Adopted a third cat, existing cats not pleased.

[feralvr]

Really happy to hear that Petey is eating and feeling better. And, I DO get your thinking about letting Bob out for short sessions before Petey's meds are all finished. Thinking the meds will help him through the stress of face to face meet. And, really, it is basically true! Meds will help keep things under control and since he has been SOOOO curious about Bob it was best to let him see and smell Bob up close and personal, so to speak, to ease up on the curiousity a bit.

I really think part of the vocalizing on Bob's part is now two-fold. One: When he was first brought into the house he was in your room and didn't he actually have some interaction with the other cats then too? Two: Then he was moved to the other room with still some short sessions outside of his room to investigate the other part of the house and the new kitties. Putting him back in his room, where he does not want to be, is going to cause 100% vocalizing!!! At this point, since he is so non-aggressive and back's away, then I would allow him more time out of his room under supervision, with toys and treats on hand for them all. Sometimes, with introductions, you have to go with your gut on these things and since Bob has shown absolutely no hissing/growling on his part then you have much less to worry about. STILL - no outside of his room when you are sleeping or at work. He should stay in his room when you are not home and when you cannot supervise interactions. Howling..... sure he will do it, but you won't be home to hear it and in all honesty, by now, Petey and Lulu already know he is in there and his meowing/howling bother's you more than them. They probably don't even hear it anymore. SO - my point. Don't bother (OR TRY :lol3 with his incessant meowing right now. This is only a temporary situation! Try to see it that way and soon enough there will be no more Bob's room.

Most times with feral cat's that you are socializing, when you open up their safe room, they stay put and only venture out a couple of feet each day and then run back to their rooms and may consider that room their safe haven for weeks to come even after you opened them up. With rescue cat's that have already had homes, are completely socialized, and know there is much more to the house than their safe room then they want out of their rooms permanently. Just be strong, be the decision maker for what is best for all of you, mostly Petey and Lulu. It sounds to me, though, that Bob is going to make this easy for you and I am SOOOOO happy to hear that. What a guy. :heart2: And, I am so glad you are going to make this all work regardless of Petey's illness. I think as best as we try to keep stress at bay for our high maintenance anxious kitties, change is inevitable in ours and their lives. We do the best we can for our kitties and our hearts are always in the right place making the best decisions we can at that time.

 

[veronica00]

@Feralvr  that's exactly what I was thinking. I didn't want to wait until he was off the meds only to have a relapse. He has been doing great for several days now, eating is back to normal.

I let Bob out to run around for an hour last night. They really aren't accepting him. Lots of hissing and some chasing and low moaning (only from Pete on the moaning). I am planning to do an hour or so each evening this week of free roaming only on the first floor (he hides under the beds upstairs so I can't open that up to him until the weekend). Is it normal after 10 days for them to be so non-receptive? It took Lulu only a few days when I brought Petey home, but he was only 6 months so maybe less threatening. Bob backs away from them and runs away when they chase him, he doesn't hiss or show any aggression at all so that helps. I hope I'm not screwing this up but I feel they need to get used to each other, they know his smell, they know he's there, they need to see he is not a threat. That's kind of my theory.

 

[losna]

10 days is really a short amount of time.

I'm nearing 10 months and I still don't have Sinbad and Tempest able to free roam together. I can't even have face to face supervised encounters with them. I think most people manage introductions in less time than these two, but 10 days really is not much time at all. 

It sounds like you're rushing it though. I can't remember if you've said - have you gone straight from closed door to full on meetings? You should be having middle steps between there, through gates or a cracked open door.

 

[veronica00]

@Losna  Thank you for the reality check, I guess I need it. 

 I'm just worried that my 2 will never accept him. I have been letting him roam free about an hour a day, he cries these gut wrenching cries and I feel terrible leaving him in there. I could try a baby gate, but wouldn't he just jump over it? He's very agile (unlike Petey who I know couldn't clear it).

