Mum diagnosed with Cancer...

Hi all,
I generally don't post these sort of notices.
But today, I learned that my mum has been diagnosed with cancer in her lungs, adrenal glands, and lymph nodes.

She is in Vancouver at the moment and is coming back here to start treatment next week. She is still in the hospital at this point.

All of this week, we have been awaiting some sort of news as they have been doing numerous tests.
There are no tests left to be done.

I don't know the prognosis of this type of disease and have never faced it. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to face this horrible thing.

Does anyone have any advice or insights on this sort of cancer?

I am beside myself but oddly after hearing this news today, I feel ABSOLUTELY NUMB.

IS this normal?

Tx for any wishes and good thoughts.

Cheers
CIn

Oh Cin...feeling numb is normal. You just can't process this difficult news about your Mother yet. I'm sure that soon, you will receive lots of messages of hope & prayer for you & your Mum.
I will add your family to my prayers. Please, use this thread to let us know how your Mum is doing.
Remember to take care of yourself.
Lei

I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. It is very normal to feel that way....you've just absorbed alot of info and that's hard to process all at once. I will be praying for you and your family.

Despite the medical prognosis, my belief is that it can be fought by strength of spirit... do your best to keep the fire of hope in her and never let her give up.

Only the best of luck as you go through this time. I know the numbness you feel... too well. Lock yourself in a quiet room, let it sink in a bit, and scream it out like you're being murdered. Believe me, it might sound odd but dealing with it even in that small capacity will help you get a better grip on the situation.

I am so sorry to hear about your mothers illness. Your mother and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how she is doing. Hugs.

i'm so, so sorry.

If theres anything i can do please let me know.

you and your family are in my thoughts xxx

I am very sorry, Cindy. The best way to learn more about her illness and upcoming treatment are to talk to the doctor. When my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I found out there were many types. I'm sure it is the same with your Mom's diagnosis.

I wish there were words that could help! Please keep posting about your Mom's progress. I will definitely pray for her and your family!

I'm sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis, Cin. I wish her a hasty recovery from any treatments she will be undergoing.

Don't forget to take care of yourself during this time. Often we put our own health on the backburner in these situations. Be strong.

I am so sorry. Your mum is in my thoughts as are you.

Cindy,

I am sorry that this has happened to you mom. Having lost my mother already I know that this will not be an easy trek for you no matter what the outcome. All I can say that may help is, Be there with her as much as you can. Talk to her about anything and everything you have ever wanted to know or wanted to tell her. If everything works out in the end you guys will be so much closer, and if the worse happens you will always have great thoughts and memories of your mom. I know it is very hard for you right now, but I would like you to know that I personally will be thinking about you and your mother!!!!

Silly Jilly

Cin

I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. I lost my mother to cancer 5 1/2 years ago, and I know there are a few others who have also gone through the same thing. My heart is absolutely with you and your family. Please know that we are here for you to go through the ups and downs that are just a part of cancer treatment with a loved one.

One thing that I remember so vividly is our first real meeting with the doctor who oversaw all of Mom's treatment. Dad wanted to punch her. I was just in shock. She was so very matter of fact it seemed like she saw Mom as a file and a case and not a person. That ended up not being the case at all; she was a very lovely person and great doctor. But in the beginning, they have to give you the facts and they have to be very down to earth and realistic. They will give you the worst case scenario to prepare you. Don't let that get you down too much. They WILL do everything possible to treat your mother!

The other bit of advice I have for you is to let your mother express herself to you. If that means screaming, crying, or quietly accepting - let her have those emotions. Be someone that she can lean on when she needs to.

Oh, I am so sorry. I think feeling numb is totally normal. I don't have any advice about the illness itself, but I just wanted to say that I will be keeping you and your mum in my thoughts.

Aw I'm so sorry to hear this!

Cindy, numb is absolutely normal. You have been given so much good advice already. I know how incredibly difficult it is for you to be so far away from her at this time; I was 2000 miles from my mom when I got the call, and it was my husband who snapped me out of it and told me "Go home, now!" My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer in Nov 2001, with a very good prognosis. She was on convalescent leave for 6 weeks to recover from surgery and went back to work as soon as the internist cleared her. In the next 3+ years of chemotherapies, she never missed work except for the odd flu bug. Work was how she dealt with it. That and being too stubborn to leave her husband alone

SillyJilly is absolutely right. Spend the time, as much as you can, and talk to her about everything you never thought you would or could talk to her about. This is my one regret of the three wonderful weeks Mom and I had together before she passed away last month, that I didn't talk with her enough.

I will be praying for you both in the coming weeks. Feel free to PM anytime

I am very sorry to hear of your mom's prognosis! As an oncologist, I do know a significant amount about lung cancer but I hesitate to provide info because there are several types of lung cancer - qith many differing prognoseses. I DO know that we have been doing so much more with lung cancer and depending on the actual type and how far it had progressed when it was diagnosed and how her health is now - before the diagnosis - there have been some excellent cures (5 years plus is considered a cure with cancer). Just this AM, I met a young woman (a patient of mine) who has been cancer free for 10 yrs (she is 15 now) from lung cancer and yep, kids do get lung cancer - second smoke being a big reason for THAT, sigh!! (I have to admit I have very little patience with smokers and wonder if like a colleague, I would refuse to treat smokers. I doubt it but I do not understand people who knowingly abuse themselves).


