Fighting w/ Husband (rant)

emb_78 · Oct 15, 2005

My husband and I just had a fight, and he took off. Happy sweetest day to me!!! don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to stay home and have a quite romantic evening. He wanted me to go out with him and his friends. We have been fighting a lot lately and he gave me a card today with a dozen yellow roses, my favorite!!! We just went out for about an hour and then his brother invited him to a bachlor party. Well guess where he is going??? This makes no sence to me... I let him do what he wants when he wants, he doesn't know just how lucky he has it!!!
I told him to take his car and don't come back!!!

gardenandcats · Oct 15, 2005

Sorry

katachtig · Oct 15, 2005

Oh Erin,

Here are some hugs.

Personal relationships are so hard. Hang in there and do what is best for you.

Jana

scamperfarms · Oct 15, 2005

I am sorry

nebula11 · Oct 15, 2005

Hun...you can't let him get away with everything then.......
ecspecially if he is going to walk all over you for doing it...ya know what i am saying......

I am sorry you guys fought...and I hope things work out for you.........

But just so ya know...there are guys out there that wont treat you like crap..i swear....

Good luck....

miss mew · Oct 15, 2005

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a crappy evening. All I can offer you is lots of hugs!

dazeemazeegraze · Oct 15, 2005

Erin, I am sorry you two had a fight.

emb_78 · Oct 15, 2005

Thanks girls! Does any one have any suggestions as to what I can or should do about this/him????

nebula11 · Oct 15, 2005

I would give him the boot personally......but thats just my opinion......

But this is because that I am a firm believer in respecting eachother...without respect you arenot going to have much of a relationship.......

He seems selfish....he wants to make restrictions on you...(i.e. no more cats) yet he doesnt want to live by any himself........thats selfish, and I dont know how seriously he restricts you against things...but many people would call that a "warning sign"........

I believe in love respect and trust.......how may of these do you guys share.....???

sorry if i crossed a line...you asked my opinion....and I hate to see people in one-sided relationship that obviously don't make them happy.......

Only you can decide whats right for you though.....this is just my opinion and I am not trying to sway you in any direction you're not for going down......

I just want to see you happy.......

emb_78 · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Nebula11

I would give him the boot personally......but thats just my opinion......

But this is because that I am a firm believer in respecting eachother...without respect you arenot going to have much of a relationship.......

He seems selfish....he wants to make restrictions on you...(i.e. no more cats) yet he doesnt want to live by any himself........thats selfish, and I dont know how seriously he restricts you against things...but many people would call that a "warning sign"........

I believe in love respect and trust.......how may of these do you guys share.....???

sorry if i crossed a line...you asked my opinion....and I hate to see people in one-sided relationship that obviously don't make them happy.......

Only you can decide whats right for you though.....this is just my opinion and I am not trying to sway you in any direction you're not for going down......

I just want to see you happy.......

Thank you. I am so scared to devorce him. I have been with him for 10 years. We were high school sweet hearts and he is the only relationship I have ever had. I love him, but I don't really trust him. I am so confused and heart broken right now!!

huggles · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by emb_78

I love him, but I don't really trust him. I am so confused and heart broken right now!!

Erin sweetheart, these words say everything to me. If you love him then you need to talk to him. Sounds simple - but it is. Be honest with yourself and with him... talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel.

good luck

nebula11 · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by emb_78

Thank you. I am so scared to devorce him. I have been with him for 10 years. We were high school sweet hearts and he is the only relationship I have ever had. I love him, but I don't really trust him. I am so confused and heart broken right now!!

Well if its not forward of me to ask....why are you afraid to divorce him??...is it just that hes your only relationship???

10 years is a long time...i will give you that...has he always acted like this or is this a recent thing???

how long were you together before you got married...and how long have you been married....(i assume the 10 years included dating)

kathylou · Oct 15, 2005

Gee. I used to hate sitting at home alone like that. Once I made a fool out of myself and followed him. After years and years, I finally left and then it was really hard until I figured out how to enjoy my own company.

Is he mean to you or the cats? How often does this happen?

emb_78 · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Nebula11

Well if its not forward of me to ask....why are you afraid to divorce him??...is it just that hes your only relationship???

10 years is a long time...i will give you that...has he always acted like this or is this a recent thing???

how long were you together before you got married...and how long have you been married....(i assume the 10 years included dating)

It is a recent thing that is just getting worse... We have been married for 2 years and dated for 8 before that! I am afraid to divorce him because I am 27 and my mother went through a lot BIGGER things with my dad and they are still together... They had many, many rough years, but hey love eachother so much now!

emb_78 · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Kathylou

Gee. I used to hate sitting at home alone like that. Once I made a fool out of myself and followed him. After years and years, I finally left and then it was really hard until I figured out how to enjoy my own company.

Is he mean to you or the cats? How often does this happen?

This is the first time this kind of fight has happened. He is never mean to the cats. He doesn't call me names or hit me... He just makes me feel bad. I am an extremely sensitive person!!!

sandtigress · Oct 15, 2005

I'm sure you know that being married isn't easy, its hard work, and your parents are good examples of that! Have you talked to him before about how much it bothers you? Sometimes, they just don't realize! Its amazing how oblivious we can be to our loved one's needs sometimes.

to you, please don't give up till you've given it a chance, but don't leave yourself in an unhappy place if there's no hope either!

nebula11 · Oct 15, 2005

two points i want to make.....

1. just because your parents went through bad stuff and survived...doesnt mean that bad stuff wasn't bad.......

2. emotional abuse is still abuse!!!!!!!

If you want to save your marriage you need to sit him down and talk to him...you need to be 100% HONEST about what you are feeling, and you can not back down......