I'm very discourage. Sorry if I'm being impatient. I just feel that the only way they'll start to get used to each other is through roaming the house together, not through gates and what not. Plus they don't hiss under the gap in the door, they only hiss when he comes out.

 

[losna]

Sinbad cried for a couple of months after we got him. He still cries now and then. If you look at my early threads, I, too, felt horrible. I thought for a long time that it'd be best for him if we returned him, he just sounded so  heartbroken.

People here on these forums said the exact same thing that the shelter we adopted him from said. That it takes time for a cat to settle in - change is very frightening to most cats. Returning him at this point would be far more traumatic than anything bothering him. And your home is better, worlds better, than a cage at Petsmart. (Well, they didn't say the last to me, but I am adding it in because it's specific to you!!)

I still don't know much about cats, and only feel "qualified" in answering a small portion of the problems people have. But there is one thing that I will feel comfortable saying to many problems - Don't rush. Don't rush. Seriously - don't rush. Work on the cat's timetable, not yours.  

And this is Sinbad now:

20150219_201650.jpg

• losna
• Feb 19, 2015

 We adopted him and Tempest last June or July. He is only just now as of last week, allowing me to touch his back. But he certainly doesn't look like a cat that wishes he'd been returned - and I suspect your Bob would feel the same way, even as he's crying.

If you think about it, Bob had 2 traumatic events pretty close together - 1) You took him home, and then 2) You moved him from a room where he got to sleep with you every night to a room all by himself. It's understandable that he's confused and upset. Just give him time and love.

We use 2 gates stacked on top of each other. But yes, some cats will be able to scale that. It works though for the beginning, when you just open the door for gate viewing for supervised lengths of time. Don't move to open 24/7, just start by leaving it open with you there instead of the hour that you let him free roam.

 

[feralvr]

@Feralvr
 that's exactly what I was thinking. I didn't want to wait until he was off the meds only to have a relapse. He has been doing great for several days now, eating is back to normal.

I let Bob out to run around for an hour last night. They really aren't accepting him. Lots of hissing and some chasing and low moaning (only from Pete on the moaning). I am planning to do an hour or so each evening this week of free roaming only on the first floor (he hides under the beds upstairs so I can't open that up to him until the weekend). Is it normal after 10 days for them to be so non-receptive? It took Lulu only a few days when I brought Petey home, but he was only 6 months so maybe less threatening. Bob backs away from them and runs away when they chase him, he doesn't hiss or show any aggression at all so that helps. I hope I'm not screwing this up but I feel they need to get used to each other, they know his smell, they know he's there, they need to see he is not a threat. That's kind of my theory.

Good to hear that Petey is eating well. :bigthumb:

OH MY goodness, please understand my words that they are not in anyway disrespecting you but hoping to guide and support you!!!! Yes - it is completely normal for cat's to be non-receptive after only meeting for a few hours over ten days. Ten days is NO time at all for some cats before intros are started. People are always in such a rush to introduce cats and it usually backfires if confrontations erupt. Then things are set way back. :shame: Please know that there is going to be hissing/growling and some chasing when cat's are first brought together in the house no matter really how long you kept them separated, scent swapped, etc. etc. Yes, it will be less but there is still going to be some insecurities upon face to face meets. Let the cat's be your guide! As soon as things get even close to becoming heightened, put Bob back in his room. Even it if was only 10 minutes.

I always install a screen door, gates or even a sliding plexi-glass divider to the safe room before I allow the cat's to meet. This way they can see, smell and approach at their own free will and no one will feel threatened, cornered or insecure. It is all up to them to investigate each other this way. Usually, I add the screen door/gates after the two week confinement.

You were lucky when you brought Lulu home and yes, some cats do acclimate quickly but it totally depends on the age, personalities and temperaments. Some cat's can take month's to fully accept another. You have it in the bag as far as Bob goes. But, don't push it with him either because if he begins to feel threatened, backed into a corner, losing security, then he may get more defensive. If they are chasing him, then that is not a great start and Bob is being put into a situation that may cause him great stress. You are not screwing things up as long as Bob knows you are there to intervene. Don't let Lulu and Petey escalate to the point of chasing him. Get those wand toys out, treats out, canned food. Have an arsenal of things to redirect attention away from Bob. You could also at this point put Petey and Lulu in Bob's room for 30 minutes with some fishy canned food and then let Bob roam the house without the other two for 30 minutes or so.