I am little taken back by the person who said her dad wanted to punch the doctor. I often cry myself to sleep because I cannot be emotional in talking to patients (tho I do cry with them sometimes, admitedly - older ones, not little kids!). I bet that doctor was the same. Oh - just read the rest of that post - so you understand what I am saying. In my work, I have to cope with the family as wel as the child and help them all navigate this scary path!

I would talk to your mom's doctor -if she wants you to. Docs won't give info to anyone without a patient's permission. She needs an advocate right now - someone who can go with her to appointments and take notes, remember what was said because she may be in shock. Someone to sit with her while she undergoes chemo or radiology. In my experience, people in the oncology unit become like family and you will learn as much from the other patients as you will from the doctors. Nurses are also a great support as are hospital chaplains and others you will meet.

I myself accompanied my grandparents as both suffered thru cancer. When my grandfather was first diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease, a colleague of mine - forgetting in his excitement about the unique type of cancer it was and the potential for research said to me "Look at this!" - as he pointed to the microscopes and slides. "Isn't this just the most amazing cellular structure!" He went on for some time in that vein (I do research - have a PhD in biochemistry as well as my MD and various Board certifications in hematology and pediatrics so he was used to calling me for consults). Finally, I told him - trying not to be in tears - that yeah but this "specimen" was my grandfather who I was extremely close to. People froget - it is the natire of therir work - and this doc is an amazingly caring soul!

But I know from going with my grandpa to his chemo treatments how patients help one another what it is like to wait in an office. I am also a cancer survivor myself - endometrial and cervical cancer in my case and I hope the experience makes me better at my work. I have endured a lifetime of medical probs so I always wanted to be the kind of doctor who bonds with patients.

But that is my advice to you. Do not look just for the prognosis. Look for the people who have survived. What did they do? How did they manage? I have found a person's outlook does indeed change the outcome of the course of the neoplasm. Sort of like hoe cats -who are so easily stressed, can be affected by stress to the degree that they become ill. Look at it as an opportunity to meet new people, encounter new surroundings and it will be easier! That worked for me as a child facing surgery that was alledgedly 33% successful - it has been performed 3 times in the wortld before and the results were one death, one paralysis and one survival. I survived but I had to be able to see it as an adventure!! A few prayers and letters and cards from what was prob my ebtire town back home helped too!!
So maybe get your family and friends involved!

Thats my advice at this stage!

I wish you and your mom the best of luck!! Vancouver has excellent cancer resources! One of my best friends is a patient advocate at a hospital there so let me know if I can help with that.

What you are feeling is normal, honey. In fact many people say that after a diagnosis such as this they can't even remember what happened (and can never remember) in the time immediately following. It is such a lot of difficult information to take in. People grow up their whole lives dreading being told one day that they have cancer, and this kind of fear is too much to handle straight away if it actually comes true.

There are some amazing and wonderful treatments nowadays for these kinds of illnesses. No matter what you do, find out everything you can, and don't let doctors put you off if there are things you need to know. Mostly they won't do this but there are some who are not the best communicators.

This is very sad news and I am so sorry for you and your family. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the very best in the months to come. If you need anything at all don't forget that everyone here is more than happy to help, and you can pm me any time if you need a cry or a vent or a shoulder. Thinking of you.

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

I would talk to your mom's doctor -if she wants you to. Docs won't give info to anyone without a patient's permission. She needs an advocate right now - someone who can go with her to appointments and take notes, remember what was said because she may be in shock. Someone to sit with her while she undergoes chemo or radiology. In my experience, people in the oncology unit become like family and you will learn as much from the other patients as you will from the doctors. Nurses are also a great support as are hospital chaplains and others you will meet.

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I totally and utterly agree.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer when i was 14 years old (I am now 31). She was in remission after her bone marrow transplant for 6 years. Then the cancer came back. We spent those months together because she lived on the island at that time, and i lived on the mainland, so I took care of her for about 1.5 months before she finally had to be admitted. Through that time I did energy work with her, and I didn't even understand what i was doing, but I just felt like I had to do it. I would do it when she was asleep beside me and I would put my hands close to her body and try to take energy from wherever I could (me, the universe, etc.) and try to help to heal her.

I noticed she was extremely, extremely drowsy and totally out of it, and I asked the doctor if her Morphine dose was too much because I just had a feeling something wasn't quite right. He seemed surprised that I asked, and then checked things out and said I was right. At that point her liver couldn't metabolize that high dose of Morphine, so she was put on a lower dose and became a bit more alert.

Point being, ask anything and everything of the doctors and don't be afraid to. Spend time with her and talk to her, but don't expect her to tell you exactly how she's feeling. Just be with her silently if you both need that, and try to give her good energy.

As for you feeling numb, I have a funny way of dealing with her illness. I am the most emotional person you will ever meet, i cry over everything, commercials, songs, you name it. But when it comes to her, I get cold and clinical and a lot of my friends still don't know that she's ill or what's wrong with her. Like right now I almost want to erase all this and get off the computer, but my need to try to comfort you is greater at this moment.

Please take care of yourself, of her and the rest of your family. I will be thinking of you.....

I just wanted to send a hug and say I am sorry for the news. My mom is one year post treatment for breast cancer, I remember how I felt. I was over 3,000 miles away, but we did a lot of talking, I did research, she would share her lab results with me, doctor reports, and I was fortunate enough to still have a good friend in the medical field in her home who could tell me who the top guy was in town, and she went there for a second opinion, I was able to find research online to direct her to a different medication for post chemo...so...be as involved as she is comfortable having you be, get the specifics, do research, it will help you support her, and help you know a bit of what to expect.