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post #31 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by AshleyNicole View Post
Which name did you have Allie? Just so many things to think about!!
I have my dad's last name. My mom hates her last name and "would not bestow it upon anyone" although she kept it as a tribute to her parents. Good thing she didn't have any brothers!

I like that quote about the husband you choose versus the father you didn't, but truthfully, if I could have had a choice in dads, I would have picked mine. My parents are incredibly people and I just feel that doing something similar to what my mother did fits best. Maybe I'll hyphenate if we decide to have kids. Who knows.
post #32 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai View Post



I like double barrelled names for couples, but I always wonder what happens when the kids marry: what do Susie Smith-Jones and John Doe-Bloggs call themselves on marriage, or call their kids?

I would like a system where say you were girl mothersname-fathersname or boy fathersname-mothersname, until marriage when you each took your same-sex parent's name and then hypenated that.

So on marriage, Susie Smith-Jones and John Doe-Bloggs would become Susie Smith-Doe and John Doe-Smith (name samesexparentname-spousename); their children would be daughter Smith-Doe and son Doe-Smith.

But I don't see that happening
Oh, boy...it sure would be hard to keep track of the last names! And it seems that so many people who hyphenate aren't Smith-Jones....they are Thomason-Lapendsky, or Abilvie-Endenauer! The people I know who hyphenate give the kids the Dad's last name...so what kind of a feminist statement is that?!?

My aunt gave her dd her maiden name as the dd's middle name. Or you could give it as a first name, if it fits. Or keep your name for business, and his name for personal stuff. I work with several docs who did that.

I think it is fine for people to make their own decision about this...but it is harder to remember two last names.
post #33 of 49
I would like to keep my last name.. After all, it's written on my degree, and I have influential people in my family that I like to be associated with.. However, I don't like the name itself.. I think it's too ethnic and out of this town may have negative connotations. so I would probably take the guy's last name unless it was worse.

My bf's sister is getting married and asked her husband to be to take their family name because his family is an embarrassment!! LOL. He didn't agree to take the name though. But his family is out there, like WAY out there.
post #34 of 49
Or you could be like Judy Chicago and just pick an entirely new last name for yourself....

Actually, according to my dad who gets to socialize with a lot of trendy young people, that's the trend. For couples to take on a whole new last name. That's kind of cool, but I personally want the association with my family.

Becky, I actually like the idea of hyphenating the kids' last names! You'll find a lot of that amongst the feminist intelligentsia.
post #35 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
Or you could be like Judy Chicago and just pick an entirely new last name for yourself....

Actually, according to my dad who gets to socialize with a lot of trendy young people, that's the trend. For couples to take on a whole new last name. That's kind of cool, but I personally want the association with my family.

Becky, I actually like the idea of hyphenating the kids' last names! You'll find a lot of that amongst the feminist intelligentsia.
I would think that if the Mom hyphenates her name, the kids would have that hypenated name...but then when they marry they have to decide again what name to chose. I guess I've never met a member of the feminist intelligentsia, since I haven't seen that done! LOL!

