My cousin's baby just died

Thankyou everyone for you stories and prayers- it is really comforting for my family and I to know others have experienced the same sense of loss and that other people,even strangers are remembering our family at this difficult time. I haven't been able to get ahold of my family in Oklahoma today, so i don't know if they found a definitive answer as to what resulted in little Savannah's death.I'm not sure when Christie will be released from the hospital- I don't know anything about standard C-section procedures after something like that occurs. I posted prayer requests with several churches in my area including mine. So at least i know everyone is praying for my cousin and her family through this difficult time. My aunt made it in to Oklahoma early this morning and i haven't heard from anyone since then. I'm not sure if they've told Zach and Breanna yet, although i'm pretty sure someone has- they've always been very open and honest with them. No word yet on any funeral or memorial arrangements. As soon as i am able to get ahold of them i will post an update. I'm sure right now they are just talking and crying...definitely not in a "phone mood." I sure wouldn't be. As soon as i get in contact with someone i will update. Thankyou so much everyone for responding and being supportive- i could never explaine how much it means to my family and I as we face the death of this little angel.

Nikki...
I have no words to express my Deep condolences..
I´m so sorry about it..
My prayers to you and your family..

I'm so, so sorry

Words can't express how sad I am for you and your whole family

As soon as i posted, my mom called and said she spoke with my aunt a little while ago. They said that my cousin is still in the hospital and hasn't been released yet. My mom also said that the hospital will be preforming an autopsey on the baby soon to find out what resulted in her death. I asked if there were any plans for a memorial service or funeral yet and she said they didn' t mention it but they will probably do one when they are finished preforming the autopsey on the baby and get a moment to set up funeral arrangements. My mother and I decided that instead of sending flowers (which would only upset Chrisite at this time---we're both florists) we are going to set up a memorial fund in Savannah Renae's name at St. Jude. Simply because, flowers die and meals will get eaten- but nobody will forget little Savannah- so if we set up a memorial fund in her name, my family and others can make a donation that will go to help other children and their families. Christie and Clayton will like knowing that their little girl is making a difference for other children, even though she's not physically here. I'm going to call St. Jude after i post to find out what i need to do in order to set up little Savannah's memorial. Here is a link to St. Jude's website if anyone would like to take a look. I volunteer there occassionally- just reading stories...but the kids like it. They help terminally ill children from all over the world.

http://www.stjude.org/

The memorial fund at St. Jude is the perfect tribute to a life lost so young. I believe, in my heart of hearts, that St. Jude, because of both their wonderful researchers and their patrons, will someday be able to cure childhood disease altoghether, prevent premature births, etc. What a wonderful thing you do, going to read to those children. I am so sorry for your families loss.

I just spoke with St. Jude and got everything set up. I opened what is called a "Tribute Fund" - it's a memorial...Under Savannah Renne's name. (Also, in a side note- i had been spelling her name Renae....it's supposed to be Renne, so i'm correcting myself.) It's an open fund which means every year we can donate on the memorial of her birth/death date. So that way, she will always be celebrated, and her life, although very short- will be helping other children. I hope my Cousin and her family will take some comfort knowing that their little girl is helping to save the lives of other little children. I posted what the card looks like below....please tell me what you think?

This is how her tribute card will read when they recieve it in the mail

"Dear Tooly Family:

St. Jude Children's Research Hospital®
has received a gift in tribute to

Savannah Renne Tooly

This gift, which will bring hope to the children of St. Jude, was given by

[[Donor Name]]--->mine and my mom's info goes here
[[Donor Greeting]]
Your Address
Your City,State,Zip

Our Thoughts and Prayers are with you"

I think that is a PERFECT idea!!!




I don't know what kind of beliefs you all have, but maybe someone could take a small snip/curl of her hair and put it in a baggie.....and then when your cousin is ready,they can give it to her as a keepsake.

Originally Posted by crittermom

I think that is a PERFECT idea!!!