You are way ahead of the game according to my book. :lol3: I want a full two weeks before any visual introductions are done and until negative stool checks, and good health on the newbie's part. Take a deep breath and slow things down a bit. If you start getting stressed, the cat's will know it, and that is not good for anyone!!

 

[feralvr]

And this is Sinbad now:

20150219_201650.jpg

• losna
• Feb 19, 2015

I remember your introduction woes. I think it is a great comfort and reassurance to share your experience with others going through the beginnings of introductions. There is always hope and positive outcomes. It takes much time! I am thrilled to hear about how well things are going with Sinbad and Tempest. Just wanted to say.

 

[losna]

I remember your introduction woes. I think it is a great comfort and reassurance to share your experience with others going through the beginnings of introductions. There is always hope and positive outcomes. It takes much time!

I am thrilled to hear about how well things are going with Sinbad and Tempest. Just wanted to say.

Thanks. One of these days we'll get Tempest out of her room. But I am much more optimistic now. Which reminds me, I meant to update that thread this morning.

I do make a great example of how long it can take though. We're at 9 1/2 months now, and still Tempest is in her safe room. I've been popping into threads to give encouragement and let people know that there is no such thing as a timetable when it comes to introducing cats - because I know how very upsetting it can be. I'd put that in my sig if I could figure out how. 

Sinbad is actually crying right now, because he energetically zoomed at Tempest a little while ago and pissed her off. In about 30 minutes he's going to figure out he's been whining through nap time with mommy and missed it - then he's going to sulk for the rest of the day. Idiot cat. 

 

[veronica00]

Good to hear that Petey is eating well.

OH MY goodness, please understand my words that they are not in anyway disrespecting you but hoping to guide and support you!!!!

 

I'm not sure what you are referring to here but I did not feel defensive or disrespected at all. I reread my post and I'm not sure what I said to make you feel that, but I'm sorry. I am definitely just looking for advice. It has been a very tough 2 weeks. Petey is healthy now but we still have to do tests in the coming week to determine if he has IBS or other GI issues. I took Bob and Lulu to the vet for regular checkups yesterday and it turns out Bob has ear infections in both ears. Which surprises me because he has not been shaking his head or showing any pain when I rub his ears. So I have to put drops in both ears twice a day, I haven't done it yet (will start today - vet did yesterday) I have no idea how I will manage since Bob is very afraid of being grabbed, held, picked up. 

I have continued to let Bob out for an hour each evening. Much to my surprise, he seems to have made a friend in Lulu. I did not see that coming at all. I thought he would be a good playmate for Petey and then Lulu could have her space which she seems to need from Pete. I'm beginning to wonder if Petey is my alpha cat when I always thought it was my girl Lu. 

Petey is taking things very badly and I'm beginning to worry that he will never accept Bob. He hisses, chases, swats and I think he may have used claws last night because Bob let out a cry after being swatted at by Pete. Petey also will go in Bob's room and sit on the ottoman just waiting for Bob to return. It's not good, but I feel it's time for Bob to get out of isolation a bit more and will be doing so over the weekend. I think. 

I somewhat wish I had not adopted Bob. I know that sounds awful. He is an amazing cat, so sweet he will roll over and grab your hand to rub his belly. He makes the funniest little chirp noises constantly as though he's saying words, it's hysterical. And quite sweet the way he follows Lulu around like a lost puppy. But Petey is worrying me. I don't know how to make it better for him other than lots of love and attention and he has slept next to me since Bob's arrival which is quite unusual. Bob backs away every time Petey hisses at him and basically every time he sees Pete. I'm jsut hoping Petey will get used to Bob and realize he's not a threat and I don't think that will happen while keeping them completely apart.