And I really don't like the idea of making up a new name...but hey, it isn't up to me to tell the rest of the world how to do things.
post #36 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo View Post
I guess I've never met a member of the feminist intelligentsia, since I haven't seen that done! LOL!
They're elusive You can see them in their natural habitat down at U of C if you're really interested!
post #37 of 49
I may be out to lunch here (it happens at my age), but I believe if the parents are married, the children take the last name of the father. If unmarried the children take the last name of the mother and in order to take the father's name must be legally adopted by the father. So, in essence if a couple are married and their name is Smith-Jones (with Jones being Dad's name), the children would be Jones' - if the parents are unmarried, the childrens' last name would be Smith until Dad legally adopted them and then they would use the last name Jones.
post #38 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I may be out to lunch here (it happens at my age), but I believe if the parents are married, the children take the last name of the father. If unmarried the children take the last name of the mother and in order to take the father's name must be legally adopted by the father. So, in essence if a couple are married and their name is Smith-Jones (with Jones being Dad's name), the children would be Jones' - if the parents are unmarried, the childrens' last name would be Smith until Dad legally adopted them and then they would use the last name Jones.
According to my younger sister B, who is studying law (and practicing from time to time) in the US you can call your kids wantever you like - mom's last name, dad's, something else entirely (we had this converstation when our youngest sister M had her baby).
post #39 of 49
I know at least here, and in the UK you can give the child either name if you not married. My sister gave her son her fiance's name, my other sister is keeping her name and so will use it for her daughter when she arrives later this year. And as long as the father is named on the birth cert, he is a legal guardian, married or not
post #40 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
That's why I will never understand the need to have rules of etiquette. If I was married and someone addressed me as Mrs. "My husband's first and last name", I would find that sexist and rude. So really, I don't understand how it could be "good etiquette". Then again, there's not much about etiquette that has ever made much sense to me.
If someone sent me an invitation like that, I'd probably reply that yes, I'll be there... but can I also bring Mr "Marie P."
I completely agree about the etiquette thing, mostly because I'm tired of having to try and remember things. I just want to address the wedding invitations with Avenue written Ave. and how I refer to the person. Trying to think if someone is Miss, Ms. or Mrs. is REALLY frustrating as I know a lot of women hate the Ms., a lot hate the Mrs. assumption and many others are only Miss if they have never been married, but I can never remember if they have been or not! *pulls hair out* Maybe once I'm done with the wedding invitations, I'll find my sanity.... lol
post #41 of 49
I intend to take my husband's last name, although I had always thought I'd keep my maiden name (my sister and I are the last of our family to have our last name). I don't know what changed my mind; I know my boyfriend would like me to take his last name when we (finally) get married, but he doesn't feel like he has any right to expect it of me. It's my choice. I like his last name, though, and I like the idea of joining with his family. Besides that, his family has a lot of history in the town he's from, and there are streets and parks named after them, so it would be neat to drive past "Such-and-Such Park" and know that I shared a connection with the founders of my partner's hometown.

I plan on continuing to use my maiden name for my writing, however. It would be less confusing for my meagre fan base (assuming I even have a fan base ... ), and it provides me and my family with a measure of anonymity, in the event that anything I write turns me into a household name. My name has a nice alliterative ring to it, too, and that just sounds cool.
post #42 of 49
I am happy that you can do what ever pleases you. I, personally, took my hubby's last name. Although, it is long, and difficult to pronounce, I am kind of a romantic at heart, and I guess old fashioned.... I've always had the day dreams of being "Mrs. D-So&So".... even though I do love my maiden name.... also, it was important to my hubby... I thought about keeping my maiden name (my father is the only boy & had all girls, so the "family" name would die with him), and my hubby would be ok with it, but he wanted everyone to know that I was his wife.... not in a property/controlling way, in a "proud to be married to this wonderful person" way. In our neighborhood, hubby's last name is well-known, it is an old-school Italian last name, with lots of stories and history to it. And even now, if I go in to pick up my pictures and say my last name, someone will hear and say "D-So&So? Are you related to Tom D-So&So?" I'm always afraid to say yes (my hubby was a mischievious little devil when he was younger)....

However, being a child of divorced and re-married parents, it was always a pain in the butt at school. My mom had her 2nd husband's last name, and would sign our papers Sherry Something, while my name was Heather Help. Papers were misplaced cause they would file under S instead of H, and the school would not know who the permission slip was signed for etc. One time they wouldn't let her take us out of school early cause her ID said Sherry Something, and we were all Help's kids. Plus the embarassment of having to explain at 9 yrs old why your mom's name was different than yours was never fun. This is why my sister (who had a child out of wed-lock) gave her son, her last name (also my fathers last name which only makes him beam with joy everytime he hears it!). It also makes life easier with Dr's appts for kids too, and for insurance purposes for the child to have the same last name as the primary caregiver when parents are un-married. And so I imagine, that if I did NOT want to take my hubby's last name, and I was the one taking care of school/drs appts/etc I would probably want my children to have my name, even if it is my maiden name.... although, I don't know how the father of the children would feel about it, I guess the children could take their fathers name when they were out of school, or at an age where they could choose.

I do know someone who hated, hated, hated their maiden name (Failor) because of being picked on as a child, and hated, hated, hated, their husbands last name (Urin, pronounced errrrrin, but everyone says urine), so she took both names and made 1. She took the Lor from Failor, and the rin from Urin, and made Lorrin.... and that is her last name, even though her husbands is still Urin.

