And I don't know what to tell her! I thought I'd post this and see what your opinions are on the subject.
She has been dating a guy for almost 3 years and they're living together in a rented apartment. At the moment he works and she stays home and keeps the apartment clean and takes care of their dog. She thought he was ok with their arrangement, until the subject of marriage came up. She is ready for marriage and she feels that they've been together long enough that he should have at least proposed by now. However he told her the other day that he will only propose to her once she has a job and they have enough money to buy their own house and move out of the apartment. He said he needs to see that she can commit to something (such as a full time job), before he will marry her.
Now she is conflicted. She deeply loves this man and he does love her very much. I know them both very well and they're great for each other. He treats her very well and they are happy together. With the exception of this one issue now. She is starting to feel angry because of what he said. She thinks that marriage shouldn't be about money, she thinks that if he truly loved her he would have proposed to her already. Instead, he's waiting to plan it all based on the amount of money they have.
I really don't know what to tell her. She had no idea he felt so strongly about it but she is willing to get a job and do her part financially. But now she thinks she will end up resenting him in the future because their future engagement and marriage will have been based on a job and money rather than being in love.
I really can see both of their sides. At the moment, John and I are in a similar situation... we're living with his parents, he's working and I currently stay home. We can afford to find a house, we just haven't found the right one yet but we are looking. I am in the process of looking for a part time job, not because I NEED to but because it would be nice to have the extra money and it'll get me out of the house for a few hours a day.
I'm just really not sure what advice to give her. What do you all think about the situation and what would you do in her situation?
She has been dating a guy for almost 3 years and they're living together in a rented apartment. At the moment he works and she stays home and keeps the apartment clean and takes care of their dog. She thought he was ok with their arrangement, until the subject of marriage came up. She is ready for marriage and she feels that they've been together long enough that he should have at least proposed by now. However he told her the other day that he will only propose to her once she has a job and they have enough money to buy their own house and move out of the apartment. He said he needs to see that she can commit to something (such as a full time job), before he will marry her.
Now she is conflicted. She deeply loves this man and he does love her very much. I know them both very well and they're great for each other. He treats her very well and they are happy together. With the exception of this one issue now. She is starting to feel angry because of what he said. She thinks that marriage shouldn't be about money, she thinks that if he truly loved her he would have proposed to her already. Instead, he's waiting to plan it all based on the amount of money they have.
I really don't know what to tell her. She had no idea he felt so strongly about it but she is willing to get a job and do her part financially. But now she thinks she will end up resenting him in the future because their future engagement and marriage will have been based on a job and money rather than being in love.
I really can see both of their sides. At the moment, John and I are in a similar situation... we're living with his parents, he's working and I currently stay home. We can afford to find a house, we just haven't found the right one yet but we are looking. I am in the process of looking for a part time job, not because I NEED to but because it would be nice to have the extra money and it'll get me out of the house for a few hours a day.
I'm just really not sure what advice to give her. What do you all think about the situation and what would you do in her situation?