 

[veronica00]

 
Thanks. One of these days we'll get Tempest out of her room. But I am much more optimistic now. Which reminds me, I meant to update that thread this morning.

I do make a great example of how long it can take though. We're at 9 1/2 months now, and still Tempest is in her safe room. I've been popping into threads to give encouragement and let people know that there is no such thing as a timetable when it comes to introducing cats - because I know how very upsetting it can be. I'd put that in my sig if I could figure out how. 

Sinbad is actually crying right now, because he energetically zoomed at Tempest a little while ago and pissed her off. In about 30 minutes he's going to figure out he's been whining through nap time with mommy and missed it - then he's going to sulk for the rest of the day. Idiot cat. 

@Losna  how on earth are you able to keep her isolated for so long? I could never do it, I'm hoping to have Bob's safe room only for another couple weeks. Does she mind being confined to one room? Do you let her out at all? Sinbad is beautiful by the way!

 

[feralvr]

OH MY goodness, please understand my words that they are not in anyway disrespecting you but hoping to guide and support you!!!!  

I'm not sure what you are referring to here but I did not feel defensive or disrespected at all. I reread my post and I'm not sure what I said to make you feel that, but I'm sorry.

Oh the woes of communication! :lol3: My words had nothing to do with anything you said earlier, hun. I must not have gotten my feelings across correctly and in the best words. What I meant was in anticipation my following suggestions to you in that post and not wanting you to feel that I was being disrespectful or sarcastic in mentioning that ten days was such a short amount of time and you really should not be expecting much in that period of time! Does that make more sense? Absolutely, no sorry is needed, ever. I am sorry I made you wonder about my sentence!!! I just didn't want you to feel I was being hard on you and preempted my words with that sentence asking you to not feel disrespect in what I was about to say and really referring as well to my "OH MY GOODNESS!!". I guess I overreacted thinking you might or may feel that way!! :doh3:

Anyway - I really do understand you questioning adopting Bob. Having Petey becoming ill shortly after Bob's adoption makes this a very difficult situation but I really believe you are handling the situation very, very well. Bob is such a sweetheart and I think he is trying very, very hard and being so good. I am certain that in time, Petey will come to accept him. It takes so much time for some but not always. It just depends, again, on the personalities, age and temperament of the cat's. Bob being so easy-going and non-confrontational towards Petey will win him over!! I mean, look at the wonderful surprise and gift you already received in that Lulu has accepted Bob!!! Don't second guess this adoption if you can, I know it is hard right now but you are seeing and getting excellent progress. :bigthumb:

It is not easy when we have a sick kitty with certain conditions and diseases. It weighs on us heavily and we analyze all of our decisions wondering if we have somehow contributed to their health decline. I have been in those shoes before. One thing I learned is that no matter what, life is going to bring about stressors for us and for the kitties living with us. If not this stressor, then another may come up eventually. We just can't avoid it. And, sometimes, it really may not have been stress but just the course of the illness taking a toll and the timing was just a coincidence. It is and can be such a fine line and the more I found I analyzed things the worse I would feel about myself and my decisions. I just had to let go and accept that my decisions were from a good place, right at the time, and deal with what each day brought as best I could. ........................ sorry for the babbling...............

Hang in there, Veronica. :grphug: For Petey to soon accept Bob !!!! :cross:

 

[feralvr]

I remember your introduction woes. I think it is a great comfort and reassurance to share your experience with others going through the beginnings of introductions. There is always hope and positive outcomes. It takes much time! I am thrilled to hear about how well things are going with Sinbad and Tempest. Just wanted to say.

Thanks. One of these days we'll get Tempest out of her room. But I am much more optimistic now. Which reminds me, I meant to update that thread this morning.

I do make a great example of how long it can take though. We're at 9 1/2 months now, and still Tempest is in her safe room. I've been popping into threads to give encouragement and let people know that there is no such thing as a timetable when it comes to introducing cats - because I know how very upsetting it can be. I'd put that in my sig if I could figure out how. 