So, I am thankful for the right to choose.... because while I love having my hubby's last name, I love that my nephew does not have his father's last name, and that my sister was able to make that decision!
post #43 of 49
I have to agree with the kids having the last name of their primary caregiver.

My mom's a special ed teacher, and for about 10 years she worked at a school in a lower income area, where many of her kids parents weren't married or weren't together. She would usually have 2 to 3 kids from the same family, all with different lastnames, and none of them the mothers. However, since dad(s) weren't in the picture, she said the kids had a really hard time understanding why they didn't have the same name as mom and that it could be really upsetting at times.

As for myself, my fiancé and I are making up a new name. Mine is crazy long, and he doesn't have a good relationship with his father's side of the family. Still haven't come up with a set one yet, but I really just love the two of us coming up with a name together.

I also don't know why women who hyphenate, don't ask their husbands to do the same. And I don't see why the kids couldn't have the hyphenated last name. I guess I just like the idea of the family having a family name. However they decide to come up with one is up to them!


~Julia
post #44 of 49
I used to dream about getting a new last name. Mine is ten letters long, and, while it's actually pronounced phoenetically, people see all the letters and their brains shut down. They don't even TRY to sound it out. Still, whenever I get a new professor or teacher, when they call roll, they get to me and say "Rebecca Sssssss... sssaaaa..." and I sigh and raise my hand.
However, the BF's last name is short, and kind of boring, and he hates it. He adores mine and wants to take it when we marry. I, however, would like to make up something completely new (not combining our names or anything, just something new that we both like). This way it would be a symbol of our joined life together, but wouldn't be sexist in either direction, and we could both shed our bad last names for once and all. We aren't having kids so they don't come into the picture.
My sister took her husband's last name, and kept ours as a sort of "second middle name", making her full name really long and cumbersome. I couldn't handle having that.
post #45 of 49
maybe she was just curious and she was to afraid to ask you before. Maybe it is just weird for her since she grew up in a time where people just didn't do that.
post #46 of 49
I hyphenated my last name but really just go by my DH's last name. The two names combined won't fit on a credit card--esp. with my long first name. I wanted to keep my maiden name as there are no males in my generation and the name will die out unless I keep it going. But, it really only exists on legal documents. We'll probably use my maiden name as a middle name for the kids but, frankly, we haven't gotten that far yet! One step at a time!
post #47 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass
My MIL just called me, and asked why I didn't take DH last name. Mind you we've been married for four years, and this "issue" has never come up before. Now, she seems rather put out by it, and didn't want to let the conversation go.
I simply told her that I didn't care for his last name, so I kept my own. It wasn't a strong feminist statement, I just happened to like my last name more than I liked his. Does anyone else have an opinion on this matter.
That IS a strange call after 4 years. I can understand her curiosity, but I don't understand why she is put out about it...after 4 years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker View Post
...to me, the idea of taking HIS name, seems like you suddenly become HIS property. I don't like that idea of being OWNED, even if it's symbolically.
Wow, to me its not about being owned at all. I asked my DH if he would mind sharing his name with me. After all, we are sharing our lives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai
An early suffragette said something along the lines of 'I'd rather have the name of the husband I picked than the father I didn't' - that struck a cord with me.
Nothing against my Dad, but that makes a lot of sense.
post #48 of 49
I got married 2.5 years ago, and I didn't take my husband's last name either, for lots of reasons (personally I don't see a good reason to change one's last name unless both parties do it, but I did it mainly because I'm the last of my "lineage" in my family). My MIL gives me crap about it too, so don't feel bad. I can't do anything right according to her.
post #49 of 49
Considering I can't stand my husband's family, I'm not about to change my name to his. Plus, I like my name, it was my name for 29 years before I married and I adore my father. I asked my hubby to take my name, but he said he didn't want to deal with the army paperwork that would entail. I certainly don't get bent out of shape when people call me Mrs. Hubby's-lastname. In fact, I introduce myself that way sometimes.

I did run into a little bit of trouble when entering Germany from Ireland with the border crossing people, but only for a little bit.
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