I don't know what kind of beliefs you all have, but maybe someone could take a small snip/curl of her hair and put it in a baggie.....and then when your cousin is ready,they can give it to her as a keepsake.

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As far as beliefs go- i'm a Christian ( Messianic Jew- converted Jew). I personally see nothing wrong with saving the hair of a loved one although i've never done that. I think people should do whatever they need to to remember their loved ones .
I'm not sure what they did as far as hair goes, but i do know they took pictures with her, had her finger prints and foot prints done. I'm not so sure she has hair at all actually- Christie's other 2 children were baldies for quite a while, so i'm not sure about the hair thing, but it is a good idea. I think whatever they can do to help them remember their little girl will work
Thankyou for the kind suggestion.

Your welcome!! I didn't know if she had any hair being so little,but wanted to mention it.I'm glad she has pics of her!!!! Some people think that is "wrong".I for one, think it is a wonderful idea and if it's what Mom/Dad want, then it should be done.
(my Mom took pics of my Dad after he had passed in his coffin---she has them put up in a specal book for ONLY her to look at)

At one of our local hospitals, they create a keepsake box for those who lose their babies. It includes a photo, hand/footprints, a lock of hair and a nice certificate witht he babies vital information. They also place a rose on the outside of the room door, so nurses know that this mother has lost a child so they don't say the wrong thing, not knowing the circumstances. I think all of these gestures are important to the grieving parents.

Originally Posted by AnnasMom

At one of our local hospitals, they create a keepsake box for those who lose their babies. It includes a photo, hand/footprints, a lock of hair and a nice certificate witht he babies vital information. They also place a rose on the outside of the room door, so nurses know that this mother has lost a child so they don't say the wrong thing, not knowing the circumstances. I think all of these gestures are important to the grieving parents.

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I think that's such a sweet gesture that your local hospitals put roses on the doors so the nurses and doctors don't say something that would upset the mothers if they wouldn't have known. I hope they did something like that to Christie's door at her hospital.

They also place a rose on the outside of the room door, so nurses know that this mother has lost a child so they don't say the wrong thing, not knowing the circumstances.

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I think that is wonderful of them!!!
When I had my Hysterectomy,they put me on the Maternity Ward.I could hear babies cry all the time and the cleaning people or Interns would ask where my "baby" was.(It was hard.)

It would be hard but i think its even worse when some hospitals will move u after loosing a baby for fear of them feeling worse hearing other babies being born. But i think in a way that also doesnt give them the pride of saying we are PARENTS. Its up to each couple/person. The pain will get better. We are all hear and praying for u all.

I'm not sure what ward of the hospital Christie's in at the moment. I hope it's not the maternity ward though- just knowing my cousin, that would be way too hard for her to hear other babies crying right after she lost hers. I appreciate everyone's prayers as does the rest of my family!

Originally Posted by april31

It would be hard but i think its even worse when some hospitals will move u after loosing a baby for fear of them feeling worse hearing other babies being born. But i think in a way that also doesnt give them the pride of saying we are PARENTS. Its up to each couple/person. The pain will get better. We are all hear and praying for u all.

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I'd never really thought about that - but god, there is nothing about losing a child that isn't hard - everything about it just hurts, even what someone else might do out of kindness. So sad.

I just recieved a lovely PM from Satai and i wanted to post a part of it on here because i think it could help families who have reciently experienced the death of loved ones come up with a unique way to memoralize them. She sent me a link to a website called http://www.lifegem.com/ . It is a procedure preformed after one is cremated....they take the carbon from some of the ashes and process it. At it's final stage- they turn it into a diamond that can be fit into a piece of jewerly. I think it is worth mentioning because although it is new and unique, it seems like a nice way to memoralize a loved one. My family has opted to have a traditional burial and funeral service for little Savannah Renne with a headstone and ceramony. They decided to do that so that their two children will have a place where they can go anytime to visit their little sister and lay flowers on her gravesite. I think for them, a traditional burial is the right choice. However, i thought the idea of the life gems was so unique and beautiful that i wanted to mention it in case anyone else has expreienced the recent loss of a loved one and is trying to figure out the best way to memoralize them. I hope this will help someone Thankyou Satai for the lovely suggestion!