You have become quite the wise kitty introduction specialist now!!! Some cat's do take such a long, long time and yet other's can be acclimated in a matter of days. Each situation will be different and it does help to know about others experiences when you are going through the same situation. We also have to expect our particular introduction may not go as well as another OR it could be the opposite and be a breeze. It does help us all to share stories! Your doing a great job with Sinbad and Tempest. :nod:

I hope you don't mind but I am posting your Introduction Woes thread link for veronica00 in case she would like to read through your thread

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/283930/cat-introduction-woes/30#post_3637043

P.S. You should be able to add a signature now since you are an Adult Cat! You would do this in your Profile Settings. Click on your Profile and then click on Edit Community Profile where you can update all and any of your information. If you scroll down on the page you will see the Signature Setting icon for edit. This forum can also assist you if you are in need of any questions about how to do things on site. http://www.thecatsite.com/f/44/site-help

 

[feralvr]

Also - Veronica - I don't think I posted our newest Introduction article! I hope this has some more helpful tips/suggestions for you.

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

 

[veronica00]

Oh the woes of communication!

My words had nothing to do with anything you said earlier, hun. I must not have gotten my feelings across correctly and in the best words. What I meant was in anticipation my following suggestions to you in that post and not wanting you to feel that I was being disrespectful or sarcastic in mentioning that ten days was such a short amount of time and you really should not be expecting much in that period of time! Does that make more sense? Absolutely, no sorry is needed, ever.

I am sorry I made you wonder about my sentence!!! I just didn't want you to feel I was being hard on you and preempted my words with that sentence asking you to not feel disrespect in what I was about to say and really referring as well to my "OH MY GOODNESS!!". I guess I overreacted thinking you might or may feel that way!!

Anyway - I really do understand you questioning adopting Bob.

Having Petey becoming ill shortly after Bob's adoption makes this a very difficult situation but I really believe you are handling the situation very, very well. Bob is such a sweetheart and I think he is trying very, very hard and being so good. I am certain that in time, Petey will come to accept him. It takes so much time for some but not always. It just depends, again, on the personalities, age and temperament of the cat's. Bob being so easy-going and non-confrontational towards Petey will win him over!! I mean, look at the wonderful surprise and gift you already received in that Lulu has accepted Bob!!! Don't second guess this adoption if you can, I know it is hard right now but you are seeing and getting excellent progress.

It is not easy when we have a sick kitty with certain conditions and diseases. It weighs on us heavily and we analyze all of our decisions wondering if we have somehow contributed to their health decline. I have been in those shoes before. One thing I learned is that no matter what, life is going to bring about stressors for us and for the kitties living with us. If not this stressor, then another may come up eventually. We just can't avoid it. And, sometimes, it really may not have been stress but just the course of the illness taking a toll and the timing was just a coincidence. It is and can be such a fine line and the more I found I analyzed things the worse I would feel about myself and my decisions. I just had to let go and accept that my decisions were from a good place, right at the time, and deal with what each day brought as best I could. ........................ sorry for the babbling...............

Hang in there, Veronica.

For Petey to soon accept Bob !!!!

Hahaha okay good because I was wondering if I was coming across angry 

I love Bob, he is amazing. He is such a funny little goofball and I swear he walks around talking chirp chirp chirp and different tones convey different emotions - curious, startled, pat me, running from Pete, etc. I am very lucky that he is so passive and not at all aggressive. Considering he has likely been mistreated and definitely a stray, I would have thought he might have some "first strike" issues but he is not at all interested in fighting or establishing dominance thankfully. 

Just worried about Petey and upsetting the peaceful balance we once had. I know most advice is to keep them separated until there is no hissing but I’m fairly certain I could keep Bob in his room for another month and Petey will have the same issues when he comes out then. Right now Petey does not hiss unless Bob is out and about. He occasionally looks under the door (especially when I go in so I block the view when I am in there playing with Bob) but there is no hissing until Bob is let out. 