But don't say that you are scared to dvorce for whatever reason, and live out this marriage with no trust, and emotional abuse.........

this situation needs to be resolved soon...therwise its bound to get worse....

i hope things work out hun...and if ya ever need to talk i am just a PM away

winter hawk · Oct 15, 2005

It seems this has been all from the *female* point of view....NO pun intended. Well, speaking from the male side, might I give MY humble opinion???
You say that you love him but you can't trust him......NOT a good place to be. To me, a relationship is built mostly on trust. It is the foundation which everything is built upon. I would say that going out with his brother instead of spending the evening with you was selfish on his part and very disrespectful of you and your wants and needs. Does he do this all the time, or has this just started recently? A relationship is also a two-way street, it is give and take......not all one-sided. I look at a relationship kind of like a bank account, I need to make MORE deposits than withdrawals. It sometimes isn't easy......nothing worth having EVER is. Relationships have their ups and downs, sometimes one side gives more than the other.......and other times the situation is reversed. What I have learned is this.......arguments are nothing more than one person trying to change the others mind.....and more times than not this is NOT going to happen....so what to do then??? What I do is agree to disagree, not take it personal and if I need to speak my mind about something I do it, then I can leave it behind me. When I don't speak my mind it is for sure going to come up again in the future. I am a very firm believer in respecting my partner, and I strive to not just say this but to show it in EVERY way I possibly can. I, however, am human and I do make mistakes. No one here can make any decisions for you.......they are yours alone to make. When times get tough, and they sometimes do, I try to pick and choose my battles. By this I mean I weigh *in my head* "What is this worth to me?" Sometimes it is worth causing a possible disagreement.......sometimes it isn't. I, myself, would not tolerate being disrespected.......repeatedly. You don't deserve this type of treatment and neither does anyone else. Have you ever asked him, when he decides to do something with friends, how HE would feel if YOU treated him this way ??? I would......not in a mean way but nevertheless.....in a serious way. Well.........this has been a MALE point of view........for what it is worth 8*)

yosemite · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Winter Hawk

It seems this has been all from the *female* point of view....NO pun intended. Well, speaking from the male side, might I give MY humble opinion???
You say that you love him but you can't trust him......NOT a good place to be. To me, a relationship is built mostly on trust. It is the foundation upon which everything is built upon. I would say that going out with his brother instead of spending the evening with you was selfish on his part and very disrespectful of you and your wants and needs. Does he do this all the time, or has this just started recently? A relationship is also a two-way street, it is give and take......not all one-sided. I look at a relationship kind of like a bank account, I need to make MORE deposits than withdrawals. It sometimes isn't easy......nothing worth having EVER is. Relationships have their ups and downs, sometimes one side gives more than the other.......and other times the situation is reversed. What I have learned is this.......arguments are nothing more than one person trying to change the others mind.....and more times than not this is NOT going to happen....so what to do then??? What I do is agree to disagree, not take it personal and if I need to speak my mind about something I do it, then I can leave it behind me. When I don't speak my mind it is for sure going to come up again in the future. I am a very firm believer in respecting my partner, and I strive to not just say this but to show it in EVERY way I possibly can. I, however, am human and I do make mistakes. No one here can make any decisions for you.......they are yours alone to make. When times get tough, and they sometimes do, I try to pick and choose my battles. By this I mean I weigh *in my head* "What is this worth to me?" Sometimes it is worth causing a possible disagreement.......sometimes it isn't. I, myself, would not tolerate being disrespected.......repeatedly. You don't deserve this type of treatment and neither does anyone else. Have you ever asked him, when he decides to do something with friends, how HE would feel if YOU treated him this way ??? I would......not in a mean way but nevertheless.....in a serious way. Well.........this has been a MALE point of view........for what it is worth 8*)

Very well said. There are always 2 sides to every story and it does indeed take 2. Having an open, honest relationship is the key to any good relationship - be it friends or spouses.

My husband and I have had our ups and downs over the last 28 years, but in my heart I know he is a good person and I'd rather be with him than anyone else.

nebula11 · Oct 15, 2005

Originally Posted by Winter Hawk

It seems this has been all from the *female* point of view....NO pun intended. Well, speaking from the male side, might I give MY humble opinion???
You say that you love him but you can't trust him......NOT a good place to be. To me, a relationship is built mostly on trust. It is the foundation upon which everything is built upon. I would say that going out with his brother instead of spending the evening with you was selfish on his part and very disrespectful of you and your wants and needs. Does he do this all the time, or has this just started recently? A relationship is also a two-way street, it is give and take......not all one-sided. I look at a relationship kind of like a bank account, I need to make MORE deposits than withdrawals. It sometimes isn't easy......nothing worth having EVER is. Relationships have their ups and downs, sometimes one side gives more than the other.......and other times the situation is reversed. What I have learned is this.......arguments are nothing more than one person trying to change the others mind.....and more times than not this is NOT going to happen....so what to do then??? What I do is agree to disagree, not take it personal and if I need to speak my mind about something I do it, then I can leave it behind me. When I don't speak my mind it is for sure going to come up again in the future. I am a very firm believer in respecting my partner, and I strive to not just say this but to show it in EVERY way I possibly can. I, however, am human and I do make mistakes. No one here can make any decisions for you.......they are yours alone to make. When times get tough, and they sometimes do, I try to pick and choose my battles. By this I mean I weigh *in my head* "What is this worth to me?" Sometimes it is worth causing a possible disagreement.......sometimes it isn't. I, myself, would not tolerate being disrespected.......repeatedly. You don't deserve this type of treatment and neither does anyone else. Have you ever asked him, when he decides to do something with friends, how HE would feel if YOU treated him this way ??? I would......not in a mean way but nevertheless.....in a serious way. Well.........this has been a MALE point of view........for what it is worth 8*)

see I told you emb there was good guys out there....

Fighting w/ Husband (rant)

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