I talked to Christie a little while ago. She actually sounds really good given the present situation. She is dealing with her loss very well- she was talking about she understood that God allowed this special baby to come into her life for a reason, and that she is glad that even though Savanna ( I just found out there is no "H" at the end of her name) did not live long, she will have a lasting impact on our family and the lives of the children at St. Jude who will benifit from her tribute fund. She really loved the idea of the St. Jude tribute in Savanna's name. / Also we talked about ways that Zach and Breanna can praticipate at the memorial service, and we decided that we will get little pink and blue balloons and put savanna's name on them. We will let Zach and Breanna release the balloons up to heaven (to be with their little sister). They told Zach and Breanna today about their little sister. Zach took it the hardest because a few months ago, Zach's best friend's mother died while giving birth to his sibling. Zach was very afraid when Christie became pregnant that his momma or the baby would pass away...So he is taking it pretty hard. Christie will be released from the hospital tomorrow morning. She said they took some beautiful pictures of little Savanna Renne. I'm really glad they did- i think it will help to have her picture. Also, please keep her husband Clayton in your prayers- he is absolutely devistated over the death of his little girl. I told my cousin that i put her on the prayer chain at my church and that my friends on TCS were praying for her and her family around the clock. She said that she really appreciated it. Please continue to pray for my family. We sincerly appreciate it. Christie sends her thanks and love.

The fund at St. Jude is a wonderful idea! If you can't cook a meal for the family, maybe you could send them some pizza coupons. Then even after the extra home-cooked meals are gone, they will still have a way to get a meal even if no one feels like cooking!

The Tear Soup book is helpful for kids and adults. It is a picture book, and has a very simple message.

Ask your Mom to talk to the nurses at the hospital for referrals to grief counselors and grief groups. Most likely they will know who to call. And I really like the idea of planning something for next year, to offer support to the family.

After my Mom died, my cousin told me that she heard that tears cleanse the soul. She said that she must have a very clean soul. I knew everyone was hurting and grieving, but somehow the way she put it really impacted me. Just knowing that she was crying, too, was a big comfort to me. I think just sharing your feelings with Christie and the rest of the family will be a big help.

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

The fund at St. Jude is a wonderful idea!

If you can't cook a meal for the family, maybe you could send them some pizza coupons. Then even after the extra home-cooked meals are gone, they will still have a way to get a meal even if no one feels like cooking!

The Tear Soup book is helpful for kids and adults. It is a picture book, and has a very simple message.

Ask your Mom to talk to the nurses at the hospital for referrals to grief counselors and grief groups. Most likely they will know who to call. And I really like the idea of planning something for next year, to offer support to the family.

After my Mom died, my cousin told me that she heard that tears cleanse the soul. She said that she must have a very clean soul. I knew everyone was hurting and grieving, but somehow the way she put it really impacted me. Just knowing that she was crying, too, was a big comfort to me. I think just sharing your feelings with Christie and the rest of the family will be a big help.

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My mom lives here in memphis with me, so she can't do much about the hospitals. The hospital where they are at now though did have grief counselors come and talk to them and they have been very helpful. We have the St. Jude Tribute fund set up so that anytime- Christmas, Savanna's Birthday, The anniversery of the funeral- whenever....we can pay tribute to her . Also i'm nowhere near Oklahoma at the moment to cook for them or even obtain cupons( different grocery chains than in my state), but i have told my Aunt if she sees they need any kind of food, etc to call me and i will send money. Their family there is taking good care of them for right now, so i was really glad to hear that. I will be looking into buying some kind of grief book to send to them when i get some extra money. I spent what i had today to set up the St. Jude tribute. Thankyou for the nice suggestions and for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers- we appreciate it! Also, i have to agree on the tears statement- they really do cleanse your soul

Oh how sad...I'm so sorry