 

[cat nap]

 
.....took Bob and Lulu to the vet for regular checkups yesterday and it turns out Bob has ear infections in both ears. Which surprises me because he has not been shaking his head or showing any pain when I rub his ears. So I have to put drops in both ears twice a day, I haven't done it yet (will start today - vet did yesterday) I have no idea how I will manage since Bob is very afraid of being grabbed, held, picked up. 

I have continued to let Bob out for an hour each evening. Much to my surprise, he seems to have made a friend in Lulu. I did not see that coming at all. I thought he would be a good playmate for Petey and then Lulu could have her space which she seems to need from Pete. I'm beginning to wonder if Petey is my alpha cat when I always thought it was my girl Lu. 

Petey is taking things very badly and I'm beginning to worry that he will never accept Bob. He hisses, chases, swats and I think he may have used claws last night because Bob let out a cry after being swatted at by Pete. Petey also will go in Bob's room and sit on the ottoman just waiting for Bob to return. It's not good, but I feel it's time for Bob to get out of isolation a bit more and will be doing so over the weekend. I think. 

I somewhat wish I had not adopted Bob. I know that sounds awful. He is an amazing cat, so sweet he will roll over and grab your hand to rub his belly. He makes the funniest little chirp noises constantly as though he's saying words, it's hysterical. And quite sweet the way he follows Lulu around like a lost puppy. But Petey is worrying me. I don't know how to make it better for him other than lots of love and attention and he has slept next to me since Bob's arrival which is quite unusual. Bob backs away every time Petey hisses at him and basically every time he sees Pete. I'm jsut hoping Petey will get used to Bob and realize he's not a threat and I don't think that will happen while keeping them completely apart.

Maybe Petey is able to pick up that Bob has an ear infection.  And so he does not want him anywhere near him.

Try to wrap Bob in a towel, kind of like a Taco, and then you can put the ear drops in, easier.  He'll still try to shake his head, and so maybe have another towel near by, to try to hold his head.

Sometimes, I would just wait until my cat fell asleep on his cat bed and used the whole cat bed to carry him into the bathroom, but sometimes I would just do the drops right where he lay.

 If I was fast enough, he would not even notice the towel, around him.  And then I gave him treats after, so he would be okay for next time.

Excellent that Lulu is accepting Bob.  Perhaps Petey is just still feeling unwell, and also maybe a little jealous/protective of you, and his territory. 

(Did Petey never play rough with Lulu, before, with the chasing, swatting, hissing?)

I did kind of think, that you did not want Bob around, at first, only because of all the bad timing with Petey's illness flare-up.  So that is why I figured that you could rush things, since Bob had everything to lose, if you got too discouraged.  But now it is definitely better to take it all slow.

You seem to really like Bob, and have bonded with him, so maybe you can just re-do some of the introduction steps like scent exchange, for Petey to get more used to having Bob's scent in your own bedroom...and see how Petey reacts to the item.  If Petey is not feeling well, then he may be feeling irritated at his illness and not really at Bob.

Does Petey actually run at Bob, when you are in a neutral room like the kitchen?

 

[veronica00]

 
Maybe Petey is able to pick up that Bob has an ear infection.  And so he does not want him anywhere near him.

Try to wrap Bob in a towel, kind of like a Taco, and then you can put the ear drops in, easier.  He'll still try to shake his head, and so maybe have another towel near by, to try to hold his head.

Sometimes, I would just wait until my cat fell asleep on his cat bed and used the whole cat bed to carry him into the bathroom, but sometimes I would just do the drops right where he lay.

 If I was fast enough, he would not even notice the towel, around him.  And then I gave him treats after, so he would be okay for next time.

Excellent that Lulu is accepting Bob.  Perhaps Petey is just still feeling unwell, and also maybe a little jealous/protective of you, and his territory. 

(Did Petey never play rough with Lulu, before, with the chasing, swatting, hissing?)

I did kind of think, that you did not want Bob around, at first, only because of all the bad timing with Petey's illness flare-up.  So that is why I figured that you could rush things, since Bob had everything to lose, if you got too discouraged.  But now it is definitely better to take it all slow.

