in for the girlfriend that he lost. I basically stayed close to him, let him take me to lunch at fast food places and held his hand. It never went any farther than that. I thought I was doing him a favor, just helping him not feel so lonely while he healed from the girlfriend whom he lost. But I was doing myself a giant disfavor. I lied and betrayed my boyfriends trust to help out a guy that most likely only wanted to steal me away from my boyfriend. I hurt my boyfriend in the deepest way possible. And I'm sure that's how you are feeling.
I would relay to your boyfriend the seriousness of the situation. Try your very best not to cry as a lot of guys then blame you as being overemotional and you've lost your whole argument. Explain to him that he lied to you and betrayed your trust and that you have every right to leave him. Explain to him that if he wants to keep you, all communication between him and his ex has to stop. He is untrustworthy and if he wants to earn it back, he can no longer talk to her for any reason. His phone will have to be free for examination at any time. If he truly loves you, he will agree and you can move on with your relationship. If he refuses, he is not worth your time.
Edit: I think its a good thing and not a bad thing that he asked what he can do to remedy the situation.
Really? If you had a good friend, and they called you up one day and said 'I cant talk to you ever again because I'm getting married', you'd be OKAY with that????
No, you didn't. This is her trying to suck up to you and make you trust her so that you ignore the situation and the grand possibility that she is trying to sleep with your fiance.
This part I don't understand. Shouldn't you WANT him to feel bad and try to be nice to your after this? If it was my boyfriend, he better do a LOT of sucking up to get me to stay...Kyle has been sucking up to me all this time after me finding out about it, which only shows how manipulative he isOur wedding isnt' even planned, we just got engaged, so it's not like we are about to make this decision,and I am definitely returning his ring and the engagement is called off, but I know him, he won't give up on this so easily. He will try to get me back ...I almost feel like his possession, not someone he loves but he still wants to be with me because he likes the idea of his life with me in it...
It's all just so very sad
I agree with you for the most part, but this?????
You realize this is lying right??? How would you feel if you found out your girl was talking to some attractive guy behind your back and changing his name so you wouldn't find out!!
This is a terrible way to go about making a loving relationship.
If he is saying this, it is because he's lying to you. I'd know... >__<
From what I can see, there is another person involved here. SHE is being deceitful to HER hubby. If she converted to be a Muslim, then you can bet your bottom dollar that she has not informed her hubby. Both your FH and his ex are being deceitful. I wonder if he knows what his wifey is up to while he is away.
In the 70's I was engaged to a guy who left for the Army. While he was stationed in Colorado, he invited me out to see him. He stated that he had an apartment off base and a room mate. A room mate named PAM! It was supposed to be platonic but how can some get an STD during a platonic relationship. He was the one who told me too!
Well, I ended it right then and there. It was hard, as he was my first real BF. I met my DH a few years later and the rest is history.
I won't tell you what to do, as only you can make that ultimate decision. But you need to do some hard thinking.
In the 70's I was engaged to a guy who left for the Army. While he was stationed in Colorado, he invited me out to see him. He stated that he had an apartment off base and a room mate. A room mate named PAM! It was supposed to be platonic but how can some get an STD during a platonic relationship. He was the one who told me too!
Well, I ended it right then and there. It was hard, as he was my first real BF. I met my DH a few years later and the rest is history.
I won't tell you what to do, as only you can make that ultimate decision. But you need to do some hard thinking.