You seem to really like Bob, and have bonded with him, so maybe you can just re-do some of the introduction steps like scent exchange, for Petey to get more used to having Bob's scent in your own bedroom...and see how Petey reacts to the item.  If Petey is not feeling well, then he may be feeling irritated at his illness and not really at Bob.

Does Petey actually run at Bob, when you are in a neutral room like the kitchen?

I'm not 100% convinced of this ear infection but I will give him the meds, I don't think that's Pete's issue, I think he is being territorial.

Bob is strong, small and scrappy, it is VERY hard to even get to him to pick him up let alone wrap in a towel. Not sure how this will go but I'll try. 

Petey has kind of run the gamut of reactions. He has stood there and let Bob tip toe up to him and sniff his nose. He has hissed, growled, meoowwwwwrrrrd, chased, swatted, stalked, cornered, etc. Petey never hissed or swatted at Lulu, but Lulu swats and hisses at Petey a lot (I think b/c he can be a handful I dont know). Lulu is my first cat. Then I got Petey as a kitten, so she has always seemed a bit annoyed by him but they get along and play sometimes. 

I have never not wanted Bob around just to be clear. I became quite attached to him just by visiting him multiple times in the weeks before I adopted him. My main concern has been Petey's health and is now the well being of the 3 cats (the dog Fred of course has completely accepted Bob and vice versa). As I said above, I do not think redoing the  intro steps will make any difference. I could leave Bob in his room until July and when I let him out Petey will act this way. 

 

[veronica00]

 
Petey never hissed or swatted at Lulu, but Lulu swats and hisses at Petey a lot (I think b/c he can be a handful I dont know). Lulu is my first cat. Then I got Petey as a kitten, so she has always seemed a bit annoyed by him but they get along and play sometimes. 

Just to clarify, Lulu swats at Petey when he invades her space, if she's sleeping and he jumps up next to her, etc. She's never been aggressive in terms of seeking out conflict or chasing etc.

 

[losna]

 
@Losna  how on earth are you able to keep her isolated for so long? I could never do it, I'm hoping to have Bob's safe room only for another couple weeks. Does she mind being confined to one room? Do you let her out at all? Sinbad is beautiful by the way!

It's complicated. To sum up our situation - Sinbad is an overeager snuggler, and Tempest is much  more reserved. Actually, it's even more complicated than that ... ha.

Sinbad loves to cuddle, he loves to play chase, and he can't read cat language at all. So he charges her trying to cuddle, doesn't understand that hisses mean back off, and when she flees he thinks she is playing chase with him. They get along perfectly fine when there is a barrier between them because the issue is her fleeing - he thinks they are buddies playing together and doesn't comprehend that she is terrified of him.

To compound all this, he has separation anxiety and is overly attached to me. So when I try to spend time with Tempest he tries to protect his territory (me) from her. Which doesn't exactly ease her fears.  

She is in a guest room. This is our first house, so we haven't been able to afford to fully furnish it yet - so the room was literally sitting empty. Letting her stay in the space isn't an issue and won't become an issue for likely years.  We are discovering owning a house is a very expensive endeavor so I have no idea when we'll be able to buy furniture to put in the spare guest room. Many, many, many other things have priority. It is a very good thing that I crochet because at least we can have nice throws, blankets, tablemats, etc!  So for now it is a cattery. 

As to whether she minds ...  she likes having her room. I think she would like to come out freely, but she doesn't seem to mind being in there so long as she gets time with my husband (her favorite person) and time out of her room every day. She has the ability to come out freely if she wants, we set the gate up in a way that allows her to come and go but blocks Sinbad from getting through because she is a crazy super jumper and he is not. Our plan is to get tall cat trees and cat shelves throughout the house for her to use to escape him. I am (slowly due to illness) rearranging the house to allow for this.

The most difficult part for us is not her - it's him. He is a super social little caretaker, and he gets upset when Tempest is upset. Which is both frustrating and endearing because he seems incapable of understanding that he's the main reason she keeps getting upset. It remains simply amazing to me that it's been so long, she's continued rejecting him on a daily basis, and he remains as devoted to her as ever. When she is scared, he'll go sit outside her room to protect her, even if the cause of her fear is something that is terrifying him as well. I've seen him literally shaking with fear as he crosses the house to try and protect/comfort her.

We are simply doing the best we can for them. It's hard when that doesn't seem enough, but at a certain point I had to just accept all of the people - both here and at the shelter - telling us that we're doing an amazing job with them. If there was one thing I'd wish I could impart to people like you who are also having trouble, that'd be it. It's tough. It really can be heartbreaking. But they are warm, have full tummies, toys to play with, trees to climb, windows to look out, and someone who loves them and is trying their best to help them. When you look at the alternative - stuck in a cage somewhere, alone - it's not really so bad, is it?

 

[ritz]

I am following this and the other thread closely; it encourages me.
I am in a similar position, introducing a very friendly, affectionate, dumped cat (Hercules, male) to a reserved, easily stressed scaredy cat (Ritz) who has always been an only cat and loner. Roughly same age and both rescued from the streets.
I understand it is very stressful for cats to live out on their own, which was Hercules' case before I removed him for the cat colony I take care of (Friday the 13th....). So yes a warm house (or cool during the humid summers) and a belly full and lots of love far outweigh being confined to a room (with a sliding glass door, the better to see birds, foxes and deer, safely). And I reluctantly know that Hercules may be in the safe room/cat room for a long time. Interestingly, as much as Hercules is friendly, he is somewhat timid when he was exploring the master bedroom (hide under the bed) and living/dining room.
We are at the screen door stage, where Ritz and Hercules can see, smell but not touch each other. Hercules ignores Ritz, Ritz still hisses, growls.

 

[cat nap]

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Petey has kind of run the gamut of reactions. He has stood there and let Bob tip toe up to him and sniff his nose. He has hissed, growled, meoowwwwwrrrrd, chased, swatted, stalked, cornered, etc. Petey never hissed or swatted at Lulu, but Lulu swats and hisses at Petey a lot (I think b/c he can be a handful I dont know). Lulu is my first cat. Then I got Petey as a kitten, so she has always seemed a bit annoyed by him but they get along and play sometimes. 

I have never not wanted Bob around just to be clear. I became quite attached to him just by visiting him multiple times in the weeks before I adopted him. My main concern has been Petey's health and is now the well being of the 3 cats (the dog Fred of course has completely accepted Bob and vice versa). As I said above, I do not think redoing the  intro steps will make any difference. I could leave Bob in his room until July and when I let him out Petey will act this way. 

 
Petey never hissed or swatted at Lulu, but Lulu swats and hisses at Petey a lot (I think b/c he can be a handful I dont know). Lulu is my first cat. Then I got Petey as a kitten, so she has always seemed a bit annoyed by him but they get along and play sometimes. 

Just to clarify, Lulu swats at Petey when he invades her space, if she's sleeping and he jumps up next to her, etc. She's never been aggressive in terms of seeking out conflict or chasing etc.

Check out this post just to make you smile...It's from last year...and the member had to put her cat in this, to give him ear drops...  Post #1    http://www.thecatsite.com/t/273650/why-are-you-doing-this-to-me

It's interesting, that Lulu was the first, then taught Petey, and now Petey is teaching Bob, the new guy.

I would also just want Petey to be less stressed.... but are they going at each other worse than when Lulu swatted at Petey...or is more or less the same?  Could it just be rough play fighting?

It is difficult because you want to keep Petey stress free, yet all introductions involve some stress.

That is why a slower approach is recommended, so that both cats can adjust to all the new changes in their own time-frame, and not by our own standards.  This way cats have a lot more time to adjust, and end up not even being bothered when they are together.

Maybe just go back and re-read feralvr first post, and the added articles...and just let it sink in for a bit.  You are getting there, just slowly.